Oh Love Songs…

Theres nothing like a good ol’ love song, to open and soothe your heart. We all love, love songs right, but what happens when love songs, make you want the love you hear the artist singing about.

Even the love songs about heart break is beautifully sung. And it lets you know its ok, even if someone breaks your heart one day, there will be a song to heal your heart. Pretty much my entire music collection is full of love songs. Not a day goes by that I’m not listening to a love song, or cooking with music.

Sometimes I get tired of love songs, lol.. maybe because I’m losing my faith in love but at the same time I LOVE them. Even the love songs I have that are not in english. I internally have a dialogue with myself and the artist and ask them, how they knew what was going on in my life. Do they secretly know my desires? And what I haven’t had.

I feel like the artist is trying to get me to believe in love again, the right love song comes on, just when it’s suppose to. It feels like music is trying to save my life. Like it secretly wants to rescue me and lead me to love.

The artist who’s on at the moment is telling me a story that is suppose to last five minutes or less but for me its hours…The visual I get just makes me want to get lost in music and lost in love.

I secretly wish that the person the artist is singing about, I want them to have this man or woman that they desire. I wonder did this really happen? I get lost in the artist music. Even the person who broke the other persons heart.

I want them to know that they hurt a good person. I wonder why if they had the love they wanted, why did they hurt the person loving them. Why did they leave? Why did they turn away from love?

If I had someone loving me the way, the artist is singing about, I would nurture that love and give it back. If the loving was good on all levels. I would protect it like a newborn baby. It would be handled with the utmost care.

Artist from the 80s and 90s used to beg in a masculine way for a woman’s love. It let you know that men have emotions too. That they want love too, that they hurt too, even if women don’t see it. A man can act hard all he wants, but when his heart is broken, he can turn to music.

The emotional outlet with music, is better than sitting up there talking about his feelings, which some men just don’t do. They’ll text or email or play a song before they sit up there and pour their heart out to a women. I know this because this happens to me all the time.

I always hear about how a man feels, through some form or indirect communication. Or their silence tells me a partial story. I wish men would come out and tell me how they feel. I shouldn’t have to turn to music to figure out how a man feels.

I was listening to “Leave Me In The Dark” by Keith Washington and those lyrics just spoke to me, because I feel like men do this to me. They leave me in the dark. At times, men claim I leave them in the dark, but this is not on purpose. I have no clue sometimes how they feel, because they don’t say anything. Everything is indirect.

The only reason why I’m not forthcoming is because when I am, they disappear. Men always want to know how I feel and then when I tell them, I don’t hear anything. My feelings don’t have to lead to anything. It’s a risk you take, to stand in your truth.

I confided in a friend of mine about how I felt and when he got my email, he never responded to it. That was almost 4 months ago. My feelings were never acknowledge. Just silence. I never understood why people get emails and just never respond or even text. Just birds chirping. LOL.

When men do this, it makes you hold back. But I said what I had to say anyway, even thought it scared the shit out of me. LOL. It’s how I felt in the moment. Music had my mind open. Music lead me to open my heart. To embrace what I felt in the moment. This is what music does to me

Life imitating art and art imitating life

As I was listening to “On The Floor” by Allen McNeil. It just reminded me of what that type of love might feel like. To have a man feel that way about me again. To really see and to feel me. To tell me that he loves me, that he would never intentionally break my heart.

You gotta hear this song…when Allen says “please, please, please” It’s a note that echoes over and over throughout my mind and body. He wants this woman and he’s not afraid, to let her know and plead for her loving. It’s simply beautiful. I fall in love with this song many times over.

Once Allen’s music gets into your blood stream, Good luck getting it, LOL. It’s not gonna happen. You just don’t hear raw, soul R&B music like this on the radio now a days.

I wonder what it would feel like for music to embrace me, to slow dance with me, for music to wipe my tears, for music to kiss me. I feel the lyrics slowly mending my heart. Putting all the broken pieces back together.

When I listen to artist, their music gets into my bloodstream. It becomes part for my DNA. Once I inhale the music, the lyrics feel like braille on my skin.

I have a huge music collection, not even an 16GB iPad mini can hold. I’m a music lover. As I scroll through my collection. I try to find music that doesn’t remind me of a past memory and even a future one that I might happen.

On cold winter nights, music is my warm blanket. It’s lyrics and melody give me life, it keeps me going. It gives me hope that I can love again but the risk is to great.

I wonder what will I gain, what will I have to sacrifice. Will I get lost in music, will I get lost in love. Am I living in a fantasy, or can it actually be real?

No love is perfect..all I know is theres is nothing a love song can’t cure.

 

 

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