Have you spent weeks and months and maybe even years talking. And you’re thinking to yourself, me and this person, really get along. There’s occasional flirting here and there.
Next thing you know the conversation turns to sex or someone jokes about the future with you. Just so you know, all jokes have some truth in it. You feel the chemistry but are afraid to make the first move or ask what are you to this person. You want to know where you stand. It feels like you have pass the friend stage, but no one is being clear about where they want this to go.
I remember when I was in my 20s, I was chatting online with my teacher when he came out and asked me. Why do I talk to him? What is it about me that you like?… I told him we had great conversation. I really saw him as just a friend. He dropped the bomb on me, a few sentences in, when he told me he liked me. I think sometimes my brain operates on dial-up, because I was completely oblivious to how he felt.
When a man compliments me or flirt, to be honest I really don’t pay them any mind, because I’m automatically thinking, this guy wants to sleep with me, (and that may very well be true), but that’s not all some guys want. My teacher explained to me, that to a man, when he’s talking to a woman for so long, that their mind automatically thinks there is more going on. Their mind drifts to sex quite often too. If she’s stimulating his mind.
They secretly think, she likes me, just as much as I like her…I found out later on in life this is true,….because men have told me, that I was their woman and I had no clue we were even dating, lol. Once I told my teacher what I thought about him. He logged offline and I didn’t hear from him in two years. He didn’t answer my calls, emails, nothing.. He told me he had to get me out of his system.
Limit our conversation. Us being so close and being able to talk about anything, was confusing to him and he wanted me, and since he couldn’t have me, he stopped talking to me. He dropped my ass like a bad habit, lol….yeah I was hurt…I missed him confiding in me..he told me he healed in a lot of ways by talking to me and I just wanted to be that light and good friend in his life.
I think it’s important that men have healthy communication with a woman, without it always being about sex and so much talk about the future… The men I meet are longing to be heard, seen, appreciated and they want love an affection too, but it’s important that friendship not be skipped. It’s important that there is a mental connection… I said to myself ok and just I gave him time…
Men do this to me all the time, so it’s nothing new. This is why I don’t date because it seems like every guy is a magician and pulls disappearing acts. My teacher was at a point in his life where he wanted to settle down and raise a family and he thought that woman could be me. But I just saw him as my teacher and me as his student and I didn’t want to go there.
We eventually started talking again after the two-year break. He didn’t want to lose my friendship and I forgave him. It’s how he felt and I had to respect that….our relationship fizzled over time and now he’s married. But he had every right to ask where he stood with me and what I thought of him.
The reason is because they want to keep the possibility open that there could be more one day. It’s a guy’s job, that when he wants a woman, and he doesn’t want her to be interested in another man.
He’s going to say whatever he can, to make sure that this woman thinks they are together or that there could be a possibility for a relationship. A guy will check in and see if the woman, he’s still attracted to is seeing someone else. Men do this to me all the time, they know I’m not the type to jump from one guy to the next.
When you don’t know where you stand. It can start to feel like you are being indirectly strung a long. If the man or woman you are talking to is avoiding the talk. Then that tells you that they don’t like confrontation. Most people figure, if I ignore her/him, then as time goes by, they’ll forget and I can just pick up where I left off.
Some people want to be chased. They figure if you are still communicating with them, while they figure out where they want to be in your life and whatever may be going on in their life that, as long as you communicate, they know they can worm their way back in. If that person is not considering how you feel, then their silence should tell you exactly what you mean to them.
Which is nothing. That they have moved on and maybe you should do the same. Anyone who truly cares and is adult enough, will be honest and forthcoming about how they feel about you. They will respect how you feel and will want to know, how you feel too if they truly care. Time is precious and if you don’t know where you stand with someone, it’s time to start walking.