Sometimes in life, we can get overwhelmed by the simplest things. It’s ok that if we have tons of things to check off our to-do list that it doesn’t get done. As humans we try to kep it all together. but the body is meant to rest.
I had so many things to take care of last week, that I could not possibly get it done. I beat myself up over it but I realize I’m just one person. The things I had to get done, I wish I had supportive friends and even a mate to be there for me, if I needed them.
I’m in a town where I know no one and when I do reach out ans ask for help all I here is birds chirping. People think because I’m single that life should be easy. Actually it’s not. It’s even that much harder when you are doing everything on your own and you don’t have genuine people in your life, who really want to help you.
I realized its ok to not get everything done. It’s ok to take a time out. I do what I can and then I call it a day or night. I’m not super woman. I realized the way I’ve been operating is because I’ve been this way my whole life.
Taking care of yourself can be an empowering thing. It makes you disciplined. It makes you strong. But it’s also ok to ask for help. Whenever I’m having a conversation with people. They instantaneously ask me, who in your life is supporting you? And my response is what? And their response is, who in your life is helping you?
And the answer is no one. People can’t seem to understand why a person like me, nobody is really there for. Not even to give me a ride or when I really need something. I keep hearing my friends words echo in my head about, the men I meet and how they just let me struggle. But yet they want access to my body with no effort.
They’ll even bold enough to come out their face and tell me why they are not helping me…check that shit out, LOL. I can see if you can’t help someone, if you respond to my communication, but to tell me why you are not helping me or simply ignore me when I ask for help. Whatever happen to real friendship. That just doesn’t happen with guys since they don’t believe in friends with a woman they want.
The men I meet or that want to be with me, are not willing to do anything for me unless I give up my body. I’m not prostituting myself. I’m the type of person that when I see someone is in need or they are struggling. I help. The bible says to help people. But with men, they figure since the last guy didn’t do anything for me or the men in my life, then I shouldn’t either. That it won’t matter.
Then they bring up their past relationships and it’s the perfect excuse not to do anything. It would be nice to be asked, is there anything you need? Is there anything I can do, without expecting anything in return. It just seems like people are more quid pro quo. They want you to make their life easier but they don’t want to give because they genuinely care.
I don’t have it all together but one day things will fall into place. People are always telling me what I need but they are not doing anything to help me get what I need. Or leading me in that direction. I’m told all the time, you need a car, I know that already but unless you know somebody that can help me get one or you are giving me the money, then I suggest you close your mouth, lol.
If there are things you need to get done, do what you can. A coworker of mine, she came out and said to me, you are so hard on yourself. I said excuse me?! I was told to relax that I seem like a person who has too much on her plate…But she was right, I am hard on myself because I have to take care of myself.
I’m trying to figure out where I’m going to move to and the school I want to go to. When I have so much to do, I have to take a few days to do it, because I don’t have a car. I don’t have the loving support of family and friends or a good man right now, that has my back to delegate some of my task. One day I will. I know how I like things done, so I just take care of it myself.
But God always sends me an angel, the other day I was coming home from the store, and I had 4 bags and even though I was up the block, a lady that lived in the area, stop in front of me, asked me if I needed a ride and of course I said yes. She said, I know how it feels when you don’t have a car.
I couldn’t have been anymore grateful and I just kept thanking God and thanking her. Little acts of faith that God sends, to let me know that there are good people in the world. As I left the store, I just prayed, because it was dark and I really did not feel like walking. God said I’m going to get you home safe and he came through like always.
Remember you are human and not a superhero..be easy on yourself,…. you’re doing the best you can.