Closing Your Heart Is Not Always A Bad Thing, Sometimes It’s Necessary.

When you read this, by all means, please understand that this is my truth and my opinion in the moment about how I’m feeling. My view can change at any moment. If you  can reflect then fine. It’s just meant to be thought provoking. All I know is that I can’t be the only one who has experience this.

In life, we say that the actions, whether things said or done, should not effect us, but in reality they do and they must. For several reasons. It either teaches us, something about ourselves or it builds relationships with others. When we don’t like something that someone says or does, it is teaching us something.

I’m sure that when it comes to love or any other area in your life, we’re told to have an open heart. And if you are one of those people, (like I am) that cares to much about people and just society in general. You probably wouldn’t hurt a fly, unless it attacked you.

I’m one of those people. Sometimes I care way to much and its hard. I struggle with this . Its something that I pray about and lean on God for strength, because I’m tired of caring so much about people and things going on in the world.

I’m the type of person and friend that, when I say I’m your friend I prove it and lately, well pretty much through out my entire life, this being empathic and caring so much, has backfired. I know that everyone we come across, is going through something. They are on their own journey.

But I am so tired of caring and giving a damn, about how people feel and it’s not being reciprocated. Its one thing when people are busy and acknowledge you, but to flat out ignore you on purpose. What is that about?? Especially when you have done, nothing wrong but because they can’t have you, they don’t say anything.

I’m talking about men here and why it’s so hard for them to be friends with a woman. Why is it all or nothing? There is more to a person than just being with them intimately. I seem to have some great qualities that men are looking for.

And I’m pretty sure this is going to sound conceited, but trust me I’m not in the least. I can’t blame them. I know myself and I spent a lot of time working on me and being a good person that my mom raised me to be. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves credit for who we really are.

We can give compliments to others and love others, but when it comes to ourselves, we feel it’s being conceited or cocky. We down play our greatness. I had to tell someone I consider a friend, to stop downplaying himself, because he’s an amazing artist. I wish the world knew about his music on a much broader scale.

God blesses us all with gifts and talents and if we are a good person, we should say so. I’m a sweet girl, I’m kind, I’m generous, I care about others, I’m fun to be around. I make people laugh and smile. I spread love and joy wherever I go, regardless of how I’m feeling.

I am love!

I’m always feeding people and listening to them, because I genuinely want to do so. When people email/text me, I do my best to get back to them and if I can’t respond fully, I at least acknowledge them. I don’t make people feel ignored and that what they are saying and how they feel doesn’t matter. I set aside my personal feelings and give them my full undivided attention.

When I show compassion towards men, whether I encourage them or show them some love, this can be met with a little bit of disdain. Men question my behavior, they wonder do I want something from them. Others try to take advantage of it, “because hell, when was the last time a female actually gave a damn, and cared about my feelings and complimented me??” This is what I hear  I make men realized the last time someone appreciated them.

This is not done on purpose, I’m this way with both sexes but with men its different. Men in general don’t know how to take a compliment. When they received them, it makes them feel good and they automatically think there is something more, just because a female says they looked nice and showed them love.

The problems comes in when, I leave my heart open to build a friendship and because of the way I am. The opposite sex wants more. And hey I’m not knocking them, people want what they want, but why does it have to be all or nothing? Why do men pull away from women that they feel something for? Then all attempts for communication is shut down.

For the life of me, why does the silence cut? Maybe because it’s being done on purpose and it’s like really are you that cold? Why is it so difficult to acknowledge the communication. I’ve come to the realization that I have to keep my heart closed. I’m a person thats big on friendships and others aren’t. When I open my heart to let someone in my circle. It’s very rare. If I call you a friend or if I’m one, that must mean that you are very special in some way.

I can see if someone cut me off, or if you stop talking to someone because they hurt you or did something to you. But why and how do you treat someone, like nothing and the relationship is great and you have so much in common and you know this person has your back and you can trust them? Why do we push away people that we love.

I’ve come to realize that not everybody cares about friendship the way that I do . What is the purpose of being there for people and supporting them, if this is how they always turn out? Why is it so hard for men especially, to have meaningful relationships with women? I see that this is an ongoing problem and I have to keep my heart closed.

I can’t keep opening up my heart and letting people in and this is how they are going to treat me, but then they don’t want someone treating them that way. I’m the type of person, people pray for, that they wish they had in their corner, but then when I am, its like I want more.

I’m so tired of having an open heart with men and then after a few days and weeks, the conversation subsides. When I’m dropped like a bad habit. Its makes me feel like, was it ever really real? Men don’t like the F word, they don’t want to be in the FRIEND ZONE. I love being in the Friend zone. LOL. I beg to be in the Friend zone!

You get to find out about a person before you move into deeper quarters. It just takes a lot for me to be intimate with someone and its not going to happen within a few minutes or days. Shit it might even take years, lol. Being that men don’t operate this way and they just don’t, I’m not blaming them. My thing is, why does it have to be all or nothing?

Since this keeps happening to me, I don’t think my heart can take another disappointment. When men give me their silence. That speaks volumes. I’m just going to have to close my heart, when it comes to making friendships with men.

 

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