Are Arguments Necessary In Any Kind Of Relationship?

urlThey say that if a couple doesn’t fight in some way, that something is wrong. How? I saw on two different video clips, where the women said that they had great men, their relationship was fine, but that they never had an argument and wanted to know if something was wrong. One woman even said, how can I start an argument, since we never fought. They felt their significant other didn’t care because they didn’t fight. Excuse me?!! What is the problem here?! I’m lost..

Why do people feel that if they don’t argue, that something is wrong? One of my relationships I was in, the whole entire time we never argued. We were both peaceful people. We respected each other opinions. If there was something that we disagreed on, we talked about it. There was no need to yell or curse at each other. If we did step outside of ourselves, it was never towards each other.

Usually people play the victim to see if the other person cares and to get their way. Testing the other person or playing the devils advocate, means that you have trust issues. There is no need to get a rise out of someone, if you want to know something simply ask. 

I have friends that I have known for over 30 plus years and even though we don’t talk often, we have never had an argument. I’m always the calm peaceful person whenever there is a disagreement. Two people cannot effectively communicate, if both parties are screaming at each other. When a person is arguing they are not thinking. They can not make rational decisions. If they can’t control their temper. All you hear is the person screaming and you forget what they are talking about.

Raising your voice comes from, someone feeling that they need to  be loud in order to be heard. Usually people who raise their voice, have grown up in families where they were, never heard and felt ignored. One of my friends grew up with 9 siblings, so she was always raising her voice to get attention. As an adult she is still this way. I can be sitting right next to her and she feels the need to be loud, not only with her voice but everything she does is animated. She likes the attention. It makes her feel important.

I’ve seen this happen way to many times, you have a lot of siblings or live with a lot of family members and you feel the need to raise your voice for attention and to be heard. This can lead to arguing. It’s a frustration of some sort, that has build up over time. When people argue, they feel on some level they are being attacked, so they go into defense mode. They want their voice to be more aggressive and more intimidating.

Usually when people raise their voice, they feel they need to be right. They’ve come to the conclusion that that they are already right, regardless of what you say. People like this feel the need to have the last word. Most arguments are moved by a persons ego and to prove the other person wrong. There’s always a way to get your point across to someone, without raising your voice. But most people do not know how.

It takes a lot for me to argue. Repeating myself over and over again, makes me upset because that shows me, that you have no respect and consideration for how I feel and what I want and ask of you. For example, someone being late all the time. If I tell you I don’t like something and you continue to do it, that’s grounds for a quarrel. But even when I’m upset I’m calm. When I’m upset, you’ll know as I’m usually very silent.

I just don’t believe in arguing. I have full control over my emotions. Arguing or raising my voice, takes me out of my feminine grace. It’s exhausting, draining and it gives me anxiety and a headache. The vibration that comes with raising ones tone, does not do my nervous system very well. I find that people will argue with me, when I don’t like something that they do or something that they’ve said and I voice my opinion about it, but if I stay quiet, of course everything is fine.

In my last relationship, my ex actually said to me “it doesn’t matter how calm you are, you are still saying what your’e saying, so you can talk in a low, soft voice all you want” Notice I said ex. Enough said! That’s one of the reasons why I am single, because most men can not stand how opinionated I am. They think because I’m quiet, peaceful and nice that I’m docile and I’m not. They try to take advantage of how peaceful I am, thinking that they can just get over on me. Good for me, another bullet I dodged.

Another reason why arguing is not beneficial, because arguing can lead to other things. It can escalate to either verbal or physical abuse. I actually think it’s very unhealthy to argue in a relationship. Some people even think jealousy is healthy and it’s not. The only exception though with arguing, is that it can also bring up insecurities that a person does not want to address.

Only then can I see a valid point to having a quarrel because, whatever you are running from, and someone stirs those emotions up inside of you, then it needs to be dealt with. Arguments, cursing and screaming don’t solve anything. If something is bothering you, two people can sit down and peacefully have an effective conversation, without making the other person feel, like their feelings don’t matter.

The next time you feel you are about to argue or raise your voice, think first and ask yourself. How would I feel if this person said the same thing to me? What is making me say the things that I’m about to say? Will this argument solve anything? Am I saying this with love and kindness? What is fueling my emotions? Is the problem me? You’ll find that if you question yourself and do a little soul searching before you speak, that the argument may not even be worth it.

Remember…. Communication is the key and love is kind.

If you are not arguing in your relationship no need to fret. Be grateful that you found someone, or the relationships you have with people are calm and peaceful. Be grateful the energy is not toxic and that it fills you up and that it doesn’t drain you. That the relationship you have brings, out the best in you and not the worst in you. That you and your significant other are mature and respect how each other feels. At the end of the day that you two love each other. Not arguing is a good thing! 🙂

 

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