When Ideal Is Not So Ideal

We all have an idea of the perfect life we would like to create with someone. But what happens in our pursuits of trying to create the perfect life. We realize what glitters isn’t always gold. Pretty much every one I know, has followed the blue print in some way, but not in any particular order….. after high school, go to college, find a husband, get married, have 2 kids, buy a house with a white picket fence.

In following this ‘blue print’ pretty much every one I know is miserable. They thought doing all of these things would make them happy. They realize the person they decided to be with is not the one who is meant for them. They found out their partner is lazy, doesn’t cook or clean. Isn’t good with money. Is lazy in bed. Wants to trap them into having a baby. Doesn’t appreciate them.

I’m pretty sure at some point this was apparent but it was overlooked, because hey, no one is perfect right. We all have our flaws. But when you decide to settle down, you’re hoping that the person you love is the one and that they’ll come around and eventually change if you just love them enough. To many women and men are rushing to have a child, rushing to get married.

Men think they have to spend all their money on a woman, to buy her affections in order to have her. Because god forbids he doesn’t, he doesn’t love her enough, he’s not a real man. Because that’s supposedly what ‘real men do’. (insert turd emoji, lol) because this is B.S. What people fail to realize is that you have to be whole and happy and know why you want to be in a relationship in the first place.

A lot of people are in relationships for perks, they just are. They want something from it and they are determined, to get what they want from a particular person. Theres this list that they have. Some people are not in a relationship because they really want to love and grow with another soul.

The people I know that were really ready and wanted to be in a relationship, came into the relationship full and ready to love. Problem is the person that they chose to be with, wasn’t. The person that they are with, feels that the person who loves them, has enough love to carry the relationship. They also want to be taken care of in every way.

They have no intention on fully loving the other person. They realize they came across a genuine soul in their life and they presented themselves to be something that they are not, just to hook, liner and sink that person into their life. One person came in full, the other came in half empty.

A  lot of people are realizing that marriage and kids, are not what they should be chasing. It’s normal and innate of most people to want these things. But you have to be cognizant on why you want these things. Are you lonely? Do you think all of these things are going to fix your relationship?

Do you not know who you are and you think by getting all of these things that you will find yourself.  The reason why so many people are single, is because they know what they want and they are not looking for someone to do anything for them or to fulfill who they are. I know I’m not. I know that was is ideal is not always ideal.

I know that I have to be happy and work and love myself. I never expected a man to make me feel whole or give me what I want. I know that motherhood is extremely hard, it’s a full-time responsibility and that you don’t get a break. This is why I’m waiting. I know that marriage is not a fix all to whats going on in your life.

Sure I thought by 36 that I would find love and just enjoy being with someone, build a life with a good man but with the way men have been treating me, cursing at me being disrespectful. I’m glad I didn’t get into a relationship with anyone I met over the last few years. I know that’s not love and I would never be with a man who disrespects me in that manner.

I believe in true love, but I know that it’s not so ideal. I know that when I do decide to settle down, I want to enjoy being with my husband. I want us to build wealth. Travel. I want us to have passion for each other and strengthen our relationship, before we decide to bring a life into this world. I want us to act like two teenagers in love who can’t get enough of each other.

Our bond has to be solid and strong, because if we decide to have a child, all of that person time is going to go out the window. Kids take a big chunk of your time and how many times do we hear that some one in the marriage is feeling neglected (usually the husband) because his wife is with the baby 24/7. Babies need care but not every single second of the day. There has to be a balance.

You need time for yourself, for your husband, or else you’re going to go crazy. You will always need a life of your own outside of your child. Hobbies you enjoy alone and together. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over, it’s all about balance.

I know for me, there are so many things that I am working on, and it would be nice if I met a selfless man. A man who respects me, loves me as much as I love him and not just with his words. Who appreciates the small and simple things that I do for him. Who gives me space. But until that man comes. I’m creating the life I want for myself.

I caught up with a old friend of mine and he told me, he’s been divorced 3 times and he said, I think God wants me to be single. I don’t think it’s that. I think he needs to work on himself and stop marrying these woman right away, without fully getting to know them. His intentions may be good, to have a wife but I told him, not everyone is wife material. Just like every man is not husband material.

Who knows, maybe God wants you to be single for a while. discover who you are, fulfill yourself, especially with him in your spirit. Be alone for a while. Hear your own thoughts. So many people have a problem with being alone and they shouldn’t. After what happened to me this past monday and the last few years.

You have no idea how happy I am to be by myself and that’s another reason why I’m celibate. Theres blessings in waiting. In a relationship people will quarrel, but I know that the person I’m in a relationship with, I would never disrespect them in any manner, no matter how mad I get at them. I can control my temper. It really does take a lot for me to get upset.

But being single is not bad. You really do not have to put up with anyone else’s wants and needs and expectations of you. You get to be selfish, have standards. It takes a lot of courage to go through life alone, when everyone expects you to be tied down. Sure it would be ideal and great to find someone who has your back, but you must have your own back because people change.

The next time those feelings come up about what you want in life. Long-term life altering decisions, like marriage and a family. Ask yourself it is truly what you really want or are you being conditioned to want these things. Don’t suffer from fear of losing out, age or because everyone else is doing it. Because trust me…. you are not missing anything!

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