Masculinity…hmm what does it really mean to a man….Well I’m going to tell you what it means to a woman. A real man that’s in touch with his feelings. Will have no problem expressing his emotions to a woman. As much as men would like for us to think that they are all hard and they don’t feel.
That can’t be any further from the truth….
Men, let me tell you something.. you listening?! You ain’t fooling nobody, lol…. I can see right through that tough exterior that you want love, security and nurturing. But you are just vulnerable and maybe even a little afraid. But you want it from a woman, who you will feel safe with to express those emotions.
As much as men put on a show that they don’t care and they don’t feel anything for a woman they are into. When they are in the presence of a woman who can see past that and has earn their trust, that wall comes right down. I know because I keep running into them. I keep meeting men who are love deprived in so many ways.
I was watching “Iyanla’s Fix my Life” and she did a three part series on healing the black mans heart. The way these men opened up to her. I have been blessed a few times, with men who have entrusted me with their deepest emotions and fears. They feel they found a safe haven in me. They even cried in front of me. There was no judgement.
I just simply listened and didn’t come from a place of “I want” or “what does this have to do with me”. I didn’t tell them to man up, or stop that crying. Men are taught, that crying is weak, only women do that. But they let down their guard in front of me. Men do talk and they want a woman who is going to listen. She doesn’t have to try and fix anything. He just wants her to listen.
Men are fixers. You tell a man your problems and a good man will do his best to try to find a solution. But that hasn’t been happening lately, because men are flipping the tables now. They want to know what a woman is going to do for them first. I know, because I keep running into these wounded men.
I don’t say this in a condescending way, but I feel that some men long to go back to ‘the womb state‘ in a relationship. In ‘the womb state’ it’s nurturing, it comforting. It’s protective. As much as men want to be the protectors, they also want to know that they will have a woman, who will protect them too, not physically but protect their integrity and defend them. I know this because I’ve been told that I’m very protective.
Men long to go back to the womb state, because at home is where they want to feel nurtured. After a long stressful day…I say this because the first relationship a man has is with his mother (if she is in the picture or his grandmother). This is how a man is taught how to treat a woman. If a man has a good relationship with mother. He will seek that in a wife.
For some strange reason, I keep meeting men who have not had a strong relationship with their mother. That affection was missing and still is. That nurturing quality was missing. I saw one of the men on the show, Kevin McCall cry the minute his mother walked into the room and they embraced each other. This grown man, who appeared to be tough, was just as sensitive as they say women are. His mother was the cold one.
I can see why he had trouble being sensitive towards women. He also had no support with his career. He was never complimented either. Men can big “mamas boys” at times lol. They can. Men also don’t receive compliments the way women do or even support for their dreams. The minute I let a guy know I like what he’s doing and I show him any kind of attention or compliment him. Forget it, they’re ready to go ring shopping, LOL.
I found out the hard way several times, you can’t give a genuine compliment to a guy because they just take it the wrong way. I’m always hearing from some man how his “lady” is not supporting him or making him feel appreciated. This is one of the reasons men don’t like to tell another woman, that he’s involved. Men like to have options. So no…., he is not that busy, lol.
Men are longing for that closeness and love from a woman. Some men will change their whole life for a woman, if they feel she is worth it. The qualities I seem to possess, men are looking for in a wife or partner but they have no idea how to reciprocate. My “nurturing ways” have done nothing but attract the wrong men.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop running into men like this, because they keep emailing me too, seeking advice and wondering why they can’t find a nurturing woman. It’s not that a woman can’t be that way. It’s just that she doesn’t want to feel like she is your mother, instead of your love and wife. A woman wants to be desired not looked at as a maid.
Men can sniff out my domesticity, lol. No matter how much I try to hide it, it doesn’t work. As soon as they see this trait they are on a mission to lock me down, lol. I have gotten into a few quarrels with men, that I wasn’t even dating, because I sense their urgency to move so quick and they tried to throw their life on me and what they wanted.
Men are complaining about women not being nurturing or domesticated anymore… They want to work and come home and have an easy life and in today’s world, that’s just not happening. I recall cooking for a guy and he never took me out. I just happen to be hospitable, the same way I am towards women. But I see I can’t be that way towards a guy, because then they start trying to mark their territory.
When you eat a good meal prepared with TLC….it makes a man feel good for some strange reason. It also makes him lazy too. Men feel loved and cared for. This makes them want to open up too, the simple act of kindness and being thoughtful. So ladies if you are trying to get your man to open up. Just cook for him, LOL. Then give him some too, lol. Don’t hold back 🙂
Trust me he’ll be more open to talking. I’m not saying lure him with food all the time, lol. What I’m saying is he’ll notice the effort. He’ll feel thought of. He won’t feel unappreciated. No man likes to feel like an ATM. Your man is not that macho as he wants you to think he is.
Hold him when you talk to him, or touch him. He’ll respond to your tenderness. He’ll see that you are trying to put him in a relaxed state. Cook too got dammit, lol :)….Food is affection. Try is sometime! 🙂