A father is a daughters first love. He’s suppose to show her what a man is suppose to be like, how he’s suppose to treat her and he’s suppose to protect her. Not do the opposite. The way a man treats a child’s mother, is the same way he will treat his daughter (s).
Fathers…..they are suppose to be the spiritual leaders of the home. A provider, a protector. But what happens when the fathers presences is absent from the home? Or if the father is present but absent and doesn’t have a healthy relationship with his daughter (s)?
This can be detrimental as a young woman grows up. This will disturb the natural balance, that a woman is suppose to have in her life as she searches for love and seeks guidance. Some women end up going down the wrong path, when they do not have their fathers guidance. But not all women that grow up without a father, end up going down the wrong road. I didn’t..my holy father has kept me.
Usually when a woman does not receive love from her father, she looks for it in the men that she encounters. Other women do the opposite they avoid men. They keep them at a distant, never letting them get to close.
A lot of women do not see a man, as someone who can really love them. Or as their provider, their protector for so many reasons, so therefore they do not look for that in any man. I know I didn’t. My father was the perfect example, of what a man is not suppose to be.
People have been asking me lately “why am I single? Why don’t I have my own family and I’m 36. Don’t you want to settle down?”. There are a lot of reasons why I’m single but I will not list them all.
It’s not that I don’t want love in my life or to have a family. It’s the men that come my way. The men I encounter say one thing and do another. They abandon me when I need them the most. Just like my father. I don’t look for these men, nor do I date them. I know that there are good men out there somewhere, but sometimes you just don’t make a love connection and that’s ok. People want different things in life. I know on a deeper level that everything that I saw growing up, had a profound effect on me as a woman, because me and my dad did not have a healthy relationship.
Had me and my father had a healthy relationship. It would have saved me a lot of heartache in the past. I wouldn’t have been the man in the relationship. I’m very nurturing as a woman. Men gravitate towards me and they act like I’m their mother. So I keep my distance on a certain level with men.
Their actions never meet up. Men have told me that they will take care of me, but at what expense?? My body? I don’ think so….When a man doesn’t do what he says, I’m really not surprised. Broken promises and just saying things in the moment, sounds good but it never actually happens. Just like my father.
According to Iyanla Vanzant, “All women at some point, marry, date or run into men, that are like their father. Even if we don’t want to. I do my best to avoid men like my father.
Only through my relationship with God and my faith I know how a man is suppose to be. The way God provides, protects and professes his love for me. That’s the way a man is suppose to be on a human level. Men are no longer leading or providing and if they do, they abuse that leadership. I’ve met men that they are tired of doing everything. Not that they are bad guys but they are providing for the wrong woman. So when they finally do meet a good woman, they want a break.
If all women had a healthy relationship with their father or some type of father figure, they would know the type of man they want in their life. They would be married, they would have kids. They would respect the men in their life. They would know that a man is suppose to provide. They wouldn’t act like they don’t need a man. Thats how they were born, because of the man. Women do not produce sperm, lol. Men do.
Never believe a woman who says she doesn’t need a man. Some women try to become the man, their father wasn’t. By tapping to much into masculine energy. Some women even morph into men. We’ve all seen it.
A woman wouldn’t try to use a man or see him as a financial plan. They wouldn’t just be with a man for sex either or the things he can buy her. They wouldn’t be materialistic or so independent. If they had a healthy relationship with their father. But when the mother acts like her child’s father ain’t shit. Guess what, so will the children.
If she disrespects him, so will they. I’ve seen it happen so many times, because the mother always ends up with the child, if their is a break up or divorce. And when that male presences is removed from a daughters life, She no longer respects men or trust them.
A lot of men have a hard time bonding with their daughters, because of the relationship with their mother. If there is money involved, she only looks to her father to buy her things or give her money but there is no real bond or love. Because if the mother hates him and he’s not around, then there must be a reason why, right? Wrong….. Some men want to be in their daughters life, but the mother will not allow it. Mothers teach their daughters that men are not needed.
To be independent. To not trust men. That men don’t provide. To only seek what’s in his wallet. A provider for a lot of women, means MONEY ONLY!. That’s not a healthy relationship for a woman to have with her father. Our society looks down on the male presence in the home. It’s rare now a days to see a two parent household. Even if you see them, in some households there is no real bond. No respect. I know couples who are just together because of the kids, money and a place to stay. That’s sad.
Where is the love? Where is God? God is not at the forefront, so therefore there is no real structure. Every thing that I seen or was indirectly taught. I had to unlearn. A lot of women have to unlearn what they have been taught too or else, you will have a lot single women, being with the wrong man, having children with the wrong man, if she does not have a healthy relationship with God and her father. When men decide to step up and be a real man, then women would trust the men in their life more. They will trust them to love them, to not abandon them, to provide, to lead which is what God intended man to do.