A Little Less Control, Less Planning And More Faith In 2016

As 2016 approaches.. I have a little advice for you. As humans, we want everything to go our way, in all areas of our life. We like to be in control. We feel if we are not in control, then things will not go our way and that we are failures. We are control freaks! Even if we won’t admit it.

We forget to live in the moment and enjoy the journey.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having goals, dreams and creating the life that you want. But let me let you in on a little secret….Ready?!!

Everything is not up to you…I know that’s a hard pill to swallow….Sorry to burst your bubble… but it’s not! I say this with love 🙂

You don’t get to have control, over every area of your life. God does! As much as we try to control, every area of our lives, sometimes it backfires. When we don’t get what we want, in our own timing, we get upset, we start to blame ourselves and even God.

Thinking that he hasn’t heard our prayers, that he forgot about us or that we are being punished. We’re not! It’s all in our heads.

That guy/girl you like, that never called you, trust me it was for a reason. That job you wanted that you felt so qualified for, but never got. It simply was not meant for you. What God has for you, is perfectly designed for you and only you. Just believe!

A NO from God is not a rejection, that God doesn’t love you. It simply means I have something better for you and to trust me… Like really trust me. And its simply a NOT YET.

I don’t know about you, but when things haven’t worked in my favor, I’m grateful and I say thank you, many times over. Because I’ve dodged so many bullets it’s not even funny.

Just the mere thought of it, I’m thanking God again as I write, lol :). When I felt something was off, it was and that was God talking me and I listened.  I’m not going to get into what happened, when I didn’t listen, lol. We all do that. We’re human!

I’m here to tell you to relax!!..Yes me :).. We are all teachers in our own spiritual way. We are all here to learn and share lessons with one another.

Whatever it is that you are working towards, just work towards it and if it’s what your heart truly desires. God will deliver it. It will be yours. Regardless of what it is. If you change your mind in the process  and decide you want something different, that’s ok too.

Sometimes we feel like when we give up on something (or someone) and walk away. We think that is a sign of failure. It’s not! There is strength and courage knowing when to let go. It’s simply not for you and you can let go.

You can be creative, you can change your mind and grow, you can evolve.

It’s all about surrendering. There is beauty in surrendering. It’s a sign of love and that you know you need help. Some spiritual assistance.

A weight is lifted off your shoulder. Your heart seems lighter. Ever notice when you have tension and you get anxiety?. Thats a sign that you are trying to control everything and your brain is in overload and you really need to power down.

God knows your heart! Believe that!

God wants us to have what we want, He wants us to have the life we want. The relationship we want. The job we want. The house we want. That book we’ve been meaning to write. That invention we’ve been dreaming about. It’s ok to dream and to dream BIG! But we have to work towards it, be patient and wait on his timing and we have to have faith. No matter how long we think it might take.

We need to stop worrying about, time age and when its going to get delivered to us. That’s not our job. That’s not going to get us anywhere. I can count on both my hands and feet (and I may need a few of yours lol) of how many people I know, that rushed their life, simply by their age, time and fear, when it came to having a baby or two and getting married.

Now they are rueful. Important life decisions like that needs to be planned and they will happen in Gods timing. You can’t just have a child on purpose, by the first man who says “have my baby and marry me”. But you live and you learn.

What is this rush for? Why do we feel the need to get ahead of ourselves?? I started to come down on myself, and I stopped… because I was in the process of wanting to make a move and it didn’t happen, when I wanted it to and there were some other important factors, standing in my way that needed my attention.

As much I wanted to pack up and sell all my things and move over five thousand miles to the west coast. And just be on the beach.. It’s simply not the right time, it doesn’t mean thats it’s not going to happen. It can happen at any time. But I can’t be hasty no matter how much I want it.

Hasty moves are like a quick rush of adrenaline, they only last for a moment and then you come down off your high. Certain things that you do want have to be plan, especially when you are relocating.

I know that I have to wait on God, to tell me when to move and for the right opportunity. What I’ve been working towards, that has taken years, never the right timing, obstacles in my way at every corner, can happen at any moment when God says, ok now GO!

A very important lesson that I learned from my mom before she transcended, was that it is never to late. Regardless of what you want.

All of this trying to control an outcome, all that is going to do is drive you crazy. You’re insecurities will come up, if something doesn’t happen at a certain time when you want it.

You’ll see the rejection as failure as if you didn’t try hard enough. I’m not going to do that myself in 2016 and beyond. And neither should you. Allow yourself to get excited about what you want, even if you don’t have it at the moment.

Send that signal out to God, to the universe. Just think about how good it will feel when you finally do get what you want? The love you want. The perfect career?! That house or condo that you’ve been dreaming about buying. Your ideas coming to fruition. Revel in the thought of it!!!

I used to look at my dream home all the time and I finally decided to go see the model and fell in love with it. After all those years of looking at it, I was finally able to go visit. It felt like home when I walked in.

I have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. The first place I went to was the kitchen. Took me a minute to get out of there, lol. I could see myself preparing meals for loved ones. It brought a smile to my face. I allowed myself to just dream and be in the moment. No doubts or insecurities or the price of it.

The pictures and videos online simply did not do it any justice! I was in that model for over an hour. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave. As I was there, I just prayed and asked God for what I wanted. As I was walking around, the realtor came out and started asking me questions and I asked her about additional add-ons since I built my floor plan online.

Some other people entered the model, at the time when she told me the price. I noticed they walked out. I told the realtor please do not tell me how much this house cost, I know how much it cost. In the past I let the price of something, stop me from having what I wanted.

Usually when we hear the price of something and we know at the moment we do not have it. It can deter us away from getting what we want, because we think, damn a million dollars?! I don’t have that type of money!

That’s because our minds can’t conceive if it. That’s to much money for us, so we think. We limit ourselves and our thinking, and we think how am I going to buy this house, when I live paycheck to paycheck?? We need not worry about that.

If you go within and you want whatever it is that you want. Trust me you’ll find a way to be creative and the money will come. Just do what you love. If other people can buy homes, that cost millions of dollars, why can’t you have the home you desire?? You’re in your own way. God never said No, you did.

All I know is that, that house inspired me to dream. Yes!,.. It is a big house and maybe one day I’ll have a family in it,  maybe I won’t because every room will have a purpose. Who knows?!… But all I know is, that it is definitely possible, with a little less control and more faith!

 

 

The Things You Effortlessly Do And Think About Constantly, Is Truly Your Calling.

Ok…. I think, I’m a bit to domesticated lol…  now before you laugh, and wonder what I look like and get ready to go ring shopping..slow your roll alright, lol…. pump your breaks, lol… Let me explain.

As I made a green smoothie this morning with excitement, I thought to myself as I always do, thank you god for making these amazing things for us to eat and nourish my body with. That the kitchen is the heart of the home… I started thinking about when I had home economics, in the sixth grade and the vital life skills my mother taught me as a child back on the island. And some very happy memories came to mind.

Since I know myself, I pay attention to my thoughts and everything that I do, regardless of what it is. I asked myself, why do I love and enjoy this? Why do I have a passion for whatever it is that I like. The answer is always inside, it always links back to a past memory with my mom and friends, when it comes to being in the kitchen. I’ve been cooking since I was little for my family and friends. It kind of came naturally to me, since I’m a cancer…

When it comes to cooking or the domesticated life. I realize I’ve always been this way, even as a child. I can remember when I was five, reading home magazines..getting excited about going to the grocery store with my mom…. When I got older, I knew as a teen and even as an adult, why this was so…its because I wanted to create the home life never had. I wanted to share my love of food and loving your home with everyone.

The first thing when I got into someone house is, I assess their kitchen. That will tell me everything I need to know.

This has always been my true innate organic nature. It doesn’t surprise me that my first job, when I was 10 was at a supermarket. I always enjoyed grocery shopping with my mom. I was always fascinated how she would by dry ingredients and make them into an amazing meal. It tasted so good and had a lot of love in it.

My mom taught me how to respect and love food and not to waste it, since we didn’t have much. She always made us clean our plate, and if we didn’t finish it, no matter how small, to save it for later. I’m still this way as an adult. It always bothered me when I see people throw away food, just because they were full. Knowing that there were people out there starving and not knowing where their next meal was coming from.

Not only that, it’s a waste of money, whether you’re eating out or preparing it. It’s something we should think about the next time we throw away food. When I prepare a meal, the last thing I want to see, is someone walking over to the garbage can throwing out my food, that I bought, that I took time to prepare. I don’t care if its one grain of rice, I don’t want to see it in the trash. A clean plate is a sign you enjoyed my food and that makes me feel good 🙂

When I wake in the morning (and even before I go bed) food is always on my mind. I’m always thinking about what I’m going to prepare the next day. I’m always thinking what ingredients and spices would go together. When I’m relaxing, I’m always in the kitchen conjuring up a new meal or watching cooking shows and looking for new recipes to try to tweak to my palate.

Some times I think I’m a food groupie. LOL… Ok that sounded funny in my head. lol… When I see food and juice demos at whole foods, I’m right front and center, wanting a free sample LOL (don’t judge me). I remember shopping one day and saw a girl that I subscribe to, doing juice videos and took a picture with her. We winded up doing a juice cleanse together :). Whenever I’m in the store, I always get caught talking about food, then a crowd develops around me. It’s the one topic besides music, that I can talk about for hours and never get tired of it.

I get excited going to the grocery store and no matter how tired I am, I can not wait to get in the kitchen and nourish my mind, body and soul with a home cook meal. Home is where we all retreat, after a long hectic day and cooking should be the one thing that calms us down. That should rejuvenate us. We all love home cooked meals, right!

It’s been a minute, since I had someone else’s home cooking besides my moms. Peoples idea of feeding me a home cooked meal is taking me out or ordering some greasy ass food. I respectfully decline. I figure if I cook for you, you should cook for me too, but not everybody likes being in the kitchen.

I thought about the people I know both male and female and how basic life skills are not being taught at home or in school. I seriously think that home economics should make a come back into schools. I would defiantly teach if there was an option for it. I’m seriously thinking about trying to get a bill passed, because young men and women are not being taught these vital life skills at home.

If it’s not being taught at home, it should be taught in our schools. It’s crazy that schools are the first to get rid of music, the arts, cooking and physical education, knowing we need this. Creativity is what makes us well rounded adults. It’s what makes our souls come alive.

The things that you think about, that you find yourself doing, whether it’s in the morning when you wake, the evening and even at night. Are the things you should try to make a living at. As it is truly your calling. Things that come so effortlessly that bring you joy, that you speak so passionately about, should be the very thing, that breathes new life into you.

When you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.

It’s no mistake that these things keep popping up in your brain. That really is God talking to you. God blesses us all with gifts and talents, and its up to us to make use of them while here in the physical world. Someone needs what you have.

People have said to me countless times, you love to cook, are you a chef? What are you a Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray?? I thought they were just being funny and sarcastic, but I’ve been hearing it a lot lately, when I talk about food. People (well men) seem to be amazed that I enjoy it. I realize a lot of people ( I know and don’t know) cook but they don’t enjoy it. They just do it because they have to or they leave it up to take out to feed themselves.

I was watching Steve Harvey’s wife talk about fashion on todays show and the first thing that popped in my mind was, where is the cookware and home goods, LOL.. I’m like ok girl you are a bit domesticated for your own good. I really couldn’t understand the whole fashion and sunglasses thing. Even the pajamas they gave away, maybe because I don’t sleep in that. LOL. Theres nothing wrong with looking nice, but clothes and shoes were never my thing. The whole segment. I was kind of disappointed but this is not the Food Network or HGTV.

I realize I clearly think about my home and food to much, LOL but thats a good thing.. and this got me to thinking, that I should really do (not try) my best to make a living at something that I truly love. I always fantasized about having a food product in stores and even owning my own catering business. I catered for a while, but its hard to get people to live a healthy lifestyle. I know God will make a way for me and my gift. I think I had enough of corporate america … Being this way has attracted the wrong people. Read my latest blog on being a “simple woman”, you’ll see why, lol

But besides that, every one has to eat. Everyone should be taught basic life skills in the kitchen and in the home to be self sufficient. I got my start when I was 10, my mom sent me to the supermarket and it was the beginning of a love affair, I developed with food and shopping. The day she sent me there, I got a job, lol. Being able to help my mom buy food brought me joy.

One day I guess this will be vital, if I ever had my own family but until then I can feed everyone else, lol…. I love it and I think everyone should get in the kitchen and create some love and memories with food and music. It really is a rejuvenating experience. THANK YOU MOMMY!! 🙂

 

Lets Talk About Celibacy…Yeah Celibacy…

Celibacy seems to be a word, thats more like a taboo. For some strange reason, whenever someone mentions that they are celibate. People tend to think that there is something wrong with that person.

Because God forbid, you keep your legs closed, your mouth or your stuff in your pants. Somethings gotta be wrong with you because why aren’t you fucking, like everyone else… Sex is great right?? The icing on the cake??

Well I beg to differ…Trust me it is not all that…especially when it comes to men, because all they do is enter a woman and they can cum easily, women can’t.

Society seems to think that just because we are sexual beings that everybody on the freaking planet is fucking like rabbits. That is so far from the truth, it’s not even funny.

I for one… am not afraid to admit that I am celibate and proud for a lot of reasons. But really it’s no ones business, how long I’ve been celibate and what I am not doing. If I choose to share why I am not, spreading my legs to any ol’ man, thats my choice.

People think based off of the way I look, that there is no way I can’t be having sex or not have a man. My life doesn’t revolve around a relationship status. To most people, sex is important. It’s not for me because thats not the only thing I’m concerned with.

My celibacy is a turn off to some men. Others will show some respect to a degree, but they figure if I’m not having actual sex , am I open to other things and the answer is a FLAT OUT NO!!!!

Thats one reason why I’m celibate and abstaining from all types of sexual contact because of these very same men, who keep trying to get a physical need met. Which I think is very disrespectful because I don’t know where the hell your dick has been and if you have an STD.

Men seem to want a clean woman but they are not.

Before I get pissed off, LOL.. let me explain something..

Celibacy can be a great thing, if you are fully cognizant of why you are doing it. It may be for spiritual reasons. Because you want actual LOVE. For some people, they have to have sex, they can’t control their flesh for anything. They’ll even have sex with someone they don’t love or pay for it.  A lot of people are sexually repressed and it comes out in all sorts of ways.

Hey I’m not judging, we all get horny, LOL…but celibacy can be a great way to heal your spirit, body and mind after a break up. Some people bring their baggage into a new relationship because they have not healed.

A lot of people don’t know or understand soul ties. They just figure, I want that man or woman. I’m horny, lets fuck. There is an energy being exchange and a spiritual side to having sexual relations. When a man enters a woman and when a woman allows it.

Their bodies are exchanging energies and that can be a good thing, if you are into tantric sex and if your spirit is clean, and you know yourself and have done the work, to make sure that you don’t have any emotional baggage, to enter into another persons spirit.

It can also be a bad thing, if you have sex with someone whose not on the same wavelength as you are and if your chakras are not balanced.

Energy is everywhere, it’s in everything that we do, you can call it a vibe, a hunch or whatever, as much as we try to ignore it, but it’s there. We pick up on so many sublte energies in everyday life. When something doesn’t feel right, it’s the energy we pick up. This happens during sex.

Celibacy can help us on so many levels. Some people choose to ignore the emotional side of sex, because they just want to get off. It takes a lot to share yourself  with another human spirit. When you are evolved and know yourself and you want more out of the sexual exchange of having someone in your life.

You don’t look at someone as just something you want to screw and be done with. That shows that you are highly evolve. There are always consequences whether they are good or bad when you have sexual relations. Celibacy can help you avoid that.

A person can be celibate for so many reasons. Celibacy, gives you time to work on yourself and to have a clear mind. You are actually more focused. You see things clearly. Instead of people shunning it. They should be applauding someone who chooses to be celibate because it shows respect for their body, soul and mind.

It really isn’t that hard to abstain from sex. It’s all in the mind. If you can’t control the urge to have sex, masturbate, lol. Its safe, theres no emotions involved. No worrying about STDS’s. No awkward moments with telling somebody to leave.

Sex complicates things. Hell, relationships, complicate things. LOL. It’s hard sharing yourself with someone. Somebody always wants more. Some people are not ready to handle a sexual relationship and the emotions that come a long with being intimate with someone.

When you’re celibate it can also help draw you closer to God. Your energy is not cluttered with someone else’s emotions. You are able to hear God Talk to you. Your vision is way more clear.

Celibate people do not need therapy, we are perfectly sane!

But in conclusion people shouldn’t be concerned with what others are doing in bed or not doing. Unless it concerns them. People have a right not to have sex if they don’t want to. If you know someone who practices celibacy, thats someone you want to get to know. You know that if you make that person your life partner or spouse, you don’t have to worry about them cheating on you, because they are not going to have sex just because they are bored. They’ll reach for a vibrator or their hand before they reach for another person, LOL….

Celibacy is to be respected. It’s not for everybody.

 

Being A Simple, Independent And Low Maintenance Woman, Should Be A Good Thing Right ?!?…..

It shouldn’t be hard to be with a woman who is this way and it shouldn’t be hard to please a woman that is, simple, Independent and low maintenance, right??

But trust me it is…. Let me enlighten you about this type of woman.

This type of woman, can carry her own weight, doesn’t ask for help, Is very selfless, genuine, thoughtful, kind, considerate, always helping others in any way that she can, even if it means at times, that she has to set aside her own needs, when someone needs help.

This type of woman is not a doormat. Even though her generosity gets taken advantage of, when she doesn’t realize it.

This type of woman is rare and very hard to come by, even though there are woman out there like this woman.

She’s to much a free spirit, calling her own shots, she doesn’t follow the crowd. She makes her own rules.

She’s always home, she’s very nurturing, she cooks, cleans, she doesn’t require much from a significant other except to be honest, have emotional support, consistency, to be just as mindful, kind and considerate as she.

This type of woman, loves and respects herself and knows who she is.

This type of woman wants a male version of herself.

People tend to get very comfortable around this type of woman. As her nature is very peaceful and calm.

This type of woman is pretty much simple but has high standards in life. Meaning she wants to build something and she’s a go getter. Never lazy or dependent on anyone.

This type of woman can be frugal at times, not because she is cheap and doesn’t want the finer things in life, but because she respects money and whatever she buys has to be worth it.

This type of woman is probably the creative type and looks at life with having more meaning and depth.

This type of woman is not materialistic at all but has exquisite taste with things that having meaning in them.

Men like this type of woman. This is the type of woman that probably most men would try to take home to their mother.

This is the type of woman, that a man would consider, to be “wife material”. (whatever the hell that means???) Most men think they hit the jackpot when they find this type of women.

Some men even find themselves falling in love with this type of woman or moving to fast, as it is probably not that hard to love this type of woman.

This is the type of woman that, they can see themselves settling down with and having a family.

This type of woman could make a man’s life very easy to deal with, as this is the type of woman, that rarely ever argues and her home and having peace in her home is everything to her.

These qualities all sound like the perfect woman, that any man would love to have in his life right?? This woman sounds almost to good to be true, you would think she came from another planet besides earth?!

You would think this type of woman, a man would love and cherish and do anything in his power to keep this type of woman happy. That pleasing her takes minimal effort because with this type of woman, it’s the thought that counts. You can buy this type of woman something that cost $10 or less and she will love you for it, because the gift, came from your heart and the fact that you took time to think of her in the first place, speaks volumes…

This type of woman is very appreciative too and always saying thank you and giving compliments.

Men immediately try to lock this woman down….FAST!!!! As they recognize real quick the type of woman she is, just by talking to her and being in her presence.

You would think that if a man had this type of woman, like all of the above, then love wouldn’t be elusive to this type of woman.

Life sounds like it would be sweet with this type of woman. Right????

Well let me let you in on a little secret…

This type of women who is simple, independent, low maintenance, has the hardest time finding love and the right partner.

I know this type of woman, because I am this woman…

People that know me really well or don’t know me. Wonder why I don’t have the love in my life that I desire. The love that I want is not some fairy tale. The type of partner that I do want, I know exist in some way, because thats why I was shown when I first fell in love, only thing was we were young.

I’m pretty sure that if my first love and I met in my 20s/30’s that we would complement each others lives as adults.

For some reason, it seems like the older I get and the less I require in life and how simple I want it to be, and the fact that I am independent and low maintenance. It attracts the wrong men.

I am not all of the above because I want to be considered “wife material” (I actually can’t stand when men call me that) I’m not competing with other women for a man, ring and a baby. I’m this way, because this is just simply me. I’ve always been this way. Maybe it’s the cancer in me…

I noticed for the last decade or so, that when I do have a conversation with a guy, or decide to talk them, or regardless of where I meet them, men are observing the way I am, the way I talk, the things that I am passionate about.

The very things that I am passionate about, men try to use against me or they don’t even care. They just want to trap me. My last relationship, the guy became very needy moved in on me and tried to keep me from moving forward in life. When I caught wind of what he was doing. I packed his stuff up and it was over.

My independence and how I was backfired on me. This guy didn’t love me for me, he loved the convenience I provided and the things that he did not want to do for himself. He did not support me with what I wanted to do in life. He always had something to say, when he felt it was a threat to him having a place to stay or me possibly meeting someone else.

I’m not that woman, that cares about whats in a man’s bank account or his wallet or what he has at home. I’m not asking him to buy me expensive shoes, clothes and jewelry, or any other material possessions, nor do I feel entitled to them. I care about how he takes care of my heart, my emotions, how consistent he is. Does he keep is word, that when he says he’s going to call, he calls and that he’s on time and respects me and doesn’t raise his voice at me.

That he treats me like a lady and has manners and where his spirit is at, does he have a relationship with God and his mother. How selfless he is and his honesty. I want a man that’s not afraid to be direct and honest with me but respectful.

Whatever happen to calling just to hear someone’s voice even it’s for a minute just to say hi and make someone smile. Everybody likes to be thought of. A guy will know when he’s on my mind (or female friend/family) because they will hear from me, by email, text or call. They’ll get something encouraging from me, they will know that I’m extending a kind gesture and showing love, who wouldn’t want that???

I’ve met some very successful men, in entertainment and out of entertainment, these men are very well off but none of that matters to me, because they were still assholes and they are regular guys… I don’t care what you do for a living, there are just certain things I’m not settling on. Any other woman would have jumped at the opportunity to be with these men but not me…

It’s crazy because none of these things that I want cost money…just effort.

I want someone who sees that I can do it on my own, but doesn’t let me struggle.

You would think that a person who doesn’t ask for much at all, that a man would want to do things for her because she doesn’t demand or expect it like most. Its like damn, getting a man to call back or be in time, you would think I asked for a kidney or bone marrow.. LOL….Men shouldn’t make a good woman feel like an option or something on his to do list even if she is just a friend. When she doesn’t treat him this way. This one sided communication just leaves the gate open for another man to come in.

Being that I’m all of the above, men get very lazy and comfortable around me real quick. They start thinking about how I can better their life and not us as couple/partnership. Some of these guys, I’ve never went out with. Its like they want to skip dating and put a ring on my finger, right away. One guy I met attempted to do that, because he felt like he knew enough about me in 2 hours and 6 days. But he was still married and tried to hide it.

Men are always making plans with me, and they don’t even know if I feel the same way nor do they care. They also like the fact that I am simple and independent because this works in their favor. Some men want an independent woman, because they don’t want to do shit. They figure if this woman has a lot going on, she won’t depend on me much at all.

I meet needy and clingy lazy men all the time. Who pretty much, just want to eat, have sex and make babies and do nothing. These men also want to be taken care of. I made a mistake a few years ago, by inviting someone over to my apartment, a guy that I was talking to for about 5 months, we met at a park, I got hungry and I didn’t feel like traveling somewhere, so he seem pretty decent.

So I took a chance and invited him in, (I figured shit, I have enough info on him, I have a doorman and I texted, my friend to let her know, I was having company and sent her his pic, LOL just in case, I’m single I gotta protect myself). Only thing was, he got lazy and comfortable on me real quick after I cooked. I wasn’t cooking for him, I was cooking because I was hungry, and my apartment was right there.

Me and this guy never went out, there was always some excuse, why he didn’t want to spend money, when we were suppose to go out, he had the nerve to ask me, if I could eat before we went out because he was broke. I never saw him again. He ate at my spot twice and I was like nah, this ain’t gonna work. He was nice, we were never together, Thank god! but I saw how needy he was and how comfortable he was and he threw hints that he could stay in my apt. While I worked. I was like Hell NOOOOO!!

The way men come at me, you would think I’m the last decent breeding female on earth.

I must admit, I am afraid to have kids and get married, because I keep meeting men who just want their lives to be better and they are just selfish. They see women as, someone who cooks, cleans and takes care of the house and that’s it, nothing else. My independence is a threat to this type of man. But at the same time a convenience.

I never knew being myself and this way, would backfire on me, when wanting a friendship with a man and just taking things slow to see where things go. Men will show this needy behavior real quick, when they feel like I will get away some how and this usually happens when I start talking about things, I want to do in life and places I want to go, then they are conjuring up, how they can put a stop to it. My ex try to do this with a proposal. I dumped him. I was only 24. I wasn’t marrying anybody at 24.

Even men that claim they want to work with me, it NEVER HAPPENS!!!! Men have a hard time being around me, I’m always the woman they want and they never can seem to catch me. When I don’t want what they want, forget it, the Dr. Jekyll /Mr Hyde side of them comes out real quick.

A person can’t help but feel invisible when men are, calling them sexy and beautiful all the time and trying to rush them into bed and a relationship and to the altar and it hasn’t even been 24hours. When that’s all people see, its like damn! You start to think can anyone ever really love you for you and not what they think you can give them. Some men (and women) shop for a spouse as if they are shopping for a car and house, it may not have everything they want but they’ll tweak it. The car/house only provides a need that they want, because it can’t talk back.

I don’t know why being a genuine person, seems to attract the wrong people. Regardless of how men make me feel, I will always be grateful to God for blessing me, to meet my first love, when I did and how he treated me, that’s what I want and I’m not settling. So if I continue to make one dinner meals that’s fine. One day I will cook for someone and they will enjoy it and they can cook for me too.. If all I have is my down comforter and music to keep me warm at night, then so be it.

At least I enjoy my own company until love finds me 🙂

Does Dating Have To Many Rules?

It seems like in our midst of finding love, there are all these do’s and don’ts, what to say, what not to say. There are all of these books on how to find the one. Some of these advice books, the things they tell women to do and what guys should do, in order to get hitched is a bunch of bull.

Then the person who is reading these advice books on love, tells someone else how to find love, when they are single or they are married. Marriage is not for everyone. Just because it worked for them, doesn’t mean it will work for the person reading it.

Whatever happen to people just innately knowing what they have to do when they are with someone?? Whatever happen to being yourself?? So many people try to follow, all these rules in order to impress someone the first time they meet, and it winds up being an epic fail.

When you try to follow the thoughts and opinions of others. There is no authenticity to it. You are robbing yourself and the person that you are trying to impress. People can always tell when you are trying to hard. People try to hard because they are really insecure.

They are hoping that the person that they like, will like them back. They are putting their eggs in one basket. On some deeper level this person fears rejection. I get it, dating is hard but if people would just relax and have a good time. You never know, you might make a connection.

A lot of people think that if the first date went bad and their wasn’t a second date, that maybe they did something wrong. All of these doubts and insecurities creep in and they say “ok, next time I won’t do this and that”.

A lot people go into dating with the intent on meeting the one, right away.  We see this all the time, women (and even men) talking about marriage and serious topics right away. These things are ok to talk about, but when you direct it towards the person that you’re on a date with. That can be a huge problem, not to mention a red a flag and a huge turn off.

This has happened to me, on countless occasions, before I even go out on a date. I was talking to someone, that I met briefly met, having a casual conversation, so I thought, and this guy on the other end was making plans with me and I had no clue. It later came out, after talking  for a few days over the phone. He started talking about me being a stepmother to his kids and marriage.

To make matters even worse he was already married. I had no clue we were dating, LOL. We never even went out, LOL. But in his mind, he thought god sent me to him as a second chance and during our whole conversation, he misconstrued everything I was saying. He had it in his mind, I was the one, because of how I was. He was trying to control the outcome since he felt I got away. This blew up in his face.

If you are on a date with someone or if they start talking about serious topics so fast. Run like hell! Clearly this person is very needy, clingy, possessive and dependent. I sometimes wonder what is the big rush for?? Why move so fast? As soon as people hear something they like, they automatically plug themselves into the equation. They are already at the alter. Its like ok, pump your breaks, slow down…People really think that no one better is going to come along.

When I hear a guy talking about getting married and having children and even if I wanted the same thing. The guy never said he wanted to marry me or have a family with me, he just said he would like to get married and start a family. I don’t go, “ok, we want the same thing, lets do it”, lol. All my friends did this and they rushed without even knowing who the other person was.

Whatever happened to becoming friends first and taking things slow? It seems like the older I get, there are all these rules and it makes getting to know someone such a huge turn off. Hell its hard getting a man to stay consistent. They start off that way, but as soon as they find themselves liking you, they back off or stop putting in the effort, because maybe they have other options.

I long to go back to the days, when I met my first love and courting and being friends was spontaneous and simple. No pressure, no titles. We fell in love and it happened naturally. There was no social media and announcing it to the whole world. People saw our love and it was contagious. We just automatically knew that we wanted to love each other and show and prove that love.

We never argued, not once, when we parted, we were still friends and happy that the other person moved on and found love. You see… thats what’s missing in relationships nowadays, people are forgetting to become friends first. They just want friends with benefits. They have these dating apps, everything is focused on the physical.

No one cares about having an emotional, spiritual connection with someone. Where is the love?? No one wants to fall in love with a persons mind. Theres is nothing wrong with wanting someone who looks good but I’ve meet ‘nice looking’ guys who were complete assholes and they never heard from me again. I don’t care about looks like that. I care about a persons heart and their soul.

People go into relationships and dating not fully healed. A lot of people are on the rebound. They don’t even know who they are, they don’t even love themselves. Men know that when they talk to me, they know I don’t have baggage, but they have a whole cemetery in their closet. They assess me real quick, this is why they try to put me on lockdown so fast…as if I’m the last decent woman on the planet.

When I meet someone I’m myself. I’m not getting made up like a clown. I don’t have time to be impressing anyone…What you see is what you get. I’ll make sure I’m well groomed, but I’m not going all out because then, I’m not being authentic. I don’t like making myself up. Because if a guy gets to know me, he’s going to think thats how I’m suppose, to be all the time, the way he met me. I’m not keeping up that appearance of wearing make up and nice clothes all the time.

I like to become friends first before I go out. That’s just me. I don’t like the whole concept and dynamics of dating. I really don’t date. As soon as one says, they are going out on date, theres all this pressure. Why can’t it just be two people going out to grab something to eat or going for a walk and talking??

The last guy that attempted to date me, he wanted to marry me right away. (read above, lol., this is why I don’t date) I’m so tired of men trying to marry me right away. People put to much pressure on people to hook up and be the one. They don’t want to waste their time, which is what I hear a lot especially from women. I mean if you truly know this person is the one, by all means go for it. Some people believe in love at first site. But why are so many people so needy and desperate for love and even sex??

When it comes to dating, society really needs to get a grip, on what it truly means to get to know someone and to stop having so many expectations. Dating should be fun. There shouldn’t be pressure. I know from my own personal experience the guys that tried to lock me down, I wasn’t compatible with them, astrologically speaking.

I don’t get along with libras, geminis and aquarian men. These 3 signs are very, very controlling. They hate rejection. There are certain tools that one can use if they are going to date. I just trust astrology and use that as my guide. Laugh at me if you want. It has never failed me. I’ve tried to be friends with the above signs and its just not happening. These 3 signs move to quick when they see something they want.

Don’t give these signs what they want and you will see their evil wrath. Every time one of my friends have had problems with dating, the first thing I ask them is, what is their sign? Then once they tell me. I give them a whole report. LOL. It may sound stupid not to date someone because of their sign, but I don’t go against astrology. I trust the zodiac.

Sagittarian  and Pisces men, they are good as friends. But they like to pull disappearing acts and I’m a woman who needs a guy to stay and be consistent…for some reason they like a woman to chase them and they value loyalty. I’ve never dated a sag, I just had a lot of fun kicking it with them like one of the girls. But I notice these signs have a time limit with how long they talk to a female.

Conversations are never consistent for some reason. Its hard for them to keep their word. When they say they will call you back it can be months, LOL. This sign prefers to email/text for some reason, its easier for them to convey their thoughts, that way rather then tell a woman over the phone and in her face. Sagittarians can be very indirect. Always beating around the bush. This can be hard when you are very direct sign.

I can never figure this sign out. Some times a headache ensues, lol and no dating has even begun lol. If you gotta pull tooth and nail to talk, then this is probably not the sign for you. One sag I knew, I never knew he liked me. He took his time and I moved on. He admitted that I was to much for him and he didn’t know how to handle a woman like me. Never a dull moment with this sign. I’m always that woman that men want to come back to after they’ve played around.

But not all signs are the same, it all depends on their time of birth and the month, LOL…But knowing someones sign, you can best know how to deal with them. I can smell a libra coming from a mile away, LOL. Even libras are surprised I know more about who they are. LOL.. Astrology can be your friend but only as a guide. Not verbatim.

When it comes to dating, find out some pertinent info, before you decide to go out on a date with someone. Find out hows their relationship with their mother or parents. What their bad habits are. If they like to have one night stands. How spiritual they are. Find out what their sign is. It can give you an outline about their personality. Theres always a way to find out what you need to know. It’s all in how you pose your questions.

I found out this one guy was married and he told on himself, LOL. He asked me a question and I answered him and when he read my answer, he said are you throwing a jab at me?? I said what are you talking about? and he said oh never mind, I don’t always know what you mean by text. This guys was going through great lengths to cover up the fact that he was married.

I had no clue he wanted to date me, because I didn’t think he saw me like that, last I remembered he was married and had kids. But he made sure to tell me, he dates and made himself appear single when he wasn’t.. We were just catching up, but he told on himself. When dating be clear about what you want upfront. And if you and this person have things in common, go out have fun and you never know. You just might make a love connection.

Remember to relax and don’t come at this person with your wants and needs. You just met them. Don’t scare them off, before the date even starts.