It’s Ok, To Not Be Ok, You’re Not Made Of Steel

So many times, we act like everything is fine. We smile to keep from crying. but in reality we are breaking down on the inside.

Life can get pretty overwhelming. Its easy for people to ignore you when you are going through something. Its easy for them to send you a quote and tell you stop being so negative. When in reality they have no idea the war you are fighting.

Life happens to everyone and it’s ok, to not be ok, you’re not made of steel.

Having feelings and being vulnerable is a sign of strength. When you feel a certain way about something, you just do. It’s ok to sit with those feelings and feel it and not try to hide it, because the more you do that, the more damage you do to your own spirit.

If your upset, be upset, if you feel like crying, cry. If someone is making you feel a certain way, tell them in a loving way. But one thing you must not do is act like it doesn’t exist or that it doesn’t bother you when it does.

I know for me, when it comes to people I’m always, encouraging others, being there in anyway I can, whether it’s calling, texting and emailing. My attempts to communicate are ignored, when it wasn’t that way before.

It bothers me especially when its uncalled for, when all I do is show people love. But it seems like these are just one sided relationships. No matter how busy I am. I make time but it seems like, I’m the only one putting in effort.

People claim I changed and they wonder why I stop talking to them. The thing is, they don’t realize they made it easy for me. How I treat people is how I want to be treated. I show love and give love and respect because I want the same back.

I can always sense when someone needs me and they will get a call from me. I’m the girl who is there for everyone else and wants to see everyone smile but I’m the one who’s hurting and people think I’m made of steel.

I’m tired of people telling me I’m strong, I know that shit already but I’m not made of steel.

I’ve seen the damaging effects of what can happen when you suppress feelings and act like it doesn’t exist. It can weigh heavy on your heart. Some people even die of a broken heart.

There are a lot of people who use the “busy card” and they say shit just because it sounds nice, but actions speak louder than words, we all know that.

My problem is when people say they are going to do something, I actually believe them, but when I keep hearing the same thing over and over, like “I’ll call you back later” or “I’ll see you later” and it never happens and days and weeks go by. Its like ok. This happens to me a lot with men. All the time and I can’t stand it.

I was talking to a friend of mine about love and why it eludes me. I talked about the good and the bad but it’s the same thing over and over again when it comes to men. Then people wonder, why I’m giving up on love. Because love don’t live here anymore and not right now.

It seems, like consistency, honesty, loyalty, effort, monogamy and friendship is hard to come by now a days with men.

I’m not into force communication with anyone. Life is to short. I want meaningful people in my life. People who want to grow and learn and be loved. Not people who say one thing and do another.

I’ve saved a lot of money on my phone bill by cutting people off. LOL and so should you. I’m tired of caring and giving and I’m a simple women, with simple needs and it seems like the smallest things I ask for is hard to come by.

So I’m done! These feelings shall past one day but for right now, I’m done. I’m not getting close to anyone or letting anyone in my heart. The only thing that keeps me sane now a days is god and music.

Until what I hear in music finds me, my heart is no longer open to love and friendship from any man. I have never looked for love and never will.

But people, I can’t deal with them right now. I realize, I’m to nice. I’m a woman of my word. I’m to trusting, to caring, to giving .  to loving, and frankly I’m exhausted. I’m not a people pleaser, its just my nature, to be who I am, but I honestly feel like the way people treat me, and because this is what keeps showing up in my life, is because I need to be more like the people who treat me a certain way.

With todays technology, people get a text, call or email and they just ignore it. So many people ignored my mom when she was alive, now they are wishing they could call her. I guess being busy, nonstop is better than hearing someones voice.

I need to take days, weeks and months to respond, and purposely ignore people. Its something I don’t do, but I need to do it. I’m tired of supporting people and being there and cheering them on, when I need the same thing. One sided relationships, I don’t know why they come my way and why these people think its ok to be this way, when they claim they don’t like it themselves.

It doesn’t start off that way, but when it comes to men and dating, there is no such thing as friends in this day in age. One day, god will bless me again, with someone like my first love, my best friend. He’s the only reason why I know love still exist, even though my love life sucks, LOL.

Everyone that treats me a certain way, its just gods way of blocking me from people who don’t deserve my heart or time, nor my body. So for that I say thank you god! I dodge many bullets!!

Every “NO” is a blessing in disguise.

Whatever one feels, no one can tell you its right or wrong, its how you feel until it passes. So feel the way you want to feel but don’t dwell there.

Always know that better days are ahead and that you deserve the best in all areas of your life.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s