If your mother is still alive or she has transcended, you know in your heart and spirit. That there is nothing like a mothers love. Especially if you were close to your mother and she was more than just your mom.
She was your best friend. Thats how I feel about my mom. Today would have been my mothers 62nd birthday. Whether it’s her birthday or not, I miss her every second of the day but on her birthday.
I’ll always wonder how it would have been, to have her here with me. How her life would have turned out. What would she have been doing at 62 years old. I wonder if I would have been able to make her life comfortable, to buy her a house and make her life easier, after everything she sacrificed for her family.
It’s a nice thought but the reality is, God called her home way to early, for me to even see those dreams come to fruition. For me to get to know her as a woman. My heart aches at the dreams that got buried inside of her. The goals she was working towards. All the pain she went through, that no human being should have ever gone through. But through it all I just remember her strength, her resilience. Her smile.
When the soul is tired and has had enough there’s nothing you can do. So I am at peace with her being at peace. When you love someone, you don’t want to see them suffer. Even if it means letting them go so they can finally be free and live on another spiritual plane. Where they are taken care of and no suffering exist.
Every time someone hears that my mother passed away when I was young, people always pity me. Which is not what I want. I try to console them when I probably need it, lol. I know I was young but I’m also grateful that in this lifetime. God chose us to be together as mother and daughter. I could have had a mom, who didn’t love me or want me but no I came through such an angelic, beautiful spirit.
How can I not be grateful for that. Of course it hurts. It was a shock to my system. A reality check that we don’t have all the time we think we have. Any day we can be called home. I knew the day she left my world or who I am would never be the same. What does one do when they are left alone at 14. To fend for their every need. I just reverted back to when I was 10 and had my first job.
I just stepped up to the plate and got a job. I had no choice. My back was up against the wall. My mom will miss every important occasion in my life. My mother was my biggest supporter. It was never a NO with her always a yes. She found a way to get it done. Everything she is and was is in me. Every time I look in the mirror I see her for we have the same heart and spirit.
I had a mom that every one wanted. My mom would never let anyone go hungry or be without a roof over their head. She was always feeding people, making sure their basic needs were taken care of. Now a days that kind of selflessness is rare. If you have someone in your life that is that way, who loves passionately and deeply. Don’t ever take them for granted. Spirits like that don’t come around often.
When I reflect back on her life, I understand why I am the way I am. I understand why I love music so deeply. Why I’m such a passionate, sensual woman. Why I love to write. Why I have in-depth thoughts, because that’s who she was. Yes, I miss the conversations by the window as a child and seeing her when I used to come home from school, but I know my mom is always near.
When I hear a certain song or something happens by ‘coincidence’ I just smile because I know that was her, letting me know she feels me thinking of her. And in that moment I’m calm, I can exhale. My heart no longer feels heavy. If I need to make a decision about something I know I’m being guided. That the spiritual world is very real and that we are never alone.
You see, even though God called my mom home early, the time we had was just enough time, to give me the essentials that I needed to carry me through life. God knew that I would be ok and he would send help all the time. Just for me to trust and lean on him. I get to wake up every day and continue where she left off. I get to tell her story for those that need it.
Everything she taught me is the reason why I am the woman I am today. Sometimes I think as time goes on, I’ll forget her soft-spoken voice, that laugh, that smile but no it’s in me. It’s a compliment to be a replica of her. I’ll say to myself did I just hear my mom and yes I did. Did I just do something she would do, out of the kindness of her heart. Yes, I did.
My mom taught me what really matters in life and it’s not things or money. She taught me how to be self-sufficient. How to stand on my own two feet. To have a strong work ethic. The meaning of simplicity. About giving and being of service and to never give up on my dreams or let anyone stand in my way. How to be a woman of your word. To never take anything or anyone for granted.
The choices she made in life, simply because she did not know… she didn’t want me to make. I see why she relied on me so much and wanted me to excel in school because she saw herself in me and wished that she could start over. So even on days when I miss her more than others. I’m just grateful that she gave me life and I plan on living it to the fullest and spreading love.
Mom, I hope I made you proud of the woman I turned out to be and still becoming. So mommy… my love, my heart, happy birthday in heaven. My sweet angel. I miss and I love you dearly. Thank you for everything and most of your love!