Held Captive By Music

Music knows it’s held me captive and it has no plans of letting me go now

Music knows the way I feel as soon as I hear that beat drop

It senses my energy and invites me into its world

With music there is no judgement, I can just let go and be myself

Music has me under its complete spell 

I obey music with my mind, spirit and body 

I reach for music all day, every day…. in the middle of the night

Feenin, hungry, thirsty needing that next fix, that next melody and lyric

I need music’s conversation for I feel it’s the only thing that understands me

Music knows I’m an addict, that I try to find ways to have the voice and lyrics inside of me

I want it so bad, I want to drink it and taste it, inject it, cover my body with it

Music can have its way with me at anytime or any place

Music understands me and wants me to be a slave to it

Music knows that I will take on the artist spirit and feel what the artist feel

I can be free, naked and totally uninhibited with music

Music hits all of my erogenous zones and makes my body feel intoxicated

Music loves touching every part my body. Seeing it’s notes on my body like a music sheet

Wondering which part of my body it’s going to play with next

Music loves penetrating the portal of life and playing with my love button

That vibrating sensation is just what music wants

Music loves to take me there even if it’s just for a moment of release

Music knows I never want to let it go and it doesn’t want me to

Music loves to undress me and wishes it had lips so it could kiss me

And taste every part of my body with its lyrics and melody

Music traces it’s lyrics on my skin like braille

When I get high with music, music is very pleased for it knows

It has done its job of bringing me to ecstasy

Music knows I’m addicted but music says, its ok be free because it’s a safe kind of high.

Music loves when I feel sensual and sexy, for it enjoys pleasing me

And knows that I’m in-tuned with its melodies

Music enjoys tantalizing me, it enjoys my sexy moans,

The way my body moves to it’s rhythm, to the instruments

Music smiles for music is very pleased with my reaction

Music sees the lyrics, passion and fire in my eyes reaching to the depths of my soul

Music loves when I repeat certain parts of a song

Then music feels my body pulsate with anticipation of its next melody

Music enjoys the anticipation of my mental climax, for it know my body will follow

Music loves to take my breath away and breathe the lyrics back inside of me

Giving me life over and over again, knowing it’s the only resuscitation I need

Music wants me to always be held captive under its spell

And I want to for as long as I can breathe music in my lungs

But music knows the day will come, when it will have to share me

When it will lead me to another music lover, that can take over

So that I can experience the human part of music’s ecstasy

Music wonders who will this music lover be? I wonder too?

Music will not just hand me over to anybody, music will be very selective 

When choosing to hand me over to another music lover and so will I 

Music knows they must be just as passionate, they have to want to be high

They can’t get jealous of the way music makes me feel

They can’t censor me or music will take me back and keep me to itself

Becoming possessive over me and never wanting to let me go again

Music is selfish and I understand because we get each other

Our love affair is deep and it will take another etherial soul to get how music makes me feel

Music knows that not everybody gets music, nobody everybody feels the way I feel

That my ecstasy is rare and doesn’t want to let it go

Music is a bit jealous to let me go, but knows its inevitable

But music knows it will forever dwell in my spirit

While silently sharing me with a new love

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Naked…..Love The Skin You’re In

Do you love yourself? I mean do you really love the skin you’re in? I was lying in bed on my micro-plush sheets, just reveling on how good the sheets felt against my naked skin.

My music volume was up and I felt the lyrics traveling on and throughout my body. Hmmm, you didn’t know music could do that huh? Yes, it does but you gotta be naked in order for you to feel it :).

More people should love to be naked but yet some don’t. I never understood that at the end of the day, after your body has been in clothes all day. That when one comes home and relaxes. Then takes a shower.

As soon as you get out the shower you put on clothes again. It doesn’t make any sense. Your skin needs to breathe. Every part of your body needs to breathe.

Once I’m in for the night and someone ask me to go somewhere. I’m actually debating on whether or not should I go. Going out requires me to put on clothes and that just doesn’t sound fun for me, lol. It better be worth it if I have to get dressed, after I just finish freeing my skin. Ok I get that some of you may have kids and you don’t have the freedom to walk around naked like single people.

After the kids go to sleep, lock your door and get out of your clothes, got dammit, lol! Be free! Love the skin in you’re in. Look in the mirror and love the beautiful vessel, that God blessed you with and be good to it too. There is no such thing as the perfect body, if you don’t like the body you have you can always change it.

The body is an amazing machine. Be good to it and it will be good to you. Get naked and look into your soul and just love the image that is staring back at you. If you don’t ask yourself why? We all have our insecurities things we need to work on.

There can be many things going on in our life, that can make us not feel beautiful or sexy in the skin that we’re in. There was a time I didn’t feel attractive. Men, for the longest used to say things about my body and even family members and friends and it made me feel very self-conscious.

To the point that I would try to cover up every chance I’d get. I didn’t notice at times I was doing this until people pointed it out to me. I would go into the store and find something to cover my hips and butt. I would wear baggy pants to cover my legs. I went through my whole Aaliyah phase when I was a teen.

Only wearing a body suit and the rest of my clothes was baggy. Still wanting to be feminine but not draw so much attention. I felt ashamed for being a woman with curves. I wished that I could look like a little girl and felt cursed for developing so quick. I wanted people to see I had a brain. I wanted people to see pass my physical.

When I saw that other women felt the same way and when I saw them embrace their bodies. It gave me the courage to embrace mine. To embrace being a woman. I’m not naive. I know we’re visual creatures but when that’s all people see is how you look, it makes you feel invisible. I had to get to a point where I really felt comfortable in my skin. I had to love myself more.

When it comes to men, I never cared for the attention because it was always negative  with very few positives. I just wanted one person to fall in love, with my naked soul and see that I was beautiful on the inside than out. Being naked is not just about how you look on the outside. It’s about how you feel on the inside which radiates on the outside.

Loving the skin you’re in and being naked makes you feel sensual. It makes you feel beautiful. It makes you feel like a woman! If your blessed enough to have a lover in your life. Sleep naked more. Infuse yourself in each others bodies. Touch each other. Make love without saying a word or without penetration. Look at each other and look deep within each others soul. That to me is ecstasy!

Ladies Relax, It’s Okay To Have Fantasies

Fantasies, things we conjure up in our mind about a specific person or situation. When we have these fantasies we feel elated.

We feel like this specific person or situation takes our mind to ecstasy. It’s a good feeling right? Those pleasure-seeking hormones of dopamine are being released.

We indulge and revel in how good it makes us feel. If fantasies makes us feel so good and it makes us feel like sensual sexual beings. Then why is it that when we have these fantasies, we start to feel bad for having them? How can something so mentally stimulating, that feels so good and imaginary make you feel bad?

Let me let you in on a little secret. Ladies, this is especially for you. Are you listening? It’s okay to have fantasies. Fantasies are healthy! You’re not going to go to hell just because you have a fantasy about a man who is not yours or about a man who’s married. I notice that when it comes to having fantasies A LOT of women and I do mean A LOT of women, feel bad for having fantasies about taken men.

They think that just because he has on a ring that he’s no longer attractive. That since he’s with one woman now, that they shouldn’t desire him. That darn wedding ring is a turn off! Thats why certain artist don’t wear a wedding ring, because it just turns some women off. It kills their fantasy that the person they are in love with, has a significant other when it shouldn’t.

Before I continue, I recall this one actor, that reveal he was married and had a child. When he did, forget it the women were shocked and started hating. The devil came out of these women’s mouthes with negativity, they started attacking him and his wife on social media. They couldn’t believe their crush had a wife. This is exactly why this artist didn’t say anything. He lost followers too.

Now that’s just too drastic. I would never stop supporting an artist, just because they are off the market. It’s not like I’m next in line to be with him. There was never a chance for them. These women are living in a fantasy land if they think they had a chance with said actor. I’m not possessive over any artist, nor am I jealous that they are in love or have a family. They have a right to have someone they love in their life at the end of the day.

Men on the other hand don’t feel bad about having fantasies about women. Why is it that we think men should get a pass or that a woman should remain in a ‘virgin state of mind?

As if women don’t desire sex. As if we’re not sensual sexual beings. When it comes to music and the artist that we listen to, the men that are singing our favorite love songs. We come to fall in love with them.

Their music and who they are mixed with good looks, touches us so deeply that we wonder what it would be like to have music in the flesh. I notice that every time I love an artist and I express how their music makes me feel. I run into a group of women who are very inhibited. When I feel something, especially when it comes to music and how I use all of my senses. I want to express that. I don’t want to hold back.

I’m not going to feel bad about having fantasies over an artist just because he’s taken or has children. So what if I’m never going to have him. I’m not torturing myself by having fantasies and getting in touch with that sensual side of me, that whispers, I’m a live sexual being, that I’m a woman, not a doorknob. These particular artist that are exuding sensuality and sexiness. They know what they are doing?

Why else would an artist take his shirt off or have it open. Why else would he touch himself. He’s doing it on purpose to lure you in and make you swoon and drive you mad and you know what, I love every minute of it. It’s all fun and fantasy. I want to see an artist put on a show and make me feel something, even in a crowd full of other women.

Are we not in tuned with our body or our own sensuality. I feel like when I chat with certain women, these women try act all sanctified as if we are in church. They mention their husband or boyfriend and this is not the place for that. Stop it already you’re killing the vibe. Certain women will go as far as trying to impose their opinion on to others, as if they are wrong for having these fantasies about a married man.

Telling other women that they should not fantasize about a particular artist because he has a wife. That censorship is not needed in these particular groups. When did these particular artist hire a moderator to speak on their behalf? I would like to know, because if these artist did not like the attention,  then why else would they exude this type of behavior on stage?

They are there to put on a show and to thrive off your energy. They love the attention or else they wouldn’t do it. I’m tired of these inhibited women, telling other women that are vocal and don’t hold back, that what they are thinking and feeling is wrong. I guarantee you that if a particular artist wanted these women, they would be like “name the time and the place baby.” They would lift that skirt and drop those panties real quick, if they had the opportunity with no shame or hesitation.

img_2157But yet online you want to act holier than thou. You want to act like you don’t find this man sexy or that you haven’t touched yourself while thinking about him. Yeah ok…. Save it for the virgin diaries!

Theres a time and a place for everything and these fan groups, this is not the place for that. Leave your husband or boyfriend and kids out of this discussion. When I express my love for an artist, I’m not blind, I know the man taken but ask me if I care? No!

The artist knows he’s married, but while he’s on that stage performing he belongs to us, the women in the audience for those few moments. He’s there to make that money and do what he loves. What heterosexual man doesn’t want attention from women? Men like to feel desired. It feeds their ego and we all know that men love their ego stroked.

When I listen to the music, I’m not thinking, oh this man is married, let me stop having visuals of him making love to me. Or else I’m never going to enjoy the music and how it makes me feel. I’ll be judging myself the whole time. Love songs and sexual songs have a certain tone to it, isn’t that why we love music because of how it makes us feel?

I understand some of us have been brought up in the church, where we are told not to lust. So we bring that into everything thing we do. We shun people when they are vocal and don’t think like we do. Lust is healthy in certain variations. Some people just get extreme with it. Lust is healthy in your own relationship. Sometimes when the moment hits you, you just want to screw the hell out of your S.O.

Why are we void without passion and desire? Why do we suppress our sexual desires? I tell women all the time that are taken, whatever fantasies you have about an artist. Wait until your S.O. gets home and take that fantasy out on him and (excuse me, curse word coming up, LOL) F**K his brains out. Men desire a sexual woman. If you wanna go ahead and be a bad girl for your man, go ahead. Be totally uninhibited!

Why feel bad for having fantasies when they are healthy and necessary. When couples stop having fantasies that’s when their sex life is in a drought. Thats when they start seeking something new.

More couples should role-play and do things to keep it spicy and sexy. If you have a fantasy be open with your partner and communicate. If you want him to be a certain artist tell him, but don’t feel bad and insecure, if he wants you to be his favorite female artist.

We are visual specimens. Marriage doesn’t mean being blind to other people. People act like for some strange reason, that when they are in a relationship or marriage, that they don’t find other people attractive. Thats impossible! If you don’t want to look at another individual and find them appealing, you mind as well pack your bags and literally move to another planet.

Because here on planet earth you will encounter other beings that are appealing to the eye. I think somewhere along the line, people forgot how the world was populated. I think they forgot that God created sex. God gave us our senses and we should be using every single one of them, when it comes to being full and whole as a sexual spiritual being.

The mind is a very powerful tool. It vibrates on certain frequencies. Sometimes what you fantasize about you never know. Maybe one day it might come true. So ladies if you love a particular artist express that. Women are always telling me how they feel, when what they really need to do, is express that to the artist, not the fan of the artist. That male artist wants to know how he makes you feel. He wants you to stroke that ego.

That exchange of female sensuality and submission makes him feel good. That makes him feel powerful. When you submit to that, he has you under his spell for a few moments. You’re reminded that you are a woman. A beautiful sensual woman. That artist wants to know that he’s making you horny and that things are moving down there. If they aren’t he’s not doing his job.

It’s his job to mentally stimulate you. You have emotions right, well express them. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Just because they are not in touch with who they are, doesn’t mean you should adopt their feelings. The marriage police is not going to come and lock you up for your thoughts.

Expressing ones desires and feeling sensual should empower you, not make you feel less of a woman. Be passionate! Feel beautiful and sensual. If you have sexual fantasies revel in it because they feel oh so good!!

Peace Is Possible In A Relationship

8cb7eb5f732c243388a6dd11ddc4d777Imagine just for a moment, never arguing with your significant other. What does that feel like? Imagine having peace in your relationship to the point, where you are free to express yourself.

Imagine being able to express yourself in a loving comfortable environment, where you are being heard and understood. When it comes to peace in a relationship, why do so many people think that it’s hard to come by and maintain?

Why do people think love is loud and not quiet? In order to have peace in your relationship, you have to be a peaceful person. When you love and respect your partner. There will be no need to have loud arguments.

People ask me all the time, what makes you upset? People find it weird that I don’t raise my voice and that I don’t argue. When I remain calm for some strange reason it makes people upset. They try to get a rise out of me on purpose. My question is why should I argue? I’ve never been an argumentative person.

I think before I talk instead of reacting first. Whenever I feel a certain way about something. I access my emotional state. I don’t talk when I’m frustrated or angry. I get quiet. I think (and over think) about what I have to say and the effect it’s going to have on the other person. I make sure I choose the right words as to not offend and disrespect.

My goal is to express myself and to be understood and to be heard. If I choose the wrong words it will negate my purpose. If I don’t like something that was said or something that was done to me. I express my opinion about it in a calm and loving way. I have control over my emotions. I can get angry if I wanted to but there are other choices.

I’m human and it takes a lot to make me upset, to the point that I raise my voice or I argue. I don’t like arguing in the first place. I’m a very opinionated woman. If I don’t like something you will know. It will be written all over my face. One of my relationships, we never argued. When two people respect one another and they are careful with each others heart and emotions, there is no need to argue.

When a person argues with another person, there’s always something that is being suppressed. Their anger is being directed to you for some particular reason. The problem might be you, other times it has nothing to do with you at all. Thats why it’s important to listen to your partner and to communicate with them and to choose peace.

If you see your partner is upset. BE their peace and take control of conversation in a loving way. Ask them to breathe, touch them, take their hand. Embrace them. Smile at them. Keep your voice mellow. Usually when one person is calm, it makes the other person calm. Sometimes people just have a hard time expressing themselves.

I sometimes don’t get why people argue when there is a conflict. Why not choose peace and love over conflict and ego. If your goal is to be understood and heard, to feel important and that you matter. Calm down. Have a conversation with yourself and God before you bring negative emotions and energy towards another person.

It feels good to have peace. It means you respect each other. You agree to disagree. It shows that you set your ego aside. It makes you express yourself even more and to lean into your partner, instead of turning away from them during difficult times. Really take a breath. If it’s not going to matter in 5 years, then it shouldn’t matter in 5 seconds.

Always remember to be kind to your significant other no matter how angry or frustrated you may get. Communication is the key but it must be peaceful. Choose your words wisely. Remember love is not loud. Love is peaceful and quiet. Love is respectful and inspiring.

I love the quote below by Denzel Washington but of course this goes both ways. Be each others peace. Because peace really is possible in a relationship.

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I Don’t Have The Strength To Love Right Now, But Maybe One Day I Will

I’m one of those people who if you called me at 2 am crying, needing support. I can give you the best advice and encourage you with love and just listen to you. But where is my 2 am? Where is that person who can just hold me in the middle of the night and just let me listen to his heart beat until I fall asleep.

Where is the feeling of being safe. Where is the security at? I was sitting here just talking to God, asking the holy spirit questions and it became very clear to me. That in this moment in time in my life. I don’t have the strength to love, but maybe one day I will.

What I’m about to say is just my truth from my experiences. I’m not racist because I’m a woman of color. A lot of people are afraid to talk about certain issues but when we don’t talk about it. that’s when it because an epidemic. Thats when it doesn’t go away. We can’t keep sweeping things under the rug.

When it comes to dating certain black men. I’m exhausted. It’s a shame that I don’t feel safe with black men. It’s a shame that every black guy that claims to love me or feel something for me. Hurts me starting with my father. I realize that the black men I meet and the man whose DNA runs through my blood.

All want to possess me. All want to hold me back. The black men that I know, have emotional issues. They’re egotistical narcissist and I don’t feel safe in the presence of a black man anymore. Especially if they take a liking to me. I can’t fix a man, let alone a black man nor am I trying to.

I can’t make up for what they didn’t get from their mother as a child or the previous women in their life. Which was to be nurtured, loved, and supported. I keep hearing from black men that it’s hard to find a good black woman. I keep hearing all the issues they have with their own women.

Well you know what??……. I’m tired of the same issues with black men. Every black man who I meet that didn’t get his needs fulfilled in his last relationship, tries to play catch up with me. I’m tired of black men trying to trap me. Every time a black guy talks to me, what he wants is all about him.

I’m tired of the manipulation. I’m tired of when they don’t get what they want, the monster comes out of them. I’m tired of black men trying to intimidate me in some way. Every time I stand up for myself. I’m a threat to their masculinity in some way. The more I show genuine support to a black guy, or I’m just nice to a black guy or compliment them.

Next thing you know my life is being planned out. I realized black men don’t want a good woman like me. They just want to desire me and possess me, and use me to boost their ego. The more loyal I am with just being myself. the less respect I get. Every time I talk to a black guy there is a hidden agenda.

I can’t just have a conversation just to have a conversation, it has to lead to something. They have to play the devils advocate. The guy on the other end of the phone is collecting info on whether or not I would be the perfect wife or mother and I don’t even know this guy from a can of paint and we are not even dating.

I know at times I’m oblivious that men are even looking at me that way. Trying to genuinely love a black man is exhausting. Every time I think I’ve met a nice guy, a gentlemen, he turns out to be a possessive asshole. I hate the fact that I fear black men, but they don’t show me any love or respect 95% of the time.

I’m tired of black men disrespecting me, from trying to harm me physically, verbally, violating me in some way. It gets to a point like enough is enough. I realize this blatant disrespect on so many levels growing up and with my sisters with the men they met and married.

They gravitated towards aggressive men, I stayed away. The first signs of a man disrespecting me, I walk away. I shouldn’t have to fear black men but I do and it hurts me that I feel this way. I feel like I’m wearing an invisible sign that says, “disrespect, me, curse at me, raise your voice, harm me, I love assholes …. come on in …welcome”.

The more nice I am with manners and the things I talk about that bring me passion. It’s used against me. I’m tired of men disguising themselves as the perfect guy and they have a whole cemetery in their closet. I’ve never in my life had to deal with blatant disrespect from other races.

I came across a few articles with other woman of color expressing the same sentiments. I saw a clip with a woman on the Steve Harvey show talking about the same thing. That the men she meets, they are looking for a mother and they don’t want to be men anymore.

Which gave me the courage to express myself too. When it comes to love with a black man, its not in the cards. I realize I have to be open and just go back to what I know when I first started dating, because it never seems like its enough for certain black men. The more I love, the more they abuse it. The more they don’t know how to reciprocate.

Black men look at me and all they see is what they want and how fast they can get it and how fast they can lock me down. How fast they can get money from me. I ask myself what is this controlling behavior? This male dominance. Is this suppose to make you feel like the head of the house, or in a relationship, your attempt and ability to control a woman?

I know I’m not the first person they done this too. Although men act stupid they are not stupid, they know when they meet a good woman and have a good woman by their side. I’m tired of always being the one, to want to work things out and apologize while I get no apology and they feel their disrespect was necessary.

I’m tired of the no accountability. I’m tired of black men shutting down. Instead of talking about their feelings, it becomes an outburst of anger of some sort. Ghosting and deceit. Black men don’t listen to me, they automatically tell me I’m wrong. I’m sassy and act like my feelings don’t count.

The only thing that black men want from me is to sleep with me. They want me to have their baby or be a step mother to kids I don’t know they have. They want endless amounts of sex of any kind. I’m tired of hearing about how much black men love oral sex, especially if we just met a couple of minutes ago. It’s disrespectful.

I don’t have the strength to love a black man any more, its exhausting. I’m tired of every black man hurting me and breaking my heart over and over again. Not just my heart but the hearts of other black women. We don’t deserve that amount of disrespect.

What ever happened to a black man being a king, a leader? A provider and a protector. Now days they want a black woman to be that to them. They want to switch roles. They want me to fight for them, be protective. Be a solider when they can’t be for me. I’m a woman not an army.

When it comes to love. I just can’t. I feel I’m designed to be alone for now. I feel like I had my chance with love 15 years ago People keep saying “oh it will happen when you least expect it. That God has someone for everyone but the men I meet, one minute its nice, the next its to serious like in the same day.

Black men are infatuated by me and use the word love to get what they want. The way men come at me, they make me lose my faith, when it comes to love. I’m not looking for the one. Every time I open my heart and I want to see how things go, they just want to rush me to the altar. This is not the way God designed men to be.

The black men that I have met, that are nice to me, the ones I met through work or I grew up with them. I see how they respect their significant other. They let me know there are nice guys out there. I honestly don’t know why every black guy that wants to date me, always gets possessive. People keep noticing that.

I’m a hopeless romantic and a free spirit and they don’t want me to spread my wings and fly. There are a lot of things I know I can do on my own in life and I consider myself a strong woman. Never had Disney syndrome. Never played house as a little girl. Always been focused and ambitious.

The older I get and where I’m going in life, I just thought it would be nice to share my experiences with someone when time permitted. That we’d bring out the best in one another. That we can grow together. Be a power couple. Love each other with passion. Maybe even have a family and get married if it’s in the cards but I know it’s not.

I want someone I can do nothing with. Someone that brings peace and harmony into my space and into my spirit. But all I keep getting is the opposite. I realize I’m going to be by myself for a while because I have standards. Because I’m simple and I’m NEVER settling. Because I’m myself.

It seems like so-called love, drains me. Love is too needy. Love has to many expectations from the wrong person who doesn’t know how to love. The way men want me to be, I can’t be perfect. I can not have my own life and build yours and you do nothing to add to my life.

So love….I just don’t have the strength right now and that’s ok because I want someone who loves just as passionately as I do.