“I wanna good kind of love, The one we all thinking of The kind of love thats always there. I promise I will always be fair, I hope that you can change your mind, Your heart will heal up in time, And you can feel free again, Now that you’ve gotta new friend”
Don’t we all want that? Theres nothing wrong with wanting love. What I like about this is song is that it’s talking about friendship. When we close off our hearts to love and friendship. No one can get in, not even God. God is Love and even though a lot of souls are wanting and needing love. One must be patient and let it come to you. I get it, It’s hard to trust someone not to put you through the same thing, the previous person put you through.
When you see couples together, you want that to be you. You wonder when you are going to have a family. You start getting baby fever, lol. God did say be fruitful and multiple :), lol. You want someone, by the end of the night, that you can hold close. That you can wake up next too and have breakfast in bed. Someone who thinks of you, to call you and check up on you and see you. Someone who acknowledges your communication no matter how busy they are. Someone you know that’s always there. No matter what you are going through. That they’ll never leave you.
Someone who is careful with your heart. Someone who buys you a sweet gift, because they thought of you. No love or almost love is perfect. I got a chance to chat with my favorite artist Allen, on a live interview (which I was elated about) and I told him, if it wasn’t for his music. That I would have given up on, being open to love again. I know God led me to his music and his storytelling and it was something in his music, a message… that I needed to hear…. because I felt my heart closing more and more. So God stepped in and said “I can’t have my child going through this”.
Music… it’s a beautiful thing….. A gift from God.
It has been years since I’d been in a relationship. And I tried to do something different, I tried to be open, even when I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. Even though I was going through something. I was talking to someone for the past year and it seems like things were going great then they stop because of what I’m dealing with. I saw him one time and that was it. What I miss most if our friendship, laughing, having flirtatious conversation. Just being able to talk about anything, good things and bad things, sharing our stories….
Men make it so easy for me to have a hardened heart and to just not care and even try anymore, because of how they treat me. A lot of things I never thought about, or maybe it was always there. This friend brought out of me. I felt free. I felt like ok, maybe I can love again. I see that this was his role in my life and nothing more. It was nice when I was thought of. I recall one time he called me 9 times in one day, laughing and joking that this was bad, him calling me so much, lol , but every time he got a break he would call me.
It made me smile and laughed and I enjoyed those stolen moments. Even that stopped. I know I’m not going to see him and what we had for that year when I was back east, was just what it was… when I was back east. Now that I’m finally in the same state, I will always hold our friendship near and dear to my heart. But what I learned is that I had to be open to feeling what I felt.
Even when I tried my best not to. I know that there will be a man out there, that will love me continuously and consistently, the way I need to be loved one day. Who will be consistent and never make me feel ignored. It’s been a minute since I was told I was loved. It was nice to hear and feel for that time. I know that there are good men out there, even if it’s just for a little while.
I was sitting at the beach, writing the other day, gathering my thoughts and a guy sat next to me and said “what’s a beautiful lady like you doing sitting alone. You look sad, I hope it’s not over a guy, where is he?, He should be with you and he laughed”. I said excuse you and I just laughed at him and said thank you but I’m fine, can I help you with something? (I was being sarcastic with a smile on my face and didn’t feel like being bothered). Then he said “this is for you beautiful and handed me a rose and said smile, all men are not bad, have a nice day love”. Got up and walked away.
I sat there like, what just happened, LOL. This lady noticed what happened and said, that’s a nice guy men just don’t do things like that. Then she told me about her husband and how blessed she felt to have him, when she was going through something. How he helped get her clean and gave her a place to stay. Charlie Wilson had a similar story when he was homeless and this woman came to him and helped him and he married her, when everyone turned their back on him. Not everyone is willing to help someone when they see they are down on their luck.
You want someone in your life, who sees you at your worse, helps you and still loves you anyway. Who just loves you enough to help you change your life.
I thought it was actually sweet. Shit,… lol, the last time a man gave me a rose I was 20, I’m 36 now, lol. Men just don’t do stuff like that anymore. My first love used to buy me a rose on every date and I started buying him one too. I loved when I caught him off guard with it. To see him blushing, he would be grinning from ear to ear. That’s the kind of love I want again, a friendship kind of love. Someone who just wants to see me smile and just enjoys loving me and making me happy, as much as I enjoy loving them and making them happy.
It’s hard opening yourself to love, when it’s not consistent and there are breaks for weeks and months, then it ends. How many times can you go through the same thing with a different person? I’m going to do my best not to give up on love like Allen told me, but it’s hard. It took a lot for me to be open and be vulnerable. But in my life right now, it’s simply not time for a relationship. I learned a lot about myself from that friendship and that’s the most important part. That I’ve changed and change is a good thing. One day I’ll get married, maybe even have my own family, but everything in Gods timing :).