Whether we realize it or not, all of us have paid for someone else’s past relationship mistakes. When we start talking to someone and get into a relationship. The person we are talking to is basing everything that happened to them in the last relationship on what may and may not happen with us.
They are determined not to be taken for a fool again. Not to be used and to get their needs or wants met. Every relationship teaches us lessons and we go in with our guard heavily up. I know for me, every guy I meet, they have been the good guy, the man who did every thing, spent their money and their significant other took advantage of them. The woman in their life did not appreciate them on any level. They’re never felt loved by their woman.
So here I come, a nice girl, sweet, caring. I don’t want anything from them. I don’t ask for anything… Men talk to me, assess me, ask me certain questions, (they love playing the devils advocate at times). Just to see what I would say or what I would do. They can sense my nurturing ways. How giving I am. How supportive I am. Right away they start making plans, without even letting me in on it…
They are on the hunt. Lock this good woman down. But don’t do much for her, be very cautious. Don’t show her how much you care. Be unavailable, ignore or don’t acknowledge her communication. String her along, to see if she really likes me for me.
They want me to be consistent although they are not. They want me to be available on all levels, but they are not. I see how these men are looking to have a woman make their life easy in every way, where they don’t have to do much, because they did so much in their last relationship that they simply want a break. Whether its taking a woman out on a real date. Making an effort to spend time. Proving to her that they want more than just sex.
They’d rather go for the sex before they put up the effort for anything real. Because at least they’ll get something out of it.. Every guy claims to be different but are they really?.No man is ever talking to me because he wants to be “my friend”. Every man has a plan…. he’s after something. I let go of that notion a long time ago, because there are times when I’m clueless that a man is really feeling me.
I’m caught off guard with this always. They must think my name is Cleo, the psychic lady. They want me to figure out they like me. Who has time to be playing ‘CLUE’.
They won’t usually tell me, I’ll hear about it through text, email or social media before a guy ever calls me and says how he really feels. Their silence confuses me. Why men do this? I don’t know. I have yet to get a straight answer. So once a guy finds out what he wants to know, he sets his plan into action of what he will not do. I’m always being told the way I am, I’m rare. I’m simple.
The things I say, no woman has ever said that or cared. When a man experiences something he’s never had before, like a woman supporting him and caring about his goals, dreams, needs and wants. This makes them not want to do anything. Men for some strange reason think, I’m a blessing to them, to help them out financially or to be the type of woman who will share everything. Way before we get to know each other.
If I mention to a guy during a casual conversation, as questions are being asked, what I did in my last relationship or things I like to do. The guy is thinking wow I wonder if she will do those things for me? I never had a woman, not ask me for money, or a woman who likes to cook, or even buy me anything. Most men love the fact that I like to stay home. Something they usually had a problem with in their last relationship.
There are a myriad ways to find out, when you are paying for someone else’s relationship mistakes, regardless of what it is, …one is when everything seems one-sided. Whether you are the one, who is always giving and they are always receiving and never giving back. You are always initiating and they are letting you carry the weight of the relationship (or almost relationship, or something that hasn’t even been defined yet)..
You’re kind of in the friend zone but you’re made to think, you two are together when you’re really not) Whether it’s calling, communicating. no consistency. You’re always trying to figure out where you stand. Nothing is ever made clear but you know there is something there. You wonder, why the long gaps without talking or even seeing each other. Don’t people who like each other see each other?
A man who really likes you will do everything in his power, to make sure you are not feeling neglected or that your emotions are not hanging on a string. I know when I’m paying for someone elses mistakes because a man will not do anything for me. Or help me with anything….althougth I never asked..They want me to have my shit together so I don’t have to need or want them for anything.
They want me to have my place so they can try to come over, have sex and get a hot meal. Since men I meet have been burned before, they are not doing anything unless, they get something in return or they can have me the way they want me.. And so many wonder why I’m single. I’m tired of men looking at me as a convenience, long before a date or with any title with anything solid.
They want me to prove to them that I don’t want anything from them. They want me to prove myself because they proved themselves to last woman who broke their heart. When a person doesn’t want anything from you, you can tell by their actions, the things they say. The woman (or man) who doesn’t ask for much or anything, that is simple, easy to love, that’s the person, you should do things for, that’s the person you should a give your all to.
Not decide, I’m not doing nothing for this man or woman. I’m going to hold back. I see she needs help and I know she’s struggling but I’m going to let her handle this on her own. Why would anybody want to be with someone like that? When I was 19, this guy I was dating, didn’t want me to leave and go to NY, he pretty much begged me to stay with him. I trusted him. He didn’t want anything from me. He simply knew I didn’t have my place, he wanted me to relax and take it easy.
He worked a lot and at times he took me to work with him, we went to the studio, the beach, we just enjoyed each other’s company. He showed me that a real man who wants something solid with a woman, when he knows he has a rare jewel, a queen in his hands, that he has to provide. He did all of this just because he liked me and fell in love with me and he enjoyed spending time with me. I’m 36 now and I have yet to find a man who is like that.
I’m not looking for a man to take care of me, like some women are. It’s what men are supposed to do but they don’t want to, for a good woman. A woman is supposed to take care of a good man too. Not the bad ones. No man has ever cared that way for me in my 20s and 30s. They were all looking to be taken care of and be the WOMAN in the relationship.
To be honest I enjoyed cooking and being home, but I was to young. I needed to figure out what life was all about and I couldn’t do it being at his home, so young. But he showed me that, that’s how a man is supposed to be when I had no example of it. He showed me a real man doesn’t let a woman struggle. The guy I was dating before him, he just let me get on a plane and leave. He never offered to help me with anything. He never asked me to stay with him. It wasn’t even an option.
I’m pretty sure the man God has for me..is out there, but where? I keep running into the guy who is waiting on me to do everything for him. A man figures since I’m used to men not doing anything for me, that it should be easy for them, not to do anything for me. Who thinks this way??. Be careful of men who want an independent woman. This is the guy who is making you pay for his past relationship mistakes.
The guy I dated when I was 19. That’s what a real man does, when he knows that the woman he loves needs him. He knows it’s in his nature to take care of her and not expect her to sleep with him. I’m not sure whats going on with men these days. Sometimes I think am I destined to be alone, or is there really someone out there that can love me and we can really build something together.
I keep meeting, Mr. Inconsistent, Mr. I’m to busy. Mr. I’ll get back to you when I can. Mr. I’ll call when I feel like it. Mr. I’ll see you when I see you. Mr. One-sided. Mr. I care but I don’t care. Mr. when we fucking? Mr. You my girl, but you are not my girl. Sorry but you can have all of that.
I know since the type of woman I am, the right man will appreciate me and do for me and we will do for each other. But while I’m indirectly waiting, I’m just going to enjoy being single and satisfied. Because truly I do not need the headache and heartache of a man, who not ready to love me the way I need to be loved and to accept all that I have to give….. and it’s not my money or my body.