Why You Should Try A Long Distance Relationship Once In Your Life

img_0953Most people when they are searching for love limit themselves to where love should reside. They want someone in the same state or that lives within a certain distance.

Anything over 30 minutes they write it off. What most people don’t realize is that love can be anywhere in the world. And if you really want to be with that person you will find a way to make it work.

I think everyone should try a long distance relationship, once in their life and here’s why:

When you meet someone, your goal should be, to get to know them as a person. Most people when they meet someone all they are focused on is the physical. If you are really serious about love, you will focus on friendship.

In a long distance relationship, you get to fall in love with someone’s personality. You get to fall in love with them on a soul level. You get to know them on a deeper level without sex clouding your judgement.

Long distance relationships teaches you about patience and delayed gratification. Two people’s souls should be on fire when they see each other. The only way for some and at least for me, is the distance. I’m a firm believer that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Most of my relationships have been long distance and it has been the greatest experiences of my life. I believe that when two people want to be together, although they are far apart and have their own life, that in order to make it work, that communication is key.

If you don’t like talking on the phone and you if you need someone there every day, then of course a long distance relationship is not going to work for you. But if you want love, you have to be willing to try something different. Ideal conventional ways do not always work.

With the way technology is today, you can Skype, FaceTime, text and talk on the phone. I choose the latter. There is nothing like hearing someone’s voice rather than a text message. If you can’t see that person in the flesh, the next best thing is to hear their voice.

Long distance relationships may not work for everyone, because you may want to see that person and touch them which is normal. Some people start thinking once they finally do meet, all the things that can go wrong. But what about all the things that can go right?!

The only thing that doesn’t make sense to me is, when you finally do meet someone and it still feels like you’re in a long distance relationship, especially if you live in the same state. Been there.. done that, not doing that again. I’ll let that marinate….

In order to make a long distance relationship work, you have to be an effective communicator. You have to not be afraid to be by yourself. I’m one of those women, since I’m introverted. I’m in no rush to be in love nor am I looking for someone to complete me, because I’m already complete and whole. Love takes time.

Long distance relationships works best for me, because I enjoy my space. I’m to much of a free spirit to be tied down on a daily basis. I’m not looking to settle down just yet. A relationship is a want not a need. A relationship does not define me and it’s separate from my being.

A relationship can only complement me and vice versa. A relationship should only add to your life, not take away from it. I tend to meet men that are creatives in some way. Those relationships work best for me, because they are busy. I don’t need to see someone every single day. Although keeping is contact is crucial.

You can’t not see someone and say I love you and you’re my woman (or man) and you haven’t seen or talked to them in months. But put a claim on them. Thats not a relationship. I know that they have a life and are living it and so am I. When we do get to spend time, we can catch up. Anticipating each other will make that passion come alive.

Most people they need someone there every day but truth is, it’s hard living with someone. My last relationship failed because we lived together. When he was in another state and we saw each other quite often it lasted longer. I never planned on living with him but he wanted to live with me.

I never planned on being his mother either and taking care of him, uugh yeahhh, lol. There is nothing wrong with wanting space in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it just means that you want solitude. When someone is in your face every single day and you see them.

You lose that passion. You lose that spark. You start craving variety and spontaneity. Happens all the time. Yeah you may have met the guy or girl at the club, now you are wanting to go back there to get away from them. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you have to see them every single day.

If you do decide to live with someone, that person has to be so easy to love and be around that you can’t wait to come home to them. Their love will not feel like it’s smothering you. I’m not sure if I will ever live with a man again. I keep meeting needy and clingy men who want to dominate me and that’s not going to work for me.

I will fall out of love with you real quick. I need a man who doesn’t have too much time on his hands but makes time for his woman. Who wants to hear about my day and calls me to say good morning and goodnight. Someone who checks up on from time to time.

Long distance relationships and a person who has outside interest, is the best choice for me, because I don’t want to have to worry about things that normal couples have to worry about. I don’t have to check in with anyone and ask for permission indirectly when I want to go somewhere.

I get to focus on myself and building my life and sharing my life with someone but not solely depending on them for my every need. It would be nice to know that I have someone in my life who will take care of me, when I need it. But there is strength in being alone.

I can preserve my heart, body and soul for one individual most people can’t. A man will never have to worry about me cheating because he’s not around. I don’t crave physical connection as much as I crave a mental soul connection. There is no such things as to much space.

I’m perfectly fine with talking and being consistent. If you are a person who wants love and you have your own life. Try dating someone in another state. Be open because the love plan God has for you, may not appear the way you want it. Remember love is not possessing one another. Love is freedom and should happen organically.

This Is Why You Shouldn’t Wait For Someone To Make Up Their Mind

Twenty20 nadinenarcisoI used to think that waiting for someone you love to be ready is the ultimate form of flattery and the ideal declaration of love. It’s how all epic love stories unfold and those who waited are finally rewarded for their patience when their lover comes back to them, then I had a very simple…

via This Is Why You Shouldn’t Wait For Someone To Make Up Their Mind — Thought Catalog

11 Men On How They Feel About Friendship With A Woman

When it comes to freindship with men. All men are not the same, I know it’s difficult for some men, but I had to ask some of my male readers, on what it’s like to really be friends with a woman they are attracted to. I was shocked by some of their answers because the men I meet, they act like it’s difficult, like they have to f**k you right then in there or else they are going to die.

I say…theres always your hand if it gets that bad, LOL. Ok maybe that wasn’t funny (was to me, lol haaa haa). I have lost some good people in my life based off attraction and sex. I never knew it was that deep or bad… but for some it is. Anyway here are there responses. Answers like this really make me rethink the male species, LOL.

1- Mel – “I can’t speak for all men, but for me, I was raised different. I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers and  my dad raised us to respect women and not look at them as sexual objects. My parents have been married for 35 years. Yes when a man sees a beautiful woman, your mind wonders but that’s not all there is to a woman. I learned the hard way, what glitters isn’t always gold. I’ve met beautiful woman with bad attitudes and they are so materialistic. Then I’ve met women that are so-called average looking, but their heart is what makes them beautiful. I’m married now and my wife is my best friend. I don’t know what I do without her. She inspires me, has my back. She made me want to be a better man, she challenged me. She’s simple, doesn’t ask for much and that’s makes me want to do more for her, because she deserves it. I’m glad we both waited to be intimate and we were friends. I learned a lot about her as a person, that had I jumped in the sack real quick, I would have missed. She told me she was saving herself and I had to respect that. What man wouldn’t. I knew she was the one and married her quick. 11 Years later, still going strong and with 2 beautiful girls.”

2. Larry-“If a man is looking to play around, of course he would have a problem with being friends with a woman. When a man sees a beautiful woman, of course he’s thinking about how quick he can get her into bed. Some of us have all been there, even the most respectful men. But it comes a point in time when you have to grow up and be a man. You can’t be a player forever. I find that being friends with a woman, you learn a lot about what they want and don’t want and sometimes its the same thing we want. But as men we rush but if we take our time. We’ll get what we want them. The friend zone is not that bad.”

3. Mike- “I landed my wife by having female friends. My female friends looked out for me, gave me great advice, told me what women to look out for. Of course they were attractive but I wasnt attracted to them. Big difference. Not every girl is F***able. If she gives it away to quick. I’ll question that, like who else is she giving it too. Not only that there are STDs out there and the guys I know have had some, glad it was curable but I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes for nothing. I can control myself. Sex is great but anybody can do that.”

4. Jackson- “I don’t think its hard being friends with a woman at all. I love a virtuous woman and a woman who has a mind. I’m looking to settle down and if I’m friends with a woman. I’ll find out if she is the one for me. If not on to the next. Believe it or not. Not all men are dogs, just like all women are not h**s or materialistic. There are still some good guys out there that respect a woman for more than her body. You just gotta search for us, we are out there.”

5. Jose- “Being friends with an attractive woman is hard. I’ll admit I stopped talking to a friend of mine because she didn’t feel the same way. This woman was perfect, wife material and everything. Super sweet and thoughtful, funny, nice personality. But she didn’t see me the same way I saw her, so I had to slowly distance myself from her. We became strangers. It was hard to have normal conversations. What some women don’t realize is that’s torture for a man. I’m not saying it can’t be done, but it takes a lot of will power.”

6. Ethan- “I don’t keep women as friends for to long, because sometimes you stay in the friend zone and it’s hard to get out. Then the attraction makes things weird. You can’t flirt, you can’t hang out because if youre attracted to them, you don’t want to risk losing them by sleeping with them. So it’s a tricky situation. I wouldn’t suggest it to long.”

7. Anthony- “I’m not going to say it’s easy but it is doable. For me I knew my wife (then friend) by mutual friends. I knew she was the one I wanted to marry, we had a lot in common. I think that’s what most men are afraid of, they figure it will take time to get to know a woman and they want to test drive her first. Then see if they have anything else in common. Love making can be worked on, you can try new things and even teach each other some stuff. Men in our culture are taught, have as many women as you can. It’s depends on how a man is raised. Friends with a woman is really not that hard.”

8. John- “I’ll be friends with a woman because I respect women, but at some point I would like to date her and see if we have anything in common. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I can control my urges. In the past women wanted to be with me, because I didn’t rush them. I find that that’s the key sometimes. Be patient and when you wait it’s worth it. Theses women rocked my world, so I’m glad I waited for them to make the first move.”

9. Giacomo- I married my best friend. Without friendship, what do you have. If you marry your friend, when things get dry and times get hard. You have to remember the love you once had and turn back to that friendship.

10. Jerome- “It’s hard maybe because I’m young. If a woman is not attractive yeah it lessons it, but if she is super fine, that’s hard. Women just don’t get it because they are not a man. I can’t keep women as friends, because I want to have sex with them sooner or later. Just being honest. I’ll distance myself if it becomes to much. Like I said maybe it’s because I’m young.”

11. Michael- “It all depends on what she has going on in her life. I’m old school 45. I have to make sure if I even want to be with her. I don’t want my time wasted nor do I want to waste a womans time. I can get sex from a woman whos willing to put out but I don’t want that. I’m a very successful man and I have to make sure, if this is the woman I want to settle down with and have children with. I’m not into rushing, to many men rush and this is why the divorce rate is so high and there are so many unwanted children. There are still men out here, who want to do the right thing, the way God intended. I’m not trying to be a baby daddy. I want a wife and a partner to build something with. The slower we take it, the better getting to know one another. Sooner or later, people’s true colors will be revealed.”

There you have it ladies. There are some good men out there who don’t mind being friends with a woman. Remember just because people want different things, doesn’t make them wrong or a bad person. People want what they want. You don’t have to be the person who gives them what they want. You are in control in what you accept and don’t accept. In your quest for love remember, there are no perfect people, but two people can be perfect for each other :).

God is Love. Believe in Love and Friendship! Namaste! 🙂

You Have A Right To Know Where You Stand With Someone, When There Is An Attraction

11355196_915779301791278_1080568207_nHave you ever been talking to the opposite sex and had great conversation. Became friends and started taking a liking to one another on some level. You think this person has a great personality.

Have you spent weeks and months and maybe even years talking. And you’re thinking to yourself, me and this person, really get along. There’s occasional flirting here and there.

Next thing you know the conversation turns to sex or someone jokes about the future with you. Just so you know, all jokes have some truth in it. You feel the chemistry but are afraid to make the first move or ask what are you to this person. You want to know where you stand. It feels like you have pass the friend stage, but no one is being clear about where they want this to go.

I remember when I was in my 20s, I was chatting online with my teacher when he came out and asked me. Why do I talk to him? What is it about me that you like?… I told him we had great conversation. I really saw him as just a friend. He dropped the bomb on me, a few sentences in, when he told me he liked me. I think sometimes my brain operates on dial-up, because I was completely oblivious to how he felt.

When a man compliments me or flirt, to be honest I really don’t pay them any mind, because I’m automatically thinking, this guy wants to sleep with me, (and that may very well be true), but that’s not all some guys want. My teacher explained to me, that to a man, when he’s talking to a woman for so long, that their mind automatically thinks there is more going on. Their mind drifts to sex quite often too. If she’s stimulating his mind.

They secretly think, she likes me, just as much as I like her…I found out later on in life this is true,….because men have told me, that I was their woman and I had no clue we were even dating, lol. Once I told my teacher what I thought about him. He logged offline and I didn’t hear from him in two years. He didn’t answer my calls, emails, nothing.. He told me he had to get me out of his system.

Limit our conversation. Us being so close and being able to talk  about anything, was confusing to him and he wanted me, and since he couldn’t have me, he stopped talking to me. He dropped my ass like a bad habit, lol….yeah I was hurt…I missed him confiding in me..he told me he healed in a lot of ways by talking to me and I just wanted to be that light and good friend in his life.

I think it’s important that men have healthy communication with a woman, without it always being about sex and so much talk about the future… The men I meet are longing to be heard, seen, appreciated and they want love an affection too, but it’s important that friendship not be skipped. It’s important that there is a mental connection… I said to myself ok and just I gave him time…

Men do this to me all the time, so it’s nothing new. This is why I don’t date because it seems like every guy is a magician and pulls disappearing acts. My teacher was at a point in his life where he wanted to settle down and raise a family and he thought that woman could be me. But I just saw him as my teacher and me as his student and I didn’t want to go there.

We eventually started talking again after the two-year break. He didn’t want to lose my friendship and I forgave him. It’s how he felt and I had to respect that….our relationship fizzled over time and now he’s married. But he had every right to ask where he stood with me and what I thought of him.

f841a411fb8b22b69fa184c114eed971Whenever I’m talking to someone and I’m interested, I want to know where I stand with them. but then sometimes, the other party does not want to let me know where I stand.

The reason is because they want to keep the possibility open that there could be more one day. It’s a guy’s job, that when he wants a woman, and he doesn’t want her to be interested in another man.

He’s going to say whatever he can, to make sure that this woman thinks they are together or that there could be a possibility for a relationship. A guy will check in and see if the woman, he’s still attracted to is seeing someone else. Men do this to me all the time, they know I’m not the type to jump from one guy to the next.

When you don’t know where you stand. It can start to feel like you are being indirectly strung a long. If the man or woman you are talking to is avoiding the talk. Then that tells you that they don’t like confrontation. Most people figure, if I ignore her/him, then as time goes by, they’ll forget and I can just pick up where I left off.

Some people want to be chased. They figure if you are still communicating with them, while they figure out where they want to be in your life and whatever may be going on in their life that, as long as you communicate, they know they can worm their way back in. If that person is not considering how you feel, then their silence should tell you exactly what you mean to them.

Which is nothing. That they have moved on and maybe you should do the same. Anyone who truly cares and is adult enough, will be honest and forthcoming about how they feel about you. They will respect how you feel and will want to know, how you feel too if they truly care. Time is precious and if you don’t know where you stand with someone, it’s time to start walking.