I Refuse To Believe That The Only Thing Guys Care About Is Sex — Thought Catalog

tdurkeeI was having a conversation with a guy friend the other day that rubbed me the wrong way. We were talking about the night prior, a little get together at a friend’s house where a person happened to be pulled over and car searched (the whole deal) right in front of the house. I had…

via I Refuse To Believe That The Only Thing Guys Care About Is Sex — Thought Catalog

Would You Date A Celebrity?

Would I date a celebrity? Hmmm, well first and foremost, let’s get rid off the title of a “celebrity”. People in the public eye are human beings. They deserve to have love and be loved too! That’s like asking would a celebrity date a fan? They are still human. Just because they like your art, doesn’t mean they are off limits. This question is a tough one, because I’ve met people in the public eye, that took an interest, in wanting to date me and I simply declined. I don’t get caught up in, “oh you are said actor or entertainer. Let me date you”. I’m not an opportunist.

Nor do I care who you are, like that. It’s no disrespect but you’re still a man. There are several reasons why I declined. One being, I don’t want my life to change in any way because I know you. I’m a very private person and I don’t want people wanting to be in my life, just because I’m with someone who is well known. I don’t want people following me and being nosey about my private life, because I’m with a famous person.

I had to decline one entertainer, because he just wanted to parade me around and to live and be about that lifestyle and I didn’t want that. I don’t want to be famous by association. Then I’ve met some entertainers that think, because of who they are, it should be easy to just get any woman they want…and they act like something is wrong when they get rejected. Some artist need a slice of humble pie. Knock them right off that high horse they riding on. The humble artist that are in the spotlight, they can’t help who they are.

Dating a famous person is tricky, it’s a catch 22. One has to be really secure, because their will be other men and women vying for the attention of your mate.

A very good friend of mine is famous but I don’t care. Ahhhh, wouldn’t you like to know, LOL. :).. NOPE! Not telling, LOL…never ever, ever, LOL. Now he has express some indirect interest in me and at first I thought when he said something, that he was just flirting and trying to use who he was to impress me or test me. Because I’m sure because of who he is, any woman would have jumped at the chance to be with him. If I ever decided to take a chance and date my famous friend …. I don’t know…..thats still up for debate well the universe 🙂

To be honest, I’m not really thinking about dating him, lol…. if it happens it happens….If I did I would have to be incognito. I just don’t want the attention. It may be hard, if theres a special occasion and this person wants the support of his mate by his side and If I say no, does that make me a bad person? I know there will be cameras there and I just don’t want anybody taking my picture, knowing who I am. I don’t even have my own picture up on my blog. I’m just not willing to give up my privacy for love.

Jaime Foxx has a song on called “Hollywood” talking about a woman, who just wanted to be with him because of who he is and for the perks of his lifestyle. Jaime told Ellen, that one day he was sick and he was suppose to go to an event but he really did not feel good. The woman he was dating knew he was sick and she didn’t care, she still wanted to go and be in the spotlight and he told her to go without him.

I recall LaLa Anthony saying in several interviews that women kept asking her in person and in emails, “how do they bag a baller”? She was like “WHAT?!!!! What kind of question is that?”And she said the key is “not to want to”. LaLa never wanted to date Carmelo Anthony, because of who he was and what he did. She wanted a regular guy, not some ball player because of the negative stigma attached to ball players. These women asking this question, sound like Paula Patton in the Queen Latifah movie “Just Wright” Paula planned and schemed her way, just to be with Scott McKnight played by the rapper Common.

She actually said in the movie, that she had to plan for her future and that included bagging a baller. She wanted to be like the other celebrity wives and have a brand. And he fell for her beauty and he found out the hard way, she wasn’t the woman he thought she was. Looks can be deceiving. Scott and Leslie became friends. Something him and Paula did not become. Leslie was there for him and had his back, she believed in him and cared about his future. They had a love for the same music. She fed him, she took care of him when Paula left him.

This is why men in the public eye are very leery, about who they choose to date or let into their lives. Don’t look at them as a “celebrity” because the whole celebrity thing is really overrated.

They want someone who see’s pass what they do and loves them for who they are or hoe much money they have. “Famous people” feel isolated. It’s hard for them to find real true love, because you have a lot of opportunist looking for a come up.  If you are interested in dating a famous person or if that famous person wants to date you. Become friends first. Get to really know each other. The great thing about my friend is that, we got to know each other and we’re still getting to know each other and it’s not about the physical either or him spending money on me.

WE ACTUALLY TALK AND HAVE GREAT CONVERSATION FOR HOURS. I’M GLAD HE’S NOT A TEXTER. As I have met habitual offenders with texting.

I’m kind of glad we haven’t met yet, because men tend to focus on a woman’s physical at first, and that’s something I didn’t have to worry about with him. I never expected to be friends with someone, I’ve been a fan of for so long, but he’s really just a pretty awesome normal guy. He’s not stuck up like the rest of the entertainer I met. He’s very low key to be well known….So who knows… there’s no expectation either….no pressure….At least we both know that being friends, is a great foundation to start on, if love ever blossomed, and if it didn’t at least we still have our friendship and I wouldn’t trade that for anything 🙂

Men Hold Onto Your Wallets Please!!

urlYup, I said it! Lol and I’ll say it again MEN HOLD ONTO YOUR WALLETS!!

I know a lot of women are not going to agree with post. I can see you now, as you read my words and turn your nose up at me. lol. But, ya know what? I really don’t care, LOL. It’s how I feel and it’s how a lot of men feel, and who better to express this notion than the one and only, …..ME :), LOL.

Thank you…thank you..hold your applause, lol 🙂

If you don’t like what I’m about to say, then stop reading right now. Don’t even waste your time. But if you want to learn something, get a new perspective then set aside your ego and continue reading. The choice is yours.

The responses I get sometimes, some women think I’m anti-female. How?? This is funny to me. I’m a woman, an opinionated in-depth woman. I just don’t agree with the way some women think and the things that they do. And contrary to belief, other women feel the same way. I believe a lot women are picky and get in their own way of having true love in their life by being so materialistic.

I’ve done my research, well more like, I listen to men and really hear them and a lot men are tired of spending money on women and they feel women just don’t appreciated it. They feel women feel it’s expected. Their worth of them being a man, is measured by how much they spend and this just isn’t fair. This goes for men who date and men that are already in relationships too.

Men don’t mind spending money on a woman, they just want to control how much they spend. I don’t think a man should spend a lot of money on a woman, he just met. This should be held for someone special.

Is there a relationship money meter that measures, this is how much you love/like me?

Some women feel, the more expensive the gift, the more he loves me and I have him wrapped around my finger. Now this article is not geared towards the whole female species, just the ones who are like this, lol. Here is my stance on why I feel men should hold onto their wallets, when dating a woman they just met. Men 9 times out 10 will go out of their way to impress a woman.

They figure , “wow, she’s going out on a date with me, she must like me, I gotta impress her.” There’s no rejection. This makes a man feel good, like maybe she can be the one. Or so he’s really, really hoping. They start thinking about the perfect place, and then if the date was a good one, they want to up their game on the next one. With this comes a hefty price, which usually leads to know where, depending on the woman.

A man who doesn’t spend money on you in the first few weeks is not a cheap man. He’s a smart man. A woman should respect a man who doesn’t spend, a lot of money on every woman he dates. If a man is just buying you gifts without, getting to fully know you first, and he doesn’t love you, be leery of this type of man, because it is clear that he is trying to buy your affection.

A man that doesn’t spend money on you right away, is showing you that he wants to take his time. He still learning more about you and what you like. It should show you that if he waits that you are special, not that he doesn’t think you’re worth it. (Kind of like when women hold off sex for a long time) But you have to earn and prove this. You can’t expect that just because a man finds you attractive, that’s grounds for him to be frivolous with his money.

What did you do, to deserve him spending his money on you and y’all just met? Why isn’t a cup of coffee or a muffin at Dunkin donuts good enough? I don’t know about other women, but I would feel uncomfortable receiving a gift from a man, I do not love or care about.  That’s like having sex without love. It’s meaningless. I won’t even break bread with a guy I don’t like or find interesting in some way.

I like to see if the guy is about something first, before I agree to let him take me out and before I get all dressed up. I simply do not want to waste my time. Hell, I’ll eat before I meet him, lol…. or pack a trail mix in my bag and some water, lol…..just incase he’s an asshole and I can bounce, LOL. There’s is nothing more awkward then sitting down, to eat with someone who’s just the epitome of an asshole, LOL.

Most women should see if the guy is about something first. Before they get all attractive for some guy they barely know. I heard Steve Harvey tell his daughters and women in general, “stop going out to dinner with these dudes that ain’t about anything.” just for a free meal and I have to agree with him. This is just so you won’t waste your time.

When it comes to gifts

When you receive a gift from someone you love, it should mean something. It means you’re special. It shows that the guy buying the gift or treating you, thought about you. Some women, and you know its true, hold their self worth with gifts and free meals. They use this kind gesture against men, to see how the man truly feels. They feel the more expensive the gift or the bigger it is, than this guy must be really feeling me and he wants what a lot of men want eventually which is sex.

If a man is a gentleman, if he’s consistent, if he shows up on time, compliments you and  makes you laugh and he puts thought into the date and into being with you, that’s sexy! Even spontaneous outings. That’s more of a turn on, than how much he’s spending on you. A man like this,… just might have a chance at getting the cookie, LOL. In less than 3 months, LOL…But that’s totally up to you. No judgement! Just be safe!

Women we are worth so much more, than an expensive gift or an expensive meal. Instead of worrying about how much something cost from a guy you barely know. Worry about if you are in great company and just have a good time. A man shouldn’t have to prove himself to you on the first date, and nor should you put all of your eggs in one basket. He could be an ax murderer, LOL… ok that sounded funny in my head LOL, but you catch my drift. I’m not saying deal with a cheap guy. I am saying stop expecting shit, LOL.

The only thing you deserve is for a man to be a gentlemen, respect you, treat you like a lady and that’s whether he’s spending, $10.00 or $100.00. (I’m still not over my friend and his $300 restaurant bill, that’s going to take me a minute, LOL). I know a few women that have wanted to try a new restaurant, but refuse to because they were waiting on a man to take them. Really!!! ( Insert confused emoji face). You don’t want to spend your own money and you’re waiting on some guy..any guy that likes you to take you out. Now that’s a damn shame but this is what some women do.

In conclusion a man doesn’t owe you a free pass to his wallet, because you’re a woman. And men really do have a right to hold onto their wallets, if they choose to. It doesn’t make him a bad guy. It makes him a smart guy, because this shows, that he’s not going to just throw his money away on just any woman. And that my dear should be a good thing! 🙂

Are Arguments Necessary In Any Kind Of Relationship?

urlThey say that if a couple doesn’t fight in some way, that something is wrong. How? I saw on two different video clips, where the women said that they had great men, their relationship was fine, but that they never had an argument and wanted to know if something was wrong. One woman even said, how can I start an argument, since we never fought. They felt their significant other didn’t care because they didn’t fight. Excuse me?!! What is the problem here?! I’m lost..

Why do people feel that if they don’t argue, that something is wrong? One of my relationships I was in, the whole entire time we never argued. We were both peaceful people. We respected each other opinions. If there was something that we disagreed on, we talked about it. There was no need to yell or curse at each other. If we did step outside of ourselves, it was never towards each other.

Usually people play the victim to see if the other person cares and to get their way. Testing the other person or playing the devils advocate, means that you have trust issues. There is no need to get a rise out of someone, if you want to know something simply ask. 

I have friends that I have known for over 30 plus years and even though we don’t talk often, we have never had an argument. I’m always the calm peaceful person whenever there is a disagreement. Two people cannot effectively communicate, if both parties are screaming at each other. When a person is arguing they are not thinking. They can not make rational decisions. If they can’t control their temper. All you hear is the person screaming and you forget what they are talking about.

Raising your voice comes from, someone feeling that they need to  be loud in order to be heard. Usually people who raise their voice, have grown up in families where they were, never heard and felt ignored. One of my friends grew up with 9 siblings, so she was always raising her voice to get attention. As an adult she is still this way. I can be sitting right next to her and she feels the need to be loud, not only with her voice but everything she does is animated. She likes the attention. It makes her feel important.

I’ve seen this happen way to many times, you have a lot of siblings or live with a lot of family members and you feel the need to raise your voice for attention and to be heard. This can lead to arguing. It’s a frustration of some sort, that has build up over time. When people argue, they feel on some level they are being attacked, so they go into defense mode. They want their voice to be more aggressive and more intimidating.

Usually when people raise their voice, they feel they need to be right. They’ve come to the conclusion that that they are already right, regardless of what you say. People like this feel the need to have the last word. Most arguments are moved by a persons ego and to prove the other person wrong. There’s always a way to get your point across to someone, without raising your voice. But most people do not know how.

It takes a lot for me to argue. Repeating myself over and over again, makes me upset because that shows me, that you have no respect and consideration for how I feel and what I want and ask of you. For example, someone being late all the time. If I tell you I don’t like something and you continue to do it, that’s grounds for a quarrel. But even when I’m upset I’m calm. When I’m upset, you’ll know as I’m usually very silent.

I just don’t believe in arguing. I have full control over my emotions. Arguing or raising my voice, takes me out of my feminine grace. It’s exhausting, draining and it gives me anxiety and a headache. The vibration that comes with raising ones tone, does not do my nervous system very well. I find that people will argue with me, when I don’t like something that they do or something that they’ve said and I voice my opinion about it, but if I stay quiet, of course everything is fine.

In my last relationship, my ex actually said to me “it doesn’t matter how calm you are, you are still saying what your’e saying, so you can talk in a low, soft voice all you want” Notice I said ex. Enough said! That’s one of the reasons why I am single, because most men can not stand how opinionated I am. They think because I’m quiet, peaceful and nice that I’m docile and I’m not. They try to take advantage of how peaceful I am, thinking that they can just get over on me. Good for me, another bullet I dodged.

Another reason why arguing is not beneficial, because arguing can lead to other things. It can escalate to either verbal or physical abuse. I actually think it’s very unhealthy to argue in a relationship. Some people even think jealousy is healthy and it’s not. The only exception though with arguing, is that it can also bring up insecurities that a person does not want to address.

Only then can I see a valid point to having a quarrel because, whatever you are running from, and someone stirs those emotions up inside of you, then it needs to be dealt with. Arguments, cursing and screaming don’t solve anything. If something is bothering you, two people can sit down and peacefully have an effective conversation, without making the other person feel, like their feelings don’t matter.

The next time you feel you are about to argue or raise your voice, think first and ask yourself. How would I feel if this person said the same thing to me? What is making me say the things that I’m about to say? Will this argument solve anything? Am I saying this with love and kindness? What is fueling my emotions? Is the problem me? You’ll find that if you question yourself and do a little soul searching before you speak, that the argument may not even be worth it.

Remember…. Communication is the key and love is kind.

If you are not arguing in your relationship no need to fret. Be grateful that you found someone, or the relationships you have with people are calm and peaceful. Be grateful the energy is not toxic and that it fills you up and that it doesn’t drain you. That the relationship you have brings, out the best in you and not the worst in you. That you and your significant other are mature and respect how each other feels. At the end of the day that you two love each other. Not arguing is a good thing! 🙂

 

Why Some Men Prefer Simple And More Natural Women

urlFor the past few days the internet has been going crazy ever since Gwen Stefani, posted a bare face, no make-up selfie on her instagram page. I first saw a clip on youtube, with Wendy Williams talking about it, but now it’s getting more buzz. For some strange reason, It’s garnering more attention and here’s why… Because Blake Shelton said he prefers Gwen to be more natural. 

Before I continue, I’m not knocking anyone who likes to spend money on make up. If this is what you wear everyday. It’s just not my thing. I feel like make up should compliment your features just a bit, not turn you into a clown. Every one knows Gwen Stefani from her bold red lipstick, that she has been wearing for years. So when people saw her without any make up, they were quite surprised. Especially when she took off her eyelashes.

Blake said that he prefers his woman to be more natural. From Gwens make-up regimen, she pretty much doesn’t leave the house, without her face being made up in some way and it takes a very long time. Men don’t have time for that, when they are ready to go somewhere, they want to be dressed and out the door especially if they are just running out to the grocery store.

I know for a fact that men don’t like women who wear a lot of make, they just don’t. When they go to kiss you or touch your face, they don’t want your concealer on their clothes or on their lips. Some women don’t even want to kiss their man, because it will ruin their lipstick. I know ladies, you’re going to debate. “I wear this for myself” that can very much be true, but some of you wear it, because you want to seem, more appealing to the opposite sex. If that’s your thing fine, do you, but there should be a limit, as to how far one goes when making up their face every day.

A woman shouldn’t be so dependent on make up, that she can barely leave the house, for fear of how she might look without it. Some women are unrecognizable when they don’t have make up on. This habit can be very damaging to ones self-esteem. I’ve been at the grocery store and at Wal-Mart and I’ve seen women with a face full of make up, early in the morning as if they are going to the club. Dress to the T with heels on and everything. It’s clear they are looking for a man, who does that at 6 am?

I remember back in high school, my friend took forever to get ready, she wore contacts, concealer, blush, fake eyelashes, primer, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, eyebrow color, she had to contour her face (what the hell is contouring??) lip liner, lip gloss and some finishing powder, I don’t even know the name. GOT DAMN!!!!! That sounds like a lot and it is. I got anxiety just writing that. Sounds like metamorphosis. First and foremost, that’s too much work, to do that everyday, not to mention too much money. Make up is expensive.

Who has time to do that every day?? I felt like a guy waiting for my friend to get ready. I thought we were going to be late for school at times. The 3 items I use cost me about $45 a year if even, I just found out what primer was, lol. I thought it was that stuff you use for paint and it is, to make it stay on longer, now they have that crap for your face?? Why would anyone want to make their makeup, last longer for 8 hours or more. Make up ruins your skin it clogs your pores, it just does.

I like to keep my life as simple as possible and I guess when it comes to men, this is a good thing. But I’m not a simple woman because of a man, I’m simple because this is just me. I happen to like who I am. I like my skin. I like being a plain jane at times. If I need to get dressed up, I can get dressed up and do the whole make up thing, but not every day. The upkeep of that will cost way to much money and I refuse to spend my money on make up to alter my appearance. I’m not going through metamorphosis, lol, just to go to the grocery store or run up the block.

Men like it when their woman can fix herself up, but this shouldn’t be an everyday thing, to the point where you’re late everywhere you go, because you have to apply makeup. Men prefer women to be, more simple and more natural. If you are going to wear make up, don’t over do it. Try to keep it as natural as possible. Go all out when you are going somewhere special, or save it for role-playing, LOL… but even then, don’t look like a clown. I’m not trying to sound like a Dove commercial (no pun intended) but “love the skin you’re in”  because you already beautiful, because God made you the way you are.

 

Do All Special And Intimate Moments, Have To Be Shared On Social Media?

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I know we live in the social media age, where people share everything, but do these special and intimate moments, really have to be shared with a whole bunch of strangers or our “Facebook friends”. If we tell someone who we met a “celebrity”, do we feel we have to prove it, just so they can believe us?

When we share an intimate moment with our significant other, a kiss, a warm embrace, do we have to share with the world, people who don’t know us? When one is in love… yes, you are elated and want the world to know, “I’m in love” and you want to share that energy, but is it really for the world to see?

Why can’t we keep these, once in a life time special moments to ourselves? I’ve met a few of my favorite actors and I don’t need to show social media that I met said actor. What for?? The one time I did share a picture by text, I ended up on my friends time line, with a whole bunch of likes and I was tagged in it too. I asked my friend to take it down as I was furious. She didn’t even ask me.

It’s not like she was in it.. It was me. I learned my lesson…you see…… when people have a photo in their possession, you literally have to tell them, not to share it or else they can do with the photo as they please. That’s when I had to put a filter on my Facebook settings and also scroll through my friends timelines, just to make sure photos of me wasn’t up online.

Then people I know got upset, that they couldn’t post anything on my wall or tag me unless, they get my approval. I’ve been told I’m to private. So!! What’s wrong with that? I like to keep things simple in my life. I value my privacy and respect others as well. I don’t like attention to begin with, that’s why my photo is not up. I get tired of people asking me to post pictures, for what??? Pay attention to what I say, not how I look.

The internet can be a crazy and an unsafe place and I have to protect myself. There are just people who share everything…you mind as well be in their bedroom. When I do share a story, there is a way for me to share without exposing anyone, like when I wrote the article “Men This Is How You Impress A Woman”  I was not about to mention the person who inspired that article.

I could talk about him, without mentioning his name. I consider him a great friend of mine and I was not about to expose him, because I respect his privacy and mine. I just wanted to write about it, because I notice a lot of men, spend a lot of money on women, when they don’t even love or like them. They try to make a good impression. That’s just way too much money on a meal. Men have been conditioned to think they have to buy a woman’s affection.

If you do verbally share, let your word be enough….I just think the next time one has a special moment, try being reserved..there’s no need to rush to social media and on every outlet. Keep those special moments for you and your significant other and loved ones.

Taking A leap Of Faith

top-10-pema-chodron-image-quotesTaking a leap of faith…. I know it probably sounds easier said than done. And it is easier said than done.

But sometimes in life, you just gotta take a chance and just see what happens no matter your fear. The few people that I told that I’m relocating… think I’m crazy for relocating to the west coast and at times, I think I’m crazy too, lol… all of my insecurities are coming up, where will I live? Where and when will I work? I don’t have a car. I don’t have any friends there. I only know two people there., who are extremely busy, I barely speak to them now. I have to learn a new state and the list goes on..

I’m scared sh*tless, LOL (for lack of a better word) to be honest… excuse my french, LOL. I feel like I’m throwing myself to the wolves, lol. It’s becoming more and more real since I left where I was staying….so there’s no going back there… I feel like what the heck did I do, LOL..?? But I’m doing my best to trust even though I’m scared.. Tying up a lot of loose ends is taking way longer than expected. My possessions are not selling quick enough and I can really use the money.

I just wish at times, I can control the timing of things, but I know that’s Gods job, so I need to just ride shotgun and be patient. For patience is truly a virtue.

free-download-niv-bibleI feel like staying back east, where I can get around, everything is close by and where I’m comfortable, but I know deep down if I stay, I will be unhappy. I feel like there is nothing left here for me, and it’s time to move on. But move on to what? All I know is that I want to move forward. But

Everything that I’m attempting to do, is not working and I’m trying really hard, to not be stubborn and listen to God… I know he’s gonna fight me on this one and I’m not going to win, LOL 🙂

I know that when God wants to push you out of your comfort zone, if you are not willing to do it, he definitely will. And you may not like his way. So at some point I’m going to have to woman up, lol :). It’s like be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it.

I’ve been wanting this for a long time. It’s hard to take a leap of faith, when you’ve been on your own for so long, no security of money, of family or friends, but that’s the great thing about it, in some weird way…. that I don’t have to consider anyone else but myself. If I decide I want to move again, then I can do so. But who wants to do that. At times you get tired of thinking about where you want to live, I guess this is why society ask, when will you settle down? The question is where? Where will I call home.

I thought about moving to the bahamas, but then that fantasy quickly faded, lol.. I don’t have any bahama money LOL….one day maybe I’ll retire there….

IMG_4319All I know is that I just want to be by the water, write, do yoga on the beach which I miss. Watch the sun rise before my morning run. Have some peace and quiet to hear God speak to my soul, meet like minded people. Start a brand new career whatever that may be. Buy avocados all year round when I want :). The only thing that will probably annoy me, is the extremely hot weather at times, because I hate sweating, lol.

California has some beautiful weather but I hate being hot. I love a nice cool breeze in the fall,..The drought scares me too, since I’m a water addict. but I’m sure I will get over it, lol.

Who knows…maybe everything I want and the life I want to live, is on the other side of fear….

I’m not focusing on the end result…just making sure I plan this right..the end result should not be the main focus. 

Sometimes taking a leap of faith is hard, but no need to fret because God is always there and I know that he will never abandon me and he will never abandon you too. So if there is something that you have been putting on the back burner, just do your best to up faith and trust that all will be good.

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