I do a lot reflecting, like most of us should do. I take time to get to know and connect with myself and God. When I feel a certain type of way about something, I ask myself questions, I listen to my heart. I write things down. I want to know what it is teaching me.
It’s the same when others say and do things to me. I always want to know why? I’m always looking to evolve and be a better person. But in being that way and seeking, I must stand in my truth, even if others don’t like it.
I only have one life and it’s up to me, who I decide to let in on any level. The older I get the less tolerance, I have for things that simply take up my time. This is in all areas of my life. One can not solely focus on one area of their life and neglect the other parts.
Careers are not meant to be focused on 24/7 of the time, just like relationships (or almost relationships). There needs to be a balance. Whenever I meet a guy and we’re talking for a while, then things stop. Red flags go up. Men want me to think they are busy all the time and that no one else has their attention.
They want me to know less about their life. They don’t answer the phone. They’re masters at ghosting. I know when a man likes me and even when he loves me. It shows in his actions. Love and liking someone is not taking weeks and months to call but yet saying you’re interested.
Men don’t want to be treated like an option but yet they want to me one. In this world of when it comes to men dating and seeking love, they are juggling multiple women, maybe not physically but I know I’m not the only one. I’m one of many while a man seems to find a life partner. They want to know if who they have at home or one the side is worth giving up for me.
So I’m the woman in the glass bottle. I’m the woman who gets the hot and cold treatment. But yet I’m told there is no one else. A guy that once lived 30 minutes away claim he was so busy, yeah, with several different women and his wife. He just wanted sex, he just felt lonely, he tried so hard to get it. Then when he couldn’t he moved on, well back to his wife he tried to hide.
I can’t stand when a man awakens my heart with no intention on following through. I’m tired of conflicted emotions, not knowing where I stand with a guy, one minute, I’m the friend, next minute, I’m being treated like it’s more. Then I start to think “well maybe there is more?, Then I get my head out the clouds. I’m suppose to be ok, with “I’m busy” when I’m not.
I’m suppose to be ok with being ignored. I’m suppose to be so understanding when I know truly in my heart, I don’t like how I feel. When I want to express how I feel, it feels as if I shouldn’t then I shut down. If there is no us, don’t make me feel like there is. It’s not hard. And people wonder why I’m single. When I like and love someone I’m all in.
It’s not one-sided. This is the reason why I’m reluctant to be open to love. Men don’t like it when I ask questions. They don’t want me to know I’m an option. God blessed women with intuition. We know…but if men want us to play dumb…fine…we’ll play along..ignorance is bliss right?!