When You Are Very Nurturing But Single

I get asked all the time, why are you single? Why don’t you have any kids? People that know me and see me interact with kids, can not understand why I don’t have a significant other or a child. The answer is simply simple..It’s because I don’t.

Sometimes I wonder, why do people care?! It’s not your life.

Not procreating or having a lover is simply a choice!

Single doesn’t always mean available, it really doesn’t.

One has to want to be n a relationship and everything that it entails. I’m a person who is extremely careful with peoples hearts. I’m not going to just be with someone, just because I have nothing better else to do with my time. Thats not fair to the other person.

I hear all the time, “I’m nurturing, stop being selfish”.  I hear I would make the perfect wife or mother.  Society thinks just because a woman is a woman, that she should just pop out babies, just because she is a woman. What is wrong with waiting or not having any kids at all??

I happen to love kids and I have had many jobs, where I have worked with children, kids gravitate towards me all the time, more than they do their own parents, I know that one day if I decided to to have kids, I would be a great mom, but the best part of working with kids, is that at the end of the day, they belong to someone else.

Raising a child is a lot of work and entails a lot. Some people are just not prepared on all levels for raising a child. Kids need a lot of attention. This is not something that should be entered into lightly.

I was at the wolf lodge with a friend of mine, celebrating her daughters birthday, and even though I had fun, and I wasn’t feeling well, internally I just felt at peace knowing that I don’t have to deal with this every day.

Watching the kids have fun, made me smile and laugh and when they misbehaved, and through tantrums. I just said thank goodness I don’t have to deal with that.

I’m not going to feel ashamed for admitting that either. I value and crave alone time. It’s one of the many reasons why I am single. Relationships require work and I’m just not up for it on a consistent basis.

Someone needing me to much or being responsible for someone else’s needs, wants, feelings is a lot. Especially as an introvert and highly sensitive person.  I’m careful and concerned about how people feel and can always assess what they need and want, even though it’s not reciprocated.

I’m always the one giving to much. Loving to much. Carrying the weight of the relationship. Being both the man and woman, when I didn’t even sign up for it.

In todays society, wife/husband standards or what one thinks that should be. I don’t want that. I want a partner, someone where we share the same vision for life. Someone I can grow with. The men I’ve met, they see a wife as someone who’s very domesticated.

They don’t care about what I want to do with my life, they don’t even ask. They have this check list and when they hear something they like, they’re like, ok you’re it, marry me. The men that have wanted to date me, have no interest in anything I like. For example my writing and music.

I recall this one guy told me I write to much and when it comes to music and the arts, it’s not that serious for me to feel it so deeply. This guy moved way to fast and threw his wants and needs on me and wanted me to be his wife, within minutes but didn’t care for anything, that I wanted to do with my life but yet he wanted me to be with him.

F**k NO!!!!!! Why would I want to commit to someone like that?

The men I meet want a full time cheerleader, and they are looking for someone to stay home, cook, clean and not have a life. When a man finds out I have a brain, that I’m ambitious and I want more out of life and that I’m very opinionated. It becomes a challenge for them.

A lot of people are ending up in relationships, “just because”. It’s like ok, you want these things, now what?? Who are you? How can you complement someone else’s life?  You can’t just be in someones life, taking up space. Men act like they need me for their survival. They act like they need a woman to cook and clean, no, that’s a want.

Yes I’m very domesticated in a sense but its because I love a clean home and enjoy cooking. If I cook for someone, it’s shouldn’t be out of obligatory. Whatever it is that I do when it comes to home, is because thats my nature, not because it makes me wife material. A wife is more than that. 

Yes, I have a fear of engulfment. Men that I meet are ready to settle down and make me their wife and it’s all or nothing with them. The way that I am, I’m not the type of woman, a man wants to keep as a girlfriend. They want me around all the time and to live with me.

When I’m around others, the need to be alone is always met with offense and argument. This is one of the many reasons, why I am not in the public eye or many do not know my identity, except a selected few.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very social but I can’t be ‘ON’ all the time and people needing me and seeking me out on a daily basis. I can’t babysit people, just because they feel I’m knowledgeable on certain topics and about life.

I was over at a friends house, and her S.O. came home and she served him dinner as I was leaving. I got a little sad, not because I wanted a live in lover or to be a wife, it’s because I love and really enjoy cooking and it would be nice to sit down and have a lovely meal at home, with someone I love or like and really enjoy their company.

At times I do think about what it would feel like, to have love again and a family, but I know that it would take a huge sacrifice and would require more than I have to give. I know that because of my mind state on this, I will be single for a while until the right soul comes along and doesn’t try to trap me.

But for now,…It’s ok to be selfish, I will have time to, meditate, create, write. Listen to music all day and night, when time requires.  Day dream if I want to and sleep when I need to recharge. Or wake up in the middle of the night, when I want, I can reflect more. I get to work on myself and really listen and see if this is what I really want.

I’m a firm believer that a woman who loves herself, knows who she is, knows what she wants. knows what she has to offer, has her own mind, would make for a great partner or wife, lover, mother and anything else, she dares to dream herself to be.

This is just not a need right now and that’s ok. I can’t have it all.



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