I’ll be the first to admit, that when I said, I wanted love in the past. As soon as I met a decent ok guy, I got in my own way. Not with a list of expectations and standards, but with thinking I wasn’t good enough, to have the love that I truly desired. I figured if love was going to come, it was going to come when I wanted it to come and not on Gods timing.
I was talking to a friend of mine and he said something that kind of bothered me, and I wondered why he was saying this to me. We have been talking for over a year getting to know one another and when I told him I was finally in the same state. I felt like he was trying to push me away, before we even met or got anything started. When he just finished telling me, that he was letting God handle his love life.
I know he’s going to read this and know what he said to me, lol ( I love you papi, lol :)….) But after I reflected on it, I knew how he felt in a way. I just wish he wouldn’t have said it to me but I understand. When you have more bad relationships than good, you come to learn that love is elusive. It’s hard for you to trust that someone is really there for you and only you.
I felt the same way last year but that was just my insecurities. I felt this guy was way out of my league. I’m pretty sure there are a lot of women, that he can get, that can probably be on the same level on the exterior and on paper. But they are not me, they don’t have my heart and spirit and I hear him say a lot, about hows he’s been burned. I’ve been burned too, haven’t we all. There isn’t one person on this planet that hasn’t got their heart broken.
I could easily use my past heart breaks as a reason not to love, not to give, not to be open to love and new experiences but why would I do that? Just to protect my heart. I think I’ve done that enough in the past.
So I started thinking why me? What does he want with me? My life is a mess right now….everything is up in the air. Then after I got out of my own head, then I thought, why not me? I’m a good woman. I’m special. I have a lot of love to give. There are a lot of great things about me. I have a lot to offer the right man, no matter what I’m going through.
Why is it so hard for one to truly love oneself and to know that they deserve, everything good God has to offer, especially when it comes to love. This guy saw me, wanted to talk to me and now that I’m here alive in the flesh, it’s like ok, you wanted a certain type of woman and now I appeared. I wanted a certain type of man and now he appeared.
Sounds like magic to me, lol :)….the only one I know that can make magic and miracles happen is God. We need to believe in magic more. We need to know that we can have anything we want, if our heart and soul and mind is in the right place. God created love and it’s the one thing, that we have an abundance of and can give away as much as we want by our actions and words.
If you truly want the man or the woman of your dreams that is right for you. You are going to have to get out of Gods way, surrender and let him handle it. The list you have and where you think love might be. May not be up to you. Back east I was never looking for love. I was open to it one day but I was never looking for it. Then when I was ready to make a new friend.
God put someone in my path to make me believe in love again, it just so happens he was already on the west coast where I was relocating. I guess he felt me giving up. Maybe you feel like you are giving up too…If so, if you want love, be still, be silent, pray about it. Ask God to reveal what’s in your heart and to lead you to the right person. Prepare and work on yourself to be a good woman and good man for your potential future spouse.
If you truly desire to have love and to be married, you are going to have to let God handle your love life. He knows whats best for you and he will bring you the right man and the right woman in his timing.
Remember, his timing, not yours 🙂