Are Your Needs Being Met or Neglected In Your Past Or Current Relationship?

df94d13b413b7c32e7b77c5ff1b451bdPeople come into our lives to teach us lessons and to reflect back to us, who we are and what we need and want and what we don’t want. In my last post, I talked about meeting the same kind of men. How inconsistent they are.

How the men I meet 9/10 are looking for someone to take care of them. I thought to myself, maybe the reason why I keep attracting these men, subconsciously is because my needs are not being met on any level when I am in a relationship.

2 out of my last 3 relationships. My needs were neglected. The men simply did not want to step up and be men. I never realized this because I was independent. I was taught from a very early age, like most women, never to depend on a man for ANYTHING. They don’t know how to love, they don’t know how to provide. They leave. That all they want is sex and to take care of myself. So I avoided men and kept my distance even in a relationship.

My last relationship was the one that really took its toll on me on all levels, because I was doing everything, My ex never had to need or want for anything. But I did. I had to worry about the rent and all the bills and food and everything else I needed. I was a super woman. All the financial responsibility was on me. I realized after we split that every guy I met before him, during a breakup and after him.

Are always coming to me with their needs. That’s because my emotional needs are being neglected and everything that one is innately, suppose to do when in a relationship. No man has ever said to me, you need anything? When they know I need something, it’s very clear. They just make excuses for not helping me or being there.

These men are just reflecting back to me, what I need in a relationship. Relationships are give and take, but some people just want to be on the receiving end and neglect their significant other. Sometimes on purpose. Over time, when your needs are not being met, this teaches you that you’re not worthy, of having the love you deserve and that your needs are not important.

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When knowing you need help with something or you know you are being neglected, you suppress what you want and don’t even ask, especially if an argument ensues.

Until I ask for what I want and let it be clear, that this is what I want in a relationship. I’m going to keep attracting grown man babies, LOL. All the things men come at me with. I want someone who is thoughtful and does those things for me too.

Regardless of what they might be. The men that try to get their needs met from me or any other woman, is because their needs are not being met at home. And if you are in a relationship with someone and your needs are not being met, you’re going to attract someone else whose needs are not being met. This is how cheating or affairs start. Two people who are feeling neglected.

But instead of talking things out and not seeming needy and wanting to keep the peace. Cheating seems like a better option. It’s a temporary fix to a long term problem. I meet men who are tired of spending money all the time, going out. They want a home cooked meal, so when they meet a woman who likes to cook. They will try to get that woman to cook for them or try to invite themselves over.

Once again, a need that is not being fulfilled. Men want be listened to and emotionally taken care of too, so when they meet a woman who listens, they feel close and want to express that in a physical way. When I’m in a relationship. I tend to just do everything. I’m very self-sufficient. I don’t ask men for anything. They see that I’m not needy.

Men look at me, as more of a convenience. Someone to make their life better. Rather than who I really am and a long-term partner. We all have needs and wants. If you keep attracting or ending up in relationships, that are not healthy in any way and that do not supply you, with what you need and want. It’s time to do some soul-searching.

Maybe on a deeper level, you feel you are not worthy of love. I know at times I feel that way, with all the shit I been through, but I know that is not true., This is another reason when a man is inconsistent with me and just pops in an out my life, I expect it because it’s something that I’m use to, even though I shouldn’t be.

No one should get used a person walking out on them.

Regardless of what your needs are and your concerns, if you have a loving partner, express to them, how you feel. If they can’t fulfill your needs on any level, then it’s simply time to move on. There are people out there who know what a relationship consist of and will give you what you need.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Are Your Needs Being Met or Neglected In Your Past Or Current Relationship?

  1. Another great article..Kudos! Lol. Seems like you were there to witness my last relationship ’cause you you just spelled it out completely…..I love the Lord and I did everything in my power to honor my marital covenant honestly and from my heart…..I submitted to his urging for me to stop working (and that burned hard because I am very ambitious and industrious)….I cooked great, neatly plated food three times a day, kept an immaculate household.

    Every Sunday had the good music blazing while I got down to heavy cleaning, smelling that Fabuloso and Pinesol all over. Sweet smells from the laundry room (all the things I loved as a child). I also supported his aspirations (I even edited and re-wrote his 400+ page book!)…I was loyal……I listened…….I supported……I believed in……..I loved…..The wrong ass person….Lol…..I know I’ve said to much but your article touched me. Thanks for this. You are appreciated.

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    • Thank you…No you have not said to much…..express yourself as much as you want….I know exactly how you feel.. I was the man in the relationship and “housewife” and mother…and he was my child, lol….I never signed up for that. I’m the type I love my home immaculate too, and I did everything, so he just slowly moved in without warning and called it”spending the night”. This is what I’m afraid of the next time I’m in a relationship, because I know me… I’m very attentive and I pretty much do everything.

      I’m the type of woman (and you) that men dream about having… but once they get us, they take advantage, they get complacent and they think life is always going to be like this…Can you hear “super woman” playing?? Dude didnt even get up and put the water jug in the dispenser and kiss his wife goodbye, he kissed his daughter though…. I simply can not do it. I’m still exhausted from my last relationship in my late 20’s and I will not be going through that again…

      I like to stay home.. if I could and work from home, I would…all the men I meet get terriotorial on me real quick when they call me and I’m not home because they are used to me being home, even if they are not there or never came over….I would love to be able to have a nice dinner at home but I know the next guy I date, is going to get used to that and expect it all the time. I have to many relationship fears.

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  2. I’m very weary also, of the years passing by and perpetually waiting to ‘exhale’ (lol)… I’m also very etheric and spiritual. Am l crazy to think that there is a perfect counterpart to my soul out there somewhere? Probably facing the same ‘heartbrake’ and disappointments but from a man’s perspective? As much as I want to provide a comfortable and for filling home, as much as I want to find joy in living out the ‘roles’ that have existed since antiquity, as much as I want to surround my counterpart with love and have him fill me with the same…Does such intent automatically draw the right person eventually? I don’t want to ever think that such heartfelt yearnings could remain underfilled…. According to Universal Law the space must be filled. There must be Yin to Yang (or vice versa lol)… I’ve been looking deeply into the concept of ‘Twin Flames’ lately and according to that school of thought the answer to all is yes…but in this primitive world there is lots of ‘static’ blocking the signals…I haven’t discussed or much less even mentioned this to anyone thinking that it would be too heavy…Somehow I’m thinking that this would be light work for you 😊.

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    • No, you are not crazy to think that, there are is someone out there, who has experience the same heartbrake, as you have…I connected with somoene that we kind of experienced the same things, its scarey…I felt like we had a connection, but I only seen him one time and although we talk, there is something in the way of us not fully connecting on a deeper level….I can’t seem to figure him out, one minute I feel like he wants me, the next, I’m confused by his silence but yet I feel him deep inside of my mind.

      I wonder is it an illusion? As much as I enjoy my quiet time and being single, I do want that space in my mind and heart to be filled by a loving man. I want to see myself in his eyes and feel complemented. I’m just so tired and I don’t wan’t this man to put me through the same thing, my ex or every other man, that I never dated put me through. When my insecurities are heightened by inconsistency, that just raises a red flag and I have a low tolerance for a man who does something on purpose, just because he wants to. I’m not the type to read a text, email or see a miss call and simply ignore it…which is what men do to me.

      I been through enough of that. I know that the day will come when I will know love staring at me in the face. It won’t make me feel tight and clonflicted. It won’t send my emotions on a roller coaster and having me guessing, what are we?? Universal law, says yes, fill that space, love like it’s never going to hurt and with every fiber of your being. But always use your mind, because sometimes the heart and mind are conflicted. I know what I want in a man and how I want to feel and as long as I keep that at the forefront, then what is seeking me will find me, and what I’m seeking I will find it.

      But relationships are complicated especially when one does not know what love consist of and how to make it work. Some people don’t make it wasy to love them…especially if they are not willing to change and evolve and be a better person for themselves first then for you. It can’t be one-sided. You can’t be the only one giving and not getting in return. Making someone elses life easy, while theu make yours a living hell. Twin flames are out there… and when you come across it, you will know it by the way it feels.

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      • Your absolutely right….I guess I’ll continue to wait patiently for the one who can speak to me without words and he will know that he has my whole heart. Undivided and pure. They say adversity purifies the heart like refining gold….I see that they are right.

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