Should The Man Always Pick Up The Tab?

Now before I continue, if you are one of those women, that believe a man should always pay. You may not like what I have to say, so just hit the back button and don’t continue reading….Don’t waste your time…but if you decide to continue reading you might just learn something…a different perspective is always good.

Here is my take on this very taboo-touchy subject. When it comes to dating, if the guy invites you out, it’s only out of respect that he pays if he’s a real gentlemen. If a woman ask a guy out, she should pay. But even if a woman ask you out..she still expects you to pay… Lets just keep it real… we all know that some women don’t like to pay for things, let alone dinner. So don’t hold your breathe.

Rarely do you ever hear that a woman treats a guy to breakfast, lunch or dinner. Well, I’m one of those women that has paid for a meal or two with a guy. Not because I was dating him, it’s because I thought it was a nice gesture and its nice to do something for someone else. I treat people the way I want to be treated and if someone has paid for me, why not return the favor.

I’m not selfish when it comes to money just ask my EXs, lol. I was with someone who was selfish with money and that’s one of the reasons, besides many that I am single. I don’t feel a man should have to pay all the time. If you meet someone and you guys are friends, then you become exclusive and you really like each other, what’s wrong with picking up the tab every now and then?

It’s a sign of appreciation. I really don’t pay for meals for guys because I really don’t date, nor do I like to eat out all the time. But the very few times I have went out, I paid or I left a tip and its because I wanted to and the service was great.

I honestly don’t know why women do not like to pay for anything?! Some women believe a man should always pay and that’s not right. Women like to feel special and appreciated and guess what?? So do men. Yes ladies… in case you haven’t figured it out. Your man (and men in general) wants to feel appreciated too.

NEWS FLASH: IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.

Even if you reach for your wallet and he says no, it’s still a kind gesture that you thought about it. I remember on my second date with my first love, I left a tip and went to the ladies room. When I got home and was emptying my Jacket, he slipped the money back in my pockets. It must have been when he hugged me. He was always doing stuff like that.

But he was a true gentlemen and it was how he was raised. You don’t take money from a woman. So I had to find other creative ways to show my love and appreciation.

Every guy is different because men have taken money from me, or should I say stole and some have even asked me. I thought it was a joke but it wasn’t, LOL. But men know when they come across a nice girl, whose not after them for their money. They can assess that sometimes. My ex’s and men that have taken me out, have saved so much money, LOL.

That really because I don’t like to eat out, it takes me forever to order off the menu, thats because I cook. If I’m out running errand, trust me, I have a granola bar or muffin in my bag. I don’t like to spend money on something I can make. My friends used to call me the muffin and the granola bar lady, LOL.

I’m that woman that thinks ahead and packs stuff, if I’m going to be out. A friend of mine, we were going to get our hair done and she got hungry, she had no clue I already thought of lunch and a snack. I made us salads and smoothies. Salads are expensive and I’m not spending $10 or more on some iceberg water down lettuce with no flavor. Nor am I eating fast food. If I’m spending money on my hair, I’m not spending money on food. Its all about balance.

Personally when it comes to dating, there are just to many rules, and I personally do not feel like being bothered with them. A date doesn’t always have to involve an expensive restaurant.

Ladies if a guy takes you out, you don’t always have to order something expensive, just because he’s treating. A friend of mine took me out years ago and we went to FRIDAYS and the meal was less than $40, another guy spent $18 on me. It’s not about the amount of money, its about the company and having a good time.

If you have a good man in your life, whether he’s your significant other or a friend, what’s wrong with treating him every once in a while? If you have a male relative, you can do the same thing. Don’t date to put all your eggs in one basket. Date to have a good time and to be in the company of the opposite sex. Date to make a new friend.

This is one of the many reasons why I do not date or like the whole process of dating, because pretty much every guy that wants to take me out, is looking at the future and putting all of his eggs in one basket with me. It’s the same with women, on the first date, they are talking about marriage and important topics.

Those topics are not off limits, if you are having a casual conversation but when you direct it, at the person your with, then its time to call it a night. People now a days are forgetting to have fun in the moment. I remember when I was 24, I went to the movies with a friend of mine, and he parked the car and I went in to wait on line. The movie was about to start and I spontaneously paid for the tickets. When he got inside, he went to pay and I said I already paid and the look that was on his face, he was just shocked and blushing and said thank you. But he bought the food.

Relationships are about give and take.

The average woman,would have probably waited for him to pay for everything after he parked the car. But I’m not the average woman and there are some women (far and few in between) that will pay for something. The women I know don’t pay for shit! I’m like no wonder you are single. No man wants a woman, thats not generous or kind. I just wanted to have a good time and enjoy the movie, we were running late and thats a pet peeve of mine is being late, especially when I’m always on time and early. I wasn’t thinking this guy is ‘the one’.

If someone takes time out of their day, to spend time with me, drive, pay for gas and look nice and is a gentlemen, why not?? If you don’t like to pay for dinner, then once you get to know a guy, try cooking for him. Don’t be press for free meals, all the time and assessing what a guy can do for you financially.

Some women don’t even like a guy like that, they just want to go to a fancy restaurant and have a guy spend money on them. A friend of mine thinks I’m crazy for not having men take me out all the time. Her exact words to me verbatim was ” if I looked like you, as fine as you are, you should have a guy every night. Your phone should be ringing off the hook. I shouldn’t be able to reach you on a friday night or a saturday.”

I looked at her like she smoking that stuff…I thought what she said was utterly ridiculous! Then she continued to say, “you should find some nice places to go to, where they have good food”. And I said to her, is that what you do? She likes to eat out. I don’t. I’m very selective when I talk to people. I can’t deal with talking to, to many guys, that has never been my thing.

Another time I paid for a quick lunch with a guy because he was just an asshole and I paid the $10 and left. I didn’t want him to think I liked him. When going out with a guy, if you agree to a date, they automatically think you like them and that you want to take things further. This happens to me a lot, even if I never went out with a guy. One guy offered to take me out, then once he talked to me for a few days, decided he wanted me to be a step mother to his children, that I didn’t know he had LOL.

I ran for my life, lol…I have many horror stories that one would find amusing and so do I after all this time. I’m able to laugh at it. So go ahead and laugh and enjoy yourself!

Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with picking up the tab.. I’ll treat my female friends and I’ll treat my male friends (if I have any). But when it comes to men, I’m not looking at it like a “date” or somebody ‘I’m seeing” so it makes it easier for me to be show a kind gesture. Maybe if women looked at it like that then maybe they would pay.

Silence…I can hear you men now, are you serious?? Not gonna happen, lol. And people in hell want ice water right?!, LOL.. but don’t lose hope men.

I really do find it shocking that men say, they haven’t met a women that has ever paid for anything. No wonder these men try to lock me down right away, LOL. Ladies you gotta do better. Please stop being selfish with your money, because I’m tired of your significant other or your husband (pretending to be single) trying to date me or sleep with me (LOL) because they are not getting what they want at home.

Remember gratitude goes a long way and men are not ATM machines. Nor are they here for your leisure. They are human beings. People first, money second!

Oh Love Songs…

Theres nothing like a good ol’ love song, to open and soothe your heart. We all love, love songs right, but what happens when love songs, make you want the love you hear the artist singing about.

Even the love songs about heart break is beautifully sung. And it lets you know its ok, even if someone breaks your heart one day, there will be a song to heal your heart. Pretty much my entire music collection is full of love songs. Not a day goes by that I’m not listening to a love song, or cooking with music.

Sometimes I get tired of love songs, lol.. maybe because I’m losing my faith in love but at the same time I LOVE them. Even the love songs I have that are not in english. I internally have a dialogue with myself and the artist and ask them, how they knew what was going on in my life. Do they secretly know my desires? And what I haven’t had.

I feel like the artist is trying to get me to believe in love again, the right love song comes on, just when it’s suppose to. It feels like music is trying to save my life. Like it secretly wants to rescue me and lead me to love.

The artist who’s on at the moment is telling me a story that is suppose to last five minutes or less but for me its hours…The visual I get just makes me want to get lost in music and lost in love.

I secretly wish that the person the artist is singing about, I want them to have this man or woman that they desire. I wonder did this really happen? I get lost in the artist music. Even the person who broke the other persons heart.

I want them to know that they hurt a good person. I wonder why if they had the love they wanted, why did they hurt the person loving them. Why did they leave? Why did they turn away from love?

If I had someone loving me the way, the artist is singing about, I would nurture that love and give it back. If the loving was good on all levels. I would protect it like a newborn baby. It would be handled with the utmost care.

Artist from the 80s and 90s used to beg in a masculine way for a woman’s love. It let you know that men have emotions too. That they want love too, that they hurt too, even if women don’t see it. A man can act hard all he wants, but when his heart is broken, he can turn to music.

The emotional outlet with music, is better than sitting up there talking about his feelings, which some men just don’t do. They’ll text or email or play a song before they sit up there and pour their heart out to a women. I know this because this happens to me all the time.

I always hear about how a man feels, through some form or indirect communication. Or their silence tells me a partial story. I wish men would come out and tell me how they feel. I shouldn’t have to turn to music to figure out how a man feels.

I was listening to “Leave Me In The Dark” by Keith Washington and those lyrics just spoke to me, because I feel like men do this to me. They leave me in the dark. At times, men claim I leave them in the dark, but this is not on purpose. I have no clue sometimes how they feel, because they don’t say anything. Everything is indirect.

The only reason why I’m not forthcoming is because when I am, they disappear. Men always want to know how I feel and then when I tell them, I don’t hear anything. My feelings don’t have to lead to anything. It’s a risk you take, to stand in your truth.

I confided in a friend of mine about how I felt and when he got my email, he never responded to it. That was almost 4 months ago. My feelings were never acknowledge. Just silence. I never understood why people get emails and just never respond or even text. Just birds chirping. LOL.

When men do this, it makes you hold back. But I said what I had to say anyway, even thought it scared the shit out of me. LOL. It’s how I felt in the moment. Music had my mind open. Music lead me to open my heart. To embrace what I felt in the moment. This is what music does to me

Life imitating art and art imitating life

As I was listening to “On The Floor” by Allen McNeil. It just reminded me of what that type of love might feel like. To have a man feel that way about me again. To really see and to feel me. To tell me that he loves me, that he would never intentionally break my heart.

You gotta hear this song…when Allen says “please, please, please” It’s a note that echoes over and over throughout my mind and body. He wants this woman and he’s not afraid, to let her know and plead for her loving. It’s simply beautiful. I fall in love with this song many times over.

Once Allen’s music gets into your blood stream, Good luck getting it, LOL. It’s not gonna happen. You just don’t hear raw, soul R&B music like this on the radio now a days.

I wonder what it would feel like for music to embrace me, to slow dance with me, for music to wipe my tears, for music to kiss me. I feel the lyrics slowly mending my heart. Putting all the broken pieces back together.

When I listen to artist, their music gets into my bloodstream. It becomes part for my DNA. Once I inhale the music, the lyrics feel like braille on my skin.

I have a huge music collection, not even an 16GB iPad mini can hold. I’m a music lover. As I scroll through my collection. I try to find music that doesn’t remind me of a past memory and even a future one that I might happen.

On cold winter nights, music is my warm blanket. It’s lyrics and melody give me life, it keeps me going. It gives me hope that I can love again but the risk is to great.

I wonder what will I gain, what will I have to sacrifice. Will I get lost in music, will I get lost in love. Am I living in a fantasy, or can it actually be real?

No love is perfect..all I know is theres is nothing a love song can’t cure.

 

 

Don’t Hide Who You Are, For Fear It Might Be Used Against You

When meeting new people or going into any new circumstance, sometimes we have a tendency to hold back who we are, for fear that it might be used against us.

If there is something that you are passionate about, by all means, talk about it. Do it! Just because you love something, doesn’t mean, that the person (s) you meet, you have to do it for them.

When you know who you are, you need to connect with like minds and be surrounded by people who make your passions come to life, that inspire you.

Anybody who personally knows me, knows that I love to cook. I’m always in the kitchen. I can’t help it, its how I was raised.

When I used to talk about my love for food and cooking, I noticed it was attracting the wrong kind of attention from men. These men (even if they were taken), were trying to get a meal out of me and even sex.

So I stopped talking about my passion for food and cooking, but then I said to myself, F**k those men, LOL… I’m not going to stop talking about it. Just because I love to cook, doesn’t mean I have to cook for these guys. I don’t even know them like that, a first date is not at my house.

The older I get the less I give a rats ass, about what other people want from me. I can see if I developed a friendship with someone and I invite you over and I cook. But you are not going to invite yourself over to my house, and think just because I’m nice, that you can get what you want. But anyway…

I love to cook because I just love it andI enjoy it! The kitchen is the heart of the home.

I used to be so amazed, when my mom was alive, how my mom would make meals taste so good and even when we were low on food, how she just make a meal out of nothing.

Personally, I think my mom had magical powers, lol. But don’t all moms do in their own special loving way. All that love they put into those meals. You just can’t get that at a restaurant.

I’m the same way, I just create meals and people are always asking me where did I get the recipe from. My answer is in my imagination, with some divine inspiration.

Home cooked meals are the best! It’s the reason why some of us crave, those home cooked meals, during the holidays.

Cooking is an art, just like music.

Speaking of music, thats another one of my passions that was trying to be used against me. This has been happening ever since I was toddler. My passion for music has attracted the wrong attention.

Sometimes when you love something, people will find a way to twist what you love against you. It’s the most confusing thing that has ever happened to me. We all love music right, so why the negativity?

I have gotten into several small quarrels, with men about my passion for music. They felt I was more into the music more than them. They were literally jealous of my love for music, I think it was the way the men singing made me feel.. hmmm can we say insecure.

But that change when someone I befriended, actually like my passion for music and we used to talked about music a lot. He’s an artist so he got it!

This is why you need to surround yourself around passionate people, who allow you to be yourself and don’t try to sensor you in anyway.

If you love something, let it light up your soul, let people see that sparkle in your eye. Don’t ever hide who you are, for fear of it being used against you.

If people are hating on your zest and passion for life and the things you love, they need to look deep within themselves and find their own. Your love for something shouldn’t make others uncomfortable.

What is the point of living if you can’t be passionate!

 

In light of the Storm-Always Be Grateful

Sometimes in life, some of us never stop, to just say thank you to God, for all that we have and for where we are. We’re always asking for something.

There is a storm outside and all I can think about, is the people who don’t have a home. Who don’t have a home cooked meal, shoes, socks, gloves, a coat or a bed to sleep in.

This truly breaks my heart.

A lot of the things that most people, take for granted it can be taken away at anytime. If you have family friends and loved ones that love you. Clothing, food a bed to sleep in, clean water.

A home, a car, just say thank you, because that person on the street can be you. Sometimes family and friends are not an option. People fall on hard times.

If you have clothes and things that you are not wearing or using, donate it. The more you give away, God will  bless you with more.

Don’t waste food. Some people fill their plates, with to much food and then when they are full they throw it away, save it. There’s someone out there wishing they had food to eat.

These human souls, need our help and they need our prayers. We live in one of the riches nations in the world and yet we still have people on the street and people not eating.

This needs to end. Let’s keep these people in our prayers and if there is anything you can do. Open your heart. Be selfless and do it!

God Bless!

 

Closing Your Heart Is Not Always A Bad Thing, Sometimes It’s Necessary.

When you read this, by all means, please understand that this is my truth and my opinion in the moment about how I’m feeling. My view can change at any moment. If you  can reflect then fine. It’s just meant to be thought provoking. All I know is that I can’t be the only one who has experience this.

In life, we say that the actions, whether things said or done, should not effect us, but in reality they do and they must. For several reasons. It either teaches us, something about ourselves or it builds relationships with others. When we don’t like something that someone says or does, it is teaching us something.

I’m sure that when it comes to love or any other area in your life, we’re told to have an open heart. And if you are one of those people, (like I am) that cares to much about people and just society in general. You probably wouldn’t hurt a fly, unless it attacked you.

I’m one of those people. Sometimes I care way to much and its hard. I struggle with this . Its something that I pray about and lean on God for strength, because I’m tired of caring so much about people and things going on in the world.

I’m the type of person and friend that, when I say I’m your friend I prove it and lately, well pretty much through out my entire life, this being empathic and caring so much, has backfired. I know that everyone we come across, is going through something. They are on their own journey.

But I am so tired of caring and giving a damn, about how people feel and it’s not being reciprocated. Its one thing when people are busy and acknowledge you, but to flat out ignore you on purpose. What is that about?? Especially when you have done, nothing wrong but because they can’t have you, they don’t say anything.

I’m talking about men here and why it’s so hard for them to be friends with a woman. Why is it all or nothing? There is more to a person than just being with them intimately. I seem to have some great qualities that men are looking for.

And I’m pretty sure this is going to sound conceited, but trust me I’m not in the least. I can’t blame them. I know myself and I spent a lot of time working on me and being a good person that my mom raised me to be. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves credit for who we really are.

We can give compliments to others and love others, but when it comes to ourselves, we feel it’s being conceited or cocky. We down play our greatness. I had to tell someone I consider a friend, to stop downplaying himself, because he’s an amazing artist. I wish the world knew about his music on a much broader scale.

God blesses us all with gifts and talents and if we are a good person, we should say so. I’m a sweet girl, I’m kind, I’m generous, I care about others, I’m fun to be around. I make people laugh and smile. I spread love and joy wherever I go, regardless of how I’m feeling.

I am love!

I’m always feeding people and listening to them, because I genuinely want to do so. When people email/text me, I do my best to get back to them and if I can’t respond fully, I at least acknowledge them. I don’t make people feel ignored and that what they are saying and how they feel doesn’t matter. I set aside my personal feelings and give them my full undivided attention.

When I show compassion towards men, whether I encourage them or show them some love, this can be met with a little bit of disdain. Men question my behavior, they wonder do I want something from them. Others try to take advantage of it, “because hell, when was the last time a female actually gave a damn, and cared about my feelings and complimented me??” This is what I hear  I make men realized the last time someone appreciated them.

This is not done on purpose, I’m this way with both sexes but with men its different. Men in general don’t know how to take a compliment. When they received them, it makes them feel good and they automatically think there is something more, just because a female says they looked nice and showed them love.

The problems comes in when, I leave my heart open to build a friendship and because of the way I am. The opposite sex wants more. And hey I’m not knocking them, people want what they want, but why does it have to be all or nothing? Why do men pull away from women that they feel something for? Then all attempts for communication is shut down.

For the life of me, why does the silence cut? Maybe because it’s being done on purpose and it’s like really are you that cold? Why is it so difficult to acknowledge the communication. I’ve come to the realization that I have to keep my heart closed. I’m a person thats big on friendships and others aren’t. When I open my heart to let someone in my circle. It’s very rare. If I call you a friend or if I’m one, that must mean that you are very special in some way.

I can see if someone cut me off, or if you stop talking to someone because they hurt you or did something to you. But why and how do you treat someone, like nothing and the relationship is great and you have so much in common and you know this person has your back and you can trust them? Why do we push away people that we love.

I’ve come to realize that not everybody cares about friendship the way that I do . What is the purpose of being there for people and supporting them, if this is how they always turn out? Why is it so hard for men especially, to have meaningful relationships with women? I see that this is an ongoing problem and I have to keep my heart closed.

I can’t keep opening up my heart and letting people in and this is how they are going to treat me, but then they don’t want someone treating them that way. I’m the type of person, people pray for, that they wish they had in their corner, but then when I am, its like I want more.

I’m so tired of having an open heart with men and then after a few days and weeks, the conversation subsides. When I’m dropped like a bad habit. Its makes me feel like, was it ever really real? Men don’t like the F word, they don’t want to be in the FRIEND ZONE. I love being in the Friend zone. LOL. I beg to be in the Friend zone!

You get to find out about a person before you move into deeper quarters. It just takes a lot for me to be intimate with someone and its not going to happen within a few minutes or days. Shit it might even take years, lol. Being that men don’t operate this way and they just don’t, I’m not blaming them. My thing is, why does it have to be all or nothing?

Since this keeps happening to me, I don’t think my heart can take another disappointment. When men give me their silence. That speaks volumes. I’m just going to have to close my heart, when it comes to making friendships with men.