Why are you single? This seems to be the never ending question, especially for women in their thirties. Women get asked this question more than men do. I get asked this question more than I get asked, how are you doing? More than I get asked on a date, lol. Every time people find out I’m single, they think something is wrong with me. Why does something have to be wrong with me or any other woman, just because we do not have a man in our live at the moment.
With this question coming up so many times, you’ll probably start to think. Is there something wrong with me? Your insecurities would start to creep in. You’ll start to think, if I’m such a great person why am I single? Am I not lovable? When is it going to be my time for love? You’ll see everyone around you, getting engaged, getting married, having a baby and you’ll start to feel like you are missing out.
Let me tell you something… you’re not! You have your life and those other people have theirs. Their destiny is not your destiny. Of course you’ll have love in your life one day and maybe even a family. But while you wait, know that God is preparing your heart and writing you a beautiful love story and when it’s time to be with someone you will. But please,… please do not go looking for it, just be open to love and be willing and ready to receive love when it finally shows up.
Your heart will let you know, this is the one. No need to force and control your love life. People say all the time, love is hard, No it’s not! I don’t know who the hell started spreading that rumor. Love is not complicated! People are complicated….. Not love! Just because your single now, doesn’t mean it’s going to be this way forever. No need to fret, its not a death sentence lol.
Society makes it seem like, if a woman is not married or has kids by the time she hits a certain age, that something is wrong with her and that she will never have love in her life. Why do we put this type of pressure on women and we never do this to men? Why does being single have a negative connotation attached to it? I think its unfair the pressure women feel to have a man in our life. Our identity is not tied to a man or a relationship.
I know plenty of people in relationships and you know what, they are miserable as fuck! LOL. They just are! But yet they just want to say, that they have someone or they want to please the people in their lives, whether it be their family or friends. I’d rather be single than be in an unhappy relationship. I’ve had my time (just like everyone else on this planet) of being in a relationship that was just not good for me. But it was a learning experience. We need to stop acting like something is wrong with women, especially for not having a man in their life.
There are plenty of reasons why both sexes could be single. Being single is not always a bad thing. Being single does have some perks, that most people tend to overlook. When you are single, you get to work on yourself, heal your heart. Get rid of that excess baggage from your last relationship. Love yourself more. Do some soul searching. Do some things that you really want to do on a solo tip. Travel alone. Have time for your own hobbies. Theres more time to focus on your career without the demands of someone else.
For me being single, I don’t have to worry about someone else’s needs and wants at the moment. Now one might say that’s selfish. And you know you know what? It is selfish, but selfish in a good healthy way. I’m relocating soon and I don’t have to worry about consulting with anyone.I don’t have to worry about shaking up their life. There’s freedom in being single. It’s also stress free too. Love is great and another person can be a great complement to your life but not all that glitters is gold. Just like the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Some relationships can hold you back, they just can. When you blend your life with someone else, even if you are not married it’s not about you anymore. You have to make time and room in your life for another person. If you don’t meet someone else’s needs, it can be a problem and arguments can ensue. People feel neglected all the time in relationships. You always have one partner doing to much. Relationships are never equal no matter what people say.
Not only that relationships cost, monetarily that is. I know it did for me in my last one. I also carried my last relationship and I never intended to. My last relationships took a huge toll on me and thank goodness God saved me. I know I don’t ever want to go through that again. Of course I know every man is not the same, but the type of men that take an interest in me, they are simply looking for someone to be their mother and maid and take care of them.
As much as I love to cook and I’m domesticated in a sense, I do not want to raise a man child, lol. A friend of mine called me “hurt and scorned” and I said to him “I’m not hurt or scorned, I’m tired!” There’s a big difference, lol. That’s all that is. I’m simply tired”. Tired of giving to much, loving to much and everything being on sided. Men have to give too! Men have to provide and be men and stop being lazy. They have to do their part too. They have to make sure their woman is emotional secure too and they have to help out around the house too!
Some women feel like as soon as they live with or marry a man, they automatically become their mother or maid. I’m never going to change my stance on how I feel, that a woman should make sure her home is clean and to provide that nurturing energy. That should be a given in any home, but it is true that some men do get lazy, when they have a good woman. They take her for granted and stop appreciating her. I can only speak from experience. And you also have women that get lazy and take advantage when they have a good man in their life.
I feel it’s important to really become friends with someone and let them know exactly, how you are when it comes to being alone and being in a relationship. You have to get it out in the open, what you can compromise on and what is a deal breaker, especially when it comes to living with someone. I know for me, I’m a very easy person to live with. But the other person not so much so. I don’t want to live with a man and I’m constantly cleaning up after him all the time. That will (and has in the past) pissed me off to no end.
Being single is not the time to go looking for a relationship, because you don’t want to be alone. You have to be happy alone and not totally depend on someone else, before you can truly be open to being with someone. You have to enjoy your life and be happy and then want to share that with someone. You can’t come to a relationship broken. No one is responsible for your happiness, you are! You have to identify why you want to be in a relationship and what you can bring to the table.
Don’t be in love with the idea of being in love or the idea of being with someone.
Be in a relationship because you truly do want to be in a relationship. A relationship is not some club you join for membership benefits. It’s someone else life and heart. Don’t play with it. While you’re single enjoy the peace and quiet. Enjoy the alone time…. because one day it will not always be this way and you’ll wish that you can get away and just have me time or maybe the person in your life, will understand your need for solitude and be willing to give you that.