Recognizing Your Relationship Fears And Helpful Ways To Move Past Them

We all have relationship fears of some sort. We’ve all been hurt. It’s so easy for people to say, “don’t let your past relationships ruin your chance at new love”. Easier said then done. The thing is we learn valuable lessons in the past, when opening up our heart to the possibility of new love again.

We learn about ourselves, what we want and don’t want and what we are willing to compromise on. I know that the next time I decide to live with someone, they are going to have to be, somewhat of a neat freak, lol and learn how to cook. I don’t like dirty dishes in my sink or my kitchen unkept or the whole house. I hate to clean up after people.

No relationship is perfect. But it takes a lot to trust someone new with your heart, not to put you through the same things, the last person put you through. What’s even worst is if you never learn your lesson and you keep ending up in the same relationship patterns with a different person.

If you have fears about loving again, seek Gods guidance, write out your thoughts, seek therapy if you need to. Find a mentor or life coach. Find a support group. You can always talk to a trusted friend or confidant, maybe they can help you get past it, and give you a different perspective on it. You’d be surprise how many other people have the same fears…

Every one faces their fears in their own timing. Don’t ever let anyone rush you into overcoming something because of personal gain. A lot of people have a fear of being intimate with someone on a physical level, and they have a right to be. With all the STD’s out here, one has a right to be fearful of catching something. So waiting is to have sex is encouraged.

We live in a time, where its hard for people to fathom, if you are celibate and abstaining from all types of sex. I’m proud to be celibate!!!! How many years is my business.  Some people fear if they tell a new love they don’t want to intimate, they might lose that person. If this person really wants to be with you and wants to marry you, then they will wait.

Focus on what you want and what is a deal breaker. Sometimes we tend to focus on what we don’t want, rather than what we want, and we’ll attract more of what we don’t want, rather then what we do want.

Admitting you have relationship fears is the first step, and fear is not always a bad thing. It can help you identify exactly why you feel this way and what triggered it. It can help you start to heal. I know for me, I keep meeting men, that keep trying to move to fast and rush major life decisions on me, that should be mutual between two people.

This fear comes from when I was a teen, and I had to hurry up and be an adult, after losing my mom and I had a lot of responsibilities that most teens do not have. So when men try to rush me, it brings me back to a place I don’t want revisit. A friend pointed that out to me, I didn’t even realize it. I kept asking myself, and God, why don’t I want to get married and have children and the answer was revealed to me.

Getting married, having children or even living together should be something that both parties agree upon. Not just because you’re a woman.  Explaining to a new love, why you refuse to take your relationship to the next level should be understood. The right man or woman, will understand and be patient and help you work through it.

If someone is pressuring you to make decisions you are not comfortable, then that is not the right person for you. I’ve never been the one to give an ultimatum. I’m not in a relationship to get my way and control things and the other person.

Not everyone wants to live with someone until they are sure. Living with another person is hard. You have to be on the same page and have a plan for your life together. Living together is not just about having a warm body in your bed or sex whenever you want, because even that bed can be cold.

I feel like men keep trying to trap me or control me in some way. They have an idea in their mind of what they want and they are determined to get it.

That is not the way to love, lead or have a healthy relationship.

The way men act, this turns me off from ever wanting to live with a man or settle down.

I understand men are hunters, but that doesn’t mean trap a woman and control her. Just because she may have a few things that you require in a woman. If you have no idea how you plan to love this woman or guide her then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

I know not all men think this way, but for the most part these are the men that come my way, even the ones that are still involved. Most men just assume, all women want to get married and have a child and live with a man. And that’s not true. Choosing a life partner should be carefully thought out.

Another one of my fears is men wanting to literally do nothing and get taken care of all the time. This always goes back to my childhood, where I had to be the provider. Men sense my nurturing, independnent  ways and immediately they start making plans to be with me. Thinking about how easy their life can be.

I have a lot of good qualities about myself, that would probably be attractive to a guy, and when they sense or see this. They want it and they want it fast. When I say or do things for a man, it’s not the same as if I were doing it for a female friend of mine. Being nice seems to backfire on me.

When men receive anything from a woman, wether it’s a compliment, support, love, a home cooked meal. It makes them feel a certain type of way. It makes them feel special and appreciated and they want it all the time. And there is nothing wrong with that. But the problem comes when they get complacent or feel like they don’t have to work to get you early on in the dating phase.

I tend to be a bit selfless, I just do things for people. I’m a simple woman and being this way, stirs a lot of my relationship fears up. The last time I offered a guy something to eat and he knew I love to cook, we NEVER went out and he never spent a dime on me.

Will I ever get over the fear of entrapment, feeling suffocated wanting my space and time…I’m pretty sure I will. All of these fears are just letting me know, that I need healing in certain areas of my life, like we all do. Theres nothing wrong with me or you. The right person will come a long and that wall called fear, will slowly start to come down.

 

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