Shallow America: Why It’s Getting Harder To Recognize Real Women

It’s no secret that the world we live in, is very shallow. Everything is about looks with some people. Looks  are at the top of their list when it comes to looking for love. It’s no secret that a lot of people are paying plastic surgeons, to enhance their body in some way. Society and reality tv, well the entertainment industry is obsessed with the perfect body, when it comes to women.

It’s getting really hard to recognize the real from the fake.

Before I continue, this is not some cry for help or some pity story…..

For as long as I could remember, people have said things about my body and my looks and frankly, I’m fucking tired of it. It has not always been in a positive light. If only people knew the great lengths I’ve gone through to disguise my body, to deflect the negative attention. I had the lowest self-esteem for years, pretty much into my 20s. I didn’t even know it was that bad, until people called me out on it.

I just wanted people to see me, my mind and not talk about my shell. Men would refuse to get to know me, so therefore I never really dated. I got tired of my “looks” or what they consider to be “attractive” being the topic of every conversation. It made me feel like I was just someone who, they just wanted to fuck and then leave. It’s like they refuse to see a real person.

Women too, have looked at me with envy and I don’t know why. One of my childhood friends, refused to go out with me because of the “attention” she claimed I got. We had an argument one day and she started talking about my ass and hips. One guy I was talking to for a few weeks, tried to keep me inside the house and got extremely territorial on me, he wanted me to dress like a nun.

When it comes to my face, some woman is always asking me, what shade of lip gloss I’m wearing, did I get my lips stained, or what eyeshadow I’m wearing and I don’t even wear that shit. I happen to be a woman of color, I don’t need to morph myself into a circus clown. Being that make-up is a big part of a woman’s regimen every day, women just think all women wear make up all the time and that’s just not true.

With the media always talking about women’s bodies, and who got the latest butt enhancement or breast augmentation, it makes it seem like when a real woman has curves and she’s in her natural state, it’s hard for other people, well women to believe that she did not pay for it. They murmur under their breath, “yeah she got work done”. Why do women body shame each other?

I remember when I logged onto Facebook one day and in the new feed, was breaking news that K. Michelle was removing her butt injections or implants. I said to myself why is this breaking news? Who gives a shit?!! The magazine reporting this, was supposed to be a music magazine, but it was talking about K. Michelle’s assets. SMDH!

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good and be at your best, but at what cost? I can understand reconstructive surgery, especially with some women after they have a baby, they just need some extra skin removed. They want to feel sexy again and get their confidence back. I can understand if a person really needs it, if they have been in an accident but changing your whole body. That’s ridiculous.!

We all want to feel beautiful but it really starts from the inside out. 

Why are we so obsessed with having the perfect body? Or being beautiful all the time. I saw a video clip with Kim Fields when she was on Atlanta housewives and she wanted the women to take off their make up,  And she called them out on it. I mean it’s the fake hair, the fake eyelashes, fake nails, a face full of make up, fake body parts, the high heels, expensive clothes and jewelry and its like damn, everyday?!!

You can’t dress down and be simple and plain. But then these women who are so fake, are looking for a real man. Why don’t you try being a real woman. People are getting poisoned and dying over wanting to look good and delay aging. It’s very, very sad! What are we teaching our young women about how they look? What are we teaching our young men, about how to value a woman?

Shouldn’t we be focused on our health. Our self-esteem? loving one another. Complementing someone’s life, bringing out the best in them. Worried about making our own money and being a better person. There’s so much going on in the world, people dying from disease, unemployment, homelessness. People not eating, losing their homes but yet we are worrying about, how can my butt look bigger, how can I enhance my lips and breast. We just want to nip and tuck everything.

We want to be attractive to the opposite sex, why are some of us so shallow?

These are some very sad times we are living in. Some people really need to be psycho evaluated to make sure their mind is right. No matter what one does in the physical world, we will all transcend one day. It’s not going to matter on the side. We really need to be happy with the way God made us.

The Entertainment Industry Is Not The Only Way To Be Wealthy

Everyday we see people chasing their dream to be famous or to be in the entertainment industry. It seems like a pretty exciting life right? Dreaming big, having a number one album or a number one movie. Looks like fun right? Well, I’m pretty sure it is fun, until you get to the business part of it. When I was a child, I wanted to be an actress and a singer. I used to hear my favorite artist on the radio and I had dreams of singing back up for them, lol and touring.

Not necessarily to be famous or have money, I just wanted to be in the background. I actually didn’t know people got paid for being on TV. It just looked like a fun job to have. When I started going on auditions, I quickly learned that in this business, no one really cares about your talent. Really, It’s pretty much about how you look and can you bring in the big bucks. Also it’s about who you know.

It’s all about networking and proving yourself to a whole bunch of people, that you’re good enough for the role. If you have the tenacity to pursue this type of career, by all means, pursue it. But it will not happen over night. That’s the part that most dreamers seem to forget. A lot of people think being in the entertainment industry, is the only way to be wealthy as if it’s the only path to life’s riches and it’s not. A lot of people want the illusion of it and forget that it’s hard work and a lot of hours. You give up a lot in the is business, especially your privacy.

A lot of people are willing to do anything just to be an A-list actor or singer. I know quite a few people that have made it and when I see them, I’m happy for them and I’m really not surprised, because I saw early on, how bad they wanted it. A friend of mine asked me, how I felt about seeing an old friend of mine in movies and where she is today and my answer, was simple, I’m not surprised, she wanted to be an actress. That’s all she talked about and that was her destiny.

I could not see myself living my life in the public eye. I’m too private and introverted. I know from seeing her and anybody else I know, that if you stick with it long enough, it is possible, but that life, I don’t want that life. I love the arts because I love the arts, when I was acting for free, it was fun and exciting. But I was not in the public eye.

I go through great lengths as a blogger to keep my identity protected, LOL. I have some loyal readers who enjoy reading my blog and (the men) want to know what I look like, but I am not revealing myself. Sorry, lol :). I don’t feel what I look like is important. I want people to pay attention to what I have to say, not how I look. I don’t need people idolizing me in anyway. I’m just a human being. You can’t get to know someone’s work, if all you see is their exterior. Which happens a lot in the entertainment industry.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the artist that I listen to and I am grateful, that they chose to share their gifts and talents with the world. I know it must be exciting and hard at the same time. To constantly give the people what they want and to be creative. I’m not saying every famous person, wants to be famous but the majority of “normal” people do want to be famous! Fame to me just changes people. You have to morph into what the public wants. Your identity starts to change and your ego.

People feel like they know you, because you’re on tv, when they never had a conversation with you. Everything is magnified when you are on the big or little screen. To the audience, you’re larger than life, people start imagining, the type of money they can make, the fame, the parties, the famous people they can “make friends” with. The adoration from the masses, the free stuff they can get, the clothes they can wear. People love taking pictures with famous people and posting it.

I remember when a few people recognized me on TV they thought I was rich and had connections and I had neither. I quickly learned that a lot of people just wanted to be around me, just to say they knew me. They introduced me as a title not a real person. Look what happens when a “nobody” becomes a “somebody” and people want to put their business all in the media. If that person wasn’t in the public eye, then that person’s business would not be in the media.

The entertainment industry on some level, makes it seem like people who live normal lives, that they are not dreaming big enough. That they don’t want more out of life and that is simply not true. That the entertainment life seems so much better than the life they are living now. Whats wrong with having a simple life?! Absolutely nothing!

Theres no privacy in the entertainment industry, when you pursue a public career, your life is not your own anymore. People know you’re every move, especially with social media now and when you get paid a big salary the world knows. Why do we need to know that said actor, got paid X amount of millions for? Then some people are sitting at home, thinking damn I’m at this 9-5, I want that to be me. Then they start chasing the money and the fame.

There are other ways to be wealthy, whatever that means to you, try investing, having your own business, inventing something. The entertainment business is not the only way to be wealthy or to have what you desire. Be wealthy in all areas of your life, let abundance flow and you’ll attract wealth and be more abundant that you’ll ever know. Let your love of God, life and passion guide you not just money. Find something you love to do and you’ll never work a day in your life.

 

It’s Ok To Surrender And Let Go Of Pain and Struggle

220773f7f7e33f68607c0d4591eae474Pain and struggle, something that we all are familiar with. Some of us are comfortable with our pain and struggle because it’s all we know. When something good happens to us we question it, but we never question our pain, were comfortable there.

Venturing out into something good, seems to risky….fear rears its ugly head, it starts telling us why we cant do this. Why we can’t do that. Why we can’t have the love we desire.

Fear reminds us of our pain. It keeps us from being happy in all facets out our lives. It’s stops us from dreaming. From hoping for better days.

Don’t you know that it’s ok to let go of your pain and struggle. Whatever you went through, it’s ok to let it go, you don’t have to hold on to it, it’s over. You can surrender and let go.

You can have peace of mind.

Everything that God has put me through and brought me through was for my own growth…I needed to go though whatever I went through. If not I would still be stuck. Our past shapes us but it does not have to define us. When we tell our story to others, it’s just to help them in some way, not to relive the past.

I’m looking forward to the next chapter in my life. I may not be where I want to be, but I know I’m being led. I know God will always be there and he will lead me to new possibilities in life and maybe even new love. I just need to surrender to him and say YES and have faith.

I don’t have to have to figured it all out. I don’t have to control the outcome. It’s all about Gods plan, because apparently my plan hasn’t been working, LOL. I can admit that. I’m human but I just feel so good and so light knowing that I can hand it over to him and surrender.

That God will and always will provide and sustain me and he will for you too!

We all deserve joy and to be happy. Fear can be paralyzing, don’t let it stop you from living! DOn’t let it stop you from loving. For life is truly a gift and must be lived and loved! 🙂

Independence: How Women Are Conditioned To Not Need A Man

58040d6c395420dd666f55ab7f3bccbdIndependence, what a great thing to have right? Of course independence is great, you’re out on your own, doing your own thing… but what happens when you take independence to far, to the point that when you are in a relationship you act like you don’t need a man or when you decide you don’t need a man period. When the song “Independent women” came out by Beyonce, all the single women and women in relationships, were blasting this song. This was their anthem. Not to need a man, for anything….

For the record I always hated that song, LOL…. just being honest. Never liked it, never will. Just like the song “bills, bills, bills”. Songs like that should not be infused in women’s minds. Men don’t have anthem songs, saying they don’t need a woman but women always have songs, talking about how they don’t need a man. This can’t be any far from the truth. Everyone in life should be self sufficient male or female. Independence is great but not when you are in a relationship. It’s time to kill that notion that men are not needed in our lives or in society.

Whether women realize it or not, women are taught from a very young age, not to need a man, especially if you come from a single parent home. Mothers raise their daughters to be “independent” and since the male presence is absent. This teaches women that men are not needed. If a woman does have a relationship with her father, it’s sporadic and he’s looked at, as just a person who just drops by to give her money or if her mother receives a child support check. This in returns teaches young women that a man (her father) is an ATM machine. That he’s a financial plan.

If a man does have a good relationship with his daughter, and he spoils her with material possessions, this also teaches women to be materialistic. She’ll go looking for a man to buy her things, and come to believe that materialistic things, means a man loves and values her even if he treats her bad. When two people split, usually the child stays with the mother. If the split was a bad one, and there is a female child involved. The female will hear her mother talking bad about her father, especially if she is not raised by him.

Over time, if the mother keeps talking bad about the child’s father to her, she will start to believe that all men are bad and that men are not really needed. This teaches a young woman, that A. to leave mean completely alone or B. to use a man for anything that she wants. C. that men are good for nothing and all they bring is a headache. I know a few people who went the A. route and left men completely alone and started being open to the same sex but the flip side of that is, that the “masculine woman” that they are with, looks and acts like a man.

Proving that they still need a man in their life, they just don’t want to deal with the masculine presence. They want a man who has a balance of masculine and feminine energy. There are men out there like that, the solution is to stop being and ending up with toxic men. The solution is not to find a woman who is masculine and feminine. You can’t get an alpha-male and alpha-female in one person. That to me sounds like a threesome.

With my 35 years on the planet, I have never heard a heterosexual man say he doesn’t need a woman, but I have heard women say 90% of the time, I don’t need a man…. There’s something truly off about this picture when you think about it. Why is it that men feel they need or want us, but women feel they don’t need a man at all ?? Think about it… I have never in my entire life, heard a man say, “forget women”, I don’t need a woman!” “There are no good women out there, let me find a dude to be with”.. but some women say all the time “There are no good men at all”, to the point where it becomes true.

Some women believe on a deeper level, that there really are no good men out there. I’ve heard these women express their pure hatred for men. Some even went to the other side based off this belief. That’s deep! As much as men get on my nerves at times and women get on men’s nerves, that’s not a reason to go the other side. You will never catch a straight man entertaining being with a man, just because he’s had a few bad relationships with women. I’d rather be single than be open to love from whomever, I can get it from. I’ve never been that desperate to have someone in my life.

A person is free to choose whoever they want to be with. But why does it have to get to the level, that we feel that we don’t need each other, when it’s very clear that we do. Why does it seem like it’s getting harder and harder to find genuine trustworthy loyal people? I understand a lot of women are single mothers and they deal with everything on their own. A woman has to be both mother and father. So it leads women to think that there are no good men out there. Especially if the men are not stepping up to the plate.

When a male is present but absent, this further pushes the notion that men are not needed. My father was present but absent on so many levels. I was raised to be independent. I watch my mother do everything to take care our family. When she passed I was left to take care of myself even when I lived with my father. I couldn’t depend on him for anything. When I left home I had it in my mind no man was going to hold me back, which is what a lot of women think. Even when women are in a relationship, some will not even let a man do anything for them or provide, because they are taught, men do not provide, they leave.

A lot of women are not happy being single, they want a kind loving man. They want a man to lead them, they just don’t trust the male presence in their life. Look at the things some women do to get a man or to use a man. They are lost. They need guidance. A lot of women end up in bad relationships because there is no male presence to guide them. A lot of women don’t feel the love of their father, so they look to any man to give them attention but there is still a void. I was the opposite, I never dated or looked for attention from men, if anything I hated it. I still do as an adult.

I’m not religious but it takes both masculine and feminine presence to be in a woman’s life. One can not exist without the other. It takes both a man and woman to produce a child. The male presences is very much so needed, regardless of what women think. A woman needs a father figure in her life, to show her what a good man is. It’s time to unlearn everything that she has ever been taught. If not the cycle will continue. If a woman does not have a positive male figure in her life, there are other ways that a woman can begin to trust man again.

She can seek professional help or becomes friends with a guy. I recently became friends with a guy who pretty much change my WHOLE perspective on the male race. How he is as a real man, has really made me see men in a different light. I pretty much thought a lot of men, not all, were like my father but I know they are not. I realize my father taught me that men don’t provide, thats why I never looked for them to provide or asked a guy for anything, even when I was in a relationship. When I started to love myself more and develop a relationship with God, my relationship came to an end, it was bound to fail, because I woke up.

Independence is backfiring in relationships and in the lives of women because women are not trusting men and they don’t see the significance in having a male in their life. This leads women to become bitter and to think they can survive without a man. When they want to have a child or settle down, they know that they need the male presence, but after they get what they want, they feel they no longer need a man for anything. Women are working now and I’m all for working, but money should not equal the non existent presence of the male species. Money can’t hold you at night or love you the way a good man can.

I really do want women to realize that men, are so very much needed in our lives. That we need their wisdom, their guidance, their strength, especially from a good man and to know that men are providers and protectors and that men are not void without emotion. Not all men leave. Men want what women want, to be married to settle down, but it takes the right woman to understand and know this. It’s going to take trust, patience and love on both ends and only the right man, can reverse this notion that their presence is not needed in a woman’s life because it is.

I’m Glad My Ex Was An Asshole…..LOL

Gratitude-and-happiness-The-link-based-on-neuroscience-720x380

Yeah I know…sounds weird and I know you might be saying,”why are you glad your ex was an asshole”?. Well…. continue to read and you’ll find out :).

In life, even when messed up shit happens, you have to have gratitude and say thank you to God. Thank you to the universe, because you know why, whatever you went through was necessary for your own growth. Necessary for you to see what you really deserve and for you to have standards and love yourself more. Necessary to bring you closer to the one, who truly deserves your heart and the person who can love you the way you desire.

Here I am at Walmart buying avocados and out of all days, I see my ex with the woman that he cheated on me with and their kids. Now, to be honest, seeing the two of them, made my stomach turn, lol. I’m so glad they didn’t see me. When I saw him, I just thought to myself, all the sacrifices I made for this person, all the money I spent and this is what he did and what I get. I was deprived of love, time, affection and so on. No wonder he didn’t want kids with me, because he already had them.

This man could depend on me in ways, I never could depend on him and I should have been able to, but now I know why. I didn’t realize I was giving and doing so much because, it was just things that I normally did. Nor did he stop me or appreciate it. I was that woman, that stood by him, when he had nothing and was his “ride or die”. The type of woman, most men are looking for and want in their lives. I sacrificed so much, did so much, loved so hard and still it wasn’t enough. I still got played. This dude really had me “living in disney land” Like Allen McNeil sings in “I Don’t Need Nobody”.  A man or a woman can give so much and still it’s never enough, some people are just selfish and just want what they want.

Thankful for peace of mind

The thought slowly dissipated and in that moment, I felt like someone sprinkled fairy dust on me, lol. My stomach no longer turned. (Side note- my stomach only turns when I can’t stand something or someone, lol) A smile quickly appeared on my face when I reached the register and said good morning to the cashier. I instantly just felt so happy because, that was no longer my headache and heartache anymore. I was thankful for peace of mind. That relationship should have been over a long time ago, but it’s a lesson learned. The cashier said “you must be in a good mood and I said “yes, as a matter of fact I am”. She even smiled when she looked so angry before I reached her. I just thought she wasn’t a morning person, lol.

Smiling is contagious.

gratitude

I’m so grateful that everything that wasn’t working for me, at that time, God took it away from me. Because I clearly did not get the point or lesson. It took a job loss for me to see what was going on, and for me to stop being so busy and to focus on myself instead of others. It made me also realized, that I need someone who loves and gives not just takes. I was so used to being there for everyone, that no one was there for me. Even when I met other men after him. When it didn’t work out and something seemed off and my intuition kicked into high gear. I just saw it as, REJECTION IS GOD’S PROTECTION.

Theres a reason why nothing worked out with anyone else. I will never understand why some people, disrespect the institution of marriage and feel the need to live a double life. If you’re unhappy in your relationship or marriage, don’t play with someone else’s heart. It’s simply not fair. All I know is that love or the possibility of love, is not elusive for me anymore.  God has not forgot about me. I made a new friend who slowly helped me peel the layers off my wounded heart.

I’m glad my ex was an asshole, LOL…. because all he did was clear and make room for the right man who will truly love me and appreciate me and everything I have to offer and I really can’t be mad at that!!! 🙂 I know I’m a good woman and deserve love. I’m not going to let my heart be harden over one asshole, (or a couple of them) LOL…shit happens!! His lost, he let a truly good woman get away :). All I know is I’m excited to move on with the next chapter in my life. It truly is time for a “brand new start” :).

If someone did you wrong, even though it may seem crazy, just find a way to be grateful and move on. God truly does have someone for everyone. It sucks that you have to go through a bunch of rotten apples, lol just to find a good one. I feel the same way about my avocados, LOL.(oh that’s not the same thing?) But you know what I mean, anyway, LOL. the right person is out there for you. You only have one life and you deserved to be loved and to be happy :). God guarantees it!! Not me, lol 🙂

Thanks for reading!!!!

Fathers Day-What To Give That Special Man In Your Life

No, it’s not socks, ties or a watch……In case you haven’t figured it out, when it comes to “fathers day” Most men are not really holiday men. Let’s keep it real, men are not into the holidays like women are. Holidays are really for women, they just are… you see all the jewelry commercials and lavish getaways, that’s geared towards women.

They don’t make such a big fuss for men, the way they do women when the holidays are approaching. Men would rather do away with holidays if you ask them. Men really don’t need a special occasion, to show the woman and children in their life how much they love them. They prove this every day by providing.

Men are really quite simple, what most men want from their significant other is to appreciate them, for their kids to appreciate and understand the sacrifices they make. If you tell your man thank you, that you love him, that you appreciate what he does, If you cook him a special meal. If you compliment him, if you’re affectionate and don’t reject his advances to be intimate with you, he’ll be quite happy.

If you plan a spontaneous day just for him, without it being a holiday he will appreciate it. If you do plan on buying him something, all you have to do is figure out the things he enjoys doing, then it will be quite simple to shop for a gift for him. Please don’t let it be socks and ties. Go all out for that special man in your life, the same way you would like for him, to go all out on the holidays that you like to celebrate. We all know some women live for holidays to get free stuff, not so much so men.

Don’t be cheap either ladies, lol, not just with your money but with your time and effort. Your man wants to know that you thought about him. That he means something to you. He wants to feel special too whether you spend money or not. You can always give him a hand written love letter, buy him dinner if you don’t plan on cooking.

Just do something to make him feel appreciated, not just on fathers day, but everyday, because being a great dad, a good man, shouldn’t be recognize only on one day throughout the year. The same with mothers day or any other holiday. Remember, you don’t need a holiday to appreciate your loved ones. Show them how much you care regardless of the day of the calendar.:)

 

Sorry…. But I’m Not That Woman Who Dates Random Guys

I was talking to a friend of mine, about relationships and he said that I needed to date, to find what I wanted….Sorry, NOPE! Not gonna happen, LOL. I just don’t date. In the past I went out on a date or two, and it was a total disaster. I’m just not the type of woman, who takes an active approach to find love, at least I admit it. I believe love will find me, but it starts with friendship first.

Dating to me teaches people to just be in the moment and I don’t want to be in the moment with somebody I don’t like. There is nothing exciting about getting all dressed up to go out with some guy, that I may not even like. I know what you’re saying, “Just go….. go out and have fun, live a little.. go out to eat, get out the house”. I will, when I feel like it. If I feel this person is worth my time.

I hear this all the time. But I don’t want to get out the house, for a free meal and conversation. I can sit right in the comfort of my own place and talk over the phone and get to know you. If we have great conversation over the phone, then there is a possibility we might click in person. I have this non-approach to my personal life, and this is what simply works for me.

Time is precious and it’s the one thing we can’t get back and I don’t want mines wasted.

By not going out on dates and talking to someone over the phone I get to feel them out a bit. The last couple of guys who wanted to date me, they forgot they were married and had kids. Glad I didn’t go out with them and waste my time. Had I gone out with them, I would have been pissed off.

Another guy who wanted to take me out, well actually he wanted to marry me right away, just because we briefly talked for a few minutes 13 years ago, so when he saw me again, he thought he had a second chance, and tried to move so quickly, he also forgot he was married with kids. His plan was, if things didn’t work out with his wife, then he was going to try and see if he could date me/marry me.

He tried to string me along, he was inconsistent, cancelled 2 dates, he was trying to find time to get away away from his wife, he was having issues with. He tried to hide it but I figured it out. Called him out on his bullshit and he got mad. He also got mad I didn’t go out with him 13 years ago. 13 years ago, he was talking to someone too. He hated rejection, which is a red flag to me. Another bullet I dodge.

This has been the pattern of my personal life- married man, man in a relationship, men just wanting sex, men living double lives, psycho men who move to fast. Men who want to have babies with me and trap me and don’t even know me. Men asking for nude pictures or selfies before we even go out. I find all of these things out by talking to someone. I can smell the bullshit!

This is why I don’t date. I could date if I wanted to but the guy, always wind up liking me and I don’t like them. I don’t want to break their heart and I don’t want to waste my time. If a man is truly serious about finding love, he would not be trying to run game, like all of the above. He’ll wait, he’ll engage in meaningful in-depth conversations, he’ll be an avid music lover, he’ll wait to be intimate. He’ll really want to get to know me…he’ll want to be friends first.

I know what I’m worth. I know I’m worth waiting for and when he shows up I’ll know…maybe he already has.