When You Are Very Nurturing But Single

I get asked all the time, why are you single? Why don’t you have any kids? People that know me and see me interact with kids, can not understand why I don’t have a significant other or a child. The answer is simply simple..It’s because I don’t.

Sometimes I wonder, why do people care?! It’s not your life.

Not procreating or having a lover is simply a choice!

Single doesn’t always mean available, it really doesn’t.

One has to want to be n a relationship and everything that it entails. I’m a person who is extremely careful with peoples hearts. I’m not going to just be with someone, just because I have nothing better else to do with my time. Thats not fair to the other person.

I hear all the time, “I’m nurturing, stop being selfish”.  I hear I would make the perfect wife or mother.  Society thinks just because a woman is a woman, that she should just pop out babies, just because she is a woman. What is wrong with waiting or not having any kids at all??

I happen to love kids and I have had many jobs, where I have worked with children, kids gravitate towards me all the time, more than they do their own parents, I know that one day if I decided to to have kids, I would be a great mom, but the best part of working with kids, is that at the end of the day, they belong to someone else.

Raising a child is a lot of work and entails a lot. Some people are just not prepared on all levels for raising a child. Kids need a lot of attention. This is not something that should be entered into lightly.

I was at the wolf lodge with a friend of mine, celebrating her daughters birthday, and even though I had fun, and I wasn’t feeling well, internally I just felt at peace knowing that I don’t have to deal with this every day.

Watching the kids have fun, made me smile and laugh and when they misbehaved, and through tantrums. I just said thank goodness I don’t have to deal with that.

I’m not going to feel ashamed for admitting that either. I value and crave alone time. It’s one of the many reasons why I am single. Relationships require work and I’m just not up for it on a consistent basis.

Someone needing me to much or being responsible for someone else’s needs, wants, feelings is a lot. Especially as an introvert and highly sensitive person.  I’m careful and concerned about how people feel and can always assess what they need and want, even though it’s not reciprocated.

I’m always the one giving to much. Loving to much. Carrying the weight of the relationship. Being both the man and woman, when I didn’t even sign up for it.

In todays society, wife/husband standards or what one thinks that should be. I don’t want that. I want a partner, someone where we share the same vision for life. Someone I can grow with. The men I’ve met, they see a wife as someone who’s very domesticated.

They don’t care about what I want to do with my life, they don’t even ask. They have this check list and when they hear something they like, they’re like, ok you’re it, marry me. The men that have wanted to date me, have no interest in anything I like. For example my writing and music.

I recall this one guy told me I write to much and when it comes to music and the arts, it’s not that serious for me to feel it so deeply. This guy moved way to fast and threw his wants and needs on me and wanted me to be his wife, within minutes but didn’t care for anything, that I wanted to do with my life but yet he wanted me to be with him.

F**k NO!!!!!! Why would I want to commit to someone like that?

The men I meet want a full time cheerleader, and they are looking for someone to stay home, cook, clean and not have a life. When a man finds out I have a brain, that I’m ambitious and I want more out of life and that I’m very opinionated. It becomes a challenge for them.

A lot of people are ending up in relationships, “just because”. It’s like ok, you want these things, now what?? Who are you? How can you complement someone else’s life?  You can’t just be in someones life, taking up space. Men act like they need me for their survival. They act like they need a woman to cook and clean, no, that’s a want.

Yes I’m very domesticated in a sense but its because I love a clean home and enjoy cooking. If I cook for someone, it’s shouldn’t be out of obligatory. Whatever it is that I do when it comes to home, is because thats my nature, not because it makes me wife material. A wife is more than that. 

Yes, I have a fear of engulfment. Men that I meet are ready to settle down and make me their wife and it’s all or nothing with them. The way that I am, I’m not the type of woman, a man wants to keep as a girlfriend. They want me around all the time and to live with me.

When I’m around others, the need to be alone is always met with offense and argument. This is one of the many reasons, why I am not in the public eye or many do not know my identity, except a selected few.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very social but I can’t be ‘ON’ all the time and people needing me and seeking me out on a daily basis. I can’t babysit people, just because they feel I’m knowledgeable on certain topics and about life.

I was over at a friends house, and her S.O. came home and she served him dinner as I was leaving. I got a little sad, not because I wanted a live in lover or to be a wife, it’s because I love and really enjoy cooking and it would be nice to sit down and have a lovely meal at home, with someone I love or like and really enjoy their company.

At times I do think about what it would feel like, to have love again and a family, but I know that it would take a huge sacrifice and would require more than I have to give. I know that because of my mind state on this, I will be single for a while until the right soul comes along and doesn’t try to trap me.

But for now,…It’s ok to be selfish, I will have time to, meditate, create, write. Listen to music all day and night, when time requires.  Day dream if I want to and sleep when I need to recharge. Or wake up in the middle of the night, when I want, I can reflect more. I get to work on myself and really listen and see if this is what I really want.

I’m a firm believer that a woman who loves herself, knows who she is, knows what she wants. knows what she has to offer, has her own mind, would make for a great partner or wife, lover, mother and anything else, she dares to dream herself to be.

This is just not a need right now and that’s ok. I can’t have it all.

 

Trusting God All The Time

Life happens to everybody. There are things in life that we may not like, or understand and we just have to trust God and have faith. A lot of things we take on, from others are really not ours to carry, even though we love them. When we don’t understand why certain things happen, we have to know that everything is going according to Gods plan.

Lately I have been hit with so much bad news, it’s enough to make anyone have a nervous breakdown, but why would I go there?? I’m not…but the one thing I know for sure, is that God is in control and he will see me through.

I have a choice in how I respond to life’s difficulties and I choose to trust in him. The things God has got me through, I have a lot to be grateful for and so do you.

You have to have resilience. We all have it. This may not work for everybody else, but whenever I’m face with something difficult. I think of the loss of my mother when I was 14. When you lose a parent at a very young age. You can get through anything.

So when things don’t go my way with anything or with anyone. I just do my best to brush it off, because losing my mom, was the most hardest thing I ever had to endure. So I can make it through anything. God has equipped me and all of us to be able to handle anything.

As much as we would like to be there, for our love ones (and even people we don’t know). We are not God and we are not everyones savior. If our physical presence can be there fine, but if not, we must pray and extend love from a distance. Stopping ones life is not the answer.

We must also make sure that we are good, before we can be good for anyone else. Sometimes we feel that if our physical presence is not there, for whomever we are trying to save and be there for. That they will not make it through. They will. We are not omnipresent, GOD IS!

This can be hard when we are so used to being there for others. But we have to trust God and surrender it to him. This can apply to any situation good or bad. People will not like it when you can’t be there. But that is not your burden to carry. We have to know and trust who is really in charge.

The way you honor God is by trusting him, even when you feel hopeless. Knowing God is your source, should give you great comfort and a sense of relief, knowing you do not have to bear, whatever you are going through alone and that you can release it.

When life is challenging there is always a lesson to be learned and also a blessing in disguised. As human beings, we have to stop trying to control the outcomes in life, when it comes to ourselves and with other people.

I know where human and we can’t help it, but one way to look at it, is that we are spiritual beings, having a human experience and to know that we are connected to the source.

Metaphorically speaking of course, you can’t always be in the drivers seat in your life, you have to know when to let the powers that be, take over the wheel and just surrender. The older I get the more I surrender. It gives me peace of mind. It’s not about letting God handle all your problems and you do nothing.

You do what you can, and what you can’t do God will. Not only that, together you and God can co-create miracles in your life. You work with God, and God works with you. God wants us to have anything that’s in alignment, with what we need and want in life. When something doesn’t work out, trust God, its for a reason.

One of my favorite quotes from Iyanla Vanzant, when she loss her daughter, and she kept asking why and how she got through it was.

I Don’t Get Into God’s Business

Some things are in our control, others just aren’t and we just need to really trust in him all the time. We must know that deep in our heart, with every fiber of our being, that God truly love us and wants what’s best for us.