First and foremost, I would like to say that I thought this title was funny :), LOL. Plus it seemed appropriate for what I’m about to say. I know at first glance it can look like I’m being conceited or a narcissist.
Trust me I’m not! I’m far from that. This is my truth. This is all about self-awareness being observant.
This article is about me finally realizing to some degree, especially when it comes to the opposite sex, on why men are attracted to me, and consider me the type of woman they want to marry. Even though men are visual. It’s not about looks all the time.
I had a conversation with myself and figured out why. My “so-called” looks kept attracting negative attention and I thought thats all men wanted.
Yes, men are very visual but there are also men out there, that know what they want from a woman, on a deeper level even if it is for selfish reasons.
The more I worked on myself and wanted to know who I was and most importantly, loved myself. This set off a spark within, that projected outwarldly. And to the opposite sex thats an attraction. I honestly believe that a woman who loves herself, likes and knows who she is, is intelligent, is evolved, is ambitious, independent and simple. Makes for a good friend, lover, partner, mother, wife, for a man who wants that and can complement that.
But the flip side of this, is that many men want a woman like this, but they don’t know how to be with a woman like this. A lot of men are looking for a woman like this, but it’s only for what they want. The men I come across don’t know how to complement who I am and what I want out of life.
They just have this short list and when they hear something that they want, they are like ok, you’re everything I’ve been looking for, lets hurry up and get married!! But they are not everything I’ve been looking for, nor have they spent any time around me to really get to know me.
People have things in common all the time, doesn’t mean that they will be great partners together in life. It also doesn’t mean they that are on the same path. Correct me if I’m wrong… but you have to spend time with someone and live with them to fully know who they are. You can’t just hear something and want to bypass the dating stage and go straight to the alter.
A lot of men think just because I like to cook and clean and how nurturing I am, that I have kids already and once they hear that I don’t, they want to change that because they want kids. The men I meet, look at me and think about how easy their life can be. They have no interest in what I want to do with my life at all.
A persons values have to be aligned with the person they plan to share their life with. It can’t be one sided.
Women do this a lot too, for example, women want a man with a degree and a job. Ok those external material things are great to have, but just because a guy has a degree, doesn’t mean that equals marriage material and a family. A degree doesn’t mean a man will be a great father or provider. A person can’t look at another persons life and what they have and try to set up their own life. Just so they can have it easier. And lets face it, a lot of women feel obligated to a man’s money. They see a man as a financial plan. Women measure a man’s love by his money too, which is so wrong.
I feel like the type of love we all want, we should be that. I happen to love who I am, in spite of the fact that I am not where I want to be, in all areas of my life right now. I want the male version of myself. If I was a guy, I would date me, lol… I would know how to be with a woman like me. I’m not perfect but I’m a good woman. There are a lot of good things about me, that most men will never even get to see, because they haven’t taken the time to really get to know me.
What makes me beautiful is my soul, my character, how I treat people, how kind I am, how selfless I am. Not my looks and if I can cook…. I’m always encouraging others and being a cheerleader for them. When men see how supportive I am and how I extend kindness and appreciation. They want this in their life. I’ve always been a nice person, always smiling, giving complements. I just do it because it’s the way that I am and its how I feel. It’s nice to see people smile too!
I don’t do it to feed the “male ego”. I don’t give a fuck about stroking a man’s ego. But I know men are all about their ego. When I give a man a compliment, (for example about his work or hobbies) that happens to have a significant other. It makes him feel good. The woman that this man has in his life or have been with in the past are not doing that.
This one guy I met, just by my words, he wanted me in his life (but he forgot he was married..uh yeah?? lol). He tried to indirectly lock me down. I didn’t even know this guy, but he saw the possibility for his life and future with a woman like me. All I did was have a conversation with him for a few minutes, about how much I liked his art. He told me that no one ever expressed how much they like it. Out of nowhere he saw me as an option. I quickly ran!!
I’ve also come to realize that the number one reason why a man will stray is not always about sex. It’s about appreciation and how another woman makes him feel. Good noble men, get the short end of the stick by some women. When a man comes across a woman who makes him feel good, and its new to him. He will stray and eventually want to express that love physically. Even though, I’ve met a lot of assholes in life, lol…. I have met nice guys. I just didn’t want what they wanted at the time and I was young.
I never realized how much men don’t feel appreciated and complimented by the woman in their life. And when they come across one, that does show genuine appreciation, that’s in tuned, that pays attention, respects them, listens and is a lady. They want that all the time. I have met men, that if I gave them the green light, they would have left who they were with, just to be with me. Just because of the things I say. These men never even mentioned that they were involved with someone. But of course I noticed the red flags.
The number one red flag with me, when it comes to men is INCONSISTENCY with communication.
I think thats crazy because when you think about it, the person that they are with. They are clearly settling but calling it compromise. They are just “making do” until someone better comes along. Because they don’t want to be single or alone or to fulfill a sexual need. Men don’t do celibacy like women do either. I’ve only known 2 celibate men in my life and thats because they really wanted to get to know a woman first and settle down. Thats a rarity!! And needs to be respected.
A male friend of mine told me what a compliment, really means to a man and when a woman shows appreciation. I never really knew it was that deep! I couldn’t figure out why every time I liked/love something when it comes to the opposite sex and how passionate I am about it, why does it attract the wrong type of attention or response.
I saw it as men being needy, clingy and being thirsty or fishing for compliments. Sometimes it gets to that point. It also shows a lack of confidence. It’s ok when you want someone in your life that values who you are, but it can’t be a 24 hour job. Men I meet, its like they want me to give up my life and just support them 24/7 and build them up. Supporting someone goes both ways.
I kept questioning myself, asking what do I have, that men want so bad?? Yeah at times it was just something, on the surface but its about my personality and how I am. I’m not one of those women, that I like to have free meals and I measure a man by how much he spends on me or if he takes me to some fancy place… Hell, I really don’t like eating out, lol… I’m really simple.
Apparently I have some attraction triggers that men really want and like. I guess thats a good thing but it would take a real man to be able to complement and nurture all that I am. Being myself hasn’t always got me the love that I wanted, but I can surely say I have dodge many bullets and it has kept me away from the people, who wouldn’t know how to love and appreciate a woman like me.
God is always there protecting me.
We all want someone that we can call at any given moment, even if its just for a minute, just to say, I thought about you and wanted to see how you were. Just to say good morning or good night! Its nice when you look at your phone and the person you like to hear from calls, text or emails. This happens to me for a few days or weeks but then men are never consistent with me.
One day someone will be….I’m patient. I tend to take my time which men don’t like. But I really don’t care to be honest. I’m not rushing into anything. I’m glad I took my time because it helped me ward off the men, who only want one thing and also the men that are already involved, trying to get their needs met.
I’m not actively seeking anyone and men sense this. This is why they figured, hey, I’m involved and you’re not looking, so this should be a win, win situation. Hell m$&%*#$%g NO!!!
Its nice to want someone but it’s not a need. I don’t have my head in the clouds, like most women like this one man is going to be mine until death do we part. There are no guarantees in life.
A very dear friend of mine once told me, when I was losing faith in love and in men that…
” Love can be a fulfilling experience” and “God will have us go through certain things, to build our character and when we least expect it, someone will walk into our lives and give us the love that we want & that god has someone for everybody. And that I shouldn’t let people who don’t appreciate me, stop me from someone who will”.
I’m doing my best to have faith in these words…it’s hard…..Patience is virtue!
So in conclusion…. God knows exactly what he’s doing 🙂