You Wanted Me To Weather A Storm, I Didn’t Know I Was In

img_0949You wanted me to weather a storm, that I didn’t know I was in. We were both in the pouring rain with our emotions but yet, you let me get wet.

While you covered yourself with the umbrella of my love and protection that I so freely gave to you. My love and support lifted you and your so-called love silently let me flatline.

It must have felt good to know that you had that type of love in your corner. A love you didn’t have to fight for. My love reassured you, while your so-called love confused me.

You wanted me to think it was normal and getting to know someone is hard but it’s not, it’s just you. You said you didn’t want to lose my loyalty but yet you didn’t show me any.

The only time you called or texted is when you felt me pulling away, doing the bare minimum… I peeped your actions… did I ask you for anything? Your money.. anything ? No I didn’t. You’re the one who masqueraded as my friend, when you had no intentions on helping me with anything. Getting all that praise from me, must have really boosted your ego. You never appreciated anything I did for you.

You never said damn, all this stuff she’s doing for me, let me give the same back. With my time and effort. I get it, no other woman has done that for you, so you say, “hmm I can get used to this, let me see what she’s going to do for me first. I’m tired of giving my all to some woman.” But I’m not some woman. Truth is, you never really looked at me as a friend. Friends don’t say the things you said to me.

I thought we were friends, silly me but you don’t do friendship. You never gave our friendship or anything else a real chance. You don’t know how. You don’t know how to do love either. You can talk and say what you want, when a woman is not near, but then your true colors come out and you only know how to be an asshole when she appears. With your pride and ego.

It just took me a while to see it, because I chose to see the good in you. You wanted me to believe in love, when you don’t even believe in it yourself. You don’t even believe you can have real true love. I guess you’re addicted to pain, unrequited love. You won’t be the last guy who attempted to break my heart. That’s the risk you take when you’re genuine. When you’re real. Problem is you think everyone else is.

I hope you find that distant, inconsistent love from a woman you are looking for. A woman who you never really know her real intentions and she loves you with half a heart, brain and spirit. Because that’s what you are used to. You’re used to looking over your shoulder. I get it, you don’t need nobody. It’s sad. You don’t trust people.

You’re used to love that doesn’t support you and make you a better man. You’re used to women who take from you. Want expensive things and your money. You’re used to women who just want to sleep with you. A woman who doesn’t question your intentions or has standards that’s the perfect woman for you.

You don’t want a woman who calls you out on your bullshit and inconsistency. That kind of woman is argumentative and negative. Thats how you deflect and not check your own behavior, because you don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong. You’re to proud to apologize. You only want love in the moment, with the least amount of effort.

Well there’s plenty of women in the world who will give you that, but there are very few and far in between women that are like me and you realize and know that already. Don’t try to get me to think that love is silent. That love is unrequited because it’s not. Love is passionate and loud and quiet when two souls see each other spirit.

I know what good love feels like. So don’t try to get me to want and expect less of you or any other man. Don’t try to get me to think love is inconsistent when mines was consistent. Especially after I told you what I’ve been through, with other men and you turn right around and commit the same emotional crime with my heart and time.

After you told me that I deserve a man who treats me with respect, love and kindness. That I deserve a man who wants to make love to me and not just fuck me and throw me away. That I deserve a man to compliment me, treat me like a queen and give me his time and effort. No matter how busy he is. Love is not rushing major life decisions. Nor is love possessive and dominating.

You wanted to be that man in my life but only on a part-time, invisible basis. You wanted to be a magician and pull disappearing acts and act like it was nothing. Thinking “ok, time has passed since we last spoke, I’m over it, so should she.” You never wanted to address my feelings, you just wanted me to talk to you sweet. How? When you ignored my communication, no matter what I said.

Unless it’s about sex. You wanted my body but not everything that came along with it. I was unlike any other woman you’ve ever known, at least that’s whats you told me when I was far away, but when I appeared I was to real for  you. You decided you wanted to try something different. Test me, show me what its like to be with a man who talks shit and not back it up.

Been there done that, that’s why I’m single. But I get it, It was better for you to just ignore and ghost, instead being a man and talking to me. It was easier for you not to really express your emotions to me. It was better for you to disrespect me, make me not like you instead of you being honest with me. You know in your heart you was wrong, but you’ll never apologize.

I got some advice for you, stop saying you love a woman, with no intention of showing her. Stop wasting a woman’s time. You silently watched me, well I was doing the same thing. The less you said the more you revealed, although you thought you was being private. Your silence, inconsistency and inaction proved to me the kind of man you really are. Don’t ask of what you can not give of yourself.

I hope you let yourself be happy one day. I hope you find the real true meaning of love and I hope you have the courage to open your heart and mean it. Love is not just in art, its in your heart. Soul search and you will find it. I hope you’re careful next time around. I hope you become friends with another good woman. I hope you don’t let another good woman weather a storm, with your heart she doesn’t even know she’s in.

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