How Many Ways I Love You

img_0758I was listening to “How Many Ways I love You” by the iconic Toni Braxton. Before I continue, don’t you just love some Toni Braxton. Toni’s voice is just so sensual, her music is timeless. She is just my favorite female vocalist of all time.

Every time I hear the intro to that song ” how many ways, I love you, let me count the ways, you just don’t know. ” It reminds me of home. It also reminds me of my first love and how we just enjoyed loving each other. When this song came out, I had someone in my life I felt this way about.

I used to be at home, wondering how many ways can I love this man. It wasn’t just my words it was my actions. Some people forget the action part of love. Off topic but “seven whole days” came on by Toni…and I’m like “seven whole days, try not seeing somebody in almost 7 months” lol but they claim they love you. I had to laugh at that one, lol.

Anyway…I will always be grateful for the love we shared and just grateful that my first time around with love, was a good one. My first love really set the bar, for how a man is supposed to treat a woman. He told me I set the bar too and that he knew what to look for in a woman, because of the way I loved him and he thanked me too for loving him the way I did.

What a lovely compliment!

We just wanted to love each other, bring out the best in one another. Isn’t that what love about? Bringing out the best in one another. We just wanted to make each other happy. We were both cancers and our love was just infectious to others.

Making each other smile was our hearts greatest joy. He was so thoughtful, so kind. Such a gentleman. So protective. Always putting me first. Treating me like a lady. He never raised his voice at me. The five years I knew him, we NEVER had an argument. He NEVER disrespected me.

We were best friends. So when men say it’s impossible to be friends with a woman, they are dead wrong because it is possible. That’s the best kind of love that blossoms into something more.

We just couldn’t wait to see each other to see what surprise we both had up our sleeves. My face use to hurt so much from smiling all the time and laughing. People used to say we looked alike, that’s because we brought out the best in one another.

We just had fun together. There was no rushing to make major life decisions not even to be intimate. We just wanted to count the ways of how much we could love each other. I think if my first love knew the BS, I encountered with men, he would be upset.

When we both moved on and dated other people, he wanted to know if I was being treated right. He was still protective of me as a friend and so was I of  him. There’s was no jealousy, no animosity …nothing….just pure authentic love for one another.

I think it’s sad when people want to be in a relationship for all the wrong reasons and it’s not for love. It’s not for seeing and making the other person happy and growing together and building something. Loving someone should be a privilege and not abused.

Some people just don’t know how to love. They love things or want things and they think, that by being in a relationship, this is the only way to get it. And they wonder why they are miserable. I never understood the logic of trying to use someone for personal gain.

I don’t know what the hell I’ve been running into lately with men, that I’m not even dating lol. I’m always blindsided when a man wants more from me. Especially after a couple of hours or days, lol… I thought after my first love, that all men were like him. I see I was clearly wrong.

Maybe for a couple of days or weeks they are nice. But when they don’t get what they want, I see a side of them I didn’t know exist. A family friend said to me, “what’s up with these men you meet, why are they so controlling?” He apologized for men being assholes.

You know what the funny thing is, whenever I tell a guy what other men have done and things they said. They turn around and do the same thing 😐 but claim they are different. Case in point I was asked. ” Why are you single?” I said because I’m tired of married men trying to sleep with me, and the guy who asked me this was married and wanted to sleep with me, but got mad when I rejected him and he claimed he was different. Dumb ass!!

Then he acted like he was doing me a favor and he was the prize by talking to me. Right 😐! This coming from a guy with 3 women with his kids. Unbelievable!! All I wanted was his poetry cd, and he wanted to locked me down and make me a stepmother, to kids I didn’t know he had, Lol. You think I didn’t 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️lol.

It’s also funny how a guy will laugh at something I told him, until he turns around and does the same thing. Now he’s just another character in my story. I think all the crazy shit I’ve been through, maybe this is the universes way of saying, you need more writing content for a crazy story.

We all love to laugh and maybe someone can find humor in my crazy experiences. I know I have 😂. People crack up with the stuff I say, I think it’s darn right crazy, because I’m not doing anything. I’ve been told “don’t tell a guy you love to cook or like to be home” because they’ll go ring shopping right away.

I wonder what’s all the thirstyness for? What’s the rush? If I mention I want a child one day, I never said I wanted it from you. Just because two people want the same thing, doesn’t mean they want it from each other. I don’t even know you like that to know if I want to have YOUR baby, so calm down.

All in all, I just miss being in love. When love is organic not forced. When a person makes it easy for you to love them, when they don’t expect anything. When your happiness is their happiness. When there is consistency, effort and being a person of your word. When two people tell each other how they feel. When there is no doubts.

It doesn’t take much to please a woman like me. Men know I’m simple, they sense it and by being simple and low maintenance, it makes them not want to do anything for me. Because I don’t ask. I shouldn’t have to, the same way you don’t ask me. I just give.

I want a man and a love in my life, that ponders the thought, “how many ways can I love this woman, let me count the ways.” Wait for a love that makes you feel like this! A love that makes you get excited about loving someone.


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