Avoiding Attention: Is It Helping Or Doing More Harm?

img_2023When it comes to attention anyone who knows me, knows that I struggle with it, in any form especially when it comes to my hobbies, work or from men.

I’m not the kind of person who gravitates towards attention, nor do I seek it. I don’t fish for compliments. I’m very low-key. Attention makes me very uncomfortable.

Whenever the spotlight is on me, I do my best to try and deflect the attention on someone else. I know that the reason why I do not like attention, is because it always turns out to be negative attention.

I’m a very passionate person. Being a passionate person is not always positive thing when it comes to the person (s) thats on the receiving end. The very same things, I’m passionate about and the things I love to do. For some strange reason, causes a lot of unwanted attention. I tend to attract psychos for some strange reason because of my passions.

When I write things about an artist whether it’s a musician, actor, poet or sculptor. I write about what their art means to me. I don’t know them personally to feel that way about them. In writing about an artist, the person that I’m writing about, gets engulfed in my world of worlds. They want to know more about how I feel and then they want to know more about me.

Now I don’t have a problem with being myself, anything you want to know, just ask. But the question is, why do you want to know me? What is this going to do for you? In getting to know each other, where are we both going with this? Are we going to work together? I’ve never been able to work for any man in the industry, because it always turns personal for them.

When it comes to men, they want to get to know me, because they want to date me and figure out, if I’m the kind of woman who can fit into their life in some way. They are usually after me for something, whether its to get married, have a baby or money. Or they want the love, attention and support I show them as a fan, on a daily basis, because they never had it before, from other women that they have dated.

So my love for an artist work is being manipulated, for their own selfish reasons. Men don’t want to be with me to support me in any areas of my life. Every time I’m having a regular conversation with a guy and I mention something that I want to do and we just met. They immediately try to devise a plan to try and put a stop to my plans.

By mentioning things that some women might want to hear. Like getting married, babies, materialistic things. When I turn these men down, two things happen, they can’t accept rejection or it makes them want me even more because I don’t care who they are like that. This has shocked me with the people I have met, wondering why they feel this way about me.

I think sometimes that people tend to forget that artist are human beings, it doesn’t matter what they do for a living or how well-known they are. Yes, we fall in love with who they are. We fall in love with a part of them that they reveal to us and in return they fall in love with their fan(s.) I never knew that the people who inspired me, would feel a certain type of way about me.

I just wrote what I wrote and hit the send button. I honestly feel like that if the they hadn’t seen my face that things would be totally different. People are always asking me, why don’t I post more pictures and why don’t I put myself out there more, when it comes to my love life or my career. I’m told that I’m hiding and that I need to stop.

I’m given compliments that I’m a beautiful woman, nice personality and I appreciate that. When I do put myself out there and I write or comment on social media platforms. I’m bombarded with attention that is overwhelming. Sometimes even from both sexes. I love having intellectually stimulating conversations,

But I can’t do that all the time on a one on one basis. So I try to find a way to reach people collectively. I know that avoiding attention could help in some ways, because I enjoy having a simple quiet life. But on the other hand it can be harming me in a lot of ways, because I want to reach people.

I’ve always been opinionated and outspoken. Speaking my mind empowers me. When so many people hold back. I know that I have a way with words when I don’t hold back. I debate whether or not I should say certain thing at times, but it’s how I feel.

I feel like being creative and opinionated is going to throw me into a world, I don’t think I’m equipped to handled. A lot of people want to be famous, they want people to know them. They want that glitz and the glamorous lifestyle and the things that it may come with. I don’t. I want to be able to walk the street or go into a store without people following me.

I’ve met artist that want me to adopt their world and I don’t want to, because I’m not an opportunist. So I ask myself on a daily…attention, is it helping or doing more harm in my life? What level of attention is comfortable? Am I hiding? Am I not confident enough? Can I deal with attention and the likes of people on a broader spectrum? I don’t know.

How does a creative share their gift and still have a low-key simple life? We have google now, and just when we think our private life is safe it’s not. I’ve had my share of people stalking me online and in person. Do I really want to open myself up to that? Putting yourself out there more. It’s really easier said than done. So I don’t know…..

Maybe one day if something positive comes out of being creative, I’ll change my mind and won’t avoid the spotlight. Until then I’ll just continue to express myself. Maybe one day, I’ll get what I want one day and it will be positive. Maybe the negativity will be worth it, a blessing in disguise for whats yet to come. Maybe one day the artist I do want to work with, I’ll have a great experience.

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