When life Has You Doubting Yourself

I consider myself to be a pretty confident woman. I think about things I say, I reread things and I trust that when I say something, I’m standing in my truth. I sent an email to two friends of mine, one a woman and the other a man. But the email I sent to the man.

I read it over before I sent it, I even edited some words as I felt it was unnecessary and for some strange reason, people think I’m being sarcastic when I’m not. That’s the thing about words, you come to your own conclusion about what some one is saying , since you can’t hear them.

So I read it over again and sent it. But when I went back into my sent mail. I said to myself. I should not have sent that. Reason is, is because lately life has me doubting a lot of things. It’s hard to decipher, who’s genuine. Who’s your real friend. I wonder why do people say one thing and do another.

How do people change on you that quick with no explanation out of nowhere. Then you question what did I do?. Actually you didn’t do anything, its just them. People can change just that quick. Life has been throwing me some major curve balls and I’m like damn again.

Everytime I think I made the right decision I get hit with something. Then thats when the doubts come in. I’m doing alot on my own and I’m exhausted. Noone should be dealing with so much on their own. I don’t care who you are we all need somebody. But I have no choice but to move forward.

I wonder why won’t anyone help me. Even with the smallest things. I feel like I can’t get a break, one step forward 7 steps back.

I realize that having doubts is not a bad thing. We all should have doubts. We all should weigh the pros and cons. Having doubts makes you question things. Having doubts helps you get clear about what you really want. Having doubts helps you to decide, who you should have in your life and who you should let go.

It makes you question. Is this relationship really worth my time? Truth is you have to love people from a distance and not everybody deserves the friend title. I know I do, LOL 🙂 because I’ve proven myself to be a loyal trustworthy genuine person. I trust until people give me a reason not to trust. I love and choose love even when it’s the hardest to give. But I have my limits.

Truth is not everybody wants to make time to deal with someone else. I know that having doubts lets me know that it’s ok to be selfish. I’m not the type, with certain people to look at my phone and ignore someone communicating with me. But other people are. I don’t take 5 weeks or months to respond to someone. I’m busy, but I’m not that busy.

When it comes to men, they are selective in what they respond to. As 2017 approaches I don’t want to have selective people in my life. I don’t want one-sided relationships. If I make time to reach out to you, I want the same back. I want genuine people in my life, who are passionate and love hard and support me, just as much as I support them. Not when it’s convenient.

Sometimes I make the mistake of thinking everybody is like me. That people will treat me the way I treat them but truth and reality is, not every one is like me, in a sence and that’s ok. I’m glad doubts come up when it’s necessary, because it shows me who I should keep in my life and who I should let go of.

Also doubts help you learn things from others aswell. If someone does something you don’t like, you need to ask yourself, why is this person being this way with me. For instance when it comes to time. I know that I give people my time, when I have time but it’s not always the other way around.

If I give people time out of my life. I should get the same back. If I don’t from particular people, then it’s time to stop giving these people my time. It’s clear that they don’t feel the need to respond for whatever reason. And time is the one thing that we can not get back. So if someone doesn’t think I’m worth it.

That’s fine, then I have to stop thinking they are worth it too. I have to stop being loyal since they are not. I know that God will send people in my life that will respect my loyalty and my time. It’s not a good feeling when you reach out to someone and they look at their phone and they just don’t respond, no consideration. For whatever reason.

I have to learn to just brush it off and if it’s meant to be it will be. Mean while I appreciate the people who are busy and they get back to me and it’s not personal. I realize that doubts with men. I should have them and for good reason.

If these doubts don’t make me feel good, it’s teaching me something and I know I have to look within. I know the type of respect and love I deserve. So when you have doubts, trust them, they’re also your intuition talking to you. I learn to trust my doubts and embrace them, they are there to protect me.

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