Words Do Matter: Pray, Forgive And Move On

img_0324They say that “sticks and stones may break your bones but words may never hurt you.” We all know that saying, can’t be anymore further from the truth. Words do matter. How many times have you or someone you know, said something so disrespectful and hurtful. That it cut you and that person so deep and ruined your relationship.

Words hold energy. Words have the power to break your spirit and words have the power to uplift your spirit. Whenever I say something to someone. I think before I speak, I gather my words, so there is clarity. I’m always careful with my words. People (men) may say I’m long-winded, that’s because I want to be as meticulous as possible.

I don’t disrespect people on purpose. I know how it feels to be emotionally abused by words. I’ve also seen the mental effect, of verbal abuse with my father towards my mother when she was alive. Words stick with you long after the physical abuse. Those are the scars that nobody sees. The words that you only hear, long after they have been said.

The words that keep echoing in your head hour after hour, day after day. For some, they may be able to brush it off and act like they don’t care, to seem tough. But they do care. The other day, someone I considered to be a friend, that I respected, admired, that I always supported disrespected me.

When I heard that F word come out his mouth. I immediately hung up the phone. It wasn’t just the word he used, it was how he said it and the tone of his voice. It sound like such hate. From the moment I answered the phone, it was clear that he was in a certain type of mood. It literally drained me and made me sick.

img_0318I tried to eat and my stomach kept turning and I couldn’t keep anything down. People may say, you’re being to sensitive.  When something makes you sick. No you’re not. Words can make you sick. If can make you fearful. Even the look in someone’s eyes can make you feel a certain way when it’s done with malice.

As a sensitive soul and empathic person. I feel everything deeply, no matter if it’s positive or negative. When others are hurting, I’m hurting too. I take on their pain when I don’t mean to. It happens with music, instruments, movies, animals. I’m very connected. I used to think I was to sensitive, but its the way that I am and there are others out there just like me.

It takes me a few days to recharge my spiritual and mental battery, after toxic words have entered my vessel. The same happens when I’m around toxic people. The last time I felt that way was when my father said that word to me, a long with other words that I can’t even say. No man should talk to a woman that way, especially his daughter.

What my father said to me, It was so disrespectful, I didn’t see or speak to my father for 19 years. Although I forgave him so that I could heal and move on. It wasn’t the first time he used those words. He’s been using those words all his life, especially towards women. He used those words towards my mother and my sisters.

I vowed I would never talk to a man or be with a man, who ever disrespected me like that and I never will. The way this person came at me, he acted like I hurt him or was out to get him. Had he calmed down, he would have heard my side and got clarity. This is exactly why I don’t like to text. Texting and even emailing, you misinterpret things.

 

Had he calmed down and heard me, instead of wanting to ALWAYS talk first. There would have been no reason for him, to ever use those words and that tone with me. Hearing those words hurt me. Because as much as this person has come out of his mouth indirectly, being an asshole, I just dismissed it. I just thought he was high. But it was never this bad as to what took place recently.

I don’t take to kind to blatant disrespect. Especially for no reason. When you disrespect someone, you get disrespected right back. I told him to kiss my ass and I used the F word right back and that was that. Normally I’m not a person who talks that way. People have told me I don’t sound right cursing, lol and I don’t. But give me a reason to and I will.

I had to ask God to forgive me, for saying those words. But I was angry for a few seconds but more so hurt. Because I would never do anything to hurt or disrespect someone, that I considered to be a friend. But for him to disrespect me like that, with no regard and no apology. That speaks volumes about his character. I know he never really cared or loved me as a friend or anything else.

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It’s hard to talk to someone when they only see their way, and they think they are right 99% of the time or they really don’t care to hear anything you have to say. People who think they know everything, will always think you are wrong and accuse you, before you even open your mouth. I can’t have a conversation with someone who doesn’t know how to effectively communicate.

It hurts the most when you have been there for people. Showing your love and support and then they turn around and disrespect you as if it was nothing. I asked myself, what happened? What happened to the guy I met before I relocated. That we hung out like two teenagers and had a great time. Who is this man who has been cold towards me and distant ever since I moved here.

It’s hard to be a friend to someone, when they have a problem with being friends and when feelings get involved. I have done nothing but showed this person through my words and actions, that I’m a good person with a big heart. That I would never let any harm come towards him, but I can’t say the same for him towards me.

 

I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, but when I say I’m a friend. It shows through my actions. Whenever I feel I may have said something, or raised my tone and made someone feel a certain way. I was always quick to apologize. Always caring about his feelings or anybody. But I realized I never got the same in return.

He even pointed out to me, that I give a damn about other people’s feelings and that the women he has met or been with don’t. So why the blatant disrespect. Why is it that the people who are there for others, get screwed the most? But the people who hurt us, we welcome their toxic behavior.

img_0310Are we that addicted to pain? Are we that comfortable with it? Why have our hearts become so wounded, that we don’t even trust or recognize real love and support anymore? It’s hurts..it really does when all you do is love and you’re there and you’re the ones who gets treated badly.

Yes we all say things we don’t mean at times, but how many times. Once to many times is not a mistake. It’s a conscious choice to disrespect someone and not own up to your behavior. It took me a couple of days to be ok. I’m still disappointed but I’ll get over it. I know I don’t ever want to feel that way again.

If someone ever disrespects you, in any way, whether they put their hands on you or verbally, please do yourself a favor and walk away. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. To feel safe. No one should ever have to put up with verbal abuse. Always stick up for yourself, because there are no victims here. Even in your silence that shows you are strong.

Don’t stoop to their level of arrogance. Somebody has to be the bigger person. If you find yourself in an abusive toxic relationship with anyone, male, female, family or friend, colleague put a stop to it and get help, especially if it’s been years. Words can be damaging and break your spirit.

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Don’t let anyone dim your light. Remember you are love and just continue to be the love and light that you want in the world. God will bring the right people in your life, who will treat you with love and respect because you deserve it. Forgive for yourself, forgive them but that doesn’t mean you have to let them back in your life. Know your worth!

God is love! Namaste!

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