When You Stop looking

I was looking for an earring, that I dropped and I knew it was in the house somewhere, I got a bit annoyed because I couldn’t find it. I looked for it, for almost an hour, as it was my favorite pair of earrings, that I spent a lot of money on. I looked everywhere. No sign of it. As soon as I stopped looking for it, it was right in front of my face.

Isn’t that a lot like love? Or anything else that we want in life? When we stop looking for it, it comes to us. We find it. A lot of people are so confused and think its weird that I don’t date. I’m simply not a dater. Never have been, never will be. If I meet someone and we become friends, and it spontaneously develops into something more, I’m open to that.

I’m very big on friendship, as it means a lot to me and I believe its the foundation for any relationship, especially close intimate ones. Some people do not like the friendship phase, they want out of the friend zone. I like being in the friend zone, because I get to learn more about a person. I get to asses whether or not I want to share any part of myself with this person. I’m not the type of woman who just jumps into things, like most people I know.

Society says, you have to date around, maybe even have a few lovers to see what you like and want. You can date, if you choose to, but that doesn’t mean you have to have sex with everyone and make soul ties. It’s nice to meet new people, don’t get me wrong, but you just can’t share your heart and body with everyone. Not everyone is meant to know the real you.

I remember a friend of mine set me up on a blind double date. I wasn’t pleased by this kind of gesture at all. I wish she would have told me. The evening started off nice but the guy thought, just because we had things in common, that we should date. He was a bit aggressive and I just wanted to go home. I gave my friend that death stare, like get me outta here, please!!!! It was an epic fail. I didn’t even enjoy dinner as the place was loud and not intimate.

People think I have a problem with meeting men, I don’t. I can put a stop to my single life anytime if I choose to. But I’m not, until I’m ready. I am a firm believer that when you stop looking for love, it will find you and the person you are meant to meet, will find you as well. All you have to do is get and be clear about what you want and why you want it and sprinkle that with a dash of faith and Gods timing.

What you seek is seeking you- Rumi

When you meet people, its not by accident. Every soul you come in contact with is part of the journey. I don’t believe in one soul mate. I believe you meet people where you are in life, that are meant to change you and you are meant to change them and evolve. Some people in this lifetime, are blessed to find their one true love, but before that I’m sure they dated.

When you evolve in life, and outgrow someone it’s time to move one, doesn’t mean that you don’t still love each other. Sometimes relationships don’t always work out. There are no guarantees in life with anyone or anything. All that matters is that you loved while you had the chance, with no regrets.

I personally don’t like dating, I can’t share my mind with that many men. I don’t want to go out on dates, kiss men and sleep with men, that I have no interest in being with long term, just for a quick release. I don’t use people for my own personal gain and sexual satisfaction.

Why should I have to date and conform, to society’s rules?! Whose american dream is that?, It’s not mine…I simply don’t have to, I write my own script, I follow my own rules. I’m not missing out on anything, trust me. One will say the world is full of men/women, have fun. Sorry but that’s not my idea of fun.

I don’t want to do a test drive. If the sex isn’t good, one can be taught to be a better lover. I don’t have to go through multiple people. I don’t need to download dating apps and do online dating. I keep a close circle of people I meet.

I believe that the person I am meant to be with, will show up in Gods timing. Until then, my mind, my heart, my body and my spirit is guarded, kept under lock and key for the one who truly deserves it….. and that to me is a great feeling!


2 thoughts on “When You Stop looking

  1. I truly enjoyed this article. Thanks! I’m single and often times family and friends are constantly asking me when am I going to: Date,settle,get married. When I become friend(s) with a male, family and friends makes it uncomfortable for me, jumping to conclusions labeling us as a couple etc. I believe in waiting on GOD and his timing. When IT IS RIGHT, IT’S RIGHT. GOD WANTS THE BEST FOR US, BECAUSE GOD DOESN’T BLESS MESS.


    1. Hi Shelby,

      I’m glad you enjoyed my article. I get the peer pressure all the time, even people who don’t know me. They act like something is wrong because I’m not married with kids yet. These life altering changes in one life, should not be jumped into and thoroughly thought through. Having a baby and marriage is not like a pair of shoes, something you can just take back or throw away. it’s a commitment and your family and friends need to respect the fact that you are waiting…I know so many people who felt the pressure to please everyone else and because they didn’t want to be left out. I’m glad I didn’t marry or have ids with my ex and God showed me, in so many ways that, that was not the man for me….I even had to sit in the mess to get the message, because there were things that I refused to see, I’m glad I didn’t have to go through multiple men to learn the lessons God wanted me to learn. I feel I wasted time in that relationship but I learned a lot. I’m very, very clear on the type of man and love I want. Please tell your loved ones to respect yor wishes and tell them how it makes you feel. I’m sure they love you and want the best for you, but that is not the way to go about it.


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