Independence: How Women Are Conditioned To Not Need A Man

58040d6c395420dd666f55ab7f3bccbdIndependence, what a great thing to have right? Of course independence is great, you’re out on your own, doing your own thing… but what happens when you take independence to far, to the point that when you are in a relationship you act like you don’t need a man or when you decide you don’t need a man period. When the song “Independent women” came out by Beyonce, all the single women and women in relationships, were blasting this song. This was their anthem. Not to need a man, for anything….

For the record I always hated that song, LOL…. just being honest. Never liked it, never will. Just like the song “bills, bills, bills”. Songs like that should not be infused in women’s minds. Men don’t have anthem songs, saying they don’t need a woman but women always have songs, talking about how they don’t need a man. This can’t be any far from the truth. Everyone in life should be self sufficient male or female. Independence is great but not when you are in a relationship. It’s time to kill that notion that men are not needed in our lives or in society.

Whether women realize it or not, women are taught from a very young age, not to need a man, especially if you come from a single parent home. Mothers raise their daughters to be “independent” and since the male presence is absent. This teaches women that men are not needed. If a woman does have a relationship with her father, it’s sporadic and he’s looked at, as just a person who just drops by to give her money or if her mother receives a child support check. This in returns teaches young women that a man (her father) is an ATM machine. That he’s a financial plan.

If a man does have a good relationship with his daughter, and he spoils her with material possessions, this also teaches women to be materialistic. She’ll go looking for a man to buy her things, and come to believe that materialistic things, means a man loves and values her even if he treats her bad. When two people split, usually the child stays with the mother. If the split was a bad one, and there is a female child involved. The female will hear her mother talking bad about her father, especially if she is not raised by him.

Over time, if the mother keeps talking bad about the child’s father to her, she will start to believe that all men are bad and that men are not really needed. This teaches a young woman, that A. to leave mean completely alone or B. to use a man for anything that she wants. C. that men are good for nothing and all they bring is a headache. I know a few people who went the A. route and left men completely alone and started being open to the same sex but the flip side of that is, that the “masculine woman” that they are with, looks and acts like a man.

Proving that they still need a man in their life, they just don’t want to deal with the masculine presence. They want a man who has a balance of masculine and feminine energy. There are men out there like that, the solution is to stop being and ending up with toxic men. The solution is not to find a woman who is masculine and feminine. You can’t get an alpha-male and alpha-female in one person. That to me sounds like a threesome.

With my 35 years on the planet, I have never heard a heterosexual man say he doesn’t need a woman, but I have heard women say 90% of the time, I don’t need a man…. There’s something truly off about this picture when you think about it. Why is it that men feel they need or want us, but women feel they don’t need a man at all ?? Think about it… I have never in my entire life, heard a man say, “forget women”, I don’t need a woman!” “There are no good women out there, let me find a dude to be with”.. but some women say all the time “There are no good men at all”, to the point where it becomes true.

Some women believe on a deeper level, that there really are no good men out there. I’ve heard these women express their pure hatred for men. Some even went to the other side based off this belief. That’s deep! As much as men get on my nerves at times and women get on men’s nerves, that’s not a reason to go the other side. You will never catch a straight man entertaining being with a man, just because he’s had a few bad relationships with women. I’d rather be single than be open to love from whomever, I can get it from. I’ve never been that desperate to have someone in my life.

A person is free to choose whoever they want to be with. But why does it have to get to the level, that we feel that we don’t need each other, when it’s very clear that we do. Why does it seem like it’s getting harder and harder to find genuine trustworthy loyal people? I understand a lot of women are single mothers and they deal with everything on their own. A woman has to be both mother and father. So it leads women to think that there are no good men out there. Especially if the men are not stepping up to the plate.

When a male is present but absent, this further pushes the notion that men are not needed. My father was present but absent on so many levels. I was raised to be independent. I watch my mother do everything to take care our family. When she passed I was left to take care of myself even when I lived with my father. I couldn’t depend on him for anything. When I left home I had it in my mind no man was going to hold me back, which is what a lot of women think. Even when women are in a relationship, some will not even let a man do anything for them or provide, because they are taught, men do not provide, they leave.

A lot of women are not happy being single, they want a kind loving man. They want a man to lead them, they just don’t trust the male presence in their life. Look at the things some women do to get a man or to use a man. They are lost. They need guidance. A lot of women end up in bad relationships because there is no male presence to guide them. A lot of women don’t feel the love of their father, so they look to any man to give them attention but there is still a void. I was the opposite, I never dated or looked for attention from men, if anything I hated it. I still do as an adult.

I’m not religious but it takes both masculine and feminine presence to be in a woman’s life. One can not exist without the other. It takes both a man and woman to produce a child. The male presences is very much so needed, regardless of what women think. A woman needs a father figure in her life, to show her what a good man is. It’s time to unlearn everything that she has ever been taught. If not the cycle will continue. If a woman does not have a positive male figure in her life, there are other ways that a woman can begin to trust man again.

She can seek professional help or becomes friends with a guy. I recently became friends with a guy who pretty much change my WHOLE perspective on the male race. How he is as a real man, has really made me see men in a different light. I pretty much thought a lot of men, not all, were like my father but I know they are not. I realize my father taught me that men don’t provide, thats why I never looked for them to provide or asked a guy for anything, even when I was in a relationship. When I started to love myself more and develop a relationship with God, my relationship came to an end, it was bound to fail, because I woke up.

Independence is backfiring in relationships and in the lives of women because women are not trusting men and they don’t see the significance in having a male in their life. This leads women to become bitter and to think they can survive without a man. When they want to have a child or settle down, they know that they need the male presence, but after they get what they want, they feel they no longer need a man for anything. Women are working now and I’m all for working, but money should not equal the non existent presence of the male species. Money can’t hold you at night or love you the way a good man can.

I really do want women to realize that men, are so very much needed in our lives. That we need their wisdom, their guidance, their strength, especially from a good man and to know that men are providers and protectors and that men are not void without emotion. Not all men leave. Men want what women want, to be married to settle down, but it takes the right woman to understand and know this. It’s going to take trust, patience and love on both ends and only the right man, can reverse this notion that their presence is not needed in a woman’s life because it is.

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