If you read my article on “Rediscover who you are, do the people in your life make you better” It’s true that the people in our lives should make us rediscover who we are, if we have forgotten.
They should help us realize what’s already there and support us in every area of our life that is good. But what about the person wanting to be better for themselves?
I ask this question because some people want a better life, but they are not willing to do what it takes to make their life better.
You have people who are simply complacent with the way their life is. They are not open to change or help. You have people who want/need help so they can help themselves. Then you have people who want help (which means, you doing all the work) so they don’t have to do nothing at all.
A friend of mine was telling me that when he was in a relationship, that he told his significant other, that she can go to school, while he took care of everything. He wanted her to focus on her studies while he provided. But she declined. As I’m listening to this…I had a dumb founded look on my face, (like that straight face emoji).
I wondered what was wrong with this woman? Why would any woman turn that down?? I already know this was an ‘independent woman’, wanting to make her own money, not trusting her man to provide. You know how many women would love to have a man like that. A lot of women want to go back to school and focus solely on their studies.
But they are being super woman, doing it all on their own, even with a man in their life. Because they do not have the support they need. From experience, going to school full-time and working full-time is hard. Yes you can do it, but it takes that much longer to finish. As I’m listening, we’re comparing stories because I said the same thing to my ex.
When he was out of work. He mentioned going back to school and I told him I would hold things down, just so he can could better his life. But the flip side is, he didn’t want to go back to school, it sounded good to say. He had no plans to make his life better for himself or for us. Going back to school meant that he would have to put in the work.
Be out of the house. It meant that he didn’t have time to focus on his hobbies. It meant he couldn’t relax and sleep when he wanted to. It also meant that if he did really decide to go back, that I would expect more of him, that he would have to step up and be the man and he wasn’t up for that. He wanted to be taken care of. Every time I talked to him about bettering our life, moving, we argued and he got annoyed.
This was very strange to me. There was really nothing to argue about. He wanted to accept him being lazy and non productive. He didn’t want me to want more or expect more. He wanted me to love him enough to carry thought life. I was not doing that so he had to go. He had plans to be rich alright, but at my expense and hard work.
Hearing this, my friend said to me, I never had a woman, tell me, I could go back to school while she held things down.There are women out there, who will support their man. They see the potential. They know that it will benefit them too (and the family if you have one) We’re out there. You just have to find them, just like you have men out there, that will not leave everything up to the woman.
This is why it’s important to have certain discussions about life, money, marriage and everything else in between. You should have certain aspirations together. The person you share your life with, your body with, should want to better themselves. It shouldn’t be one-sided and they shouldn’t be an opportunist.
If the person in your life, loves you enough to help you better yourself, then that is the person that you know, that will support you in all areas. If you meet someone and you have the same aspirations and they love you enough to help you. That should make you want to change your life, for the both of you.
Men and women have dreams and it takes the right man/woman to see that potential and to nurture that. Every time I wanted to make my life better in my last relationships, I was met with resistance, because to the person I was dating, it meant that I would shake up their life, their security.
Yes men can be leeches too, just like women. Be very leery of when someone else needs are met and not yours. The next time you have the talk with someone, mainly your significant other, ask yourself and them. Do they really want to better their life. Are they open to change? Relationships can hold you back if you are not careful. Let it go. Your life will be better off without them in it.