SongVersations: “Do Me Baby” By The Legendary Meli’sa Morgan

Meli’sa Morgan,… where do I began?

Passion, sensuality, rawness, daring, erotic and emotional depth… oh and goosebumps… that’s what comes to mind when I hear the legendary artist Meli’sa Morgan sing. Anything else would be an understatement.

As soon as I hear the name Meli’sa’s Morgan, my mind automatically reverts back to 1985 when I first heard her sing on the radio. I stood still as I was captivated!

Here we are in this big ol’ empty room, staring each other down. You want me just as much, as I want you. Lets stop fooling around. Take me baby, kiss me all over. Honey play with my love. Bring out whats been in me for far to long. Baby you know, that’s all I keep dreaming of. Do me, baby, like you never done before, oh give it to me. Till I just can’t take no more. “

Let that marinate……. Let that sink into your cells…. You feel that? You ready for more?

Let me take you down memory lane. Meli’sa Morgan made Prince’s song “Do Me, Baby” A classic hit in 1985! Even Prince admitted it. It stayed at the top of the charts for 3 weeks. Meli’sa brought that raw, soulful, feminine sensuality that was needed to make this song a hit. When Meli’sa came out the world had to stop and take notice of this sultry singer.

I think you would all agree with me, when I say Meli’sa did this song justice. Prince was very pleased! I wonder how many people had babies off this song, LOL. I love the boldness of how female artist back then, reveled in their sensuality. How can you listen to this song and not want to make love. It just puts you in the sensual mood. I got that look in my eyes right now, as I listen and write this article, lol :).

If you’re not in the mood while listening to this song, something is clearly wrong with you, lol. Back in the day, artist told stories, they took you on a sensual journey with their music.

You could hear a song like this and get a visual of two people staring each other down, with passion in their eyes just ready to be intertwined in each others souls.

You can’t just listen to an artist like Meli’sa and not get caught up in her voice and sensuality. Meli’sa makes you feel every lyrical emotion throughout your body. If you’re not naked by the time this song is over, something is not right, LOL.

Singing like this brings you to your knees. You have to have a spiritual musical breakdown, to get that passion out of your body to sing a song like this. Every song has its climax and it starts at the 3:34 mark and ends at 3:52. Leaving you breathless. I anticipate this part so much. I love the mentalgasm I get from it. It leaves my body weak in ecstasy. It’s a world-wind of ecstasy and passion. You feel it in your gut.

Singers like Meli’sa Morgan come once in a lifetime. Meli’sa brings that soul to music, you can tell she used to be a gospel singer the way she belts out those soulful notes. You can always tell gospels singers from the way other singers sing. If you can sing gospel, you can sing anything because of your vocal range. You can hear her musical influences as she sings.

Meli’sa is up there with the greats of Whitney Houston, Chaka Khan, Anita Baker, Miki Howard, Karyn White and many more to name a few. Back in the day you had to come with it and that’s exactly what Meli’sa did.

Meli’sa was just too much!! You had to sing with passion and emotion or no record deal. Now record deals are giving out like free food samples at the mall. It makes you wonder can music be saved?!?

Will artist like Meli’sa get the shine and recognition they truly deserve in a major way? Artist like Meli’sa is what’s missing in today’s music. You just don’t hear this kind of soulful singing anymore. It’s hard to find soulful artist that sing with this kind of depth. This song makes you feel beautiful and sensual. I love the rawness and passion in this song. Songs like this lets you know its ok to be sensual and uninhibited  as a woman towards your lover.

If you want him say so. So many times women hold back who they are, as if they don’t feel or have sexual desires. And here you have a woman saying, “Bring out whats been in me for far to long. Baby you know, that’s all I keep dreaming of, Do Me Baby.” Like right now! Take me got dammit, LOL. Do me like you never done before. She wants her lover to make her feel alive. Like a woman. She hungers for that passion when two sensual souls connect. That kind of passion is missing in romantic relationships.

I never knew there was another version of this song and until I found out Prince did this first. It never got the airplay it deserved until Prince let Meli’sa covered it. This song has Prince written all over it. We all know how sensual Prince was.

That energy came across in his music. The fire and passion all over this song is pure orgasmic ecstasy. It’s hard not to listen to this song and not have it on repeat for hours or rewind certain parts. You anticipate every beat.

Meli’sa vocals hits you at the back of your neck and shoots down your spine. If you wanna ignite that passion and romance in your relationship, just play Meli’sa’s music. I love how in an article in Essence Magazine, as Meli’sa was reflecting on Prince’s life and legacy. How Meli’sa pointed how selfless Prince was with sharing his gift and mentoring other artist. Prince was not selfish. It’s true you have a lot of artist who don’t mentor others and they want the shine all to themselves.

Sometimes its like that, you have artist that come a long and make other artist songs great. It’s not taking anything away from who they are as an artist, but sometimes it’s just meant to be. To have another artist cover a song. Music is a love affair between many artist and you have to humble yourself or already be humble to say “wow, you did that, you turned my song into a hit. Thank you!”

That maybe this is the reason why I did the song, so someone with a beautiful soulful sensual voice as yours could bless it and give it life. Not to many artist do that. As artist are very critical of their work. You hear stuff like that happen all the time. Songs are just meant for other people who passed on it or couldn’t give it what it really needed. It happens like that in creative fields. It made me think of myself as a writer.

It’s hard to come across people who genuinely want to mentor and help you. I’m always grateful for artist who take time out to read my work and even other writers who ask me for my opinion on their work.

In order for me to write for someone, I must have their music already infused in my spirit. I have to understand them as an artist. I need to feel that sensual energy. Creators want to know that their art means something. They need someone to go in-depth and really hear, not just listen.

Meli’sa also brought us hits like “Fool’s Paradise.” This is a favorite jam on Ralph Tresvant’s  “Inside the Ride Show”. Every time Diggy plays this song on the air, I’m just brought back to a time when music was soulful. When it was just sensual. From the moment that beats drops, I know Meli’sa’s about to bring it! I’m so glad I grew up in a time when artist could really sing and they made you feel. It was a full mind body, spiritual experience and even brought you to tears with ecstasy.

Music like this got deep down in your soul. Living legendary artist like Meli’sa Morgan, are still around and we need to pay homage to them and let them know how much we love and appreciate their creative contribution to real soulful music. God blessed them with the gift of voice and song and they need our voice! Artist might feel like the world has forgotten about them, but I know I haven’t and I hope you haven’t too! Music matters. It really does!

You can follow Meli’sa Morgan on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

Enjoy Meli’sa’s Classic Remake Hit “Do Me, Baby”

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Healing Yourself Internally With Music

Have you ever been listening to your favorite song and been so high off of it. That it took you to a level of ecstasy that you never knew existed? We all have our favorite songs that lifts our mood and makes us feel good.

Theres always a song that understands you. But did you know that music understands you on a spiritual level? Did you know that there are spiritual healing properties in music? Everything from the artist tone, the melody, the sound, lyrics and instruments.

I’ve always felt a spiritual connection to music. The way my body responds to it. It would literally make me high. I hear music the way artist make music. It’s a meticulous sensual process. A song is never just five minutes and next… No, I need it to really absorb in my psyche. I hear something different every time I listen to a song. People always think I’m on something, when it’s just music.

I will admit there have been times, when I would catch a glance of myself in the mirror, while I was in the zone listening to my favorite song. I had the look of pleasure in my eyes. When I was little, my mother used to look at me and wonder, what the hell is going on in my child’s body? LOL. My mom saw how music made me feel and allowed me to feel it. When I listen to music, I listen to music with all of my senses and my whole body.

I’ve always had a good ear for music. While listening to music, I’m fully present, nothing else matters, everything is tuned out. It’s just me and the artist. They have my full undivided attention. I visualized everything. I see a story unfolding in front of my eyes. I’ve heard of music therapy before and how it can heal your heart of toxic thoughts, even physical wounds both internally and externally and I believe that whole-heartily.

In order for music to heal your body. There are certain things that have to place. You can’t just listen to a song and whatever you want to disappear, its gone. That’s not how healing works on a spiritual level. If that was the case, nobody would be sick. The music has to already be inside of you, you must have a connection with it. I shared a personal testimony with the artist Ralph Tresvant on his radio show, Inside The Ride. On how his music helped me heal, a small scar that was on my thigh.

This scar reminded me of my last relationship. Before I could try and be open to this method of healing. I had to mentally and spiritually prepare for it. The one thing I had to have above anything was FAITH. I had to believe with everything inside of me, that this would work and surrender to it and let it go. I couldn’t let any doubts creep in my mind. 

I needed solitude too which is very important. It’s crucial for any type of healing that you have the right energy around you. You can’t have old belongings from a past relationship. If you do get rid of it immediately or people who don’t vibrate on a certain frequency. You’re environment is very important. My healing took place in California, but not in New Jersey. 

My spirit was already clear on certain levels, because I’ve been celibate for years. So I didn’t have to worry about soul ties, attached to my spirit that would conflict with my healing. This is why it is very important to fast which is what I did. There were others things that I did on a daily basis, putting the right things in my body and having peace in my life.

In order to vibrate on a certain frequency and be a beacon of light and love. I also kept seeing the number 11 everyday, all day and especially when I listen to Ralph’s music. I knew the universe was trying to tell me something. I knew angels were around me, I felt their presence and I knew all was well. However, my thoughts of how men have been treating me for the past few years, was still in my subconscious mind and those thoughts needed to stop living rent free in my mind.

Even with all of the above being done, there was still more work to do. I wondered why every time men would approached me, why they behaved towards me in a very aggressive manner. I wondered why they literally moved so fast without getting to know me first. I started to think back to, when me and my first love dated and I missed that kind of love and respect. Those thoughts made me happy and especially the music back in that era of the 90s.

I wondered if men like this still existed and if they did, where were they? So I replaced my negative thoughts with positive thoughts. At the time when Ralph was a solo artist, that’s when I met my first love. Hearing his music made me attract that kind of love in my life. Ralph’s music was already in my spirit. The tone of his voice was so soothing, so angelic and so beautiful to me. I paid attention to the way I felt when I played his music, so I decided to try the healing with his music.

The music pretty much chose me. I played his music every day because I wanted his energy infused in my personal space. It didn’t matter what I was doing.

I wanted to feel the energy of love with his music and tune into that frequency. I let it play while I was sleeping, cooking, taking a shower, when I ate. I love the high it gave me. I felt like an addict and needed my fix.

I just wanted to believe in love again and trust men again. There were a few songs of his that were in heavy rotation, especially his song, “Your Touch.” My spaced was filled with this song. I would wake up in the middle of the night, reaching for his music.

This song literally calms my spirit and I love the way the song makes love to me mentally. Every time when Ralph says “Touch me.” It’s very hypnotic. It’s like I was under his spell. I felt it release in my mind and it flowed throughout my body. Giving me vibrations and sensations that felt so good. I felt the lyrics on my skin and I just wanted to be engulfed in it. This song also helps me fall asleep and I have had insomnia all my life. I would wake up feeling rejuvenated. I had a glow in my eyes and my body felt alive.

Sensitivity, both the original version and Ralph’s Rap version, which is on the expanded edition.  I needed to hear those words, since It’s been a long time, a man has been kind to me and spoke to me with love. When Ralph’s says “Can I hold you? Come here let me hold you baby.” I rewinded that part so many times. I would hear it echoing in my head even when it wasn’t playing. I wondered how come men now a days, don’t speak to women with this kind of love, kindness, gentleness and sensitivity anymore?

It made me think of the last time those words were uttered to me. How safe and calm they made me feel, especially when it came from someone I loved and someone who loved me back.

Hearing these songs as well as “I love You, Just For You, and even “Do What I Gotta Do.” A Man Who Loves You and Angel as well as others. Just made me think of love and how peaceful love is. That love is not complicated, people make it complicated. After listening to these songs, a scar that I had for 11 years, when I woke up on March 11 of this year was gone.

I was thankful in advance and I visualized it being gone before it was even gone. I wondered what it would be like not to see it. So I stop paying attention to it, giving it life or any validity. I just thanked God and his love angels. It overwhelmed me that it was gone and that it worked. I thought I was dreaming but the next day it was still gone and it’s still gone.

I tried everything to get rid of this scar and nothing worked but music. Ralph told me on air that my body tuned into a certain frequency that my body was missing and needing at the time. That’s exactly what I was going to say but he finished my sentence for me. It’s not all the time you get to interact and tell an artist how much their music means to you and how it healed you or something that they did or said, how it inspired you, so I was grateful for the platform to be able to express that.

Miracles, whether big or small, like this lets you know, that we are loved by God, that we are spiritual being first, having a physical experience and that whatever we believe, the mind can achieved. That our thoughts are powerful. That the spirit world is real. That the universe is responding to us and the level we are vibrating on. That our mind is a very powerful tool. It believes whatever we tell it, which manifest externally.

The mind, body and spirit, is a trinity in itself and its connected and that healing can take place if we just have faith. I had faith throughout the whole process with no doubt in my mind. I had to get rid of toxic thoughts that I was not enough, that something was wrong with me and that I was not lovable. I had to renew my spirit, with love and know that I am love and just because someone, does not know how to love me, or doesn’t respect me, doesn’t mean the problem lies within me.

I had to know that I am not what happens to me. That all men are not the same and are not bad. I needed to hear positive loving words and I needed masculine energy to be infused in my spirit. So I’m glad Ralph’s music chose me, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It made me feel again and to know that vulnerability is strength. That it’s ok to wear my heart on my sleeve and not judge myself.

It was an experience I had to go through, to have a testimony, to know that God didn’t forget about me, and that whatever you ask him for, He will give to you in his timing, but it all starts with faith and surrendering! God gave us music and entrusted it with certain souls to carry out its mission. So why wouldn’t it be healing 🙂

Thank you for reading, I know its long :). I appreciate you and Namaste! God is love!

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Held Captive By Music

Music knows it’s held me captive and it has no plans of letting me go now

Music knows the way I feel as soon as I hear that beat drop

It senses my energy and invites me into its world

With music there is no judgement, I can just let go and be myself

Music has me under its complete spell 

I obey music with my mind, spirit and body 

I reach for music all day, every day…. in the middle of the night

Feenin, hungry, thirsty needing that next fix, that next melody and lyric

I need music’s conversation for I feel it’s the only thing that understands me

Music knows I’m an addict, that I try to find ways to have the voice and lyrics inside of me

I want it so bad, I want to drink it and taste it, inject it, cover my body with it

Music can have its way with me at anytime or any place

Music understands me and wants me to be a slave to it

Music knows that I will take on the artist spirit and feel what the artist feel

I can be free, naked and totally uninhibited with music

Music hits all of my erogenous zones and makes my body feel intoxicated

Music loves touching every part my body. Seeing it’s notes on my body like a music sheet

Wondering which part of my body it’s going to play with next

Music loves penetrating the portal of life and playing with my love button

That vibrating sensation is just what music wants

Music loves to take me there even if it’s just for a moment of release

Music knows I never want to let it go and it doesn’t want me to

Music loves to undress me and wishes it had lips so it could kiss me

And taste every part of my body with its lyrics and melody

Music traces it’s lyrics on my skin like braille

When I get high with music, music is very pleased for it knows

It has done its job of bringing me to ecstasy

Music knows I’m addicted but music says, its ok be free because it’s a safe kind of high.

Music loves when I feel sensual and sexy, for it enjoys pleasing me

And knows that I’m in-tuned with its melodies

Music enjoys tantalizing me, it enjoys my sexy moans,

The way my body moves to it’s rhythm, to the instruments

Music smiles for music is very pleased with my reaction

Music sees the lyrics, passion and fire in my eyes reaching to the depths of my soul

Music loves when I repeat certain parts of a song

Then music feels my body pulsate with anticipation of its next melody

Music enjoys the anticipation of my mental climax, for it know my body will follow

Music loves to take my breath away and breathe the lyrics back inside of me

Giving me life over and over again, knowing it’s the only resuscitation I need

Music wants me to always be held captive under its spell

And I want to for as long as I can breathe music in my lungs

But music knows the day will come, when it will have to share me

When it will lead me to another music lover, that can take over

So that I can experience the human part of music’s ecstasy

Music wonders who will this music lover be? I wonder too?

Music will not just hand me over to anybody, music will be very selective 

When choosing to hand me over to another music lover and so will I 

Music knows they must be just as passionate, they have to want to be high

They can’t get jealous of the way music makes me feel

They can’t censor me or music will take me back and keep me to itself

Becoming possessive over me and never wanting to let me go again

Music is selfish and I understand because we get each other

Our love affair is deep and it will another etherial soul to get how music makes me feel

Music knows that not everybody gets music, nobody everybody feels the way I feel

That my ecstasy is rare and doesn’t want to let it go

Music is a bit jealous to let me go, but knows its inevitable

But music knows it will forever dwell in my spirit

While silently sharing me with a new love

Inside The Ride With Ralph Tresvant, On WZBR 1410 AM, The Bass Of Boston

I just found out one of my favorite singers since I was a child, has launched his own radio show. So I had to show him some love. Yes, The Bass Of Boston has a new DJ. Boston’s Finest…..

Yours truly the one and only, legendary lead singer, Mr. Ralph Tresvant From the Iconic Legendary R&B Group New Edition.

This is such a breath of fresh air because I don’t listen to the radio nor do I own a radio. I stopped listening to the radio when music started changing towards the early 2000s.

Music has changed so much and for some of us that are still old school. We love to hear our classic jams from back in day. We get to relive those memories and remember when music was really good, when music meant something and spoke to your heart and soul. The 90s was definitely the best era in music.

I really wish that music did not change. Because when it comes to good music and classics, there is no expiration date. But in the music industry there is. Artist from back in the day should still be dominating the airwaves. So for those of us who appreciate good music. We get to enjoy it with artist who are cut from a different cloth.

I tuned in this week and I enjoyed being Inside The Ride. Every day has a different theme. There’s Mantra Mondays, throwback Thursday’s. Make sure you tune in for Freaky Fridays, that’s when it’s adult time :). Ralph is spinning classics that make you remember, what love and romance is all about, which is hard to find on the radio now a days.

If you love classics old and new from back in the day with a mix of some new music. You will enjoy being Inside The Ride with Ralph Tresvant. He’s personable, engaging, funny. He keeps it sexy and smooth. He loves his fans and I’m so happy that, The Bass Of Boston has him on their line-up.

Make sure you tune in Monday thru Friday, from 4pm to 7pm EST. On your way home from work during rush hour. Don’t have a radio? No problem! No need to fret. You can listen online and you can download The Bass APP  on iTunes and Google Play. Have a request.. call in 617-238-7111

So there you have it! There’s no excuse :). Make sure you tune in and tell a friend and have that friend tell a friend. Spread the word and don’t miss the ride!!! It’s Going Down on WZBR 1410 AM, The Bass of Boston with Ralph Tresvant, A.K.A DJ Iron Crates.

**Be sure to follow Ralph on Social media and join the fan club on Facebook and Twitter**

SongVersations: “Do What I Gotta Do” By Ralph Tresvant

Do you remember this timeless classic ballad,”Do What I Gotta Do” sung by the iconic and legendary lead singer of New Edition. Mr. Ralph Tresvant.

Breakups, they can get messy. How do you tell someone who you love and care for, that you want to be alone?

It’s not easy letting someone go, no matter how much you love them. It’s something you debate over and over in your mind. Should I? Shouldn’t I?

But deep down inside, you know you gotta do what you gotta do. What’s the best way to let someone down gently. Truth is there is no way to let them down gently. Either way it’s going to hurt you or the other person and no one likes to break someone else’s heart especially when they  still care.

When this song first came out, I remember the first time I heard it. It was May 11th 1991. I looked at the clock and it turned 5:16. My mom was in the kitchen cooking. She had the radio on 98.7. I heard this beautiful harmony coming from the radio and I just stood there…wondering who was that?

I turned the volume up and got lost in the music. I said is that Ralph Tresvant but wasn’t sure, until it went off and they announced his name. I had to have that album right then and there. Which my mom got for me. I thought it was a beautiful sad love song.

I knew it was a song about heart-break and understood the lyrics, I just thought it was beautifully put into song. I immediately got a visual and wanted to see the video. I didn’t really know the significance of the song until I was in my teens and into my adulthood. Thats when the lyrics really resonated.

In “Do What I Gotta Do” Ralph is in turmoil over ending his relationship with his lover. He doesn’t want to break her heart, but his heart and soul is breaking because, he needs to figure some things out and he needs to be alone. Sometimes the person you are in a relationship with doesn’t understand that. When he sings this note. “I’ve been feeling lately like being single or just alone, to get into myself.”

He feels like his woman, is playing games and he has to change the rules and look out for himself. When You are creative person, you need space to create. Unfortunately, the one you’re with can feel neglected, even though that’s not your intention.

img_1453Some of us are there right now. Feeling stuck. We need help letting go. We need to figure out who am I? Rediscover our passions. Figure out what do I want and need out of life. Instead of this whole ‘We or Us thing’.

We’re with someone and we don’t feel the same anymore. The chemistry is gone, we fell out of love or we’ve outgrown the relationship and we are in a war between our heart and our mind. We know deep down in our soul, that we gotta do what we gotta do. You try to find the right words because although it’s hard, you don’t want to continue living a lie.

It kills you deep inside that it has to come this. Because although you love the person you’ve known. You know the best thing is for you two to be apart. Breakups are not easy this is why some people ghost. They don’t have the courage to tell you it’s over in your face or give you closure. What I love about this song is that towards the end.

Ralph is letting her know that even though he loves her, that the best things is for them to be apart and continue to be friends. Why continue to be in a relationship you’re not happy in. Which will lead to nothing but a spiritual death and regret. He still wants to be her friend and be there for her.

He just can’t continue breaking his own heart and being unhappy anymore for the sake of someone else. No matter how much he loves her. I know to many people who stay in relationships way past their expiration date. Knowing they should have left a long time ago.. we’ve all been there.

Trying to work things out because of the time we put in and because we truly care. But it gets to a point that if you don’t end things you are going to go mad. In my last relationship, one day my ex came home. As soon as he walked through the door. I got up went to the bathroom and closed the door. I had this song playing in my ear. I just sat on the bathroom floor and wept.

I was so unhappy. He knew I was unhappy but didn’t care as long as he had a roof over his head and what he wanted. My bed was cold. There was no love or affection. Just him needing me all the time. I fell out of love and I just wanted to be alone. I never wanted to live with him. It was hard telling him to move out of my place. But I had to or else it would have continued and it would have been my fault.

He would have continued living off of me. We have to take responsibility for what we allow to continue in a relationship. Set limits because takers don’t. When I cried, I was mourning the lost of myself. My dreams and my passions. I needed him to be there for me, the same way I was there for him. He wanted me to put my life on hold to support his dreams, which he said in so many way without saying it. That was not happening.

I never had his support and I got tired of the games or feeling like there was a love triangle going on. I realized he never really knew me. My needing to grow and wanting space was a threat to him. Space and discovering myself meant, I wanted better or that I would find someone else who could love me better, which was not my focus and the last thing on my mind.

I wanted a relationship with myself again. I wanted to love myself again. So I prayed and ended it. He didn’t want to be the man I needed. He didn’t want to add to my life just take from it. He only wanted the lifestyle I provided and my money. It wasn’t all bad… the relationship in the beginning, but I was TIRED. I wasn’t the same. My needs and wants since I was approaching my 30s were different from my 20s.

He never expected me to grow and change. He thought I would always be around and took my love, the things I did and how I held him down for granted. I wasn’t being supported in any way. Me wanting help with basic simple things was meant with resistance and arguing. There was no peace in my home. I tried to remember the friendship we shared, that’s the only reason why I let him stay, so he could get himself together.

But he didn’t want to get himself together. I found out his scheme to live with me and have me take care of him was planned. When I ended it, I felt revived. I felt like I found myself again. I was born again. I started smiling, laughing, being happy again. Listening to music, especially love songs again with out anyone turning it off., music was one thing we should have not been arguing about.

I started dancing and writing again. I dropped weight both mentally and physically. I started doing things I used to do before we met and before my mom passed. For so long it was about other people from when I was 14. In a relationship its hard to hear your own voice. It’s even harder to hear Gods voice too. With constant noise and be ‘ON’ all the time, with the wants and needs of another.

Sometimes you can’t be there for everybody. You can’t save everyone. You can’t make everyone happy at your own expense. Being single can be a great thing. It strengthens you. Relationships can be great when there is genuine love and a common ground and two people are supporting each other. It shouldn’t feel like a job you hate because eventually you’ll quit.

It can’t be one-sided and its unfortunate that that’s what some people want. They want to use you for the own selfish gain. I know there were lessons I needed to learn and I learned them. I know that I will never go through that again. Every time I feel like a man is trying to trap me, on purpose or move to quick. I just do what I gotta do and let them go, because life is meant to be lived and I will not exist in someones shadow.

SongVersations: “Can You Stand The Rain?” By New Edition

I was listening to “Can You Stand The Rain” By the Iconic and Legendary R&B Group New Edition. From the moment the birds starts singing and the beats drops and Johnny Gill hits that riff, that’s gets deep into your soul.

You know, just by hearing the melody that you are about to be taken on a sweet melodic ride. This is one of those songs that can you play on repeat for hours.

There are so many different waves of emotions in this song. You’ll enjoy the music and melody but you will understand and feel the lyrics. Have you ever paid attention to the lyrics to this song? Like really paid attention?

What you hear is men expressing themselves. Being vulnerable. Saying I need you. I can’t do this alone. Yes I’m strong but I need the love of my woman. These kind of sentiments is missing from todays music and the hearts of men in society.

Luckily we still have artist like New Edition that still keep the magic and the love and romance alive. You don’t stick around for 30+ years for nothing. You gotta be doing something right. Thats because real men know how to get the hearts of women, with love and romance.

This song let’s you know that REAL MEN do feel. Real men do have emotions. This song poses a simple question… Can You Stand The Rain? Men want to know that when times get hard, will you be there by their side. Will you lift them up and take care of them the same way they take care of you.

Will you love them unconditionally no matter how much money or things they have. A man will be with a woman no matter how much money she makes or what she has, (some) women not so much so. Some women have a set figure on what a man should have in order to take care of her, which is sad and selfish.

A real man sees himself as a provider and protector of his woman and family and when a man can’t do that, his heart and pride is bruised. For a real man knows his role in a woman’s life and what God has called him forth to be. Whether you are an artist or just a regular blue collard hard-working man.

Every man wants to know that they have, the security of their significant other by their side. After dealing with the stresses of the world outside of their home. They need to come to a loving woman, who will make their house a home. They need a woman’s love to inspire them through difficulties. From an artist perspective, they are on the road performing and touring.

They won’t be able to see or talk to their significant other or even be with their family and they want to know, will you be there by their side when money fluctuates. Will you live with me in a studio apartment and not just a mansion. Can you weather the storm? Can you hold things down if I need you too.

“Love unconditional, I’m not asking just of you, we have to make it last, I’ll do whatever needs to be done” “When it’s tough she won’t run, she will always, be right there for me.” I’ll do my part but will you do your part? Will you trust me and us and what we have? Tell me, will you be there for me? 

It doesn’t matter whether these men sing or are in a group and ‘famous’. They are still human and men first. They still go through the same trials and tribulations that other men go through. Being in an iconic group, doesn’t mean that life does not happen to you.

Everyone wants to be around you, when things are good. When you are on top. When you have money. But what about when things fall apart. Thats when you really see who has your back. Every man wants unconditional love from his woman. They want her to stay when times get hard, not just be there for sunny days.

I hear from men all the time, how they don’t have the support and love from their woman or don’t feel appreciated unless its pay-day. Or they thought they had a supportive woman until they lost their job and they found out they were weathering a storm all by themselves.

These are good men who are doing everything, to make their lady happy, but when they fall on hard times, who’s going to be their rock. Who’s going to lift their spirit up and not make them feel less of a man and inadequate. A real man is not going to feel good about living off his woman.

This song is not just for men singing to the hearts of women. I find myself relating to these lyrics because I ask the same question when it comes to men. Can you stand the rain? Will you be there for me if I need you?

In my last relationship when the ship was sinking, when the storm got heavy and it started pouring rain. I found out the hard way I was alone. I had to rescue myself and make sure I didn’t drown although I saved him when his boat was sinking. He had me in ways that I never had him.

Until one day I punctured a hole in his boat and found out he could swim and take care of himself. Men have given to much in their previous relationships and now when they come across a good woman. They want to know whats she’s going to do for him first and they want a woman to give of herself first. I keep meeting these ass@*%$, lol..

Times and men are changing. Men are looking for women to have their own and be independent so they can just come in a have a free ride. Men want women to weather the storm. They’ll go M.I.A. on a woman if she needs him. When times get hard, they want her to pick up the sword and fight for them while they relax.

Why do men want woman to carry the relationship now a days? They want to see how strong a woman is built. They want her to step into masculine energy. If she can do it on her own, why does she need you? That’s not a real man.

A real man knows a woman can do it on her own, but a real man will not let her. Can you Stand the rain? I’m sure she can, but will you hold the umbrella for her and protect her?

Whatever happen to being each others rock. Isn’t that the whole purpose of being in someone’s life. Isn’t that the purpose of loving someone unconditionally? What’s up with these one-sided relationships and self-entitlement? Thats not love. Thats self-centered narcissism.

Love is freedom. Love is all-knowing and seeing. It should happen organically. Love is protective and being there for each other in good times and bad times. We shouldn’t let each other drown. When you say you love someone….show it.

“Storms will come, this we know for sure…I know all the days won’t be perfect” but there is no pressure.” The next time you decide to open your heart to love, ask for what you need and want. Ask, can you stand the rain? If the answer is yes and you see it in their actions, then you will know you got a good one. Then you can say, “Come on baby, let’s go get wet.”

You Wanted Me To Weather A Storm, I Didn’t Know I Was In

img_0949You wanted me to weather a storm, that I didn’t know I was in. We were both in the pouring rain with our emotions but yet, you let me get wet.

While you covered yourself with the umbrella of my love and protection that I so freely gave to you. My love and support lifted you and your so-called love silently let me flatline.

It must have felt good to know that you had that type of love in your corner. A love you didn’t have to fight for. My love reassured you, while your so-called love confused me.

You wanted me to think it was normal and getting to know someone is hard but it’s not, it’s just you. You said you didn’t want to lose my loyalty but yet you didn’t show me any.

The only time you called or texted is when you felt me pulling away, doing the bare minimum… I peeped your actions… did I ask you for anything? Your money.. anything ? No I didn’t. You’re the one who masqueraded as my friend, when you had no intentions on helping me with anything. Getting all that praise from me, must have really boosted your ego. You never appreciated anything I did for you.

You never said damn, all this stuff she’s doing for me, let me give the same back. With my time and effort. I get it, no other woman has done that for you, so you say, “hmm I can get used to this, let me see what she’s going to do for me first. I’m tired of giving my all to some woman.” But I’m not some woman. Truth is, you never really looked at me as a friend. Friends don’t say the things you said to me.

I thought we were friends, silly me but you don’t do friendship. You never gave our friendship or anything else a real chance. You don’t know how. You don’t know how to do love either. You can talk and say what you want, when a woman is not near, but then your true colors come out and you only know how to be an asshole when she appears. With your pride and ego.

It just took me a while to see it, because I chose to see the good in you. You wanted me to believe in love, when you don’t even believe in it yourself. You don’t even believe you can have real true love. I guess you’re addicted to pain, unrequited love. You won’t be the last guy who attempted to break my heart. That’s the risk you take when you’re genuine. When you’re real. Problem is you think everyone else is.

I hope you find that distant, inconsistent love from a woman you are looking for. A woman who you never really know her real intentions and she loves you with half a heart, brain and spirit. Because that’s what you are used to. You’re used to looking over your shoulder. I get it, you don’t need nobody. It’s sad. You don’t trust people.

You’re used to love that doesn’t support you and make you a better man. You’re used to women who take from you. Want expensive things and your money. You’re used to women who just want to sleep with you. A woman who doesn’t question your intentions or has standards that’s the perfect woman for you.

You don’t want a woman who calls you out on your bullshit and inconsistency. That kind of woman is argumentative and negative. Thats how you deflect and not check your own behavior, because you don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong. You’re to proud to apologize. You only want love in the moment, with the least amount of effort.

Well there’s plenty of women in the world who will give you that, but there are very few and far in between women that are like me and you realize and know that already. Don’t try to get me to think that love is silent. That love is unrequited because it’s not. Love is passionate and loud and quiet when two souls see each other spirit.

I know what good love feels like. So don’t try to get me to want and expect less of you or any other man. Don’t try to get me to think love is inconsistent when mines was consistent. Especially after I told you what I’ve been through, with other men and you turn right around and commit the same emotional crime with my heart and time.

After you told me that I deserve a man who treats me with respect, love and kindness. That I deserve a man who wants to make love to me and not just fuck me and throw me away. That I deserve a man to compliment me, treat me like a queen and give me his time and effort. No matter how busy he is. Love is not rushing major life decisions. Nor is love possessive and dominating.

You wanted to be that man in my life but only on a part-time, invisible basis. You wanted to be a magician and pull disappearing acts and act like it was nothing. Thinking “ok, time has passed since we last spoke, I’m over it, so should she.” You never wanted to address my feelings, you just wanted me to talk to you sweet. How? When you ignored my communication, no matter what I said.

Unless it’s about sex. You wanted my body but not everything that came along with it. I was unlike any other woman you’ve ever known, at least that’s whats you told me when I was far away, but when I appeared I was to real for  you. You decided you wanted to try something different. Test me, show me what its like to be with a man who talks shit and not back it up.

Been there done that, that’s why I’m single. But I get it, It was better for you to just ignore and ghost, instead being a man and talking to me. It was easier for you not to really express your emotions to me. It was better for you to disrespect me, make me not like you instead of you being honest with me. You know in your heart you was wrong, but you’ll never apologize.

I got some advice for you, stop saying you love a woman, with no intention of showing her. Stop wasting a woman’s time. You silently watched me, well I was doing the same thing. The less you said the more you revealed, although you thought you was being private. Your silence, inconsistency and inaction proved to me the kind of man you really are. Don’t ask of what you can not give of yourself.

I hope you let yourself be happy one day. I hope you find the real true meaning of love and I hope you have the courage to open your heart and mean it. Love is not just in art, its in your heart. Soul search and you will find it. I hope you’re careful next time around. I hope you become friends with another good woman. I hope you don’t let another good woman weather a storm, with your heart she doesn’t even know she’s in.

Why Every Man Should Fall In Love With A Woman, Who Loves To Write And Read

img_0966I think every man should fall in love and get to know a woman who writes and reads and here’s why. A woman who writes and reads, shows that she’s in-depth. She’s a visionary.

Thats she’s passionate about everything in her life. She’s not going to look to you for the things you have. Your words, effort and presence is comforting enough.

This kind of woman wants to get to know you on a soul level. She will listen to you. A woman who writes, will want to know every thing about you.

From what makes you happy to what makes you sad. Your passions will become her passions. Your pain will become her pain. You’ll become a book to her and she’ll want to read every chapter.

Your love is free to express itself. She will pay attention to the things you do not say. This kind of woman is very intuitive. She will care about your feelings. She is very in-tuned with your energy. A woman who writes, will always be curious about your life. Her mind will always be challenging.

A woman who writes and reads will always have in-depth conversations with you. You will never get bored. She will make you think which is a beautiful thing. She’ll makes you see things in a way you never thought of. Words to her are like music lyrics, always telling a story.

For she knows their is a story behind your melody. She will not be void of emotion. Ask her she feels about you and she will tell you. She’ll tell you the truth. This woman is not a half ass woman. Her silence means she’s thinking. Always searching for the right words and editing them before they leave her mouth.

She will feel every word you say with passion and vibration. When you date a writer, they see past the surface. They are curious about everything. They feel everything is connected. A woman who uses her mind, will always search for solutions when a problem arises. She has an insatiable thirst and hunger for knowledge and for words.

A woman who writes uses her senses. The get infused in her bloodstream slowly giving her a high. Your words are delectable to her she can taste it, touch it, see it, hear it. A woman who writes will always challenge you and make you a better man.

Be careful with this kind of woman.. she is rare, she’s not going to take your shit. You can’t run game on this type of woman and be inconsistent and expect her not to notice. What she gives she wants in return. If you have no plans on getting to know this woman on a deeper level or loving this woman, simply leave her alone.

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I’m not saying women who don’t write are not as in-depth, but there is something about a woman who writes and reads…her creativity and imagination with words comes to life. She’s a dreamer. words appear on her skin like braille.

A woman who writes is strong, she thinks about her words before they leave her mouth. She’s peaceful, she’s quiet. She’s not argumentative. Her words and her presence is very nurturing. This kind of woman, you can feel safe with, so don’t be scared.

Her love is not meant to harm but bring out your sensitive masculinity. You can let down your guard with a woman who writes. She will not judge you and have your best interest at heart. She’s protective. No harm will come to you if she can prevent it with her armor of love.

A woman who writes is very intelligent, she knows the power of her words and only wants to lift your spirit not break it. If you quarrel with a her, she will want to kiss and make up. She believes times is to precious and just wants to love you and see you happy. Because seeing you happy makes her happy.

Her communication is effective and meticulous. A woman who writes, her word is her bond. She will not say things and not back it up with action. This kind of woman knows how to love and make love. Her world of words, as soon as she thinks of it, she wants to make it a reality.

A woman who writes is very simple. You can take her for a walk on the beach, plan a picnic or a simple home cooked meal. For she likes to stay home. Simple things make her happy. Your heart is safe with a woman who writes. So talk to her, be gentle, be kind, don’t deflect a conversation when she wants to know how you feel. Don’t let her slip away if you find her.

Why You Should Try A Long Distance Relationship Once In Your Life

img_0953Most people when they are searching for love limit themselves to where love should reside. They want someone in the same state or that lives within a certain distance.

Anything over 30 minutes they write it off. What most people don’t realize is that love can be anywhere in the world. And if you really want to be with that person you will find a way to make it work.

I think everyone should try a long distance relationship, once in their life and here’s why:

When you meet someone, your goal should be, to get to know them as a person. Most people when they meet someone all they are focused on is the physical. If you are really serious about love, you will focus on friendship.

In a long distance relationship, you get to fall in love with someone’s personality. You get to fall in love with them on a soul level. You get to know them on a deeper level without sex clouding your judgement.

Long distance relationships teaches you about patience and delayed gratification. Two people’s souls should be on fire when they see each other. The only way for some and at least for me, is the distance. I’m a firm believer that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Most of my relationships have been long distance and it has been the greatest experiences of my life. I believe that when two people want to be together, although they are far apart and have their own life, that in order to make it work, that communication is key.

If you don’t like talking on the phone and you if you need someone there every day, then of course a long distance relationship is not going to work for you. But if you want love, you have to be willing to try something different. Ideal conventional ways do not always work.

With the way technology is today, you can Skype, FaceTime, text and talk on the phone. I choose the latter. There is nothing like hearing someone’s voice rather than a text message. If you can’t see that person in the flesh, the next best thing is to hear their voice.

Long distance relationships may not work for everyone, because you may want to see that person and touch them which is normal. Some people start thinking once they finally do meet, all the things that can go wrong. But what about all the things that can go right?!

The only thing that doesn’t make sense to me is, when you finally do meet someone and it still feels like you’re in a long distance relationship, especially if you live in the same state. Been there.. done that, not doing that again. I’ll let that marinate….

In order to make a long distance relationship work, you have to be an effective communicator. You have to not be afraid to be by yourself. I’m one of those women, since I’m introverted. I’m in no rush to be in love nor am I looking for someone to complete me, because I’m already complete and whole. Love takes time.

Long distance relationships works best for me, because I enjoy my space. I’m to much of a free spirit to be tied down on a daily basis. I’m not looking to settle down just yet. A relationship is a want not a need. A relationship does not define me and it’s separate from my being.

A relationship can only complement me and vice versa. A relationship should only add to your life, not take away from it. I tend to meet men that are creatives in some way. Those relationships work best for me, because they are busy. I don’t need to see someone every single day. Although keeping is contact is crucial.

You can’t not see someone and say I love you and you’re my woman (or man) and you haven’t seen or talked to them in months. But put a claim on them. Thats not a relationship. I know that they have a life and are living it and so am I. When we do get to spend time, we can catch up. Anticipating each other will make that passion come alive.

Most people they need someone there every day but truth is, it’s hard living with someone. My last relationship failed because we lived together. When he was in another state and we saw each other quite often it lasted longer. I never planned on living with him but he wanted to live with me.

I never planned on being his mother either and taking care of him, uugh yeahhh, lol. There is nothing wrong with wanting space in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it just means that you want solitude. When someone is in your face every single day and you see them.

You lose that passion. You lose that spark. You start craving variety and spontaneity. Happens all the time. Yeah you may have met the guy or girl at the club, now you are wanting to go back there to get away from them. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you have to see them every single day.

If you do decide to live with someone, that person has to be so easy to love and be around that you can’t wait to come home to them. Their love will not feel like it’s smothering you. I’m not sure if I will ever live with a man again. I keep meeting needy and clingy men who want to dominate me and that’s not going to work for me.

I will fall out of love with you real quick. I need a man who doesn’t have too much time on his hands but makes time for his woman. Who wants to hear about my day and calls me to say good morning and goodnight. Someone who checks up on from time to time.

Long distance relationships and a person who has outside interest, is the best choice for me, because I don’t want to have to worry about things that normal couples have to worry about. I don’t have to check in with anyone and ask for permission indirectly when I want to go somewhere.

I get to focus on myself and building my life and sharing my life with someone but not solely depending on them for my every need. It would be nice to know that I have someone in my life who will take care of me, when I need it. But there is strength in being alone.

I can preserve my heart, body and soul for one individual most people can’t. A man will never have to worry about me cheating because he’s not around. I don’t crave physical connection as much as I crave a mental soul connection. There is no such things as to much space.

I’m perfectly fine with talking and being consistent. If you are a person who wants love and you have your own life. Try dating someone in another state. Be open because the love plan God has for you, may not appear the way you want it. Remember love is not possessing one another. Love is freedom and should happen organically.

The Power Of Friendship: Don’t Miss Out On A Good Person, Just Because You Want More

Let’s face it, sometimes friendship relationships are impossible when it comes to the opposite sex. Don’t tell me it’s not possible, because it is. It may not be possible for you, in particular as a man, because you can’t control your hormones. Maybe it’s because you NEVER really tried to have a real friendship with a woman. Maybe every woman you wind up talking to, you ended up in bed with them or not.

NEWS FLASH MEN: NOT EVERY WOMAN YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE YOU HAVE TO HAVE.

Women are not off the hook here, because I know some women that can’t be friends with men either. When some women become friends with a guy, it’s wrong that they string them along. They come across a guy that they know, likes them and they use that to their advantage. To get free dinners, go out on dates and to get the guy to buy them things.

NEWS FLASH WOMEN: NOT EVERY MAN YOU MEET, IS AN ATM OR FINANCIAL PLAN.

I’m not saying all men and women think like this, but the majority of them do. That is not the reason you become and maintain a friendship with the opposite sex. A lot of people are missing out on the true essence of a good person, because they want more right away and they are overlooking real friendship.

People are missing out on getting to know a person on a deeper level. They could be missing out on a potential life partner. There is nothing wrong with finding someone attractive and taking a liking to someone. But there is power in patience and in friendship. The only way to find out if there could possibly be more on any level is to be a friend first.

Friendship has a lot of power in it and great benefits too, that most people overlook. That’s because some people only want to be friends until they get what they want. They have ulterior motives. That’s not what friendship is for. Real friendship has a special kind of deep love attach to it. The kind of love that’s unconditional.

The kind of friendship where two people respect each other. No matter if they disagree. Friendship is saying you’re sorry when you are wrong because you want peace. The kind of friendship that even when you go months or even years without talking, you pick up right where you left off. The kind of friendship where two people listen to each other.

The kind of deep love that you want to see each other happy and successful. When you have a loyal friend, that has your back, that’s compassionate. Please don’t screw that up by being an asshole. It’s hard to find real people, who genuinely just want to give and be there for you. Someone you can trust as a confidant. Friendship is reciprocal it’s not selfish.

I’m the kind of woman who really values friendship. Like really values friendship. When I say I’m your friend, I don’t take that title lightly. I’m not going to just be in your life, just to be in it. I want to add to your life, not take away from it. We are all here on this planet to be of service to one another.

There are people in my life past and present, that know that they can depend on me no matter what. No matter if they have wronged me in some way. They know I’ve forgiven them. For we are all human, but I do have my limits. I don’t have to accept you back in my life because I chose to forgive.

People know that they can talk to me, because I’m an effective communicator. I listen. Let me repeat that, I LISTEN. Which is what most people don’t do. I listen to hear what people are not saying. Especially when it comes to men. That’s why a lot of men talk to me, from a distance that is. In my face, they can not express themselves.

I’m no male whisperer, lol. But I do understand men. I’m no mind reader but I am very intuitive and for some men no matter how old they are, they have a problem with expressing how they feel when it comes to a woman. I lost track of the men that have told me by way of email, text, phone and social media that they were into me but never in my face.

It’s too vulnerable for them. Men don’t want to appear sensitive. They think that’s only for women. When that’s exactly what a woman needs in a relationship. A woman needs a man to be vulnerable. She needs you to be her friend. But with vulnerability comes trust. If a man doesn’t trust a woman, he’s not going to let down his guard.

When a man connects with a woman on a mental level. They want to connect on a physical level. When it comes to communicating, listening is a part of communicating. Some men (and women) have a problem with listening too. That’s only because of the male ego. Some of the men I know are so proud, they never apologize.

They think they know everything. They don’t listen. They want to speak first and jump to conclusions. That’s because men on a hierarchy level are natural born leaders. So with that, they take it to a whole other level. It’s very narcissistic in a way. For men, it can take them a long time to say the words I’m sorry. Why I don’t know.

Men don’t like to feel like they are wrong and they want to be in control, that’s not being a leader. That’s being an narcissist. No one knows everything, no matter how much experience you have or how old you are. When you are friends with someone and you know how to be a friend. You set your ego aside. Egos in friendships ruins your relationship.

No one want to be friends with someone, when everything is one-sided and one persons ego is in the way. In friendship you listen with your heart. You get to know someone. In friendship you get to find out the type of person this is. If you have anything in common. If want to go through life with this person.

In friendship you know and recognize, that God sent this person to be with you in life, no matter how long they stay. You recognize what a blessing and privilege it is to have this genuine rare soul in your life. People have to stop looking at others as something they can use and then dispose of.

More and more people are single when they want love and they are unhappy because they are bypassing friendship. If they are in a relationship and they are unhappy. Somewhere along the way, they forgot how to reconnect with the friendship part of their relationship. Or maybe they were never really friends to begin with, they just jumped into a relationship.

Then they found out, this person is not who I thought they were. This person does not respect me or have my back. When you hit a rough patch in your relationship, if you can return back to that friendship, you can get through anything. But you have to be willing to work at it. In friendship you can fall in love all over again. In friendship you can evolve.

You can rediscover who you are. Knowing you have support and someone who is always in your corner. The next time you meet someone and you want to maintain communication or be in their life. Be a friend first. Don’t miss out on the love of your life and someone who could really love and care for you by bypassing friendship.

It can be the best love you’ll ever know and will experience. Be open to friendship because we all need that one good friend in our life. God is love! Namaste!

Don’t Be Afraid To Dream…Your Dreams Can Always Become A Reality

img_0687Remember when you were a kid? And you use to imagine who you wanted to be?  Who you were going to marry? The house you were going to buy? That car you wanted to buy.

Remember how good it felt? How freeing it was. We’ll do that as an adult. Have that same free spirit and open mind. I know life happens and we grow up and we forget about our dreams. Our passions and hobbies.

But one thing I know for sure is that when God, puts something in your heart..it is never lost. The other day I got caught singing, lol. “How Many Ways I Love You ” by Toni Braxton was playing. The ending was near , which is my favorite part and I just belted out, “how many ways I love youuuuuuuuuuu, yeah ehhh yeah.” I was in the zone..

I wasn’t aware anyone was home. I’m walking though the door and I just had to sing along. I heard “ok Toni” and just laughed at my friend. I’m no Toni Braxton but I love taking on her spirit of music. This isn’t the first time I got caught singing, lol and it’s always in the weirdest places.

I got caught when I was 17, singing Selena, “Fotos y Requerdos” in the lady’s room fixing my hair, lol. I thought I was alone…this lady came out the stall and said ” who was that singing? I said oh me, she said you have a beautiful voice, I enjoyed listening to you. That’s one of my favorite songs.”

Then my friend came out another stall and tried to take credit for it, by saying, “well when you hang out with singers, it rubs off on you.” Yeah she tried to steal my shine. #hater, lol. Every now and then when I’m really feeling a song and the lyrics get deep down in my soul.

I just start singing and someone is always catching me, lol…and then it’s followed by a compliment. Then I’m looking at them like “oh, ok thank you” 😐 with this weird look on my face smiling. Maybe it’s because I’m not aware of my voice, but then I remind myself..

Although I’m a woman…that I’m the same girl, who was in the glee club and in chorus. I was always the first one in music class for almost 15 years. I stopped singing after my mom passed. I never even knew my mom could sing, until I heard her belt out this gospel song one day…

I realized in that moment, my mom had so many dreams, that never came to fruition and that’s why she let me pursue mine and was always supportive. I just lost my passion for it for while. Now if you ask me to sing I might be reluctant, that’s only because it won’t feel spontaneous and I hate being put on the spot. Then I become self-conscious, lol.

It has to flow freely, like my thoughts when I write…..But if you catch me singing, then you’ll be surprised.. I always wanted to see my name on a soundtrack, but not in the spotlight. I’m just not vying for the spotlight…

I keep fighting with God because I think he’s trying to push me out there and I don’t want to go, lol. Because a lot of things I gravitate towards are public. I think maybe in my past life I was an artist according to this test I took, because things I like to do are public and I want to remain private.

If there is something you want in life. Go for it! Do it for you! Share your dreams with people who believe in you. I remember telling an ex I wanted a studio in my house and he said a dance studio, I said no, a music studio and he had this look on his face, like he wanted to laugh but was holding it in.

I stopped talking to him about my aspirations and dreams. Then I got rid of him. Problem solved, haaa haaa 😀…… I realized this man never knew me and that I couldn’t be myself around him. Also that he was in my way. I was never supported by him when I talked about anything good.

When I would book something, he never came to see me perform. Meanwhile I was at every one of his games. That’s not love and support. The sad thing is, some people really do not want to see you shine. They are not moving forward so they don’t want you to surpass them in any way.

My teacher can sing his ass off, I wonder why this man doesn’t have a record deal or isn’t on broadway. selling out concerts. I love to hear him sing, especially Jeffrey Osborne. He can surely hang with the best of them. His vocals are unbelievable, he can imitate anyone. One of his problems is, he’s not with a supportive spouse, she does not believe in him. Nor does she support him.

You already know where this is going. Marriages like this don’t last. We must stop doing a disservice to ourselves by settling and being with people, who don’t believe in us and are not as passionate as we are. Doesn’t mean they are a bad person, they are just not the one whom we should share our lives with. Our partner should be just as passionate as we are.

img_0709If they are not, it will hold us back wether we realize it or not. I remember I was talking about a house and one of my friends kept saying something negative about money. I knew I didn’t have the money to buy this house or to move to an island. I was just dreaming out loud.

I just said to myself damn! I can’t say nothing without this girl shooting down my dream….killing my high. You have people like that, dream killers, emotional vampires. They can’t see a way for themselves having certain things in life.

So they don’t see it for you. Their minds are limited so they project that on to you. It’s just a reflection of who they are and where they are in life. They have no dreams or goals. That’s just living.

Truth is….we can be anything we want and have anything we want in this life, if we work for it. If we dare to dream and imagine it and see it in our minds. That’s the first step. Some people want things at other people’s expense. They love to ride shotgun.

They see how ambitious and how much of a go-getter you are and they want to tag along for the ride, but they don’t want to push the car, if you run out of gas and get a flat tire. People like that, you just have to leave behind. This is why I always support people. Because I know how it feels to have it and then to lose it.

This is why I go hard. If only it was reciprocated because my loyalty to others is not appreciated nor is my love. When people see how much I’m rooting for them, they expect it and feel very much entitled to it. It’s hard to find people who genuinely believe in you and that are selfless and loyal. It’s very rare. When you have a loyal person in your corner, don’t push them away.

If there is a dream in your heart, a song you want to sing and dance to. Just surrender and do it. Go back to when you were a child and just dare to dream. You might surprise yourself. You have to love yourself, have faith and believe in yourself and others will too. There are supportive kind people in the world.

You have to believe that what you want is possible and that God has a plan for your life. You never know where your journey to your dreams might lead you. Who knows maybe one day I will put out a single for me, just to say I did it. Music has always been a passion of mine. What is life without music.

Maybe I will see my name in the credits, whether it’s on a sound track or with my writings. Life is really what you make it…so why not make it the best it can be. You only get one round in this lifetime. Why not dare to dream and then make it a reality. That’s when real living will start and existing will cease. Miracles happen when you believe.

Namaste! God is love! With him all things are possible!

How Many Ways I Love You

img_0758I was listening to “How Many Ways I love You” by the iconic Toni Braxton. Before I continue, don’t you just love some Toni Braxton. Toni’s voice is just so sensual, her music is timeless. She is just my favorite female vocalist of all time.

Every time I hear the intro to that song ” how many ways, I love you, let me count the ways, you just don’t know. ” It reminds me of home. It also reminds me of my first love and how we just enjoyed loving each other. When this song came out, I had someone in my life I felt this way about.

I used to be at home, wondering how many ways can I love this man. It wasn’t just my words it was my actions. Some people forget the action part of love. Off topic but “seven whole days” came on by Toni…and I’m like “seven whole days, try not seeing somebody in almost 7 months” lol but they claim they love you. I had to laugh at that one, lol.

Anyway…I will always be grateful for the love we shared and just grateful that my first time around with love, was a good one. My first love really set the bar, for how a man is supposed to treat a woman. He told me I set the bar too and that he knew what to look for in a woman, because of the way I loved him and he thanked me too for loving him the way I did.

What a lovely compliment!

We just wanted to love each other, bring out the best in one another. Isn’t that what love about? Bringing out the best in one another. We just wanted to make each other happy. We were both cancers and our love was just infectious to others.

Making each other smile was our hearts greatest joy. He was so thoughtful, so kind. Such a gentleman. So protective. Always putting me first. Treating me like a lady. He never raised his voice at me. The five years I knew him, we NEVER had an argument. He NEVER disrespected me.

We were best friends. So when men say it’s impossible to be friends with a woman, they are dead wrong because it is possible. That’s the best kind of love that blossoms into something more.

We just couldn’t wait to see each other to see what surprise we both had up our sleeves. My face use to hurt so much from smiling all the time and laughing. People used to say we looked alike, that’s because we brought out the best in one another.

We just had fun together. There was no rushing to make major life decisions not even to be intimate. We just wanted to count the ways of how much we could love each other. I think if my first love knew the BS, I encountered with men, he would be upset.

When we both moved on and dated other people, he wanted to know if I was being treated right. He was still protective of me as a friend and so was I of  him. There’s was no jealousy, no animosity …nothing….just pure authentic love for one another.

I think it’s sad when people want to be in a relationship for all the wrong reasons and it’s not for love. It’s not for seeing and making the other person happy and growing together and building something. Loving someone should be a privilege and not abused.

Some people just don’t know how to love. They love things or want things and they think, that by being in a relationship, this is the only way to get it. And they wonder why they are miserable. I never understood the logic of trying to use someone for personal gain.

I don’t know what the hell I’ve been running into lately with men, that I’m not even dating lol. I’m always blindsided when a man wants more from me. Especially after a couple of hours or days, lol… I thought after my first love, that all men were like him. I see I was clearly wrong.

Maybe for a couple of days or weeks they are nice. But when they don’t get what they want, I see a side of them I didn’t know exist. A family friend said to me, “what’s up with these men you meet, why are they so controlling?” He apologized for men being assholes.

You know what the funny thing is, whenever I tell a guy what other men have done and things they said. They turn around and do the same thing 😐 but claim they are different. Case in point I was asked. ” Why are you single?” I said because I’m tired of married men trying to sleep with me, and the guy who asked me this was married and wanted to sleep with me, but got mad when I rejected him and he claimed he was different. Dumb ass!!

Then he acted like he was doing me a favor and he was the prize by talking to me. Right 😐! This coming from a guy with 3 women with his kids. Unbelievable!! All I wanted was his poetry cd, and he wanted to locked me down and make me a stepmother, to kids I didn’t know he had, Lol. You think I didn’t 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️lol.

It’s also funny how a guy will laugh at something I told him, until he turns around and does the same thing. Now he’s just another character in my story. I think all the crazy shit I’ve been through, maybe this is the universes way of saying, you need more writing content for a crazy story.

We all love to laugh and maybe someone can find humor in my crazy experiences. I know I have 😂. People crack up with the stuff I say, I think it’s darn right crazy, because I’m not doing anything. I’ve been told “don’t tell a guy you love to cook or like to be home” because they’ll go ring shopping right away.

I wonder what’s all the thirstyness for? What’s the rush? If I mention I want a child one day, I never said I wanted it from you. Just because two people want the same thing, doesn’t mean they want it from each other. I don’t even know you like that to know if I want to have YOUR baby, so calm down.

All in all, I just miss being in love. When love is organic not forced. When a person makes it easy for you to love them, when they don’t expect anything. When your happiness is their happiness. When there is consistency, effort and being a person of your word. When two people tell each other how they feel. When there is no doubts.

It doesn’t take much to please a woman like me. Men know I’m simple, they sense it and by being simple and low maintenance, it makes them not want to do anything for me. Because I don’t ask. I shouldn’t have to, the same way you don’t ask me. I just give.

I want a man and a love in my life, that ponders the thought, “how many ways can I love this woman, let me count the ways.” Wait for a love that makes you feel like this! A love that makes you get excited about loving someone.

You Don’t Get To Walk Away, Every Time You Feel Something

We all know someone that every time they start to feel something, they suppress it. They don’t want to acknowledge how they feel in any way.

Well you know what… it’s time to put an end to that BULLSHIT!

You need to stop running. You don’t get to walk to walk away every time you feel something.

No matter how little or intense, acknowledge how you feel, admit it to yourself first.

If you have feelings for someone, acknowledge it. Why every time you start to feel, you start to walk away. You disappear.

Stop being a coward and feel what you are feeling. Stop deflecting your behavior and putting it on someone else just because you do not want to deal.

You don’t get to confuse someone and lead them on, just because you are not sure of what you want.

You don’t get to not acknowledge how someone else feels, when they are asking you a question and they want to know whats in your heart.

Oh but I see, you ignore because that way you don’t have to deal and you get to string things along. Keep doing that to a good a woman, she’s not going to stick around.

But I guess that’s what you want and don’t want. Hell… you don’t even know.

You know you don’t want rejection, you say it’s cool but deep down, you want what you want and want to control the outcome.

When things don’t work out, you say to yourself,  “I knew it. I was right all along.” You find fault in everything, every word, every action just to coincide with what you are thinking and feeling.

What? You think you don’t deserve love. You think you don’t need nobody?

Didn’t you love the wrong women? How did that turn out? Oh you stayed, you gave your all.

That pain and hurt and everything they put you through, your spirit became immune to it and you called that love.

You don’t get to use the word love and do the opposite of it. If someone you know loves you and wants to be with you. Don’t push that person away.

Man the fuck up and stop running from the very thing, that you say you want the most.

Stop hiding behind email, text and the phone. Stop ghosting!

You’re not that busy, you’re scared and you’re hiding.

Stop doing shit to other people that you clearly do not want done to yourself.

Stop not listening to your heart. Stop pushing people away and not listening to them.

Have the courage to say what you want and need from the people in your life.

Learn how to recognize love and pain. Don’t confuse the two because love does not hurt nor will it ever.

If you believe in your heart, that you have a shot at it, don’t fuck up a good thing. This goes for both men and women.

If it doesn’t work out, then that love was not meant for you. Stop breaking your own heart and deflecting blame.

Stop being such a narcissist and leading women on, when you clearly don’t have any plans on staying. Sweet nothings, means nothing.

For god sake, stop walking away every time you feel something and those feelings are good.

You’re human, don’t you think you think you deserve love?

Don’t you think you deserve to be happy? The answer should be yes.

Stop thinking every one is out to get you and hurt you.

Stop being an asshole. Stop ruining things before they even start.

You don’t get to play with someone emotions and use the word love and not mean it. When you say you love someone, stand behind your word.

Stop not being a man of your word. Stop being so short, deflective, cold. Aren’t you tired of that?

Stop blaming the other person when you don’t get the love you want. The problem is not them. It’s you. You’re the one who has your guard up. You’re the one who’s inconsistent and silent.

Isn’t time you start to be open to the love you truly desire? Why is it so hard for you to be vulnerable. Thats where your strength lies.

Don’t you want a love that brings out the best in you? Don’t you want loyalty, honesty, respect?

A woman whose a woman of her word, that’s consistent. Trustworthy, that has your back. Thats passionate, protective, thoughtful, kind. A woman who never makes you feel alone.

Well in order for you to have those things, you must be all of that. Don’t ask of what you can not give of yourself and feel entitled.

Lose your ego if you want love.

When you feel, deal…. knowing that love will heal.

But please do yourself a favor, stop walking away every time you feel something.

Forgiveness Radiates Strength And Beauty

Remember forgiveness is always for you…it’s not easy to forgive when someone has hurt you, but you must so that you do not become bitter, cold and shut your heart off to love. I used to think I was weak for forgiving people, always seeing the light in them, because I was always choosing love. It’s like the more I forgave, I still got disrespected and got treated wrong. My forgiveness was taken for granted. My kindness was not reciprocated.  The people who hurt me, never apologized because I chose to forgive.

Yet, when I called them out on their behavior, they made it seem like I was the one with the problem. There was no accountability. I realize some people have to much pride to say I’m sorry, to admit that they were wrong. I’m not weak to forgive. I’m strong because I have a big heart. I know that there is only one of me and the love and loyalty I extend is rare. I know that they’ll never find another me. So I can forgive, I can be love, still be sweet. For I know God knows my heart.

It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t see my good intentions or refuses to listen. I send light and love anyway and ask God to heal them in areas they need healing in. Some people have been through so much that they just have an ego. Eventually someone will give them a reality check and knock them off their high horse called pride. So continue to be love, continue to forgive when it’s the hardest because we all mess up. We are not our mistakes. Forgive because God forgives us when he sees and knows our hearts are sincere.

Be The Passionate, Beautiful, Sensual Woman That You Are

img_0559I was listening to an old sensual classic from the 80s, Sign Your Name” by the legendary Terence Trent D’Arby (who goes by the name Sananda Maitreya now). What I love about this song is that its so sensual.

The music alone intertwined with his voice, puts you in a euphoric state. The soul in his voice mixed with euphoric sensuality. It’s so masculine and vulnerable.

Sensual songs like this are in your DNA. The lyrics feel like braille on your skin.

I love artist who connect with their lyrics and music and who feel their music lyrics. Not just sing it. I pay attention to the tone of their voice and where they grab those emotions from, from deep within their soul. I pay attention to the way their body moves when they perform.

I can feel the emotion they feel when they hit a certain note. It’s a beautiful thing to experience, when an artist can catch the spirit of their music and convey that to an audience. When they are in the studio recording and then bring those same emotions, when they are performing live.

I remember auditioning to this song years back when I wanted to be a dancer. I chose this piece to audition to, for it just made me feel so sensual. I connected with the passionate music and lyrics. My dance partner was there to complement me, but it was not his audition.. I just needed his masculine energy there. When it was time for me to do my solo @2:12 to 3:12.

My eyes were pretty much closed the entire time. I just wanted to feel the music. I wanted to dance as if nobody was watching. As I don’t like people watching me, nor do I like being the center of attention. I know…. it’s an oxymoron when you like to be creative or you’re in a creative field.

I remember @3:43 when Sananda says “heeeeeey”. My partner grabbed the small of my back and pulled me close to him. I knew it would be time for him to grab me, but it was different in the audition from the rehearsal. It was more intense. It startled me a bit as I did not know he was near me. He grabbed me like he needed me, like he wanted me.

img_0573The rest of the song we just free-styled but our bodies were in sync. He never let go of my hand, even when I tried to turn my body away from him to spin around. He would still grab me, firmly but gently. I felt so safe. When you dance, you have to trust your partner, that they’ll never let you go. The song ended with him holding my hand over his heart.

It was great to have a dance partner, that could actually dance and move his body with such emotion. To convey those emotions through music, lyrics and through dance. The people holding the audition, I remember the look on their face after we were done. Them telling us what a pleasure it was to watch me dance. They loved how I connected with the music, to the lyrics, and didn’t miss a beat.

I had a visual of this video. How at the end they looked at each other and passionately kissed.When I hear this song, it just makes me feel like a beautiful, sensual woman. Thats what a lot of artist make me feel like. Music and dance can help you connect with your feminine grace. If you want to connect to that part of you, that is sensual. If you want to feel sexy, beautiful. Connect with music.

Some say I’m too much. They can’t take how deeply I feel and how passionate I am. I’ve never been a half ass woman and I’m not going to start. Just because someone can’t take the intensity of my love doesn’t mean I have to stop. I am a very passionate woman. Always have and always will be.

When I hear music that I connect to, I know I need someone in my life who loves and feels just as deeply as I do. I need music in the flesh. I need that masculine vulnerable energy in my space. So that I can be the sensual woman that I am. So that I can exude love and make love with passion.

If you know yourself and you know you are a passionate sensual woman. Don’t hide it. Express that in the space of a man, who will embrace it and not run from it. If you meet some one and they do not exude that type of intense passion and depth. Kindly walk away. When a person doesn’t express themselves, if will make you shut down, especially if its unrequited emotions.

If it doesn’t make you feel like music, then don’t pursue it. I’m not going to apologize for my intense passion. For my depth. Yeah I’m too much, I know.. and I love it. It’s what makes me…me. I feel very deeply. It’s what makes me feel beautiful. It’s what makes me love harder and to give love. My depth helps me to use all of my senses and to be more intuitive towards myself and others.

The energy, the vibration helps me connect and hear the holy spirit. In passion and sensuality there is a call to surrender. I can not shut down my emotions just because someone chooses to suppress theirs. What is love and passion if you can’t love and feel with every fiber of your being.

Hearing those lyrics from this song. It just puts me in a mood, to want to be held, to love, to make love. I want to feel the way I felt at my audition. I know these signals are going to go out into the universe and that the right man, will pick up on my intensity and give me exactly the love and passion that I desire.

We will be drunk off of each others love and passion. If you don’t feel this with the one you are with, then wait for it. Wait for the man who is just as passionate as you are. That will complement your sensuality, that will not be afraid to express himself. Be The Passionate, sensual woman that you are…wait for the man who makes you feel like music.

When Ideal Is Not So Ideal

We all have an idea of the perfect life we would like to create with someone. But what happens in our pursuits of trying to create the perfect life. We realize what glitters isn’t always gold. Pretty much every one I know, has followed the blue print in some way, but not in any particular order….. after high school, go to college, find a husband, get married, have 2 kids, buy a house with a white picket fence.

In following this ‘blue print’ pretty much every one I know is miserable. They thought doing all of these things would make them happy. They realize the person they decided to be with is not the one who is meant for them. They found out their partner is lazy, doesn’t cook or clean. Isn’t good with money. Is lazy in bed. Wants to trap them into having a baby. Doesn’t appreciate them.

I’m pretty sure at some point this was apparent but it was overlooked, because hey, no one is perfect right. We all have our flaws. But when you decide to settle down, you’re hoping that the person you love is the one and that they’ll come around and eventually change if you just love them enough. To many women and men are rushing to have a child, rushing to get married.

Men think they have to spend all their money on a woman, to buy her affections in order to have her. Because god forbids he doesn’t, he doesn’t love her enough, he’s not a real man. Because that’s supposedly what ‘real men do’. (insert turd emoji, lol) because this is B.S. What people fail to realize is that you have to be whole and happy and know why you want to be in a relationship in the first place.

A lot of people are in relationships for perks, they just are. They want something from it and they are determined, to get what they want from a particular person. Theres this list that they have. Some people are not in a relationship because they really want to love and grow with another soul.

The people I know that were really ready and wanted to be in a relationship, came into the relationship full and ready to love. Problem is the person that they chose to be with, wasn’t. The person that they are with, feels that the person who loves them, has enough love to carry the relationship. They also want to be taken care of in every way.

They have no intention on fully loving the other person. They realize they came across a genuine soul in their life and they presented themselves to be something that they are not, just to hook, liner and sink that person into their life. One person came in full, the other came in half empty.

A  lot of people are realizing that marriage and kids, are not what they should be chasing. It’s normal and innate of most people to want these things. But you have to be cognizant on why you want these things. Are you lonely? Do you think all of these things are going to fix your relationship?

Do you not know who you are and you think by getting all of these things that you will find yourself.  The reason why so many people are single, is because they know what they want and they are not looking for someone to do anything for them or to fulfill who they are. I know I’m not. I know that was is ideal is not always ideal.

I know that I have to be happy and work and love myself. I never expected a man to make me feel whole or give me what I want. I know that motherhood is extremely hard, it’s a full-time responsibility and that you don’t get a break. This is why I’m waiting. I know that marriage is not a fix all to whats going on in your life.

Sure I thought by 36 that I would find love and just enjoy being with someone, build a life with a good man but with the way men have been treating me, cursing at me being disrespectful. I’m glad I didn’t get into a relationship with anyone I met over the last few years. I know that’s not love and I would never be with a man who disrespects me in that manner.

I believe in true love, but I know that it’s not so ideal. I know that when I do decide to settle down, I want to enjoy being with my husband. I want us to build wealth. Travel. I want us to have passion for each other and strengthen our relationship, before we decide to bring a life into this world. I want us to act like two teenagers in love who can’t get enough of each other.

Our bond has to be solid and strong, because if we decide to have a child, all of that person time is going to go out the window. Kids take a big chunk of your time and how many times do we hear that some one in the marriage is feeling neglected (usually the husband) because his wife is with the baby 24/7. Babies need care but not every single second of the day. There has to be a balance.

You need time for yourself, for your husband, or else you’re going to go crazy. You will always need a life of your own outside of your child. Hobbies you enjoy alone and together. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over, it’s all about balance.

I know for me, there are so many things that I am working on, and it would be nice if I met a selfless man. A man who respects me, loves me as much as I love him and not just with his words. Who appreciates the small and simple things that I do for him. Who gives me space. But until that man comes. I’m creating the life I want for myself.

I caught up with a old friend of mine and he told me, he’s been divorced 3 times and he said, I think God wants me to be single. I don’t think it’s that. I think he needs to work on himself and stop marrying these woman right away, without fully getting to know them. His intentions may be good, to have a wife but I told him, not everyone is wife material. Just like every man is not husband material.

Who knows, maybe God wants you to be single for a while. discover who you are, fulfill yourself, especially with him in your spirit. Be alone for a while. Hear your own thoughts. So many people have a problem with being alone and they shouldn’t. After what happened to me this past monday and the last few years.

You have no idea how happy I am to be by myself and that’s another reason why I’m celibate. Theres blessings in waiting. In a relationship people will quarrel, but I know that the person I’m in a relationship with, I would never disrespect them in any manner, no matter how mad I get at them. I can control my temper. It really does take a lot for me to get upset.

But being single is not bad. You really do not have to put up with anyone else’s wants and needs and expectations of you. You get to be selfish, have standards. It takes a lot of courage to go through life alone, when everyone expects you to be tied down. Sure it would be ideal and great to find someone who has your back, but you must have your own back because people change.

The next time those feelings come up about what you want in life. Long-term life altering decisions, like marriage and a family. Ask yourself it is truly what you really want or are you being conditioned to want these things. Don’t suffer from fear of losing out, age or because everyone else is doing it. Because trust me…. you are not missing anything!

Words Do Matter: Pray, Forgive And Move On

img_0324They say that “sticks and stones may break your bones but words may never hurt you.” We all know that saying, can’t be anymore further from the truth. Words do matter. How many times have you or someone you know, said something so disrespectful and hurtful. That it cut you and that person so deep and ruined your relationship.

Words hold energy. Words have the power to break your spirit and words have the power to uplift your spirit. Whenever I say something to someone. I think before I speak, I gather my words, so there is clarity. I’m always careful with my words. People (men) may say I’m long-winded, that’s because I want to be as meticulous as possible.

I don’t disrespect people on purpose. I know how it feels to be emotionally abused by words. I’ve also seen the mental effect, of verbal abuse with my father towards my mother when she was alive. Words stick with you long after the physical abuse. Those are the scars that nobody sees. The words that you only hear, long after they have been said.

The words that keep echoing in your head hour after hour, day after day. For some, they may be able to brush it off and act like they don’t care, to seem tough. But they do care. The other day, someone I considered to be a friend, that I respected, admired, that I always supported disrespected me.

When I heard that F word come out his mouth. I immediately hung up the phone. It wasn’t just the word he used, it was how he said it and the tone of his voice. It sound like such hate. From the moment I answered the phone, it was clear that he was in a certain type of mood. It literally drained me and made me sick.

img_0318I tried to eat and my stomach kept turning and I couldn’t keep anything down. People may say, you’re being to sensitive.  When something makes you sick. No you’re not. Words can make you sick. If can make you fearful. Even the look in someone’s eyes can make you feel a certain way when it’s done with malice.

As a sensitive soul and empathic person. I feel everything deeply, no matter if it’s positive or negative. When others are hurting, I’m hurting too. I take on their pain when I don’t mean to. It happens with music, instruments, movies, animals. I’m very connected. I used to think I was to sensitive, but its the way that I am and there are others out there just like me.

It takes me a few days to recharge my spiritual and mental battery, after toxic words have entered my vessel. The same happens when I’m around toxic people. The last time I felt that way was when my father said that word to me, a long with other words that I can’t even say. No man should talk to a woman that way, especially his daughter.

What my father said to me, It was so disrespectful, I didn’t see or speak to my father for 19 years. Although I forgave him so that I could heal and move on. It wasn’t the first time he used those words. He’s been using those words all his life, especially towards women. He used those words towards my mother and my sisters.

I vowed I would never talk to a man or be with a man, who ever disrespected me like that and I never will. The way this person came at me, he acted like I hurt him or was out to get him. Had he calmed down, he would have heard my side and got clarity. This is exactly why I don’t like to text. Texting and even emailing, you misinterpret things.

 

Had he calmed down and heard me, instead of wanting to ALWAYS talk first. There would have been no reason for him, to ever use those words and that tone with me. Hearing those words hurt me. Because as much as this person has come out of his mouth indirectly, being an asshole, I just dismissed it. I just thought he was high. But it was never this bad as to what took place recently.

I don’t take to kind to blatant disrespect. Especially for no reason. When you disrespect someone, you get disrespected right back. I told him to kiss my ass and I used the F word right back and that was that. Normally I’m not a person who talks that way. People have told me I don’t sound right cursing, lol and I don’t. But give me a reason to and I will.

I had to ask God to forgive me, for saying those words. But I was angry for a few seconds but more so hurt. Because I would never do anything to hurt or disrespect someone, that I considered to be a friend. But for him to disrespect me like that, with no regard and no apology. That speaks volumes about his character. I know he never really cared or loved me as a friend or anything else.

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It’s hard to talk to someone when they only see their way, and they think they are right 99% of the time or they really don’t care to hear anything you have to say. People who think they know everything, will always think you are wrong and accuse you, before you even open your mouth. I can’t have a conversation with someone who doesn’t know how to effectively communicate.

It hurts the most when you have been there for people. Showing your love and support and then they turn around and disrespect you as if it was nothing. I asked myself, what happened? What happened to the guy I met before I relocated. That we hung out like two teenagers and had a great time. Who is this man who has been cold towards me and distant ever since I moved here.

It’s hard to be a friend to someone, when they have a problem with being friends and when feelings get involved. I have done nothing but showed this person through my words and actions, that I’m a good person with a big heart. That I would never let any harm come towards him, but I can’t say the same for him towards me.

 

I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, but when I say I’m a friend. It shows through my actions. Whenever I feel I may have said something, or raised my tone and made someone feel a certain way. I was always quick to apologize. Always caring about his feelings or anybody. But I realized I never got the same in return.

He even pointed out to me, that I give a damn about other people’s feelings and that the women he has met or been with don’t. So why the blatant disrespect. Why is it that the people who are there for others, get screwed the most? But the people who hurt us, we welcome their toxic behavior.

img_0310Are we that addicted to pain? Are we that comfortable with it? Why have our hearts become so wounded, that we don’t even trust or recognize real love and support anymore? It’s hurts..it really does when all you do is love and you’re there and you’re the ones who gets treated badly.

Yes we all say things we don’t mean at times, but how many times. Once to many times is not a mistake. It’s a conscious choice to disrespect someone and not own up to your behavior. It took me a couple of days to be ok. I’m still disappointed but I’ll get over it. I know I don’t ever want to feel that way again.

If someone ever disrespects you, in any way, whether they put their hands on you or verbally, please do yourself a favor and walk away. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. To feel safe. No one should ever have to put up with verbal abuse. Always stick up for yourself, because there are no victims here. Even in your silence that shows you are strong.

Don’t stoop to their level of arrogance. Somebody has to be the bigger person. If you find yourself in an abusive toxic relationship with anyone, male, female, family or friend, colleague put a stop to it and get help, especially if it’s been years. Words can be damaging and break your spirit.

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Don’t let anyone dim your light. Remember you are love and just continue to be the love and light that you want in the world. God will bring the right people in your life, who will treat you with love and respect because you deserve it. Forgive for yourself, forgive them but that doesn’t mean you have to let them back in your life. Know your worth!

God is love! Namaste!

When The Holy Spirit Needs to Talk To You

img_0283There are times, even as a writer and just being a communicative person, that I don’t feel like expressing myself. My thoughts come so quick, that I can’t even get them out my head quick enough.

That’s when you have to do constant spell checks and make sure your work is in draft mode before you hit save 😉. When I was much younger, I used to carry my journal everywhere with me. I was 11 and people use to always ask me, what am I writing.

As an adult I must have my pen and paper, laptop or iPad with me. I never know when God will speak to me. I’ve shared before that when my mom passed. I lost my passion for writing. I tried off and on until I was 16 but couldn’t. I even lost my passion to sing. I was 19 the last time I was in the studio. Music helps you discover who you are. The instruments, the lyrics, the music, it’s all connected.

Something that I enjoyed so much made me feel empty. My words were always being twisted even when they were positive. When it comes to being a person who  is creative, who feels and who’s empathic. It gets to be overwhelming. I share my thoughts as they come to me. Sometimes I ask myself should I say this and that. There’s a debate going on in my head.

Theres always a debate going on with God when there shouldn’t be. I consult with God on a daily basis about everything. When I try to let something go or act like it doesn’t bother me, that’s when the holy spirit steps in says to me, “no no no, express yourself. You have been quiet far to long. Your feelings matter. There is someone out there who needs to hear what you are saying. You may not feel it’s important but it may help someone else.”

Thats when I surrender and obey. I’m like ok God, what do you want me to do? In stillness the answers come to me. Once I start typing, the writers ghost takes over. I’m free….I feel transcended once my fingers hit the keyboard. Then I ask myself what am I afraid of? Nothing. My thing is I’m just careful with my words. I’m careful of the energy I put out.

The only reason for my hesitation at times is because, of other voices in my head from people who don’t know how to communicate with me when I ask them questions. When people don’t give you answers, it makes you feel like your feelings don’t matter. Over time you become quiet because you feel as if no one cares. You start to think, am I being emotional?

Someones ability to be emotional unavailability, starts to rub off on you. You don’t even know it’s happening. I notice that whenever I express myself to a man and I ask questions, that they don’t want to answer. It’s strange how I’m looked at as a negative person. I also know that men may act dumb, but they are not stupid and they will find endless ways to avoid communication.

I feel like the only time a man will be honest with me about his feelings, is when hes’ away from me, in email or in a text, but I can’t hear him and his emotional tone. Also it’s because he’s expecting them to be returned and because he wants something out of it. No friendship or relationship can evolve with one person staying silent 99% of the time.

A man once said to me a few years ago, “I like texting, that way if I don’t have anything to say, I can just put down the phone.” I had no clue this guy liked me. When we spoke over the phone, he said to me, “talking about my feelings, I don’t do this. This is not me.” He sounded frustrated that he had to express himself because I wanted answers.

I said to myself, damn, how does someone who writes poetry and sings, can’t communicate with other human beings. We never spoke again.When men have to explain themselves and their behavior, it can be to much for them, especially when they only want one thing. And especially when they realize that they can’t run game on a woman.

In that moment, thats when I realize some people are not their art and who they claim to be. They can turn it off once they come out the booth. It’s just a mask they wear. Lately this has been happening a lot to me. This is why I don’t like to text a guy. If they don’t want to answer anything, they can just end the conversation and that’s that. And leave you hanging for weeks or months.

I don’t like when people talk at me instead of to me. I don’t like small talk and being indirect. Some times I feel I have a better conversation with a 6-year-old, then these grown ass men. I don’t like when I finally do hear from someone, they act like, they never got my email or text and they just completely ignore, how I took time out of my life to express myself.

I think its inconsiderate but what can I expect, when I see that this was a pattern that I refuse to see. It didn’t just start today. All of this holding back has been going on for quite sometime, in their life. Maya Angelou said “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” I learn that a person who refuses to acknowledge how I feel, if I was to be with a person like that.

They will neglect every other part of me and our relationship. Relationships of any kind break down when there’s a lack of communication. When someone checks out. I know for me, I need a man who feels. Who’s emotionally available and will not shut me down, because I don’t like something he said or something that he’s doing.

I wonder why men look for me to be a certain way, but they don’t want to give the same in return. I know that you shouldn’t ask of something, that you are not yourself or wiling to give. Men use the word love, but have no idea how to back it up. When you love someone you communicate. You pick up the phone or see that person.

No matter how random my thoughts are, it’s what I feel and just by the responses I get, I know that I am not alone and that my words have helped someone in some way. The things I go through there are others frustrated by the same thing, both men and women. Theres are others trying to find clarity, so they don’t feel like they are going crazy.

People seek solace knowing they are not alone and someone gets them. Their words and emotions are not stuck in prison. I watched the deadly effects of what can happen when you suppress your thoughts. The effect it has on your mind, body and soul from trapped emotions. The mental illness that it brings, simply because one cannot express themselves or they don’t feel safe and feel like a burden.

We all need someone to talk to after we bring our thoughts to God. As humans we need each other. There are times when I meet people and they just tell me their life story. God placed me in their presence and path for a reason, even in the online community. As much I get drained, its my duty to reach out and help another soul and in return it helps and feeds my spirit.

There are times when I reach out to people and they ask me over and over, how did I know? They think I spoke to someone or that I’m psychic or something. Sometimes I don’t even know, where it came from or all the details, I just know the holy spirit moved me to say what I said and to do what I did and I just trust and follow.

We all have a sixth sense, our third eye. Our intuition that connects us to the holy spirit at any given time, but in order to hear it. We must be still and quiet our mind. In stillness and by surrendering we can be led by the holy spirit. And in stillness we will know what to do.

Namaste!

Bathroom Etiquette 101: Put The Toilet Lid Down And Here’s Why

Ever walk in to a public or private restroom and immediately you walk out or hold your breath? Of course you have…..Well what a lot of people fail to realize is that, all those people that are using the bathroom. Everything that they are doing, is going into the air and guess what, you are breathing it in.

Yuck right! I know it makes you want to puke, but it’s the truth. I know when I step into a public restroom and stall, I spray before I enter, because I keep air freshener in my bag. Most people should in my opinion. When people come in after me, they have a pleasant smell. 😉it’s alway nice to think of others even when using a public domain.

I know you’re reading this and probably wondering, why is she talking about the toilet seat for? …we’ll continue reading…

Unless you have an air purifier or air sanitizer, in your home. Let me give you some pointers in Bathroom etiquette 101. I am very big on personal hygiene, I care my lungs and others, especially when it comes to several people using the toilet. A lot of people when they use the bathroom. They flush after they are done.

Nope… you are doing it all wrong. As you are doing whatever you are doing, while you are still on the commode, you should be flushing several times while your butt is on the seat, lol. When you wait to flush, you give time to whatever you did in there, to escape and come up into the air.

If you wait until after you are done, and you don’t feel like flushing, then close the lid then flush. I know some people who don’t buy air freshener, so that means that if you go in after them, that stench is in there and you can probably tell what they had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If people in your house don’t put the lid down, put a sign up.

If your bathroom doesn’t have a window for the smell to escape, guess what, it’s going to stay in there and you will breathe it in. It’s going to be in the air, in your towels, in your toothbrush, or anything else that you have open and exposed in the bathroom.

Some people keep their towels above the toilet. That is a huge NO-NO. Do not hang your towels above the toilet to dry or even put your facial tissues on the toilet tray. When you go to clean your toilet, there will be stains of some sort, but you can eliminate that by closing the toilet lid and cleaning the toilet and bathroom, daily, before and after you use it.

As humans, and I’m not trying to be funny. Our bodies may splish splash. It’s normal. We’ve all seen a drop or two on the seat after we or somebody else does a number one. Most of us don’t think of that when we get up. Thats why it’s always good to check behind youself after you’re done, and before  you sit down. Even on your own toilet.

Public seats of course you squat. I’ll reiterate again. The bathroom should be cleaned daily. Every one should be wiping down their toilet daily, not waiting until the end of the week on bathroom day. Bathrooms need constant cleaning since we use it every day. Faucets and knobs too. Put your toothbrush in a concealed toothbrush holder or cabinet and away from the toilet too.

I can not tell you the many times, I’ve seen people who have their toothbrush holder above the toilet, exposed and the toilet lid is up. If you leave your toilet lid up out of habit. Think about the air you are breathing in, and from what someone else is doing. Think about airborne pathogens. Buy a self-closing toilet lid. Put an air purifier above or near the toilet.

Use natural oils to keep your bathroom smelling fresh and clean. I buy orange oil spray, it’s a natural odor eliminator and air freshener. You can get it from walmart and home depot. Stores sell these products for us to keep our homes, nice and clean and smelling fresh. Do yourself a favor and use them 😉.

One more tip….tissue alone will not clean everything, lol. Do yourself a favor and buy a bidet or wipes. Doesn’t matter if they are baby wipes or Scotts. Just make sure you clean your private areas, lol. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed!

It’s Ok To Care, To Feel, To Love, You’re Human

You ever try to act like you don’t care about something, when you know in your heart that you really do. When something is bothering you, you have no choice but to feel it. It’s easy for people to say “let that shit go, move on, don’t worry about him or her or whatever is bothering you, that you need to get off your chest”. But truth is, it’s your feelings and your feelings are valid.

A man once told me, “I read enough of your words to know that you are, the most passionate person I’ve ever experienced and you give a damn about people’s feelings. Most women don’t”. Funny thing about those words is, I wish I felt the same way when it comes to men.

I wish I could feel the same passion and concern. I wonder if I care about your feelings, why don’t you care about mine and you constantly avoid my feelings and don’t address them. But the answer is simple, you avoid your own. You stay silent. Just constant diversion and avoiding communication.

A person can be concerned, as long as it’s not about them, but as soon as I voice my feelings about what someone is doing, that I’m not ok with. I’m met with silence and I’m negative out of nowhere. Then I start to feel attacked for feeling, but then someone is telling me I’m attacking them and I’m not. Instead of answering the questions I asked.

The conversation becomes completely about something else. Talk about getting out of addressing the issue at hand!!!! Some people will go out of their way to not confront how other people feel. That is because they avoid how they feel. It’s just constant suppression.

Can they really be this cold and heartless and without emotion. I don’t think so. What is so uncomfortable with feeling and expressing yourself. If you don’t want others to feel a certain way, then check your feelings too. Be honest and real. No one is a mind reader. Open your mouth.

Don’t ignore or suppress how you feel. But don’t dwell on it either. Sit with your discomfort and see what it is teaching you. Ask yourself, why don’t you like this? Why do you care? Do whatever you need to do, to come to a conclusion about your own feelings.

Did you say something you shouldn’t have? Did you get a reaction that came out of nowhere. Ask. Be inquisitive with your own thoughts and feelings. Know where it is coming from. Before you let it go, you need to know that it’s ok to feel what you feel.

I can’t stand when people make me feel like I’m wrong for feeling what I feel. They never stop to think about how their actions are making me feel this way. Questions deserve answers. It doesn’t make you combative. It doesn’t mean you are attacking someone because you want understanding and you want to communicate.

Truth is people will always find a way to deflect confrontation, by turning the tables on you and making it seem like you are in the wrong and they are the victims, because you want answers. Expressing yourself is not attacking someone. People who never give you answers, are emotional void but they’ll disagree they aren’t.

They just don’t want to deal with your emotions or their own. So they’ll act like your feelings are not valid and they’ll try to make you think, you are wrong for feeling what you feel. Instead acknowledging how you feel, being compassionate, they dismiss it and say your just being emotional. They should say, I’m sorry you feel this way and lets talk it out.

Most misunderstandings can easily be cured with communication. But in order for that to happen it takes two.

Don’t blame yourself, for loving, for caring, for feeling, remember you are human. We all have emotions and some are just better at silencing theirs. I need to know how people feel, but when other don’t want to express themselves, for whatever I just have to be ok with that, even though I may feel I deserve an answer, especially if I’m expressing myself.

I don’t leave people with doubts, with questions marks as big as the sky. For what?? I treat people the way I want to be treated. I let people know how I feel, so they know where they stand. It would be nice if I got the same back in return, but hey life is not fair and people in hell want ice water right, LOL..

The thing is, you have to be a person that’s big on communication. If you’re not, there will always be questions marks. Some people are just emotionally unavailable. They don’t want to be emotionally available, because that means that they have to be vulnerable and they don’t want to be, it’s scary for them, to get in-depth about their emotions.

Someone made it unsafe for them to feel. Never be with someone who raises doubts and confusion 99% of the time. There’s really no need for that. Some people you have to simply love and care for from a distance. But whatever you’re going through, please know that your feelings matter, you matter. They’ll dissipate soon. It’s ok to feel….. you’re human!

Revisit Your Younger Self From Time To Time

img_0102When was the last time you checked in with your younger self? There maybe something back there in your childhood that you need to revisit. Maybe there was something that you loved to do. That you simply forgot about.

As we get older and life kicks in, we get so busy, life deals us hands that we weren’t prepared for and we just make the best of it and deal. We move forward. But as we’re moving forward, we tend to forget about our past dreams and goals.

That we once had when we were a child or even as a young adult. Of course we cant stay young forever and we know we’re adults. But as we’re being an adult. We forget to be carefree sometimes and dream, like a child. We forget that magic and miracles exist and they are possible.

We think just because our birthday comes around, that we are over the hill and that it’s to late. When in truth and reality it’s not over. We’re still alive, we’re still breathing. You ever see how little kids just use their imagination and creativity. We can learn a lot from these little angels.

We need to remember that we were once young too. We may not be able to go back to that age, but we can always revisit our childhood. Everything starts from there. I know for me, when I was young. I fell in love with the performing arts.

But my life took a detour when I was 14 and I lost my mom suddenly. I thought everything that I love to do and my dreams die along with my mom. I tried to write, sing, dance. But I lost my passion for it. I was devastated, I thought to myself , what am I going to do now. My mom was my biggest supporter and I lost that.

Little did I know…all was not lost. The thing is, that when God puts something in you, it can never be lost. He’ll bring it to the surface again and help you get your passion back for if that’s what you really want.

We are all born with talents and gifts and most of all purpose. It doesn’t matter how many years it took me to find my passion for it again. As long as I got it back, because I prayed for it. That’s what’s most important.

Ask and it is given…..

In my past life I think I was a composer, a performer, according to a test a took. I’m not shocked because of my passion and love for the arts and music. Anything creative touches my soul. What I started to do was revisit those things, that I loved to do when my mom was alive, so at 27, I joined a dance school.

I bought myself a pair of shoes and just went for it. I had fun. I was there 5 days a week after work. Dancing made me feel alive. I felt like I had a piece of my childhood back and a part of my soul, that was put on a shelf for so many years. But I felt born again and it felt so good to be able to express myself through dance.

I remember when I joined people asked me where did I train. I didn’t train anywhere. Yes I watched dance videos. It was just innate. I’ve always had rhythm. I’ve always love dancing, it came naturally. When I hear a beat, I automatically know how to move to it. I can’t really explain it.

It’s like when an artist creates musics and knows the bars and knows when to come in with their melody. Creatives hear differently. I may not be able to become a ballet dancer or performer, but it doesn’t mean I can’t take classes. I don’t want to be a singer in the media, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t still record a song and put it on iTunes one day.

I know ones things for sure, I can still write 😉. Writing as a child always brought me joy and it still does as an adult. To be able to create stories and touch people with words, is a gift and a blessing. Words have the power to uplift people, the way artist do with their music.

If there is something that you missed and loved doing as a child. Don’t be afraid to revisit that part of your life again. Your life is not over. That maybe the very thing that you need in your life, so that you can merely stop existing and start living!

Namaste! God is love !

It’s Ok To Admit You Want To Be In Love….

It’s ok to admit you want to be in love, God gave each and everyone of us the ability to love. It’s healthy to want love and to give love. When you do things out of love, out of passion, when someone makes it easy for you to love them it comes organically.

I’ve said It several times and I’m just going to keep on reiterating it….because some people just don’t get it…..love is not complicated people are. My first love we just wanted to love each other. We never had an argument, never disrespected each other, always made time for each other. The man lived in Atlanta and I saw him more times than someone who lives close to me.

We were best friends and although our lives took us in separate directions, the greatest most endearing compliment he gave me, was “I knew what to look for in my wife, because of the way you loved me”. I was happy for him, no jealousy, nothing.

The feeling was mutual. I know what I want in a man because of him and because I know who I am. Which is why I don’t date. I’ll know when he shows up. I’m not afraid to be alone and wait for true love. I know what good love feels like and I’m holding out for it.

I was never confused wondering how this man felt for me and how I felt for him. We said I love you and we showed it and felt it. He didn’t hold back on me on purpose and confuse me because he felt like it. He didn’t take my love or loyalty for granted. He was a man of his word and very consistent no matter how busy he was.

That’s because when two people know how to love, they don’t make it difficult. I was out shopping with a friend and I bought something for her that she didn’t expect it. It made me feel food the reaction she had, that I surprised her because we were both in the same store. It was nice to be able to give and do something for someone, knowing they would appreciate it.

In that moment I missed being able to have someone to be in love with, to buy things for. Just to see a smile on their face. I miss being able to cook for someone because I want to, not because they demand it. There are people out there who will appreciate your thoughtful gestures. People love to be around me, because I’m always doing something for them that they are not receiving at home.

They wished their spouse or significant other was as thoughtful. My friends joked and said can I clone you, but as a man, lol. Giving, receiving and loving is a two way street, remember that. I’m not ashamed to admit that I want to be in love and neither should you. We’ve all loved the wrong person at some point in our lives.. isn’t it time to love a good man or woman. I think so.

Until love comes, just continue to be you, do what brings your heart joy and know that God will complement your life with a beautiful love story ❤️

Everyone You Meet Is An Opportunity To Learn About Yourself, Others And To Grow

img_0064When I encounter other souls, I know that it’s not by happenstance. I know that they have crossed my path for a reason. And I’m always opened to knowing what that reason is for. It could be something that I need to learn. It could be an answer to one of my prayers.

Not everyone we met is meant to stay in our lives long-term. The problem comes in, when we try to make seasonal people stay long-term, when they simply have a job to do and exit. It doesn’t matter if a relationship last a couple of weeks, months or years. How we measure time is not how God measures times when we need to grow spiritually.

When it comes to men and the things they say to me and the things they do. I really do want to know why I’m met with such behavior. I say to myself what is it about me or them, that makes them act this way. Do I need to look deeper inside myself. Am I heavily guarded. Am I in my own way? I tend to meet extremely needy men. I mean extremely needy. And I wonder why my nurturing nature, they gravitate towards it.

I say to myself, I’m very self-sufficient, I can do things on my own, but it would be nice if my needs were met in my relationships. I see that these men, are reflecting what I need or want in a relationship. They are just mirroring me in some way. My needs are not being met and neither are theirs and that meeting these men, it’s ok for me to know where I stand and to get my needs met in a relationship.

Now I’m no fool sometimes people are straight-up assholes, lol. If I’m feel I’m being disrespected of course I’ll walk away or defend myself. Sometimes you can’t argue with a fool. Lol. Some people think because they are older than you, that they know everything. So I just let them talk because I know that’s their ego mind and not their spiritual self.

Sometimes people are who they are and whether we like it or not, everyone is entitled to feel how they want to feel, even if it makes no sense to us. Sometimes people are confused because they really don’t know how they feel and they need to sort out their feelings. It’s up to you whether or not you think they are worth it.

People simply need patience and understanding when it comes to feeling things that they never felt before, especially when it comes to love, in both giving and receiving. I tend to meet people who have a hard time trusting. Who have a hard time opening up. It’s so difficult getting though, it’s mentally exhausting.

No one has the type of time, men want from me. But they will make time to be intimate, but can’t express how they feel. Men never want to tell me where we stand. So I just walk away. It’s unfair to hold on to someone and not have clarity that they are seeking, and because you don’t want to give it to them for whatever reason. Sometimes you have to wonder, what are they hiding.

Every one should want to grow and evolve. We should all be striving to learn from one another and to change, more so for ourselves than others. It’s hard for people to grow in love when they have been burned so badly that they refuse to trust. It’s also no way to live either. Being so guarded all the time. Tension builds up in your heart.

You only also trust yourself and no one else’s feelings matter. You justify your mistrust with other people’s feelings. When your guarded, you feel attacked when a person wants answers. Everything becomes about you and what you want. Loyalty, trust and love is abused, simply because you want your way.

When you encounter such people, with such reluctance, ask yourself, what is it teaching you. Maybe you need to teach that person something. Maybe you can make a breakthrough. It’s gotta be pretty exhausting for one to have their guard up all the time. To not trust. You can’t invite love in with a close heart. You can’t grow. So learn, grow and evolve, it’s the only way to live life abundantly.

Relationship Advice For Noble Men

To all the good noble men out there, take a moment to listen to the advice I’m about to give you. Make sure you really take heed to what I’m about to say, because to be honest I’m tired of good men being taken advantage of by these selfish women.

I get flooded with emails from men who are being taken advantage of and it truly hurts my spirit, that you good men are going through this, because I’m a good woman and I’m tired of the back lash from men being so badly burned, that when they come across a good woman, they can’t even recognized the real from the fake.

Im tired of men putting me through the ringer when all I’m trying to do is be a friend, be supportive, show and give love, but I can’t get through to your wounded heart. I’m tired of good men shutting down, which causes a ripple effect for the woman to shut down. I’m tired of good men turning into bad men.

Men….. a good woman, who knows her role as your wife, as the mother of your child, as a woman of God,….needs you as her leader, her provider, her protector. A good woman, will not have a problem with you being the head of the your home, of your union and your partnership. That’s what God called you forth to be.

A woman who knows her role in your relationship, is going to see you as her equal as far as being one, but will not seek to be the man in your relationship. A woman who is confident, will not mind you taking the lead because she knows that, by you leading she gets to be a lady.

Men you know what you really need to do..be friends with a woman, that’s right I used the ‘F’ word. Be friends with a woman. I know you don’t like it. I know you think with your other head, but you gotta stop it! Seriously…… you gotta stop being blinded-sided by every beautiful woman you meet.

You gotta stop rushing to get a woman in bed….In the friend zone there are perks. If you see the potential for there to be more with a woman. You gotta be her friend first. In the friend state, that will show you and teach everything you need to know…

Men it’s all about your approach, if you are seeking a life partner, if you are friends with a woman, you’ll see if she’s the one. If you want to find out how domesticated she is, don’t date her at first, don’t sleep with her. Be her friend. See how she keeps her house. See how self-sufficient she is.

If you want to be invited to her home, don’t come as a man who’s lusting after her. If you are keep it to yourself. We know sex crosses your mind. No need to make it so obvious. Be genuine. Go over as her friend. Don’t be her friend to get in her pants. Really take time to get to know her. Stop getting blindsided by sex or a beautiful face and body.

Stop doing to many things to impress a woman and just be your plain simple selves. A woman like me or any other woman can tell when you are doing too much. Just relax. I had to tell someone I was friends with, this is how you impress a woman. I’m still mad he spent $200-$300 on a woman he didn’t love or just met.

Don’t do stupid shit like that, lol. You do that’s on a first date, she’s going to look at you like an ATM and expect you to keep that up. Not only that, you’ll feel used especially if she’s not giving you anything in return. Courting doesn’t have to be expensive. Offer a woman what’s in your heart, not whats in your pants or your wallet.

Men I understand you dated some bad women, gave your heart to the wrong one, spent money on the wrong woman. But don’t make a good woman pay for your indiscretions. A woman wants consistency and you have to give her that. The same way you love the wrong woman, do that for a good woman.

Know when you have a Queen in front of you. Don’t test her for no reason. If you do, soon she’ll walk away. A good woman that’s ready for love, does not have time to play games. If you are not sure of what you want. Let her go.

Men please stop trying to play catch up when you meet a good woman by rushing. I lost track of every guy I’ve met, who didn’t get what they wanted with the last woman, and now they feel they are running out of time and want to move things along so quick.

Living together, marriage and a family takes time. These are not things you rush into. Men please be a man of your word. Don’t string a good woman along and play with her heart or waste her time. You didn’t do it to the last one, who was wrong for you, so don’t do it to a good one.

I really do want you good men to find love and to be happy. Especially if you are doing the right thing. But you have to be friends with a woman first and be patient. If you want to be appreciated by a good woman, you have to take your time. Soon before you know it, the king will have his queen.

Good men, please don’t be afraid to be single and wait for the one. She’s out there and she will give you the love you deserve. Please, when you meet this woman, do not make her fight for a space in your heart and in your life. Recognize that she is rare. That there is only one of her.

Don’t confuse her or send her mix signals, no one is a mind reader. Please be a man of your word. Pick up the phone, call her, put in effort, make plans, see her. Show her you want to be with her. Don’t give her  your silence and be busy all the time and expect her to know that you love her and appreciate her by being M.I.A.

Don’t say ‘I love you” if you can’t back it up and don’t mean it. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and talk to her and share whats in your heart. Be emotionally available. Talk things out. Just know that there are good women out there, who are looking for the same thing you are looking for. True love does exist but Patience is a virtue!

Posted in Men.

Have Your Shit Together For You…Not For A Man Or A Woman

So many times when we are going through something and trying to get our life in order. We say “oh let me get my shit together for this woman or for this man”. No, get your shit together for you and only you. If you meet someone and you are going through something, if they don’t want to be there for you during your struggle, then they shouldn’t be there for your success.

I’m so tired of people not being there for one another, just because somebody is going through something. You mean to tell me, that just because someone doesn’t have a 9-5 or they work part-time or work from home or they don’t make six figures, that they are not worthy, that they can’t be friends with someone or they can’t be in a relationship?

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I understand that money is a part of the whole courting and dating, but it isn’t everything. Why are people so shallow. Just because someone is not where you think they should be, doesn’t mean you should write them off. There are ebbs and flows in life and for me, I notice that whenever I’m going through something and I meet someone, if I even hint around that I’m dealing with something.

It shows that persons true character about how they feel about me. God is showing me, who’s not for me. Men are doing to women, what women have been doing to men for decades. Writing them off because of money or not having their own material things or property that they think one should have at a certain age.

You never know what happened in someone’s life and why they are where they are. There are so many free things one can do. Whatever happen to enjoying someone’s company and getting to know them and just enjoying spending time together, because you like them and want to get to know them. Why does everything have to be wrapped up in money.

I’ve met men that after a few conversations or after meeting one time, they want me to help them with their bills. I’m like say what now?? WTF!!! I don’t even know you or love you like that to share my money with you. We just met…..slow down.

Everything that I’m working on and doing is for me and my future and my security and if I happen to meet a man and we have the same goals in life and love each other, enough to share our lives and everything else than so be it. But I’m not getting my shit together for some man.

As much as I want love. There are no guarantees. There is no blueprint that says once you have things in order, that the right man or woman will appear. Why do I need to have things lined up, for someone else to enjoy the fruits of my labor. How do I even know you are worth it?!

Have your shit together so you can feel good about the goals and accomplishments you set forth in your life. Don’t ever think that having things in order that someone will love you, because you have all these things. They are fleeting! You can have your shit together and realize that that person, only wants you for the things you have and not for you as a person.

2017 is almost here and we really need to get back to REAL LOVE and being GENUINE. I ask myself, why is everybody so selfish now a days, wanting something… Sex, money, material possessions, a mother, a sugar daddy,a maid, a baby. Is this really why some people want to be in a relationship?? Because if so this is sad especially when its done for all the wrong reasons.

 

Artista Destacado: Cameron Evans…Saxofón Artista Y Compositor… Artista Para Ver Y Seguir

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Cameron Evans, si no sabes su nombre, deberías o mejor preguntárselo a alguien. Porque este talentoso nombre de saxofonista, definitivamente te escucharán en el futuro. Escuché por primera vez a Cameron jugar en Allen McNeils pista “I Miss It” de Allen McNeils “Carte Blanche” Álbum y he estado esperando para escuchar más de este jugador de saxofón en ascenso.

Así que decidí ver si Cameron estaba en las redes sociales. Cuando lo encontré y vi lo joven que era, yo era como esperar un minuto! Disculpe! Este talentoso joven tiene sólo 19 años y juega así!! Dios Mio!! Pensé que mis oídos y ojos me engañaban, LOL . Todo lo que podía hacer es sacudir la cabeza con asombro y sonrisa!

Cameron juega como si estuviera en el juego por más de 30 años. Cameron no sólo es un saxofonista increíble. También es un compositor de música. Cameron compuso esta hermosa canción por sí mismo. No es todos los días que se encuentra con un joven que puede jugar con tanta profundidad, con tal alma, con tal emoción a sólo 19 años de edad.

Yo estaba esperando a ver un chico mayor, LOL. Pero la edad no tiene nada que ver con el talento y cuando se bendice con un regalo dado por Dios. Eso es exactamente lo que es BENDECIDO! Cameron es simplemente increíble y toca tan hermoso en el saxofón soprano.

Cuando escuché a otro artista favorito mío, el legendario Allen McNeil del grupo TROOP de R & B lanzó otro álbum “Flaunt it” y vi el nombre de Cameron otra vez en la pista “Dwelling Place”. El título suena tranquilo. Es sólo la energía y el ambiente que se obtiene de las palabras. Me dije a mí mismo que esto va a ser bueno. Yo tenía razón. Estaba más allá de lo bueno. Fue simplemente increíble! Me enamoré aún más de esta canción y de este talentoso talento de saxofón.

Oí a Cameron Jugar en “I miss it”, pero en “Dwelling Place”, es más profundo y tiene más partes en solitario, la apertura, durante y el cierre. Escuchar a Cameron tocar el saxofón a lo largo de toda la canción, fue una delicia. Es dichoso! En “lo extraño”. Allen Lleva la pista con su voz sensual y Cameron lo complementa aquí y allá. Él nos burla en esta pista con su saxo. Pero en lugar de morada, Allen dejó que Cameron realmente hiciera lo suyo. Se complementaron entre sí y yo lo amo por eso!

12079631_456376117879881_6978425056839735328_nSi tienes un buen aprecio por la música y eres un verdadero amante de la música. Le encantará “Dwelling Place” por Cameron Evans Con Allen McNeil. Usted se enamorará de el. Es una de esas canciones que tocarás una y otra vez. “Es simplemente relajante, que te hará sentarse y pensar en donde has estado”. Esta canción es la bendición de mi vida ahora.

Esta canción te llevará en una ola de emociones y nunca querrás que la música te suelte. Tengo mis partes favoritas de esta canción. Como el “Trill” en 1:57 a 2:07. Usted se sentirá que en lo profundo dentro de sus células y sentirás la música pulsando a través de su cuerpo, Pero tienes que ser intuned. Esta es una pista de 3:59, pero se siente como la eternidad!

Tu mente tiene que estar abierta para apreciar esta hermosa música. Cameron elogia la vocal sensual melódica de Allen tan perfectamente. Cuando Allen dice “Dwelling Place y simplemente relajante, relajante ” Cameron no se pierda una nota con su saxo y él está en sincronía con el ritmo de Allens y su música. Tienes que tener un buen oído para fluir con un artista, como él canta y Cameron hace eso…con la perfección!

Incluso la parte solista de Cameron forma la apertura de 49 segundos, sus oídos y su mente se expanden. La música como esta es simplemente divina. Uno sólo puede estar agradecido a Dios por el don de la música. La pista de jazz contemporáneo infundido con R & B es simplemente hermoso.

Usted estará en la nube 9. De. 1:10 a 1:32. Es una delicia. Puedo escuchar a Cameron jugar todo el día y tengo! Vaya y descargue “Flaunt It” y escuche “Dwelling place” Usted se preguntará por qué no lo ha hecho mucho antes.

12661764_489112431272916_6440055865766916143_nCuando Cameron llega a la nota alta @ 3:27 y 3:30. Dios mío! Éxtasis puro !!! Y la forma en que termina la canción con la voz de Allen y la música. Realmente no puedo tener suficiente de estos dos. Estoy tan contento que decidieron colaborar en esta canción. Esta es una canción que es un partido hecho en el cielo de la música.

Espero que estos dos artistas continúen haciendo música hermosa juntos porque seguro que disfruto escuchando. Soy adicto! No puedo tener suficiente de él! Esta pista es tan diferente de la Allen McNeil que todos estamos acostumbrados a TROOP. Allen definitivamente puede mantener su propia cuando se trata de hacer diferentes tipos de géneros de música.

Quién sabía que el hombre amaba el jazz. Cuando escuché por primera vez “lo extraño” y él infundió el saxo de Cameron en su pista.

Me enamoré aún más con el inmenso talento y el talento artístico de Allen como músico. Has escuchado su álbum Hybernation y Carte Blanche Y ahora Flaunt it. Allen es simplemente increíble como un vocalista, un bailador y músico y sigue sorprendiéndonos y nos hace enamorarnos de R & B y creer en el amor de nuevo. Álbum tras álbum. El hombre consigue dormir, LOL. Mantenga el venir !!! Por favor, no pares!

Allen Necesitas hacer más jazz. Espero que lo incluyas en tu álbum de baladas, que estás lanzando este invierno. Esta es una solicitud de fan de música. R & B y jazz, cómo se puede ir mal? No puedes. La última vez que escuché tocar el saxofón fue por Kenny G y Grover Washington fuera de  Jeffrey Osborne’s, Only Human album on the song title “Lay your head on my shoulder“.

Cameron definitivamente puede colgar con estos veteranos y jugar con los mejores de ellos. 

La música como esta es reflexiva. Te hace apreciar realmente el don de Dios de la música. Ha salido la chispa en su relación? Jugar “Dwelling Place” para su amante. Miren el uno al otro. Se le recordará lo que se siente al ser amado de nuevo, para hacer el amor. Estás peleando? Juega esta dulce y pacífica pieza hermosa de jazz R & B.

Escuche a Cameron en el saxofón y la voz sensual de falsete de Allen. Deja que alivie tu mente. Tu probablemente olvidará que estaba discutiendo sobre 🙂 lol. La música tiene una manera de reunir a los amantes. Perdí a un amigo después de escuchar esta canción :). El poder de la música. Cómo toca nuestra alma.

Algo tan hermoso como esta canción. Cómo puede uno permanecer loco y no perdonar. Dios nos perdona y nos dio el don de la música y los instrumentos porque nos ama tanto, para sanar nuestros corazones y almas y unirnos a través del canto.

Esta es una estrella en ascenso de talento, que está empezando y no puedo esperar a escuchar lo que sale con el siguiente. Tengo ganas de ser un fan de por vida, con este talentoso joven que es una estrella por derecho propio!! Espero que Dios bendiga este viaje a través de la música para los años venideros.

Your Vulnerability Is Your Strength

8595c40c840c6cb04f2448a7079d5246A lot of people think that being vulnerable makes you seem weak. When actually it’s the opposite. Being vulnerable is where your strength lies. It’s where your beauty is. There is love and strength in vulnerability. It’s the only way to let your emotions be free.

It’s the only way to surrender, so that others can be themselves and feel free to love. It’s hard to love someone and be there for them, when they have a closed heart. When they refuse to express themselves to you. When they refuse to be vulnerable.

Ever try to get through to someone who has so many walls up. It’s exhausting trying to figure them out. Ever have up your own guard. Notice how tight and tense your body feels. Sometimes you may even feel a tightness in your chest as you try to suppress your emotions.

Overtime, suppressing your emotions is learned behavior from the people in our lives who don’t make us feel safe to express ourselves. This stems from childhood, if you didn’t have supportive parents, friends or family. Even in your intimate relationships.

I’ve been told several times by some men that they don’t want to deal with a womans problems or hear about it. Thats why I’m careful about opening up. But I know that that’s not true, because there are men who will listen to a woman and support her emotionally and be her anchor. Thats just those particular individuals who don’t want to deal with a womans emotions, so they ghost.

We can always tell when someone has their guard up. Even when they are talking, even when there is dead silence, doesn’t matter how many miles away. We feel their energy. We know when something is not right. Thats when our minds tells us telepathically something doesn’t feel right. We reach out and we try to get some answers.

When the veil is finally lifted, and the person lets down their guard, we can see their true beauty in their hearts. They are relaxed, they are able to express themselves. When someone is heavily guarded, it even throws us off and makes us feel like we did something. That energy is not for us to take on.

I was hurting about something a few months ago and I was trying not to cry, trying not to feel, I was trying to be strong for someones else and I just couldn’t. Until my niece told me it was ok to cry. I had just lost my sister. I realized my mom did this. suppress her own emotions just to be strong for every one else, to the point that it weighed on her heart and she passed away, so young too.

I know that it’s ok for me to express myself. It’s ok for me to feel. If I feel the need to express my feelings to someone I will. If something doesn’t make me feel good. I’m going to speak on it. I’m not going to suppress my vulnerability because someone doesn’t want to deal with it. Or they don’t have time to think about what I’m going through.

If the people in your life don’t want to be there for you and your vulnerability makes them feel uncomfortable. They don’t deserve to be in your life. No one is made of steel. vulnerability is a beautiful thing. It means you have a heart. It means your compassionate. It means that your authentic and real. Most of all….It means your human.

Don’t Fuck Up A Good Thing!

08ca2e27411eafa05828e868a96a1a3c.jpgSorry graphic language ahead……. The title of this post sounded funny in my head, but it’s true, men and women…. Don’t fuck up a good thing. If you know you have someone who is rare, who is passionate, who loves deeply and hard, someone who has your back. Why would you be stupid and fuck that up??

I don’t understand men who say they want a certain type of woman and then when she shows up. It’s too much. I think for me, most men are “in love with the idea of me” because when I’m live in the flesh, it’s like oh shit! That’s a lot of woman right there. What the hell am I going to do with all that??  Damn you mean I gotta work for that??

Don’t let me speak my mind, forget it, all of a sudden I’m sassy, I got an attitude and I’m argumentative. Truth is most men don’t know what to do with a woman like me… they don’t.. I know I’m A LOT. But in a good way, that’s because I’m passionate… I’m always hearing I’m too much and I’ll always be too much for a man who is not ready to step up and love me the way I need to be loved.

I’m not going to fall for any ol bullshit a man throws at me. It may sound nice and to think “oh wow, I want a woman who is this way, I want a loyal woman, I want a woman who cooks, who appreciates me. Who gives a damn about my feelings, who supports me. I mean who wouldn’t want the ideal perfect person? But what happens when a woman like that shows up?

Did you not think that you would have to put in some effort with this type of woman? Did you know think your words, would have to be followed up with some actions and accountability? Oh wait a minute, that’s too much work right??!!

Oh….. you thought she was just going to hand over her goods for nothing and that you didn’t have to put in time…oh my bad, you must have me mistaken for a 20-year-old. Men why don’t you try this… you know all that effort you put into loving, caring and doing for the wrong woman? Wining and dining and wooing her, all that romance.. Why don’t you try putting that same effort into loving the right woman.

Did a light bulb just go off?? I think it did…that sounds like a bright idea… doesn’t it??!! Rare people don’t stick around for very much long. Don’t confuse their patience with thinking you have time to get your shit together and that they’ll always be around.

8376eb3d70bb3a3be8c7b351d13708c8.jpgIf you have a good woman in your life, don’t mess it up and let her get away. I’m tired men contacting me years and years later trying to see if I’m single. Trying to bring me on TV because they realize they fucked up. Sorry, if I wasn’t good enough for you back then, then I’m not good enough for you now. Don’t try to see if we can have something now. Oh you ready to settle down now and not play games. You’re done sticking everything that has legs and a hole in it.

Ok you realize you were stupid, that’s nice. I’m glad you had an epiphany but it’s to late bro. See ya….I’m one of those women that if I choose, to have you in my life and it’s my choice, you should feel privilege. And this goes both way. I’m not above any one, I’m just above bullshit! I know me, I know a man can benefit from having a woman like me in his corner, as his friend and maybe his life partner.

I know myself…I know what I want… this is why I don’t date…no need for me to date multiple men to find the one. When he shows up, I’ll know….I know what I bring to the table… I don’t waste people’s time so I would appreciate if my time is not wasted. I’m a woman who’s not afraid to be alone. It would be nice to share my life with someone but don’t be an asshole.

Don’t tell me you appreciate my love, my loyalty or whatever I do for you and it’s just words. If you do, reciprocate, show me some love too, STOP TALKING SHIT! STOP WASTING MY TIME… don’t text it or email it in. Call me, let me hear you. Let me see you…What is the problem with showing how you feel?? I think people just express themselves how they feel comfortable.

I wish at times, we weren’t so glued to our devices. It makes it hard to decipher whats real. No tone, no voice. just words…We forget to make human contact. The same with affection. When one doesn’t show affection we feel neglected, like someone else is getting whats suppose to be ours.

If your significant other is not being intimate with you. Of course you’ll think there is someone else. All I know is that I’m a good woman and others know it too…I’m not perfect but I’m a good person. And that’s I strive to be, evolve, to work on myself and my life every day. but like I said if you know you have something good, don’t f**k it up!

In the words of Steve Harvey “there’s only one of you” A man may meet someone prettier, younger, someone who gives it up right away… who has money, but they will never be you. They will never have your light love and energy. You my darling deserve the best love there is in this world 🙂

Men, You Can Be Busy….It’s Your Inconsistency That We Don’t Like

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Communication…. Communication…. Communication…. How very important it is… When it comes to any relationship. A friend of mine asked me to write an article about, “why when a man is busy, why does a woman think it’s another woman?” Hmmm..

I wonder did he read what he just wrote before he wrote it?? LOL…..  The same way a man think it’s another man, when a woman just drops off the face of the earth and doesn’t respond or her energy changes..

Not once does a man stop to think. Is my actions making her feel insecure? If so, let me acknowledge that, because if I love this woman, I do not want to make her feel insecure about anything. Let me communicate with her, give her my time. Especially if that’s all she’s asking for. When your significant other does not feel right about something, you should feel it, especially if they are reaching out to you.

No one likes to feel ignored or invisible, whether it’s on purpose or not. People want to know they matter. People don’t want their time wasted and if someone takes time out of their life, that they can never get back, it would be respectful and considerate to acknowledge them and respond. At least say something not just NOTHING at All.

What men fail to realize is that, it’s their inconstancy that raises a red flag. It just does and vice versa. When someone shows you a side of themselves and then they just stop. You’re left wondering. Whats going on? When their words don’t equal their actions. You wonder. When someone stops calling you out of nowhere, doesn’t respond to any communication for weeks or doesn’t come by to see you, what would you think?? La otra mujer….or he’s just not interested.

When a man/woman acts likes he’s so into you then stops, you’re like ok, someone else has your time. Because why would you just STOPPED! and expect me to think, oh he/she is just busy, NO. That’s not realistic. you can’t tell someone you love them 4 times a year and expect them to feel it, when you have not spoken to them or seen them, what planet are we living on, where they do that at???

When a man tells me he loves me, I expect him to show it, I expect to see and hear from him ….. Men…don’t you want a woman to show you that she loves and appreciates you? Suppose your woman ignored all your communication. You wouldn’t like it. You wouldn’t think, oh my lady is just busy..BULLSHIT!! LOL… You better answer the got damn phone or acknowledge my communication, lol… Don’t lie and say you would be that understanding.

Not only that, when you don’t hear from someone, you worry, it’s normal. A man being with a woman is the last thing that pops up, if I don’t hear from you in days. I’m like is this person ok? I think we should appreciate those who take time out, to show they care and check up on us. Not ignore them and brush them off. Not take their love for granted because not everyone is going to be like that.

When I put in time with someone, I’m expecting to give it a shot if it’s mutual, if not, I’ll move on, but don’t make me think we have something, when we don’t because you can’t make up your mind. Do not confuse me. It’s not right or fair. Communicate with me. Me and my male friend, we get a long great when we talk, I think we could be great partners in business (and maybe some other areas) but this attraction thing is getting in the way.

Men sometimes really do not think about their actions and how it may make a woman feel. Silence and no communication does not tell me, that you love and care about me. That doesn’t tell me our love is solid and that we have something special by you ignoring me. Women equate time, no matter how long or short it is, with how much a man cares and loves them and his effort.

How am I or any other woman suppose to know, if a man cares by his silence. By his mystery. By his lack of acknowledgment when a woman reaches out. Ok, I send you a text, no response… a couple of hours go by, if you don’t text, you can call. But neither?!  It’s not like you have to respond to everything but NOTHING at all. Really?!

I recall one time I didn’t answer the phone and It was 4 am and my friend thought I went to go have a quickie, LOL. I was shocked by this, especially since we didn’t even meet yet….I realized this man was not thinking of me as a “friend”. I did not answer and all of sudden I was sleeping with someone. I say that to say, our thoughts or insecurities get the best of us. He was so used to me picking up the phone.

I wish I could say the same because he never answers, that’s why I don’t call. He said to me one time, when I have to get off the phone or don’t answer, you must think I’m with someone and I said actually I don’t. If we’re friends, my mind shouldn’t even be going there. I believe it’s exactly what he says. I believe a person and trust,…. until you show me different. If you don’t want me to think a certain way, don’t switch up on me, don’t be inconsistent with me.

I know how this sounds, like a one-sided relationship and your exactly right,…funny thing is, I’m not in a relationship with this guy, LOL…but there is something in the air, I wish I knew what it was, lol… I can’t be in a relationship with a man who refuses to acknowledge my communication or my feelings and just act like I don’t exist. I CAN’T be in a relationship with a man who wants everything his way and only see’s his POV.

A relationship consist of two people, mutual reciprocity, communication, which I am very big on. When you’re in a relationship, you make time to see each other, not string each other along.. I don’t like things lingering. If we have a misunderstanding, lets talk it out. Let me know where I stand. If you say you love me, SHOW IT! Don’t just SAY IT! Your words and actions need to coincide with one another.

Don’t expect me to know you love me. When I havent heard from you in WEEKS and have not SEEN you in MONTHS! That’s not a relationship, Darling….Especially in this day and age when we are all connected to our phones and we text and we don’t get a response back to anything. Unless it’s what they want to respond to. I have goals too and I’m busy too, aren’t we all. No one is above anybody.

But you have plenty of people who are busy and MAKE time, because they want to. A real woman will respect a busy man. He’s out there grinding. I prefer a busy man, because my ex was a lazy SOB, lol. He had to go, but a busy man can not neglect his woman (or family) and expect her loyalty and for her to know they have something solid. Men you must communicate, stop making excuses for neglecting your woman.

Ok so your consistent at being inconsistent?? Hmmm (insert confused emoji face, lol) at least there’s some consistency right??!! LOL Right?? Wrong!…

It’s not far-fetched for you to think, maybe they moved on. Men accuse me all the time of sleeping with someone and not being celibate or dating or having male friends, and I’m not even dating these men, lol. They can’t understand why I’m single and think I’m lying. Can you see why I’m single, because I don’t want an inconsistent man. Funny thing is, they are the ones who are married or taken.

For me that’s a last resort a man having someone else. A man can be busy, it’s his inconsistency that I don’t like or want. I was telling my friend, he’s not the only busy person in the world. We make time for people that we really want to talk to or spend time with. We’re all on our grind to make a way for ourselves in this world. Time is precious but that’s not all life is about.

I know when a man is avoiding me or when something is off, it can’t be work 24/7. This very same man spent 4 hours on the phone with me, emailed me, texted me, right away and called me back when he said. He was a man of his word, even 10 times in one day and we laughed about it, so please, don’t give me that “busy card” I’m not trying to hear it, LOL. Really, that’s not going to fly with me.

I understand it can’t be this way all the time, two people would have to be rich and have time on their hands to do so, but that’s not what I want, someone who doesn’t have a life. It’s like if we’re going to be together , you have to put in effort. I can’t be the only one communicating and trying to see you, of course I’m going to think, you’re with someone. Anybody would especially if you act like you can’t make any time for me AT ALL!!!

I need a man to be a man of his word. Just the same way a man wants a woman, to be a woman of her word and to have her loyalty. You can’t do the least amount of work and expect the most out of a relationship or one that hasn’t even started yet. You can’t ask of someone to do and be something that you are not yourself. You can’t be selfish!

If you can’t be the man or woman that a person needs you to be,….if you can’t love them the way they need to be loved…if you can’t keep your word and your word is your bond, followed by action…if you can’t be consistent with your emotions and make an effort with your time, if you can’t make that person feel love and feel special and make them a priority at times….by all means please do not waste their time.

Do not string them along. Let them know whats the deal and where they stand. They deserve it. Do not stand in the way of someone else coming into their life and loving them the way they deserve, because you want to be selfish. If you have a good thing.. act like you know and man and woman up.. before someone else steps in and takes away someone who is rare and genuine.

Stop Playing Games And Just Let Me Love You — Thought Catalog

mespilmanThis might scare you, but I know what you’re capable of. I know you’re capable of something real. I know that if you honestly wanted to, you could be an incredible partner for someone. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’ve always felt potential when you walk in the room; maybe not always…

via Stop Playing Games And Just Let Me Love You — Thought Catalog

SongVersations: Love The Pain Away, By The Legendary Jeffrey Osborne

fullsizeoutput_1cf0I was listening to the legendary soul crooner Jeffrey Osborne  song, Love The Pain Away, off his album, Music Is life. I love this song because Jeffrey recognizes how strong a womans love is. He admits that he’s hurting in some areas of his life, financially (which is hard for a man to admit) and he’s not afraid to admit that he’s man and human enough and needs the love of his woman.

We all know that there are a lot of women (and men) that when you are struggling financially, they will leave you and make you feel like a failure. Everybody needs someone to be there for them, especially their mate when times get hard.

A good man will do everything in his power to provide for his woman and his family and when they can’t do that. It hurts them so deep, like Jeffrey sings about. It’s hard enough a man is struggling and his pride and ego get the best of him, but there is nothing like a having a good woman by your side to let you know, “I got you and I’m not leaving you, we’re in this together”.

Jeffrey wants his woman to have the best, but he must know that his woman loves him for him, whether he makes 20k or 20 million. Jeffrey needs his woman to love the pain away. Seeing his woman and hearing his womans voice just makes it all better, after he has had a long day out there grinding. He knows that had it not been for the love of his woman and how fortunate he is to have her love, he would have gone insane.

Isn’t that what we all need, that special loving man or woman, to love the pain away. Someone to hold us and touch us at the end of the day. Life can seem so unreal at times. It’s a good feeling when you are not left alone or abandoned because you are going through hard times. I’ve been there as a woman, a man cutting out on me. “Yeah, you love me, ok. But you’re M.I.A”.

As a woman, this shouldn’t be. This is why a woman doesn’t trust a man to lead or provide.  If you love me, you would be there for me, supporting me in any way, not just monetarily. I’m not sure whats happening to men now a days, not being a provider or protector or lending emotional support to a good woman and they want to switch roles.

There’s nothing wrong with admitting you want love and need someone. The world can seem so unreal and cold and there’s nothing like having someone in our life that loves unconditionally. That ask how our day was and means it. Not how much money you have and can I go shopping. But some men will cater to this type of  materialistic woman, but leave a good woman to struggle. If that’s not some backward B.S. I don’t know what is!

41lvajs9mflEven in his song, I’ll do it all for love, off his album, “Thats For Sure” he’s sings  “just sitting here thinking about cha, thinking about cha, he talks about hopping on a plane so fast to be there for the love of his woman. He’s in a long distance relationship. How many of us have done that? You can admit it… even if it didn’t work out but it was worth a try. When you love someone you want to be where they are. You can’t stand to be away from them.

My favorite lyrics from this song is ” I feel the fire slowly burning in my veins, so much emotion driving me insane. No womans ever made me feel this way, but aint nothing wrong with that. My heart is reaching stretching out in search of yours, just say the word and girl, I’m out the door and I’ll jump on the first plane headed for, the chance to be in your arms, for you love baby, I’m willing to sacrifice, to have you here in my life, won’t think twice, I’ll do it all for love”.

Jeffrey can we clone you :). LOL. Where are men like this?!! Jeffrey is old school, that’s why I love him dearly, because men now a days don’t think like this. Jeffrey always give me hope with his music that love does exist. Love and romance are missing from todays music and todays relationships. Men don’t have time to be consistent but they want the most, with the least amount of effort. Well go find a naive woman who will put up with your inconsistency.

It’s not even a question he will make sacrifices in the name of love. When a man has a good woman and he knows it. He’s not going to be an idiot. lol and mess it up. He’s going to go get his woman before someone else comes in and scoops her up. For he knows that a woman like her is rare, and doesn’t come around every day and the choices out there are few and far in between.

Jeffrey is a passionate Pisces soul balladeer.. .born of a rare and different breed. You can hear his emotions in every lyric..Good lord that voice, will give you chills….his music and voice is timeless. If Jeffrey Osborne is missing from your music collection, something is clearly wrong.

I’ve been listening to Jeffrey since before I was born, LOL. My mom played him so much. I was born loving his music and it has been in my DNA ever since. I suggest you listen to his music. It will put the spark in your love life, that you’ve been missing and waiting for.

Lost hope for love, buy Jeffrey Osborne’s music, because music is life and music is what love feels like!

Reflection And Action: Surrender….Before 2017 Kicks In

Gods_TimingAs 2017 approaches, everyone is making new years resolutions that they can’t keep.. this happens every year as we try to set goals and plan our way through life. Then when we don’t meet those expectations that we put on ourselves we feel like failures.

Before 2017 kicks in, you can do some reflecting. You can make small changes right now. Why wait until the new year kicks in. If something not working out for you in certain areas of your life. Let it go. Is it time to let go of an almost relationship with someone. Feelings not being returned? Why hold on?

Truth is, if it’s that easy to not care and be ignored you know where you stand. Don’t try to make something into nothing, when you know in your heart whats the deal. Time to start de-cluttering your life in every way possible, with things and people.

Time to let go of toxic relationships? Just do it. Time to stop being so forgiving and understanding towards people who don’t deserve your loyalty. Just do it! Life is too short to waste it on people who don’t give a damn.

Tired of everything being one-sided. Find a way to let it go. If something doesn’t feel right and you have to question it or feel like you’re being led by a string, then let that person go. It’s not the end of the world, if someone doesn’t return your love, communication or anything else that you give.

Theres someone out there, somewhere, who will love you and appreciate all that you are and all that you have to give. It will not be that difficult.

Tired of apologizing and making amends with people who don’t feel the need to be sorry or if they are being selfish…and don’t care how their actions affect another person. Let those types of people go. Drop the dead weight, your heart needs you to.

2016 has been something, so many losses.. I feel like damn can I get a break. I’m ready for 2017 to get here. I just want to be happy and healthy and have genuine people in my life and start a new career. I deserve love we all do. Love is healing…. God always shows you, who’s there for you and who isn’t.

Cherish those relationships with people who take time to talk to you, call you and hear your voice and even see you because they care. No one is promised tomorrow. Know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance or someone just passing by. Not everyone is meant to stay long-term. They are just seasonal.

Want to be more healthy, make small changes, don’t wait. Whatever you want, just make up your mind that you want it and work towards it. If you decide later on in life, it’s not for you, it’s ok to walk away. It doesn’t mean you are a failure for putting something down and letting go. You tried, it didn’t work out, move on no matter how hard you may think it is.

In 2017 surrender more…….I’ll say it again… surrender more.….. It’s the only way to let God work his miracles in your life, with faith and trust that he has your back always and he will reveal things you can not see and put people in your path that love and respect you and honor you. Trust in him always!

When God Needs To Spend Time With You

d0a4647dae065031e8503ea35f9b5fe8Here it is 3 am, I know I gotta get up at 4:50 am.. but I just had to come on here and share my thoughts with you guys, because I never know who might need it. God is telling me to share, don’t hold back.

You are a light in the world and somebody needs you and your message. Words are a gift that I gave you.

Isn’t that a wonderful feeling 🙂

I got out of bed, looked up peeked out the window “the sky is calm, the stars are bright’ (one of my favorite lines from the song spread my wings, performed by the legendary R&B group TROOP) There was one in particular star shining so bright, I felt it was for me.

Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, I know I have things that are worrying me a bit. The holy spirit will wake me up in the middle of the night. I can hear God saying, ok my child, it’s time for you to talk to me, to spend some one on one.

Some times I think I bother God, LOL. I can’t keep my mind quiet, LOL. I’m praying all the time. well when you’re a person of faith, you pray…. Truth is, I’m not. because God is not a person. You can only bother people, but not God. You can always bring, all your troubles to him and even when you don’t have anything to worry about. Just to say thank you!

I realized at times, I get overwhelmed that’s because I feel alone. God never intended for us to do EVERYTHING by ourselves. When I was at work, someone overheard me talking about moving. And told me about a rental. I said could this be the answer to my prayers. Instantaneously I felt happy.

I was hit out of nowhere that I have to move and in such short notice and I’m like not again. Really….I was thinking #$%#…when am I going to catch a break. I’m so tired. Here we go again. How am I going to do this. Not only that, my other job ended and I was like ok, don’t panic.

I’m going to get another job this week. I affirmed those words in faith prayed about it, and surrendered. And when I woke up the next day I got called for another job. You can not tell me God is not faithful and answers prayers. Because mines got answered right away.

I’m like ok God, where ever you lead me, I’ll follow because your word is the gospel.

The person needing to rent out their space needed help. It seems sincere, but of course I have to check it out. As I listen to people pour their hearts out to me at work and apologize for it. Truth is, everybody has a story, we all need to help one another. Everyone needs someone to listen to them. So they don’t feel alone.

Everybody is trying to stay afloat and have faith and that’s the one thing I do have. Is faith! Yes we all have doubts in life, but it’s how you handle those doubts and what you learn from them. Faith is all I have and it’s all I’ll ever have and need. No luck here. Just faith and Gods timing.

I know God will not forsake me and all I need to do is breathe and let go and everything that I want and everything that is meant for me, will be for me. The same with love. You guys knows my love life sucks, LOL. You see how annoyed I am, because I don’t understand what keeps coming at me, that’s not real.

2017 is approaching and everything that I ever wanted, I have to believe it’s mine to have, because God said so. I know God has been keeping me in his safe cocoon. I know that he has someone special for me, that I don’t have to doubt their love for me and make me question how they feel, because I’m a good person and I’m special because he said so.

I know that I deserve everything this life has to offer that is good, because I’m a good person. Of course there will be mountains to climb over but the sunset at the top, will be beautiful and it will be worth it.  Until then, I’ll be loving and growing in faith daily and always.

Have that walk with God and Have that talk with God. It’s needed daily to get through this beautiful thing we call life. Be grateful you woke up today, because as we know some do not. This has been some year….to many things have happened, that would make one go crazy and scream to the top of their lungs….but no need to fret.. I have faith always!!! And so should you…NAMASTE!!!

When life Has You Doubting Yourself

I consider myself to be a pretty confident woman. I think about things I say, I reread things and I trust that when I say something, I’m standing in my truth. I sent an email to two friends of mine, one a woman and the other a man. But the email I sent to the man.

I read it over before I sent it, I even edited some words as I felt it was unnecessary and for some strange reason, people think I’m being sarcastic when I’m not. That’s the thing about words, you come to your own conclusion about what some one is saying , since you can’t hear them.

So I read it over again and sent it. But when I went back into my sent mail. I said to myself. I should not have sent that. Reason is, is because lately life has me doubting a lot of things. It’s hard to decipher, who’s genuine. Who’s your real friend. I wonder why do people say one thing and do another.

How do people change on you that quick with no explanation out of nowhere. Then you question what did I do?. Actually you didn’t do anything, its just them. People can change just that quick. Life has been throwing me some major curve balls and I’m like damn again.

Everytime I think I made the right decision I get hit with something. Then thats when the doubts come in. I’m doing alot on my own and I’m exhausted. Noone should be dealing with so much on their own. I don’t care who you are we all need somebody. But I have no choice but to move forward.

I wonder why won’t anyone help me. Even with the smallest things. I feel like I can’t get a break, one step forward 7 steps back.

I realize that having doubts is not a bad thing. We all should have doubts. We all should weigh the pros and cons. Having doubts makes you question things. Having doubts helps you get clear about what you really want. Having doubts helps you to decide, who you should have in your life and who you should let go.

It makes you question. Is this relationship really worth my time? Truth is you have to love people from a distance and not everybody deserves the friend title. I know I do, LOL 🙂 because I’ve proven myself to be a loyal trustworthy genuine person. I trust until people give me a reason not to trust. I love and choose love even when it’s the hardest to give. But I have my limits.

Truth is not everybody wants to make time to deal with someone else. I know that having doubts lets me know that it’s ok to be selfish. I’m not the type, with certain people to look at my phone and ignore someone communicating with me. But other people are. I don’t take 5 weeks or months to respond to someone. I’m busy, but I’m not that busy.

When it comes to men, they are selective in what they respond to. As 2017 approaches I don’t want to have selective people in my life. I don’t want one-sided relationships. If I make time to reach out to you, I want the same back. I want genuine people in my life, who are passionate and love hard and support me, just as much as I support them. Not when it’s convenient.

Sometimes I make the mistake of thinking everybody is like me. That people will treat me the way I treat them but truth and reality is, not every one is like me, in a sence and that’s ok. I’m glad doubts come up when it’s necessary, because it shows me who I should keep in my life and who I should let go of.

Also doubts help you learn things from others aswell. If someone does something you don’t like, you need to ask yourself, why is this person being this way with me. For instance when it comes to time. I know that I give people my time, when I have time but it’s not always the other way around.

If I give people time out of my life. I should get the same back. If I don’t from particular people, then it’s time to stop giving these people my time. It’s clear that they don’t feel the need to respond for whatever reason. And time is the one thing that we can not get back. So if someone doesn’t think I’m worth it.

That’s fine, then I have to stop thinking they are worth it too. I have to stop being loyal since they are not. I know that God will send people in my life that will respect my loyalty and my time. It’s not a good feeling when you reach out to someone and they look at their phone and they just don’t respond, no consideration. For whatever reason.

I have to learn to just brush it off and if it’s meant to be it will be. Mean while I appreciate the people who are busy and they get back to me and it’s not personal. I realize that doubts with men. I should have them and for good reason.

If these doubts don’t make me feel good, it’s teaching me something and I know I have to look within. I know the type of respect and love I deserve. So when you have doubts, trust them, they’re also your intuition talking to you. I learn to trust my doubts and embrace them, they are there to protect me.

Every Woman Deserves A Man Who Feels This Way About Her

I was watching a mothers day tribute that Steve Harvey gave to his wife and I’ve seen it, when it first aired but this time watching it again. It really hit me, that I have been giving assholes, the benefit of the doubt and being so forgiving…nobody’s perfect right is what I say…

But as 2017 approaches…excuse my language but I’m not doing that shit no more.

I’m not…I have been nothing but a genuine loyal friend and lover in the past and being a loving person has got me no where. I’m tired of egotistical men who act like they are the prize and they only want to do things on their terms and time.

They want a woman to prove herself to them first..really. Who the fuck died and made you a king?? I’m tired of men telling me how I feel, and what I’m not ready for, when truth is, you’re not ready for a woman like me or the love I have to give, because if so then you wouldn’t be acting like an asshole.

As busy as Steve Harvey is, with all the jobs he has, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t make his wife feel like an option and even before they got married he still showed her attention. I’m tired of emotionally unavailable men.

A man when he wants to be with you, he makes time, if my first love can live all the way in Atlanta and I lived in New York at the time, whats the excuse of man who lives minutes away and makes no attempt to come see the woman that he claims to love and want??? Smells like bullshit to me.

I’m tired of men using the word love, so quick with no action behind it. Or men saying we’re friends, when we’re really not, just so they don’t have to do whats required in a man in a relationship or just so they can get sex, because they know some women want to be in a relationship, so they try to play mind games and say,

“we’re more than friends, or let me call her my lady so no one else can have her and she can be emotionally tied to me, and I can pop in and out of her life when I feel like it, I got me a good woman, is what they say. I’m gonna lock it down but not fully until I’m ready, see what other options I have”… Really?!!!.

I’m tired of men who talk shit then ghost, because they can’t man the fuck up and keep their word. Newsflash you’re not the only busy man on the planet! But I’m sure you’ll make time for sex.

How does one want a consistent woman, a faithful woman, a loyal woman and you can’t be that way? Why are you asking for something that you are not and not able to give?? Why is it ok for you to look at your phone, see my missed calls, text and emails but purposely ignore me? But let me do it, then I’m screwing somebody.

I’m tired of men who want one-sided relationships, and because I won’t agree to it, they try to emotionally manipulate me into thinking something is wrong with me and that I need to change. The man who wants more, with the least amount of effort. Because they’re soooo busy.

I’m tired of men attempting to use me as a test dummy, but the last woman you had, you love her freely and gave her everything she wanted, knowing she was the wrong one, but since she slept with you. It’s all good.

I’m tired of men, who want to change me, because my mind is too much for them, as soon as I disagree with them I’m argumentative. They feel the need to correct me, because they have a big ego and they are controlling.

I’m tired of men rushing things, just because they wasted time on the wrong chick, and now that a good woman shows up, they want to hurry up and rush things, for fear of competition or as if they are running out of time. They don’t want to court the good woman but they’ll court the bad one.

Every guy I have not dated and have not been intimate with, thank you for being an asshole :). Thank you for showing your true colors, that I can never depend on you, that you run when the going gets tough. Thank you for showing me what a real man is not. Thanks for not being there for me and ignoring me. I really appreciate it!!!

Thank you for making room for the right man to come into my life. I know what good love is and how it feels to be in love. And you little boy, disguising yourself as a real man, are not it! Go play with somebody elses time and heart. Go be somebody elses part-time homie/lover/friend. Thank you but no thank you!!!

Don’t expect a rare woman like me to stick around, because woman like me are hard to find. When you decide you are ready for love and for a good woman, I won’t be around. I wish you nothing but luck finding your next playmate, I mean soul mate.

Here’s the tribute….every woman deserves a man who feel this way about her, not bring up her insecurities or make her doubt herself or who she is. Not do the same shit the last guy did. Not make her cry over him or something he did. Not give her his silence. If a woman has tears in her eyes. It should be from loving a good man and the love he shows her.

I was happy to love my first love, he would never do anything to hurt me and that’s the kind of love I want that I’m holding out for. A man who doesn’t stop calling me in the morning, night or to tell me how his day went and who wants to hear about mine, so I thank God for not letting anything flourish with the men that I have met and for blessing me to recognize B.S. at the beginning stages. God knows my heart and what I deserve and these men have not been in it. I hope to meet that “winner”one day!!!

 

It’s Ok To Not Have It All Together….

Sometimes in life, we can get overwhelmed by the simplest things. It’s ok that if we have tons of things to check off our to-do list that it doesn’t get done. As humans we try to kep it all together. but the body is meant to rest.

I had so many things to take care of last week, that I could not possibly get it done. I beat myself up over it but I realize I’m just one person. The things I had to get done, I wish I had supportive friends and even a mate to be there for me, if I needed them.

I’m in a town where I know no one and when I do reach out ans ask for help all I here is birds chirping. People think because I’m single that life should be easy. Actually it’s not. It’s even that much harder when you are doing everything on your own and you don’t have genuine people in your life, who really want to help you.

I realized its ok to not get everything done. It’s ok to take a time out. I do what I can and then I call it a day or night. I’m not super woman. I realized the way I’ve been operating is because I’ve been this way my whole life.

Taking care of yourself can be an empowering thing. It makes you disciplined. It makes you strong. But it’s also ok to ask for help. Whenever I’m having a conversation with people. They instantaneously ask me, who in your life is supporting you? And my response is what? And their response is, who in your life is helping you?

And the answer is no one. People can’t seem to understand why a person like me, nobody is really there for. Not even to give me a ride or when I really need something. I keep hearing my friends words echo in my head about, the men I meet and how they just let me struggle. But yet they want access to my body with no effort.

They’ll even bold enough to come out their face and tell me why they are not helping me…check that shit out, LOL. I can see if you can’t help someone, if you respond to my communication, but to tell me why you are not helping me or simply ignore me when I ask for help. Whatever happen to real friendship. That just doesn’t happen with guys since they don’t believe in friends with a woman they want.

The men I meet or that want to be with me, are not willing to do anything for me unless I give up my body. I’m not prostituting myself. I’m the type of person that when I see someone is in need or they are struggling. I help. The bible says to help people. But with men, they figure since the last guy didn’t do anything for me or the men in my life, then I shouldn’t either. That it won’t matter.

Then they bring up their past relationships and it’s the perfect excuse not to do anything. It would be nice to be asked, is there anything you need? Is there anything I can do, without expecting anything in return. It just seems like people are more quid pro quo. They want you to make their life easier but they don’t want to give because they genuinely care.

I don’t have it all together but one day things will fall into place. People are always telling me what I need but they are not doing anything to help me get what I need. Or leading me in that direction. I’m told all the time, you need a car, I know that already but unless you know somebody that can help me get one or you are giving me the money, then I suggest you close your mouth, lol.

If there are things you need to get done, do what you can. A coworker of mine, she came out and said to me, you are so hard on yourself. I said excuse me?! I was told to relax that I seem like a person who has too much on her plate…But she was right, I am hard on myself because I have to take care of myself.

I’m trying to figure out where I’m going to move to and the school I want to go to. When I have so much to do, I have to take a few days to do it, because I don’t have a car. I don’t have the loving support of family and friends or a good man right now, that has my back to delegate some of my task. One day I will. I know how I like things done, so I just take care of it myself.

But God always sends me an angel, the other day I was coming home from the store, and I had 4 bags and even though I was up the block, a lady that lived in the area, stop in front of me, asked me if I needed a ride and of course I said yes. She said, I know how it feels when you don’t have a car.

I couldn’t have been anymore grateful and I just kept thanking God and thanking her. Little acts of faith that God sends, to let me know that there are good people in the world. As I left the store, I just prayed, because it was dark and I really did not feel like walking. God said I’m going to get you home safe and he came through like always.

Remember you are human and not a superhero..be easy on yourself,…. you’re doing the best you can.

How Hospitable Are You?

I sometimes wonder why when people have guest in their home, they don’t do anything to make them feel welcomed. When people used to invite me over to their house, I wonder why they expected me to cook and to do all the things they were suppose to do for me as guest.

Then if it was late and I got tricked into spending the night, ( I was told I would be driven home but I was never driven home) I never even went to sleep. I didn’t even have a bed to sleep on, so I just waited until the sun came up and went home.

I wondered why I didn’t have clean fresh linen to even feel comfortable to sleep. I wondered why people would have me in their house, when it is not in order. I remember one time on christmas I was invited to spend night out and there was no christmas dinner.

Dinner was a bag of chips and a muffin, that I bought at the gas station. LOL . I was starving the next day. I couldn’t wait to get home where I had a fridge full of food. One thanksgiving, someone I knew decided to cook. The thought was nice but the food was all wrong.

The corn was cold, no butter. The mash potatoes were from a box, no butter and no salt and pepper or gravy. The chicken was store bought. Who knows how long it was under that light. And the dinner roll was cold. I sat there and wondered how is this person eating this bland food.

Someone must have not told her that rolls go in the oven. But I guess when you are hungry you’ll eat your  own mess, I mean food and it’s good to you. There was no love, no thought or care into this food. If you buy stuff from a box, there’s a way to hook it up.

I don’t know about you, but I like real potatoes and fresh corn and seasoned chicken. I like my diner rolls hot not cold. I realized I care to much about home life, more than the average woman.

Whenever I invite people over to my house, they NEVER want to leave. Before I have guest, I make sure I have food. I even ask them what they want me to make and I even surprise them. I’m always feeding people…and I serve them too, they have something to drink. I even give them left overs to take home.

I love making people feel welcomed. But then they just wear out their welcome mat. If I have a guest spend the night, everything is clean. I even give them my bed. They feel as if they are at a five-star hotel. No one cooks for them at home or caters to them, so they get spoiled while in my presence.

It’s really hard getting them to leave. especially a man. The last guy I shared food with, never wanted to leave my place. I noticed he ate 3 times at my house and never took me out. So I stopped talking to him. It wasn’t my intention to make him comfortable.

I’m like that with everybody. If I invite you in. I just know that what you do for your female friends, you can’t do that for every man. Because they will get comfortable and try to mark their territory. You start off and feed them right away, they will expect that every time.

I wonder why people serve me food with a fork that looks like it belongs to a toddler and plastic plates and cups. How is that suppose to make me feel welcomed?! Then when I don’t want to come over I get called uppity.

I’m not uppity at all, I just don’t think a person should invite someone over, if they don’t have food, or if their house is not clean and if they have crawling visitors that decide to chill with us.

Your home is your dwelling space and when you invite people into your home, they should feel welcomed. But I take it that some people don’t want to make you feel welcomed, because they don’t want you to stay in the first place.

I’ve been making people feel welcomed since I was little. My mom always had me offer my friends something to eat and drink and It was fun. I enjoyed serving people and seeing their face light up over the food I made. I enjoyed being in the kitchen. I remember for my birthday I wanted a tasty bake oven, LOL…

I always wanted kitchen items as a child and as an adult, that’s how I am. Those are the things I treat myself to. When I see a kitchen gadget I look forward to using it and telling people about it. It makes entertaining very fun.

When I serve people a meal, I use real silverware, real plates and glasses. I don’t just throw food on the plate is if it’s a school lunch. I really wish at times the women (even men) I knew were more hospitable and even more domesticated. Especially since they have kids.

Serving others makes you feel good.. it makes people feel warm and welcomed. I’m looking forward to the day where me and this loving man (God is going to bring into my life)…will be able to serve one another. Where we can have a nice candle light dinner..sip some hot cocoa in front of the fireplace…and then 🙂

Proceed With Caution: You Can Be Yourself With The Right Person

Every person that we encounter when it comes to dating or love, teaches us a lesson. Every one we meet is not by accident. We find out what we want and what we don’t want. The people we meet, teach us in some way, to know and remember our worth and to work on our self-esteem.

We all have been in a relationship with someone who took advantage of we are. They didn’t love us the way we needed to be loved. They didn’t appreciate us and understand the law of reciprocity. They thought we would always be around. Our loyalty was taken for granted.

Who we are was enough, the person we was with just didn’t know how to meet us where we were. Sometimes when you show someone what real love and friendship is, they just don’t know how to handle it. They got comfortable with it and since it’s new, they don’t reciprocate.

Just because the person in your last relationship or someone you were dating, didn’t see how great and loving you are. Doesn’t mean that the next person won’t. When it comes to being yourself, just proceed with caution as if there is a speed bump.

Don’t close your heart off too much and lose trust in love, trust in God, that he will not bring you the right man or woman in his right timing. I know for me, that I’m not going to let the men I meet that do not SEE ME, stop me from experiencing love.

My love is just not meant for them and their half ass love and communication is not meant for me. I realize the people in my life, teach me what I will not put up with long-term. I know that I deserve a man to be consistent. I know that it’s not wrong for me to want this in a relationship, especially if it’s expected of me.

I know that I’m not too much, I know that I’m more than enough.. it’s just that men don’t want to put in the effort, but they’ll put it in for someone who spreads their legs real quick for them. I know that I’m worth loving and that I am love. I know that I have a lot of love to give to the right man, who will reciprocate that love.

That he will be all the man I need. His love will make me want to be a better person for myself and for the both of us. His love will compliment the love I already have inside. My emotions will feel safe. My love will be safe. I will not have a thousands questions marks, wondering why this person dropped off the face of the earth. I will not be ignored on purpose.

Just because the last man didn’t appreciate my cooking and me taking pride in my home, doesn’t mean the next man won’t appreciate it. Just because the last man didn’t appreciate the support I gave and the things that I bought him, doesn’t mean I’m not going to shower the next man I meet with thoughtful gifts of love.

Because I know he will do the same. That he will show me that he loves me, and that he puts in time to talk to me and see me. I’m not going to stop being the loving woman that I am just because I meet assholes, who only desire my body and not my mind and spirit.

I know that I’m a rare woman and that God, when he’s ready will send me a love I never imagined, because he knows my heart and knows that the right man will love me like I’ve never been loved before. That he will protect my heart.

When people leave your life…Be grateful, your love is not meant for them. Not everyone is meant to see that light in you. Not every person you meet is meant to share your journey or even hear your life’s story or your hardships, something I had to learn the hard way, when men abandon me when I’m going through something.

A real man doesn’t abandon the woman he claims to love or be in love with. Especially if she never asked him for anything and showed her love and support and that she has his back. A real man when he utters the words “I love You” He stands by it and backs it up. He’s a man of his word and integrity. A real man doesn’t talk shit because it sounds right in the moment.

A real man is careful with a womans heart and never makes her feel insecure. The man or woman that truly loves you will want you to feel safe and to trust them. They will want you to shine, because they know it will make them shine. Seeing you happy makes them happy. Real love does not hold you back, nor is it controlling or selfish.

Whatever you did in your last relationship, with the wrong person, you can do it again with the right person. You’ll know when you can, you’ll know how much you can give and if they are worth it and if you should proceed with loving them. Just make sure when you meet the right person.

You don’t hold back who you are just because the last person didn’t appreciate you. The new person who proves they are worthy deserves every ounce of love you have to give. Don’t punish them because you’ve been burned and made some bad choices with the wrong man or woman. It’s not fair and it’s not their fault. You are love and deserve to be loved and share your love because God said so 🙂

Are Some Men Swearing Off Women? Or Are They Just Fed Up?

whatwomenwantI came across a few articles that I feel compelled to talk about, because this really disturbs me. You don’t have to be a psychologist, to see that dating and career life is interfering with traditional ways and domesticity. Whether you want to call it female liberation or feminism. The traditional home life is suffering.

The few articles I came across was called MGTOW-Men going their own way. They are swearing off women in a sense because they feel like todays woman, is to liberated. They feel like todays woman is too independent. They feel like todays woman doesn’t want a good man to lead and provide. Men feel like they have no place in a womans life.

Men are fed up that when they do decide to settle down, they fear the woman they are going to marry, is going to take them for everything they worked so hard for and leave them penniless. Men feel like they have no rights when it comes to raising their own children and even if they decide to get divorce.

They know the court system will not be in their favor. Men are afraid to marry and procreate. I can’t say I blame them. I saw a heart breaking video in social media, of a good father holding his kids as they desperately pleaded not to go with their mother. She was unfit and abusive. That really broke my heart because you have good men out there, doing the best they can but the court system does not see them.

I understand you have dead beat fathers, but what about dead beat mothers??. They exist too!! I even came across articles with heterosexual men, turning to other gay men just for sex because it’s easy to get. These men claim the are not gay but they feel it’s easier to get sex from a man, than it is their own wife or girlfriend. They justify it because it’s just a sex to them and no emotional attachment. This is the same for women.

I know women who claim to not be lesbian or bisexual, but they just want a particular sex act if you know what I mean. I say the world is lost. We are truly in the end of days and have lost touched with God, ourselves and with humanity. All of this is going on because there is a detachment. I heard a female say, “my woman is all the man I need, shes masculine and feminine. It’s the best of both worlds”

No matter how hard a woman tries, she can not be a man. People are operating on their lower chakra. People want their wants and needs fulfilled and they are willing to be with anybody who is willing to fulfill them. They are seeking themselves in someone else for a temporary feeling. Men are tired of not feeling seen, heard and valued in our society.

Women want equality and they are determined to be equal with a man on any level. It’s happening everywhere, television is emasculating men. The women are more masculine than the men. They are the detectives and the men are the regular police. They make it seem like men are stupid and don’t know how to do their job and lead.

That may be true for some, but not all men. Men are even more celibate now more than ever. I’m not sexist with what I’m about to say, but I recognized the male presence in this world. I do see this as a man’s world in a sense, but I also see how women are also needed too. We are mother earth. God is in both man and woman. We both have roles to fulfill on this planet and it seems like we have lost our way.

Both men and woman are not looking at each other as complements. We are not looking to get married because we want to have a family. We are looking for someone to take care of us and to provide while we do nothing. I’ve seen  some women go through great lengths to avoid being on their own. Even if they make their own money, they still don’t want to pay their own rent or buy their own things.

Men don’t even want to court a woman anymore. They’re like, “ok, we been talking for a few days, weeks, months, texting, emailing. I took you out one time, I drove to see you, (or not) let’s have sex or let me see how you are in bed first, before I do anything else or anything with you.” Men don’t even want to put in the effort anymore. They want to do less and get the most. I know because I keep meeting these assholes, lol…. ready to move so quick.

They want to bypass courting and just go straight to living together and having sex. It’s only because they had plenty of women before, that they spent their money on, wine and dined and courted and got nowhere. So they are like, “I’m not doing that shit again. The next woman I date, she’s going to have to do for me, the way I did for the last women I dated. She’s going to have to share her money with me too”.

Every time I’m going through something, men have an array of excuses on why they won’t help me with the simplest thing, although I never asked. Or they’ll just ghost. A friend of mine said to me “Damn these men you be meeting they just be letting you struggle, they don’t want to do nothing for you, they talk a lot of shit too”.  And she’s right. They’ll say they want this and that but I would to give up my body and I’m not doing that.

If a man helps a woman now a days, you have to sleep with him and that’s sad. Men don’t do friends….  Men are tired of being used so they figure sex has to be an option first. Men feel if they get married and do the right thing, that they shouldn’t have to argue about being intimate with their wife. Men feel like the kids get all of the attention. This is why some men get jealous of the attention the children get.

Men are not jealous of their children. They want love, affection and attention too. Men are stressed out being a provider. They feel they have it hard at work and being the sole breadwinner. They want some gratitude from their wife or S.O. I read an article where this woman was complaining about housework and being with the kids.

This is what she wanted and her husband made enough for her to do that. I don’t understand what she was complaining about, because the kids were in school and she didn’t work. She got upset her husband would leave things out or and that he left his towel on the side of the hamper. She also got upset the kids made a mess in the living room. They were only 6.

This woman got tired of cooking too. She also got upset she had to do the grocery shopping and wondered why her husband couldn’t do it after work. She regretted quitting her job to be a stay at home wife and mom. She wasn’t ready for what it entailed and wanted to go back to work again. This is what a lot of men are complaining about. Their not being appreciated.

I for one, am tired of meeting men who have been through so much shit, that they can’t even treat a good woman right. I’m tired of these wounded men. It’s getting harder and harder to find genuine men too. Men are going their own way and so are women. Both sexes are forced to embrace long-term singlasm.

There’s nothing wrong with being single, but most single people really desire true companionship. But where are the good quality men and women at?? I see there is not much to choose from. That’s why when men do come across a good woman, they try to lock it down quick. Rare women and men are hard to come by…….. When are we going to get it together??

At least You Were Open, Even though You Didn’t Make A Love Connection

On our quest to find love, to want love, whenever we meet someone we’re hoping that we make a love connection. We want them to know how much we like them in some way and how much we feel a connection.

Sometimes this happens quick for others, sometimes it takes time for that spark to really stay lit. I’m not a dater. I just prefer not to use the word date or anything associated with it. Unless I really, really like a guy. I was watching this video clip of this woman and on the very first date, she was talking about serious topics. Marriage, babies, living together.

Every guy wanted her to slow down. I felt like those men because every time I talk to a guy, they think I’m the one. I honestly don’t know what it is about me, that makes them think that. It gets to the point that even before the first date, there are signs that the guy is moving way to fast.

It’s okay to know what you want, but why are you looking at me for?? If you have been reading my blogs, you already know I meet men who move way to fast. If it was up to them, they would have me move in, knock me up and marry me and it doesn’t even matter in which order.

Both men and women who move to fast, that’s a sign that they are very controlling. They want what they want and they get possessive and dominating in the process. When it comes to wanting love, just be open to meeting new people. Every one you meet is not the one. Even if you don’t make a love connection, at least you were open and put yourself out there.

I put myself out there this summer. It was scary but I went for it, it was nice while it lasted. I know that I needed to be reminded of, what it felt like to be in the presence of a man again and to enjoy myself and his company and have him enjoy mine. I was looking forward to a second outing but it never happened. It’s been a minute since I went out with a guy, not because I wasn’t open at times.

It’s just that they were players and tried to Netflix and chill and have sex the first day. They kept breaking dates, standing me up or attempting to string me a long.. yeah, lol….(it’s kind of hard to date another woman, while you’re married) They just wanted to get me in bed first. But I have a track record, like so many other men and women, with just seeing someone one time and then that’s it.

Hell if I know the reason why I haven’t seen them or spoke to them again. Sometimes they are just not feeling you. Men act like I’m kryptonite or some sh*t, lol. They have to stay away from me (so they say). They don’t wanna fall for me or get to into me. They think I’m going to throw a monkey wrench in their plans. They think I’m going to be like the last woman.

They just don’t know how to deal with me or even begin to love me the right way. My so-called love life is an enigma to me. But it is what it is. I’m not going to cloud my brain and spirit, with thoughts of why the guy is not calling. Whether he has a wife or a girl or many lovers. I’m not going to doubt myself and where I’m at in my life.

I know that when a man really wants to see a woman and he’s into her, he makes an effort. He’s not inconsistent and makes excuses for why he won’t do something. No matter how busy he is. The same for women. It’s just a matter of priorities. If you’re not a priority, then don’t try to make yourself one. Both parties have to make an effort. But it seems like it’s ALWAYS one-sided.

It took courage for me to open my heart and that’s all that matters. Not sure if I will be doing it again any time soon, lol. But at least I tried. I give myself an ‘E’ for effort :). When you don’t have long-term expectations or any at all, it makes it easier to move on. There will be more chances for love, you just gotta wait for it.

The man or woman, that really wants to be with you in every way will appear when the timing is right. You’ll know where you stand. You’ll know you are on their mind, They’ll call you in the morning or whenever. They’ll acknowledge you and let you know you are special. Until then, just be open and be friends first.

With love, timing is everything. It really is. Sometimes two people can be perfect for each other, but their circumstances are not. Work on you and get your life together. The person who is meant to stay in your life will stay. They’ll know that they have someone really special in their life and heart and they will not do anything to lose you…. Wait for it! 🙂

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Infuse Me With Your Lyrics

Infuse me with your lyrics

I want each lyric to undress me

I want each lyric to kiss me on every part of my body

I want to be under music spell

I want my body to respond to every lyric

I want every lyric to make my soul feel naked

I want your lyrics to drip down the spin of back

I want to feel your lyrics kiss me between my thighs

I have an insatiable hunger for words

My soul has been starving for your lyrics to enter my blood stream

Infuse me with your lyrics

So that I can feel music in the flesh

 

The Healing Energy Of Touching

A lot of people for whatever reason underestimate the power and healing energy of touching. I see a lot of couples together, but no one is touching each other, No one is embracing each other. It’s like they are together just to be together.

In a relationship and even with our loved ones, we need to hug them more, kiss them more. Some people grew up in a family that there was no affection, so they are not used to having it. When you touch someone and embrace them it makes them feel safe and secure.

A lot of couples don’t even kiss and touch each others face. I miss the feeling of my face being slightly touch with the back side of a man finger. When was the last time you massaged your lover? When was the last time you slightly kissed their face and lips.

When was the last time you breathed passion into their soul. When was the last time you looked them in the eyes and they knew that you wanted them right then in there. Why are we so void of passion? The person you want and love should feel every moment that you desire them.

Why does one or both partners stop being affectionate, why does everything else become a priority instead of the love two people have for one another. Love shouldn’t have to take a back seat. Ones bed shouldn’t be so cold, that it feels like they have a corpse lying next to them.

We should touch each other more often, we should slightly trace our lovers skin, make them feel goosebumps, it should feel like braille on each other skin. Touching makes us feel close. When you go without affection for so long, it can make you feel lonely and that you are not loved.

Not just by your lover but by others. We all want love and affection. If you have someone special, hold them close. Be grateful that you have them to wake up to and go to sleep with. Make your significant other feel wanted, grab them firmly but gently with passion.

I’m sure their body is yearning for you to touch them and make love to them. Touching is very spiritual when there is love and passion connected to each touch. You can tell a lot about how a person feels about you, by the way they kiss you and touch you.

If you’re in tuned with people you will know right away, what certain touches mean. Some people say they are not  a good kisser, well that’s important, I know it is to me, if I can’t kiss you and feel passion, I’m not talking to you, lol. I need to feel something….. I’m a cancer got dammit! I thrive off of romance.

If you don’t like to kiss and touch, learn. learn your lovers body and get your passion back.

Does Chivalry, Romance And Just Genuine Love Still Exist?

I was listening to some of my favorite R&B slow jams from the 80’s and 90s, you know the music that talked about real love. Making love…not this crap they have out now and it just made me think. What happen to real love. What happen to chivalry? What happen to real romance. What happen to really expressing how you felt towards your lady or man.

I know that the music I hear, it’s possible for me to have that, because I had it before. Excuse my french, but I don’t know what the f**k is going on with men now a days. I really don’t. They don’t want to court a woman, they ghost, they’re in consistent. They don’t want to make love to a woman they love any more.

They don’t want to be romantic, kiss, take a bath or shower with you. They just want to f**k right away. They don’t want to slow dance. A guy that claimed he loved me after one day of hanging around me said ” truth….romance is for relationships only” He tried to act like he was this poet, but was nothing like his art, he was a fraud. He didn’t want me to want what I heard.

My ex said to me “I’m not Roman, so there’s no need to be romantic”. I dumped him. and there’s plenty of other stupid shit men have said to me, to try and not be romantic, chivalrous or even show affection. I can’t be with a stiff cold person with no emotions but claim they feel things deep.

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, when I say I love you, I show it! What happen to the days when a guy picked you up for a real date and brought you rose or a flowers. The last time a man gave me a rose, it was a stranger at beach, before that it had been 12 years.

After one day men expect sex, they are ready to move things to the next level, even before the date. The asshole that made that stupid comment above, he tried to bypass courting and getting to know me, felt he got enough info, after one day and a couple of hours of being around me and he was talking about me being a step mother to his kids, I never knew he had.

Every time when a man sees that I’m romantic and that I express myself, all of a sudden I’m too much. they just want to f**k. Well use your hand for that. Because I’m nobody’s dumping ground. I’m getting really pissed off with todays generations of men. I know men are simple creatures, but WTF is the rush for?

On what planet do you have sex on the first day, get married or even move in with someone after one freaking day and some phone calls or emails? It’s seems like men are just out to get what they want quick and will try to lock down a good woman too.

Men today if they like you, they do the opposite to prove they don’t like you. Maybe because they have other options. Men are not putting in the effort anymore, they want a woman to put in more of the effort. Prove to them how much she wants them by giving up her body.

Then the things they should do, they’ll do it if they get laid. Really?? Is it so wrong to want romance. To feel special and loved. To want someone to build something with no matter what you have going on in your life. Why are we afraid to love. Is holding back really helping us, no loss no gain. “Well at least I didn’t get to close to her or him” is what we say.

We compare our last relationship red flags to the new person without even given the a chance. I’m tired of men using the L word, then telling me they need to stay away from me. But they’ll make time for sex. Then there are the ones who don’t say anything, they just stop talking to me and expect after weeks and months for me to still feel the same.

They’re like oh shit, I feel her holding back, let me call and get back in, see if she still feeling me. Really. This is the story of my life. Men have told me stop picking these men. I’m not picking anyone, I’m not even dating them. What are these games for. Why do men say they are different and they do the same shit the last guy did??

Whatever happen to treating your lady like a queen, not raising your voice at her. Being thoughtful, being romantic, buying or making her something, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Just a gift from the heart.

Why are men waiting for me and the rest of the woman on this planet, to do for them first just because their last relationships were not good. Whatever happen to a man keeping his word. What happen to a man looking you so deep into your eyes, you feel naked because you know, he’s sees you.

He see’s your soul. I know how it feels to be loved, for a man to really be in love with me. To want to see me without being intimate with me. A man who truly enjoys my company and just wants to see me smile and hear me laugh. I know how it feels to be with a selfless man.

I’m tired of these selfish egotistical men that just want a one-sided relationship. What happen to a man really wanting to provide for a woman. Sorry but I’m not settling. I’m a hopeless romantic and I will hold out for real true love, that makes me feel the opposite.

I know my worth and know who I am and what I bring to the table. If I can’t love passionately with every fiber of my being, then I’m not going to settle and love at all. I deserve a love that makes me feel high, that inspires me, not drains me and makes me second guess, myself and my thoughts.

Can a real man please stand the hell up, or sit down so the real man behind you can stand up. As much hell as I’ve been through with men. I know the love I have inside of me, a real man will appreciate it one day and not take me or my love for granted.

True love is out there. Take a look at the clip below.. It’s will inspire you to wait for a man that will not play with your heart or time. Enjoy!

Men Are Really Not That Macho, LOL….

Masculinity…hmm what does it really mean to a man….Well I’m going to tell you what it means to a woman. A real man that’s in touch with his feelings. Will have no problem expressing his emotions to a woman. As much as men would like for us to think that they are all hard and they don’t feel.

That can’t be any further from the truth….

Men, let me tell you something.. you listening?! You ain’t fooling nobody, lol…. I can see right through that tough exterior that you want love, security and nurturing. But you are just vulnerable and maybe even a little afraid. But you want it from a woman, who you will feel safe with to express those emotions.

As much as men put on a show that they don’t care and they don’t feel anything for a woman they are into. When they are in the presence of a woman who can see past that and has earn their trust, that wall comes right down. I know because I keep running into them. I keep meeting men who are love deprived in so many ways.

I was watching “Iyanla’s Fix my Life” and she did a three part series on healing the black mans heart. The way these men opened up to her. I have been blessed a few times, with men who have entrusted me with their deepest emotions and fears. They feel they found a safe haven in me. They even cried in front of me. There was no judgement.

I just simply listened and didn’t come from a place of “I want” or “what does this have to do with me”. I didn’t tell them to man up, or stop that crying. Men are taught, that crying is weak, only women do that. But they let down their guard in front of me. Men do talk and they want a woman who is going to listen. She doesn’t have to try and fix anything. He just wants her to listen.

Men are fixers. You tell a man your problems and a good man will do his best to try to find a solution. But that hasn’t been happening lately, because men are flipping the tables now. They want to know what a woman is going to do for them first. I know, because I keep running into these wounded men.

I don’t say this in a condescending way, but I feel that some men long to go back to ‘the womb state‘ in a relationship. In ‘the womb state’ it’s nurturing, it comforting. It’s protective. As much as men want to be the protectors, they also want to know that they will have a woman, who will protect them too, not physically but protect their integrity and defend them. I know this because I’ve been told that I’m very protective.

Men long to go back to the womb state, because at home is where they want to feel nurtured. After a long stressful day…I say this because the first relationship a man has is with his mother (if she is in the picture or his grandmother). This is how a man is taught how to treat a woman. If a man has a good relationship with mother. He will seek that in a wife.

For some strange reason, I keep meeting men who have not had a strong relationship with their mother. That affection was missing and still is. That nurturing quality was missing. I saw one of the men on the show, Kevin McCall cry the minute his mother walked into the room and they embraced each other. This grown man, who appeared to be tough, was just as sensitive as they say women are. His mother was the cold one.

I can see why he had trouble being sensitive towards women. He also had no support with his career. He was never complimented either. Men can big “mamas boys” at times lol. They can. Men also don’t receive compliments the way women do or even support for their dreams. The minute I let a guy know I like what he’s doing and I show him any kind of attention or compliment him. Forget it, they’re ready to go ring shopping, LOL.

I found out the hard way several times, you can’t give a genuine compliment to a guy because they just take it the wrong way. I’m always hearing from some man how his “lady” is not supporting him or making him feel appreciated. This is one of the reasons men don’t like to tell another woman, that he’s involved. Men like to have options. So no…., he is not that busy, lol.

Men are longing for that closeness and love from a woman. Some men will change their whole life for a woman, if they feel she is worth it. The qualities I seem to possess, men are looking for in a wife or partner but they have no idea how to reciprocate. My “nurturing ways” have done nothing but attract the wrong men.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop running into men like this, because they keep emailing me too, seeking advice and wondering why they can’t find a nurturing woman. It’s not that a woman can’t be that way. It’s just that she doesn’t want to feel like she is your mother, instead of your love and wife. A woman wants to be desired not looked at as a maid.

Men can sniff out my domesticity, lol. No matter how much I try to hide it, it doesn’t work. As soon as they see this trait they are on a mission to lock me down, lol. I have gotten into a few quarrels with men, that I wasn’t even dating, because I sense their urgency to move so quick and they tried to throw their life on me and what they wanted.

Men are complaining about women not being nurturing or domesticated anymore… They want to work and come home and have an easy life and in today’s world, that’s just not happening. I recall cooking for a guy and he never took me out. I just happen to be hospitable, the same way I am towards women. But I see I can’t be that way towards a guy, because then they start trying to mark their territory.

When you eat a good meal prepared with TLC….it makes a man feel good for some strange reason. It also makes him lazy too. Men feel loved and cared for. This makes them want to open up too, the simple act of kindness and being thoughtful. So ladies if you are trying to get your man to open up. Just cook for him, LOL. Then give him some too, lol. Don’t hold back 🙂

Trust me he’ll be more open to talking. I’m not saying lure him with food all the time, lol. What I’m saying is he’ll notice the effort. He’ll feel thought of. He won’t feel unappreciated. No man likes to feel like an ATM. Your man is not that macho as he wants you to think he is.

Hold him when you talk to him, or touch him. He’ll respond to your tenderness. He’ll see that you are trying to put him in a relaxed state. Cook too got dammit, lol :)….Food is affection. Try is sometime! 🙂

Posted in Men.

Are You Too Much? Too Passionate?

Have you ever had someone tell you, that you are too deep? Too much? Too extra? Or tell you that it’s not that serious?

Well, I have more than I can count and you know what? I know that these people criticizing me, the only reason that they are saying this, is because they are void of passion.

I’m a very passionate woman and I know this trait of mine can be very intimidating to people. I’m always being told, I’m to deep. Keep it short. When I use my brain I use it.

Some people gravitate towards it while others simply can’t, take my passionate intensity. Whenever I express myself about something or someone. I use all of my senses. When I answer a question and give advice.

Theres no such thing as being too much or too passionate.

I’m very passionate about the advice I give with my open heart and my energy. The mind is a very beautiful thing which should be explored passionately. Hearing a persons thoughts about life and their experiences is quite intriguing. To be a passionate person is a great thing, but you have to be careful about where the receiving end of that passion.

At times you will have to guard your passion because not every one you meet, it’s for them. My passion sometimes attracts negativity and people can take your passion for granted. Life is meant to live passionately. When I’m into something or into someone, I give it my all. I become very passionate about loving or else it’s a waste of time and energy.

I was listening to “Your Touch” by Ralph Tresvant and it made me think about, how some of us are not using all of our full senses, when it comes to our relationship with our significant other. How many times do we not see, touch, feel, hear or taste the person that we’re with. That we are not filled with the very essence of their being. Why don’t we look at each other with passion and hunger in our eyes?

Why aren’t we touching the one we love? Why aren’t we making love to their mind,body and soul? Affection in our intimate relationships is very important. So why did this fade? God gave us these senses to use them in every thing we do, but most importantly when it comes to loving someone. When I listen to this song, I’m fully immersed in Ralph’s music and lyrics, as the music makes love to my soul.

The tone of his sensual voice as I let him, take me on a euphoric journey is intoxicating. Feeling those lyrics in my spirit and on my skin. Listening to how passionate and sensual the music is. How much he wants to see her smile and to feel her touch. The look and passion in her eyes and how her smile is connected to the way she touches him is beautiful. Making love starts with your senses first.

This is how one should be, when they love and when they are in love. They should be so intoxicated that they can’t get enough of the person they are with. That person becomes a drug and they can’t wait to get another fix. That’s loving passionately, fearlessly……as if you need the very breath they breathe out, so you can breathe it in, to give you life.

If you aren’t feeling this way, if you aren’t, seeing, touching, tasting, being aromatic of someone and hearing the person you are with. Then you are not fully loving them with all your senses. Love is supposed to make you high and addicted. You’re supposed to love passionately with every fiber of your being and not with half a heart but with your whole soul.

If you can’t love this way, while you’re here on earth then don’t love all. Be full and healed when you choose to love someone. Don’t bring your past issues to new love. Love can open your eyes to the possibilities to so many things. When you know you’re loved and you know that you have someone, who loves you with all they have inside of them.

When they see something in you enough to cultivate it and believe in you. You feel like you can accomplish anything. When you choose to love someone, love them as if it’s never going to hurt. When you make love let yourself go and be totally uninhibited. Love making is freedom… just like music. Let your emotions flow, so you can experience a mind-blowing mentalgasm.

That will turn into a physical one. Really passionately want the person your with. Crave them as if you starving for their love. See yourself in their eyes. It’s very electrifying when someone puts their hands on you and touches your body. It can feel like magic. You feel alive. Don’t be afraid to be passionate and vulnerable. It makes you human and most of all it makes you beautiful.

Fame And Isolation, Both A Blessing And A Curse

Fame and isolation…. A by product of the entertainment industry. When it comes to fame the majority of the world sees the glitz and glamour, the money, the house, the cars.

The many things they can buy and obtain. When it comes to being in the spotlight some people feel this is the only way, they can obtain wealth by becoming an entertainer.

This is the illusion that they have. Fame gives the illusion to some that you are somebody. That you finally made it. People will see your name and your face all over the world. Some people want it so bad while others avoid it. There are some creative people who really love the arts for what it is and not because of the attention or the award shows or the things they can obtain from it. These people really respect their craft and have a passion for it.

When God blesses you with gifts and talents that you are supposed to share with the world. It can be very overwhelming. You are like wow, I get to share my music or my art with people all over the world. In different states, countries, people who you may never meet. You get to touch them and inspire them. But through this gift comes great responsibility.

What the entertainment industry fails to disclose, is how isolating fame can be. Being in the public eye is both a blessing and a curse. You want to share your gifts with the world but at what expense? When you decide to live your life in the public eye. There are a lot of things that you have to give up without even realizing it like trust and privacy.

When everybody wants you and you’re hot and people find you attractive. It makes it harder for you to do things that other people can do, without causing an uprising. I remember when a few people recognized me on TV, I was riding the train and this guy kept staring at me. So I said something to him because he was making me feel very uncomfortable staring at me and then he said, I know where I saw you from and everybody looked.

I got off the train and waited for another one. Peoples eyes on me the whole time was not very  comfortable. Another time I was checking in to a hotel and somebody else recognized me and next thing you know, everybody waiting to check in, was trying to figure out who I was. Another guy tried to follow me to my room. This made me feel very uncomfortable. When you are on tv or in film. Your world changes. You become a target.

If an entertainer gets married or has a baby, the world goes crazy when in reality there are people, who get married and have babies all the time and no one is making a big fuss about it. On some level, the world forgets that people in the public eye are human. When you are famous, it causes you to distrust people. You may feel like you are the same person but the people around you start to change.

The ones that are close to you like your family and friends and the people who want to get close to you. You question their motives. Whether one likes it or not fame and money changes people. Unless you’re a really grounded humble person. Not to mention having really thick skin. If you can stay and remain humble, you may just be able to handle being in the spotlight.

When your name is out there, it can change the people around you. We’ve seen this happen countless times, when you’re on top, everybody loves you, but when you’re not and you’re not making the same kind of money, you see who’s really down for you when you have nothing. This goes for real life too for people who are not famous.

Fame can interfere with finding love. You can try to open your heart to love but in the back of your mind, you’ll always be wondering, does this person really want me for me and not for what I do or what I have? We see this happen to men and some women but mostly men. People in the public eye can’t just be with anyone. They have to be extremely selective about who they interact with.

If you are in the relationship with the wrong man or woman and if you marry them and if it doesn’t work out. Or if you have kids by them. You take risk of now having your private life exposed to the whole world. It’s no longer about the art anymore, it’s about your personal life. The person you broke up with and the media doesn’t care about intrusion and neither do some of the fans.

The world can make entertainers seemed larger than life when they are really just like the rest of us. People are watching your every move. They want to know every little meticulous detail about you. And they will stop at nothing to get the information that they want. You see it every day, we have shows dedicated to the rich and famous. As if the rest of the world are just mere peasants.

The viewers watching and the ones who want that lifestyle. Feel like they need to change their life in order to live life. They want to wear what the stars are wearing. I’ve seen how people act behind the scenes when their main focus and goal is to be famous. They have low self-esteem, they feel this the only way to be loved.

They feel like the entertainment industry is the only field that they can be and feel important. They want to go to famous parties and become friends with the elite. Get free shit because they see celebrities get free stuff. When these people enter the industry they have no idea, how this industry will make them feel isolated and alone.

The public eye and fame can make you question everything about life and who you are. You start to morph into someone who you never thought you would be. Your ego gets inflated. You start feeling entitled because of the way people treat you, that you think the red carpet should be rolled out everywhere you go.

We’ve all seen the rich and famous buy their way our of trouble. Theres no accountability, their name alone holds weight. Some people in the entertainment industry, whether they are a singer, actor or athlete. Some of these people use what they do and who they are to get what they want. I’ve met people from all fields, that feel the need to try to impress me with what they do as if I care.

I recall being at an event in my 20s and this guy that was trying to talk to me, I had no idea he played football. He introduced his profession to me before he introduced himself to me. Right then in there I wasn’t interested. I was turned off. I politely rejected him. As the event went on, the guy throwing the event, said to me that there was somebody he wanted me to meet.

Ironically it was the same asshole that tried to talk to me. The athlete, said to me, “You see, you rejected and me and you didn’t even know who I was.” I said and I still don’t care who you are.” and walked away.  I guess he thought I was supposed to be impressed and I wasn’t. Men claim they want a woman, who’s not materialistic but then they throw what they do in a woman’s face and some women will latch onto a man because of who he is.

I’m sorry but as much as I love my favorite artist or actors. They are human beings and I will treat them as so. I’ve met some people in the industry that were really nice, kind and humble towards me and others that were straight up arrogant assholes. I’m pretty sure they have women throwing themselves at them every day, so they figure this should be easy, until they come across someone like me, who gives them a slice of humble pie.

When I was younger and waited to be an actress. I saw how the people around me started changing. People never introduced me by my name first, it was like oh, let me introduce you to this model/actress named so and so. When people treat you like a commodity, that’s not a good feeling. When all people see is how you look. It can make you feel like, that’s all people care about is your looks and your status.

I just decided that this was not the field for me. I had a genuine love for the arts but not to be famous. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m not comfortable with attention. I try to deflect it as much as I can. You can’t help who you meet and who you bond with, but I had to decline artist who wanted to date me, simply because I did not want to be in the spotlight because of what they did for a living.

I like my life private and they didn’t respect that. In this industry you can meet a lot of opportunist. It can be hard to decipher who really wants to work with you and mentor you or help you reach that next level. I have never been able to successfully work with a man in the entertainment industry. Every time I think it’s a Go, it’s a No. Apparently they have something else on their mind. They’re men, that pretty much sums that up!

Entertainers have to watch EVERYTHING they do any say. They have a reputation to uphold. This industry teaches you to very, very cautious. Now with social media forget, there is no privacy at all. People use their cameras to their advantage. Shit can come back to bite you. You can’t even interact even if you want to. I’ve seen celebrities get bullied and attacked, by the very same fans that claim to love them.

A famous person has to protect themselves with a prenup or they should go further and make the person they date, sign a contract. That’s what Jennifer Lopez did, when she married her first husband. She was smart and right for doing that, because he wanted to put their business in a book to profit off of it, now he can’t. Question is, why would you want to do that in the first place?

Opportunist don’t care about an artist reputation, everything they work so hard for, being dragged through the mud. They don’t even care how it makes them look, they just want the attention and money. As much as artist say they don’t care what the general public thinks, they do. Words do hurt. I’ve been grateful enough to have conversations with artist and they are human.

But the world doesn’t seem them as such. They are put on a pedal stool. There’s the need to always be on top. To front and act like they are doing big things, when in reality they are not and they are lonely. The stories that men have entrusted me with, the things some women have done. My heart aches for them. Because no one should be put through that regardless of who you are, but when you are an artist its amplified.

Instead of people being inspired by the art, the magic, the fantasy, the music, their attention is on the wrong things. We watch how some people succumb to the pressure of fame, whether they are on top or not. Some people even choose suicide. They want to make it so bad and when they don’t, they feel like a failure. People forget that they have to put in the work and that nothing happens overnight.

As much as I love the arts. I will choose my path behind the scenes, because having the camera on me, is not the life I choose to live. I feel sad for artist who can’t find love and somebody who’s really down for them, just because of what they do. We see how beautiful or handsome these people are and even though they are easy on the eye. We have no idea the kind of pain is behind their eyes and their smile.

We think they have it all just because of their looks and because the camera is on them, but in reality we have no idea the pain they are covering up. At the end of the day, ok you have money and nice things. You have a nice house and several cars. But do you have love? Do you love yourself? Do you know who you are and not what the world wants you to be?

Do you have someone to hold you at night? Someone to talk to you? Someone that you can be vulnerable and raw with that truly gets you? Someone who wants you for you and not the lifestyle you can provide them with? Hows your spirit? How’s your relationship with God? Money can make things easier but all of these things money can’t buy.

Are People Disturbed By Your Kind, Quiet, Peaceful Nature?

I know you must be reading this title and thinking how can being kind, quiet and peaceful be disturbing to others?

Who wouldn’t want that kind of person in their life as a friend and especially in a relationship.

Well, as bizarre as it sounds, let me let you in on a something. It can be disturbing to others. There are people in the world who have a problem with these kind of people. I’ve encountered them on many occasions and it always makes me question why?

When you’re a kind, quiet and peaceful person, it can make others feel uneasy, especially when they are not used to it. Whenever a person is quiet and kind, we question whats wrong? What do you they want? No one acts that way without an ulterior motive.

Red flags go up for no reason. This is how we have been conditioned to think. We can’t fathom how a person can be so quiet and peaceful. Kind nice people seem to get taken advantage of. They see the good in the world and the good in others and unfortunately it’s not reciprocated. This is what makes good people not want to trust and love.

I never understood why my nature disturbs some people. I’ve quarreled about this with friends, family and even in a relationship. You would think being a kind, quiet peaceful person, people would want that in their life on a daily basis. But when you are this way, people will try or want to change you. They feel like because they are loud and talk all the time and they like to go out.

And can’t stay home for nothing. They want you to adopt their lifestyle and be the same way. I’m constantly being told by people who I’m too nice and quiet. People have called me perfect and I’m not.  When I’m quiet around others and I’m kind to them, for some strange reason, my positive energy is met with negativity. This of course is mind-boggling to me, because I treat people the way I wanted to be treat.

We live in a society that we think quiet people are boring. That quiet people are negative and I’ve been asked why don’t I talk. I guess these people don’t take the time to read anything I write, LOL. I talk, I just don’t talk the way they talk. I love intellectually stimulating conversations. I can talk to people for hours, when its something that interest me. I’m not a fan of small talk. I don’t like meaningless conversation.

My articles are not even short, lol…. I’m in-depth for a reason. We live in a world that people think we all have to be the same, especially extroverted loud busy people. When you’re a quiet, kind, nice and a peaceful person, people think something is wrong with you. Ever notice that when a child is quiet or even an adult. People think something is wrong? We expect people to talk from sun up to sun down.

We have a problem with solitude and other people’s solitude. Extroverted people can’t understand why introverted people want to be alone. I notice that a lot of people who fear solitude and being alone.

Have no idea who they are. They don’t love who they are or know what they want and need out of life. Because they don’t take the time to be alone and be still. My opinion is they are running from themselves.

Its like the person that can’t stand to be alone and they are always in a relationship whether it toxic or not. To them anybody is better than nobody. They keep looking towards other people and even things to make them feel whole in some way. It is possible to get addicted to people and to things. This is why some people start to hoard. There is something that they are not dealing with.

I notice that whenever I’m around people who can’t seem to take a chill pill and they act like they are wired all the time. They don’t feel heard. Especially if they grew up in a large family. An old neighbor of mine was always talking loud, especially when I was sitting right next to her. The reason she did this is because she grew up in a big family and felt she had to raise her voice to be heard.

As a quiet person, I can be around a certain level of noise and busyness when I’m socializing but the one place I do require peace at, is when I’m home. When I walk through the door the outside world no longer exist. Its time to relax and recharge. People can’t understand why I like to eat while its quiet with some soft music playing in the background. I can’t enjoy my food around constant chatter.

Whenever a quiet person is a certain type of way. People feel there needs to be an intervention. I had a family member of mine tell me that I had to adapt, to her lifestyle and routine just because I stayed in her house. I moved out. Just because someone lives with you, doesn’t mean you get to control them and not let them be. I wasn’t being respected. I was sleep deprived. I couldn’t get a moment to myself.

I couldn’t write or eat in peace without someone disturbing me on a daily basis. And if I didn’t want to go out, forget it! That caused even more tension. I’m told because I’m young, that I shouldn’t rest and that I should have more energy. More energy for who and for what? For someone else’s external lifestyle that’s not mine. Whats important to me and what I spend my time on, that’s what I have energy for.

It’s not selfish to want to do your own thing. I shouldn’t have to be joined at the hip with someone, just because I decide to be in a relationship or meet new people. There needs to be a balance. Introverted people can be extroverted at times, but not 7 days a weeks or 24/7. This is one of the reasons of many, that my last relationship (and even my friendships) ended or came to a pause.

People trying to change me and having a problem with me being quiet and keeping to myself. I’m told live a little. I am living just not loudly. I don’t need to draw attention to myself or be noticed. I don’t need to be ON all the time. I got tired of the constant going out all the time. People have tricked me in order to get me to go somewhere with them.

If I hate malls and shopping, why would you trick me into going to these places and keep me out for hours, knowing I have stuff to do. Just because one wants company. I don’t spend my days at the mall buying shit. People who keep to themselves and are private are not selfish. If I had a long day, the last thing I want to do is attend to someone as if they are a child.

Even when I’m quiet and still….. I’m still busy. I’m busy thinking. I’m listening to the holy spirit talk to me. I’m quiet so that I can receive answers and know whats my next move. It’s hard to get to know yourself and what you want in life, when you have others in your ear all the time and to many obligations. I observe the behavior of people who can’t be quiet and I see how uncomfortable it is for them.

Noise to them is how they live life. If that’s how one enjoys life, fine. Live it up! That works for you. That doesn’t mean that you should try to change, another person just because it makes you uncomfortable. Quiet, kind peaceful people take time to smell the roses. They are in the moment. They get to decipher what really matters in life. Where they are going and the kind of people they want to be around.

Theres a certain kind of quiet strength, humility and resilience that these people have. Whenever I’m faced with something. I get still. I don’t panic. Extroverted loud busy people panic. The make mountains out of mole hills. Their thoughts are all over the place. Their decisions are not rational. They also make hasty decisions too. They feel if they are not busy life doesn’t make sense.

Always remember, that the way people are and how they treat you, is a reflection of who they are. A person can be busy, but busy doing what? Just being busy? Quiet people like to enjoy life and have fun. There is no right or wrong. It’s just how one chooses to live their life. The next time you encounter someone who is this way. Relax around them. You just might learn a new way of being.

Where Ever You Are Supposed To Be, God Will Lead You There

I was thinking about the time I auditioned for this theater group when I was 18. When I found out where the audition was, I said to myself oh no, I do not want to travel 2 hours a day there and back. I went any way but on my way there. I really didn’t think too much about how the audition would go or anything.

My teacher told me that it was a small theater group so I figured, ok, I’ll go but I know they are not going to pick me. I was going through so much at the time, that I didn’t have time to process anything. I didn’t know if I wanted to process anything as I was feeling so numb and just wanted to feel another feeling. Think another thought.

So when I got off the train and I was looking for FACES, it really made me not want to go because of where it was located. I thought about rush hour in NYC, getting home late after school when it got dark. So when I finally arrived, I realized this was a theater group I’d seen when I was a child that I wanted to be a part of 10 years prior. I knew the content they dealt with and I said to myself I really don’t want to be here.

I felt like the issues they addressed, that they would be delving into my personal life. Whether it was something I went through or someone I knew that went through it and I just didn’t want to go there. When I arrived I was the only one there. I said to myself, where is everybody? Then 3 other girls showed up and so did the other improv actors.

So they sat me and the other 3 girls down, explained who they were and what they did. They got up and performed for us, to give us an example to follow. Then they said its time to get up and audition and show us what you got. They performed with us and it was fun since we could improv. I thought ok, cool I can do this. Then it got deep. They gave us a skit about a break up and just told us to go there.

I said internally oh shit! I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I took a breath and was like ok I can do this. So the other actor I was performing with, we just fed off of each other energy. During my audition, It got really intense. I forgot there were other people in the room. As we were moving around the room. I saw the look on everybody’s face when we got back in front of them.

They were staring, they got drawn in. I saw one of the other actress shaking her head yes, giving me this really intense look. Everything that I was going through and felt in that moment. I poured into that scene. It was therapeutic in a way. When I said my last lines which ended the scene. The room was quiet. I thought the scene would continue but it didn’t.

They thanked me and the other girls and said that they would be in touch. As me and the other girls left. The other 3 girls, kept telling me how good I was and where did I learn to act like that. I never took lessons. I told them I never took lessons. I said to them we were all good. They kept saying, no, you were really good, they are going to pick you. I said to them, who knows they might ask all of us back.

I wasn’t comfortable with the spotlight being on me at all. I felt really exposed. I felt really good about the audition but this was only my third one. The other theater groups I auditioned for, which I got positive feedback from, they were close to me but they weren’t funding. I wished in the back of my head they were, because one of the auditions was so much fun, it lasted 3 hours.

The guy that was auditioning with me, we vibed off of each other really well. When we left, we hugged and wanted that part so bad. The program directors really loved us and they just let us have fun and play. When I parted with the other girls at FACES, we wished each other luck and went on our way. I knew in the back of my mind. I gave a really good audition. I was proud of myself.

But still, the distance turned me off. I said to myself, I hope they don’t pick me. I know…strange. Like I said it was the distance. So when I arrived home. I heard the phone ringing. The machine picked up and it was my teacher screaming in the phone. I picked up the phone and all she kept yelling was FACES loved you. They want you. They loved your performance they want you there on Monday. My teacher was so happy for me. She was more happy for me than I was.

You would have thought I hit the lotto by the way she was screaming. In a way I did. I just didn’t know it. I didn’t have time to process what would be taking place next. I didn’t know that God had led me to this place, so that I could do some internal healing. When I observed, behind the scenes their performances, I said to myself, I can’t get up there on that stage. I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.

Everybody in the world is going to know, what me and my family went through. Everybody is going to know I lost my mother and feel sorry for me. And I didn’t want anybody’s pity. What I was feeling was shame, guilt and fear. When I thought about, no one would know. It’s not like they knew me or my family. The first few days I was there I spoke to the theater director.

I explained to her that I wasn’t comfortable with these domestic violence skits. When I saw these two actors perform it. I was like oh shit, this man sounded exactly like my father. I felt like if I performed that scene that I would do to my father what he did to my mother. There was no way in hell, I was going to perform that scene. She understood, as they would not have a performer get on stage and have flashbacks.

They were careful with traumatic experiences. So pretty much for the next few months I played it safe. Not really doing anything intense. I wasn’t really giving it my all. I just thought if I showed up that was enough. I didn’t want to put in the work and be that vulnerable. All I wanted was my 3 credits that I needed to graduate high school so I could be on my way.

So much was going on, I left my father’s house and I was just trying to take care of myself during my tenure at FACES. When the semester was ending, the program director sat me down and said. I have to perform. That if I didn’t perform. I wasn’t going to graduate. It was my turn to perform for the program. I remember sitting in that chair, feeling like I was going to walk out. My stomach started turning.

The director told me to pick a scene. I chose this piece called “Hear No Evil” The other two girls, did “Speak No Evil and See No Evil.” I knew this scene all to well as I’ve seen them perform it so many times. I just had no idea how I was going to get up there and say those words. I thought I was going to have a break down on stage.

The day of my performance I was happy that it was close by, at this university. Ironically it was at the university I auditioned for but they weren’t sponsoring. So when my teacher from the program arrived and all the other students that were in the program got there. I got nervous. What made me even more nervous is when the college students arrived and the auditorium was full.

The other two girls and I, were waiting in the hall until it was time for us to perform. When it was showtime I had to sit down in the middle chair. The girl to the left of me said her monologue and when she finished I knew I was next. I prayed for strength to say those words. I took my hands off my ears and opened my eyes and just went for it. When I said my lines and looked out into the audience.

Everyone was quiet and staring at me. So I looked over at my best friend, the director and my teacher, then back at the audience and I just continued to delivered my lines. When I finished and put my hands back over my ears and closed my eyes, it was time for the next girl to say her monologue. After the performance was over everyone clapped. I was relieved it was over. I just wanted to get off the stage, lol.

Before we left, the audience had questions so we stayed for Q&A. One of the college students had a question and asked how do we prepare for a scene like that? I took the question. My response was “it was very difficult for me to get up here and say those lines as I know women who have been in a domestic violence relationship and I heard those words uttered before. I said I didn’t know if I could do it.

If I could go there. The whole time I’m sitting here. I’m thinking I have to say this. I was thinking what woman in her right mind says these things, makes excuses and blames herself for being abused. But you have women out here who do that. I had to watch my mother go through that and I told my director. I can’t get up here and do this but I’m glad I did. Because it opens up the dialogue.

So many times we stay silent when it comes to domestic violence, feeling ashamed and the problem is not going to go away by being silent. Every day and every 3 seconds a woman is being abused by her boyfriend or husband and some of them don’t even make it out. Some women even die at the hands of their abuser. So this performance is very much-needed even though it’s a vessel through art.”

I knew in that moment, that God wanted me to be in that theater group. He wanted me to be a voice and he wanted to use me as a vessel. I remember feeling very content. Remembering what it was like to be on stage before I lost my mom. That live interaction with the audience, I missed that when I was younger. Whenever I was performing or had a show. I would look to my right and my mother was grinning from ear to ear.

Her love and support was my strength and I didn’t have that once she transcended. I guess I thought I couldn’t do it without her cheering me on. But she was there with me the whole time. Every time I wanted something that I didn’t get. God had something better for me. Some place he was trying to lead me to, because someone somewhere needed to hear what I had to say.

No matter how uncomfortable I was, I simply needed to surrender to his will. The thing about life is, no matter which road you take. You will end up where you need to be. God will lead you there and he will be there. When I said my lines, I felt like I had an angel around me comforting me. The other theater groups, that I wanted but they weren’t sponsoring, that’s because that wasn’t where I was supposed to be. The experience would not have been the same.

I would not have met the same people. I wouldn’t have been begun my own journey when it came to feeling, dealing and healing. Creative fields can be a great platform when it comes to reaching others on a massive scale. Being in the spotlight in any way is not something I welcome, as I am more of a behind the scenes kind of person but if that’s really where God wants me to be. I guess at some point I have to stop fighting it, lol. I guess I have no choice but to submit to his will.