Why Men Are Not Always Forthcoming With Their Feelings

We hear women complain all the time, about how much their man or some guy they are talking to, why doesn’t he just tell me how he feels? This doesn’t apply to all men. I’ve met men that really want to express how they feel, that’s because they were taught to do so. A lot of men are taught, don’t cry, don’t show any emotion, be a man, be hard, don’t let her know you’re really feeling her. If she contacts you, make her wait a few days or months or just ignore her.

But for the ones that do express themselves it’s hard. Ladies, I feel your frustration. I can’t stand when I ask a guy something and I don’t hear anything and they take days or months to respond, if they even respond or say anything at all. Then when I do hear from said guy, they act like I never said anything. Hoping that what I said will go away and they will not have to confront it. This shows me that, my feelings don’t matter and they are not important enough for you to address them.

Ladies, men are not always forthcoming with their feelings, because men get tired of rejection. Yes some can deal with it, but men are tired of it. They’d rather avoid it if they can. Men face rejection when it comes to women and love more than women do. It’s not that they don’t want to tell you how they feel. They very much do so, but it’s hard for them because they want their feelings, to be reciprocated in some way.

When you think about it, without judging it or the guy. There is nothing wrong with that. When you take a liking to someone, you want them to feel the same way. Women want the same thing. I don’t know anybody who enjoys hearing the word “NO” or better yet silence. That’s even worse. I get tired of hearing birds chirping, lol and men being selective to what they answer to.

Men are tired of putting their heart, time and even their money on the line and it leads to nowhere and some of them feel used. When a man finally does tell you how he feels, he’s hoping that you will be open to feeling the same way. And when you don’t, it’s kind of a blow to his ego. Regardless of what a man wants, he’s not going to come out and tell you how he feels, because you just may not feel the same way and he doesn’t want to face the rejection.

Men ghost on me all the time, LOL.. It’s not funny but I have to find the humor in it and usually because they are feeling me and hold back, which is what I hear,who knows?! (unless the man has a wife or significant other, which has happened, lol) but for the most part. Men just don’t want to express how they feel, because they are gathering their thoughts. They are weighing should I say this, should I say that?

Men also don’t want to scare you off. I’ve been scared off by men who express themselves waaaay to fast, like the same day they meet me, lol..like damn, you don’t waste no time. They are already thinking I’m the one and they are ready to settle down. Of course I run for my dear life like that running emoji on the iPhone, LOL.

Men also hold back because some women talk to much. Don’t gasp, you know you do and you know it’s true…I’m not saying men don’t gossip, but women gossip and men don’t wan’t the whole world in their business, when they express themselves. Your friends, your coworkers, your parents, his parents should not be in your business. When a man confides in you, he confides in you, not the whole world.

Men are very private and they need a private woman that they can trust. My female friends get mad at me all the time because they feel I’m quiet and boring because I don’t share anything about my personal life or other people I know. They feel as women, this is what women do. Not this woman.. I go through great lengths to be incognito, lol. Just like a man. My private life is not for the worlds consumption.

Look at how women treat men in the entertainment industry…once the catch them or have a baby or break up with them.. forget it, their business is all over social media. Even women that don’t know these guys, have something to say. No man wants a woman like that, that he has to watch everything he says, for fear that it might end up in the tabloids or on social media.

Men also hold back because women save up shit to complain about, lol.. it’s not funny but it’s true. We all saw that Chris Rock special…it’s true, some women save up shit to complain about later. My friends do this and it is so annoying. When a woman has a problem with a man, he prefers to hear it right then and there, without all the yelling and emasculation, not months or years later. If a man is expressing himself, he doesn’t want to hear about some shit that happened 5 years ago.

That’s showing him you hold grudges and that you are not an effective communicator. Men don’t like to argue and some women, will press a man’s buttons and they will never get an answer out of him. Women argue to see how a man feels and that makes him not want to express himself. They figure if he gets mad he cares (and for some strange reason unknown to me, lol) that shows a man loves you. Men like to talk, it’s just what they like to talk about. Men want a woman that’s easy to talk to.

Men in relationships are not always forthcoming, with their feelings too because let’s face it. Women are all about their feelings. When a man express himself to a woman, she makes it all about her. Then a million questions pop up. Then their insecurities pop up too, especially if it’s about another woman. I hear all the time, men don’t feel heard and understood. Their significant other is just not listening.

I recall a friend of mine was telling me, about how her husband had to take a pay cut, when he got another job and how she felt. Did you read what I just wrote?? “how she felt?!”. Hell you mean, how you feel?? What about how he feels? You didn’t take a pay cut, he did. No one likes to take a pay cut. That’s a blow to your ego and experience. Especially to a man, when they want so much to provide. The one thing I heard instantaneously was her lack of support. She made it all about her, when she was working too.

I asked her what is the problem, if their was two incomes. She immediately started thinking negative and thinking about their lifestyle, and talking about the stuff she wanted and then she mentioned the holidays. I said to myself wow!!!! I can tell by the look on her face, the tone of her voice, she thought less of her husband, based off of his income. A man is not a financial plan.

There was no positivity in her voice or her outlook. She didn’t see it as, well at least he still has an income. At least we still have a home and our kids can eat. There was no gratitude. Her husband probably felt bad about his income too, but that was not her concern at all. She told me they got into an argument. I had to call her out, loving and respectfully on her attitude. You can’t make your husband feel inadequate because of his income. I asked her, is she making the same thing?

She said gave me the look of no, but also added he’s the man. What the f**ck does that have ti d with anything? See that sh*t right there pisses me off. When someone comes to you with how they feel, you listen and not judge. I can see why her husband got upset, especially when he is doing, not trying… doing his best to support his family. So what if it wasn’t the money he was used to making, and this is why he avoided telling her. He needed her support and she just did not know how to give him that or she refused to.

When men express themselves, they just want your undivided attention. They just want you to listen, not make it about you and what you want and what you feel they should do and how they should do it. Not for you to raise your voice. They just want you to be quiet, don’t interrupt, be calm, listen and allow them the freedom to trust you and get whatever it is off their chest.

Men are not void of emotion. It just takes them a minute to get their emotions and words together.

I hear how men feel all the time after the relationship is over, LOL…like thanks dude, you couldn’t have said that while we were together?? Or they tell me how they feel online, through email or text instead of over the phone or in person, when I can’t hear them. This is avoiding direct communication and for fear of how they might sound. They don’t want a woman to make a mockery of their feelings, especially since it took them so long, to build up the courage to say what was on their mind.

Men think getting in touch with their feelings, is a ‘woman’s thing‘ when it’s not. Women need to make men feel safe to express themselves. When I ask a guy how he feels about me and he’s reluctant. I have to set aside how I feel and realize that he’s just protecting his emotions and his heart. Regardless if I want an answer. I can’t stand when men are indirect with me and they want me to be psychic. I’m like dude, can you just say how you feel and stop holding back.

I’ll tell a guy how I feel and it doesn’t have to lead to anything but men want it to lead to something. They just do. Even if it’s a small possibility. When a woman reciprocates a man’s feelings and validates them and he feels he is being heard and not judge. He sees the possibility of many things in his life. Men sense when women want to know things and they are debating with their heart and mind.

Sometimes it’s not about you. Their feelings are like the lotto.

Men are simple creatures and it’s really not that hard to figure them out. If you have the patience and if you set aside your ego and how you feel. If you want a man to express his feelings. You have to set aside yours and create a safe space for him to be more forthcoming with his feelings. I know it can feel like pulling a quarter out of a dime, but you have to have patience and know that men are not void of emotion.

 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Why Men Are Not Always Forthcoming With Their Feelings

  1. Great post
    Actually Men do not really open up to women especially because most women will not see things in the man opinion and even though the lady knows and believes that her opinion is better, once the man refuses it, let him continue and make his mistake, he will learn from it and respect your views more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dochester. That is true sometimes, some women do not respect a mans opinion or see things his way. I find that when one person wants to right or have their way, they will usually tell someone that their opinion is wrong, instead of agreeing to disagree. When there is a conflict, somebody always wants to be right and have the last word. A friend of mine did this to a few days ago, as we were talking, she wanted to have the last word and be right, she felt I had the upper hand, I had no clue I had the upper hand, lol. I wasn’t trying to be right or have the last word. It took me a second to figure out, that she wanted to have the final say and end the conversation, which was ludicrous to me, lol. She kept saying you’re right, ok you can have the last word. I said what last word? But I’ve seen her do this to her boyfriend. Her main intent was to be right, feel superior and get her way since she’s used to having her way and being manipulative. All she saw was her way. There’s no having an effective conversation with someone like that, who refuses to respect other peoples opinion.

      Like

      1. Dochester, I agree, lol. Some of the things women say, I don’t even get, lol. Men don’t think about things the way women do. When women complain to me about men and they expect me to agree with them, because I’m a woman and I don’t. They get upset. I’m always being told I think like a man, I don’t think it’s that. I just use my brain and certain things are just common sense. But some people don’t use common sense. I don’t let my emotions get involved when trying to assess a conversation. I listen to what the person (in this case the man) is trying to say and try to get to the root of the problem, to understand him. I tend to hear what is not being said. Men don’t have long drawn out emotional conversations like women. Men pretty much cut straight to the chase.

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s