It seems like in our midst of finding love, there are all these do’s and don’ts, what to say, what not to say. There are all of these books on how to find the one. Some of these advice books, the things they tell women to do and what guys should do, in order to get hitched is a bunch of bull.
Then the person who is reading these advice books on love, tells someone else how to find love, when they are single or they are married. Marriage is not for everyone. Just because it worked for them, doesn’t mean it will work for the person reading it.
Whatever happen to people just innately knowing what they have to do when they are with someone?? Whatever happen to being yourself?? So many people try to follow, all these rules in order to impress someone the first time they meet, and it winds up being an epic fail.
When you try to follow the thoughts and opinions of others. There is no authenticity to it. You are robbing yourself and the person that you are trying to impress. People can always tell when you are trying to hard. People try to hard because they are really insecure.
They are hoping that the person that they like, will like them back. They are putting their eggs in one basket. On some deeper level this person fears rejection. I get it, dating is hard but if people would just relax and have a good time. You never know, you might make a connection.
A lot of people think that if the first date went bad and their wasn’t a second date, that maybe they did something wrong. All of these doubts and insecurities creep in and they say “ok, next time I won’t do this and that”.
A lot people go into dating with the intent on meeting the one, right away. We see this all the time, women (and even men) talking about marriage and serious topics right away. These things are ok to talk about, but when you direct it towards the person that you’re on a date with. That can be a huge problem, not to mention a red a flag and a huge turn off.
This has happened to me, on countless occasions, before I even go out on a date. I was talking to someone, that I met briefly met, having a casual conversation, so I thought, and this guy on the other end was making plans with me and I had no clue. It later came out, after talking for a few days over the phone. He started talking about me being a stepmother to his kids and marriage.
To make matters even worse he was already married. I had no clue we were dating, LOL. We never even went out, LOL. But in his mind, he thought god sent me to him as a second chance and during our whole conversation, he misconstrued everything I was saying. He had it in his mind, I was the one, because of how I was. He was trying to control the outcome since he felt I got away. This blew up in his face.
If you are on a date with someone or if they start talking about serious topics so fast. Run like hell! Clearly this person is very needy, clingy, possessive and dependent. I sometimes wonder what is the big rush for?? Why move so fast? As soon as people hear something they like, they automatically plug themselves into the equation. They are already at the alter. Its like ok, pump your breaks, slow down…People really think that no one better is going to come along.
When I hear a guy talking about getting married and having children and even if I wanted the same thing. The guy never said he wanted to marry me or have a family with me, he just said he would like to get married and start a family. I don’t go, “ok, we want the same thing, lets do it”, lol. All my friends did this and they rushed without even knowing who the other person was.
Whatever happened to becoming friends first and taking things slow? It seems like the older I get, there are all these rules and it makes getting to know someone such a huge turn off. Hell its hard getting a man to stay consistent. They start off that way, but as soon as they find themselves liking you, they back off or stop putting in the effort, because maybe they have other options.
I long to go back to the days, when I met my first love and courting and being friends was spontaneous and simple. No pressure, no titles. We fell in love and it happened naturally. There was no social media and announcing it to the whole world. People saw our love and it was contagious. We just automatically knew that we wanted to love each other and show and prove that love.
We never argued, not once, when we parted, we were still friends and happy that the other person moved on and found love. You see… thats what’s missing in relationships nowadays, people are forgetting to become friends first. They just want friends with benefits. They have these dating apps, everything is focused on the physical.
No one cares about having an emotional, spiritual connection with someone. Where is the love?? No one wants to fall in love with a persons mind. Theres is nothing wrong with wanting someone who looks good but I’ve meet ‘nice looking’ guys who were complete assholes and they never heard from me again. I don’t care about looks like that. I care about a persons heart and their soul.
People go into relationships and dating not fully healed. A lot of people are on the rebound. They don’t even know who they are, they don’t even love themselves. Men know that when they talk to me, they know I don’t have baggage, but they have a whole cemetery in their closet. They assess me real quick, this is why they try to put me on lockdown so fast…as if I’m the last decent woman on the planet.
When I meet someone I’m myself. I’m not getting made up like a clown. I don’t have time to be impressing anyone…What you see is what you get. I’ll make sure I’m well groomed, but I’m not going all out because then, I’m not being authentic. I don’t like making myself up. Because if a guy gets to know me, he’s going to think thats how I’m suppose, to be all the time, the way he met me. I’m not keeping up that appearance of wearing make up and nice clothes all the time.
I like to become friends first before I go out. That’s just me. I don’t like the whole concept and dynamics of dating. I really don’t date. As soon as one says, they are going out on date, theres all this pressure. Why can’t it just be two people going out to grab something to eat or going for a walk and talking??
The last guy that attempted to date me, he wanted to marry me right away. (read above, lol., this is why I don’t date) I’m so tired of men trying to marry me right away. People put to much pressure on people to hook up and be the one. They don’t want to waste their time, which is what I hear a lot especially from women. I mean if you truly know this person is the one, by all means go for it. Some people believe in love at first site. But why are so many people so needy and desperate for love and even sex??
When it comes to dating, society really needs to get a grip, on what it truly means to get to know someone and to stop having so many expectations. Dating should be fun. There shouldn’t be pressure. I know from my own personal experience the guys that tried to lock me down, I wasn’t compatible with them, astrologically speaking.
I don’t get along with libras, geminis and aquarian men. These 3 signs are very, very controlling. They hate rejection. There are certain tools that one can use if they are going to date. I just trust astrology and use that as my guide. Laugh at me if you want. It has never failed me. I’ve tried to be friends with the above signs and its just not happening. These 3 signs move to quick when they see something they want.
Don’t give these signs what they want and you will see their evil wrath. Every time one of my friends have had problems with dating, the first thing I ask them is, what is their sign? Then once they tell me. I give them a whole report. LOL. It may sound stupid not to date someone because of their sign, but I don’t go against astrology. I trust the zodiac.
Sagittarian and Pisces men, they are good as friends. But they like to pull disappearing acts and I’m a woman who needs a guy to stay and be consistent…for some reason they like a woman to chase them and they value loyalty. I’ve never dated a sag, I just had a lot of fun kicking it with them like one of the girls. But I notice these signs have a time limit with how long they talk to a female.
Conversations are never consistent for some reason. Its hard for them to keep their word. When they say they will call you back it can be months, LOL. This sign prefers to email/text for some reason, its easier for them to convey their thoughts, that way rather then tell a woman over the phone and in her face. Sagittarians can be very indirect. Always beating around the bush. This can be hard when you are very direct sign.
I can never figure this sign out. Some times a headache ensues, lol and no dating has even begun lol. If you gotta pull tooth and nail to talk, then this is probably not the sign for you. One sag I knew, I never knew he liked me. He took his time and I moved on. He admitted that I was to much for him and he didn’t know how to handle a woman like me. Never a dull moment with this sign. I’m always that woman that men want to come back to after they’ve played around.
But not all signs are the same, it all depends on their time of birth and the month, LOL…But knowing someones sign, you can best know how to deal with them. I can smell a libra coming from a mile away, LOL. Even libras are surprised I know more about who they are. LOL.. Astrology can be your friend but only as a guide. Not verbatim.
When it comes to dating, find out some pertinent info, before you decide to go out on a date with someone. Find out hows their relationship with their mother or parents. What their bad habits are. If they like to have one night stands. How spiritual they are. Find out what their sign is. It can give you an outline about their personality. Theres always a way to find out what you need to know. It’s all in how you pose your questions.
I found out this one guy was married and he told on himself, LOL. He asked me a question and I answered him and when he read my answer, he said are you throwing a jab at me?? I said what are you talking about? and he said oh never mind, I don’t always know what you mean by text. This guys was going through great lengths to cover up the fact that he was married.
I had no clue he wanted to date me, because I didn’t think he saw me like that, last I remembered he was married and had kids. But he made sure to tell me, he dates and made himself appear single when he wasn’t.. We were just catching up, but he told on himself. When dating be clear about what you want upfront. And if you and this person have things in common, go out have fun and you never know. You just might make a love connection.
Remember to relax and don’t come at this person with your wants and needs. You just met them. Don’t scare them off, before the date even starts.