Reflection: Internally And Externally. Never Relocate Your Issues.

052aa892f179ddc5422316ee08079ba8I’m the kind of person that when people say things to me, whether they are good or bad. I reflect on it and try to learn a lesson from it. Lately, there have been some things, that people have said to me, that I wonder what made them, feel this way about me.

I took their words in and tried to see it from their point of view and use it to learn and grow. I tried to see the upside of it. I recently relocated to the west coast, but before I left I was already trying to rectify something I was going through.

I did my best to try and fix it where I was, so that I wouldn’t be bringing the same issues to another state or burdening anyone. I came to CA to start my life over in every way not to complicate it, which is what I felt like I was doing. But now that I’m here.

I don’t want to give up and go back, because I have nothing to go back to and I know that nothing in life is ever easy, which is not what I am looking for. I just wanted change and change can be very uncomfortable but I hope it’s worth it. With the pressure to find work and a place to stay, it all came crashing down on me and I vented to much to a friend of mine.

I’m the type of person I do my best, not to put what I’m going through on others. I deal with a lot on my own and I still try to keep a smile on my face, not cry and stay strong. Never let them see you sweat right. But every now and then, you need to have a breakdown so that you can have a break-through. You’re not made of steel. Life needs to and is suppose to teach you lessons.

The number one reason, why I don’t say anything about what I’m going through, is because the majority of the time, people always turn their backs on me (especially men). They act like I can’t have a moment and some people just don’t want to deal with a friend or lover who’s unhappy and their life is not in order. Some people can deal with it, others can’t. It puts a strain on the relationship.

When I relocated, I thought about waiting to see a friend, especially with him being a guy, but I went on ahead and told him I was here. He knew what was going on with me, back east and when I got here the first few weeks. Pretty much I should have waited to see him. I relocated my issues, sleep deprivation and being exhausted to another state. Just that quick I became a negative person or the stuff I said when I’m usually positive person.

After some stillness with myself and God and communication with others who let me express myself. I feel a little more at ease. It’s important to have downtime. I’m still working on the sleep though, lol. In life there can be a war going on internally and externally and it can be quite overwhelming. My ego is already taking a blow, being the age that I am and I have to start over, so it makes me reflect and really think about what do I want out of life and with whom.

I was asked by one of  my girlfriends did I see my friend and I said yes, but because of what I’m going through, our friendship is on the rocks. It may not be a good time to start a relationship but there’s nothing wrong with being friends. So pretty much since I didn’t listen to myself, lol I’m dealing with the silent repercussions of a misunderstanding and a break down in communication. Also people need a break from people, thats why I’m single, LOL. I want my life in order before I complement someone else’s.

Important side note: Always go with your intuition. Don’t ignore it. If you have doubts, don’t do it. That goes with anything in your life.

My girlfriend said to me, you was right, you should have waited just like you said, but that he should also be uplifting me. To a degree that should be true if in general, a person is a friend, male or female and he did, he prayed for me and listened, but I don’t even want to deal with what I’m dealing with and I don’t want to talk about it anymore either. So what makes me think someone else will, lol.

Complaining, venting, whatever you want to call it, never solves anything. Yeah that person can listen but what else can they really do? This is my problem, no one else’s and it’s not fair to put that on anyone. If I would have not relocated my issues and been so unhappy, we would still be talking, hanging out and having fun, other things would not have been said either on both our ends.

A person should accept all of you, but it’s hard to keep up with your own issues in life and that of others. It doesn’t make you cold or insensitive. It’s called taking care of your business and living your life and being focused. Other peoples problems can take an emotional toll on you and the last thing I want, is to depress someone or make them feel like they don’t want to be around me. I know people and I know men and this is not the first time this has happened to me, so I’m really not surprised.

Throughout my life, something may pop up in my head that people have said to me, even things my mom said to me when I was young before she passed and I always have an “aha moment”. Like oh, that’s what she meant. I realized that tough love even though she was calm, was needed in order for me to see something in myself or something I was doing. In order for me to change.

It’s all about evolving and learning from our experiences. We must get quiet and be still so we can hear God speak to us and to hear our own thoughts. It’s all bout having a clear mind and being focused. We may not like the way people say things and what they say, but it’s how they feel and every one is here to learn and teach one another. No matter how old and young we are.

Answers may not be available from God now or the things that happen to you, but they will become available later. The next time something happens in your life that you don’t like, just really try to learn something from it. “Feel, Deal, Heal” that’s what Iyanla Vanzant always says and I couldn’t agree anymore. Thanks for reading!

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2 thoughts on “Reflection: Internally And Externally. Never Relocate Your Issues.

  1. Indepth woman, don’t be so hard on yourself. I hope you’re not. The people that are meant to be in our lives will be in our lives. They will not abandon us just like you said. I’ve been following you from day one and I don’t think your post are negative at all. Nor your advice. I appreciate your post so much and feel you are very insightful. I had friends in my life that as soon as I say something and it is not positive or they don’t want to hear something. I’m being negative. I had to cut off a lot of people in my life and end 3 year relationship recently.

    I hope your friend decides to talk to you again and see you because you sound like a wonderful woman. I feel I have a friend in you 🙂 and never stop expressing yourself. It sounds like you been through a lot in life and you still continue to be strong even after losing your mom so young. You still continue to be positive. We are all sharing our experiences just like you said, its not always going to be positive all the time. My last relationship he was a great guy but he never listened to me, every time I wanted to talk, he didn’t want to talk about anything.

    I feel you when you say people act like you can’t have a bad moment in life. I always listened to him and was the strong one, but I need someone to be a friend to me and take care of my emotions the same way I take care of theirs. I need a strong man too. There are good men out there in the world. Please believe that. The right one will come along. Thanks for sharing. Brene Brown says our vulnerabilities make us human and beautiful and she is right. Stay blessed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Amy, thank you for your comment. I’m not being hard on myself :). I just reflect on what people say and do. People need space and time to do their own thing. I know personally that if things were in order. I would be a much happier person for me then someone else. I don’t like being around negative energy and I try my best not to be that way. I was happy when I saw him, it took my mind off of what I was going through but there is a such thing as overkill, lol. I read my words and me reading them and knowing how I meant it, I never thought it would be perceive that way. But it was and it’s fine. When you care you just care. You gotta give people space. I wish I had a clone and I could take a break from my mind, lol. And I do when I can. My situation is not just affecting my personal life, it’s affecting other areas too. Something that I never anticipated and it came at a time when I wanted change. Yes, I value friendship and this is not about “a man” like that, lol. I met a guy in my 20s that when he lost his job and had to move in with his mother it affected him, he felt like he couldn’t be a man to me. I was willing to be friends and talk to him but he didn’t want to be around me like that. I tried to help as much as I could but he stopped talking to me.

      Liked by 1 person

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