Held Captive By Music

Music knows it’s held me captive and it has no plans of letting me go now

Music knows the way I feel as soon as I hear that beat drop

It senses my energy and invites me into its world

With music there is no judgement, I can just let go and be myself

Music has me under its complete spell 

I obey music with my mind, spirit and body 

I reach for music all day, every day…. in the middle of the night

Feenin, hungry, thirsty needing that next fix, that next melody and lyric

I need music’s conversation for I feel it’s the only thing that understands me

Music knows I’m an addict, that I try to find ways to have the voice and lyrics inside of me

I want it so bad, I want to drink it and taste it, inject it, cover my body with it

Music can have its way with me at anytime or any place

Music understands me and wants me to be a slave to it

Music knows that I will take on the artist spirit and feel what the artist feel

I can be free, naked and totally uninhibited with music

Music hits all of my erogenous zones and makes my body feel intoxicated

Music loves touching every part my body. Seeing it’s notes on my body like a music sheet

Wondering which part of my body it’s going to play with next

Music loves penetrating the portal of life and playing with my love button

That vibrating sensation is just what music wants

Music loves to take me there even if it’s just for a moment of release

Music knows I never want to let it go and it doesn’t want me to

Music loves to undress me and wishes it had lips so it could kiss me

And taste every part of my body with its lyrics and melody

Music traces it’s lyrics on my skin like braille

When I get high with music, music is very pleased for it knows

It has done its job of bringing me to ecstasy

Music knows I’m addicted but music says, its ok be free because it’s a safe kind of high.

Music loves when I feel sensual and sexy, for it enjoys pleasing me

And knows that I’m in-tuned with its melodies

Music enjoys tantalizing me, it enjoys my sexy moans,

The way my body moves to it’s rhythm, to the instruments

Music smiles for music is very pleased with my reaction

Music sees the lyrics, passion and fire in my eyes reaching to the depths of my soul

Music loves when I repeat certain parts of a song

Then music feels my body pulsate with anticipation of its next melody

Music enjoys the anticipation of my mental climax, for it know my body will follow

Music loves to take my breath away and breathe the lyrics back inside of me

Giving me life over and over again, knowing it’s the only resuscitation I need

Music wants me to always be held captive under its spell

And I want to for as long as I can breathe music in my lungs

But music knows the day will come, when it will have to share me

When it will lead me to another music lover, that can take over

So that I can experience the human part of music’s ecstasy

Music wonders who will this music lover be? I wonder too?

Music will not just hand me over to anybody, music will be very selective 

When choosing to hand me over to another music lover and so will I 

Music knows they must be just as passionate, they have to want to be high

They can’t get jealous of the way music makes me feel

They can’t censor me or music will take me back and keep me to itself

Becoming possessive over me and never wanting to let me go again

Music is selfish and I understand because we get each other

Our love affair is deep and it will take another etherial soul to get how music makes me feel

Music knows that not everybody gets music, nobody everybody feels the way I feel

That my ecstasy is rare and doesn’t want to let it go

Music is a bit jealous to let me go, but knows its inevitable

But music knows it will forever dwell in my spirit

While silently sharing me with a new love

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Ladies If You Want A Healthy Relationship, You Have To Let A Good Man Lead

she-wears-the-pants-23-638I thought this meme was funny but it’s true… some men feel they need permission to be the man in their relationship.

I know this is a tough one……reliquinshing control… It’s 2016, yada yada, lol… I can see the feminist, male-bashing independent women coming for me now, LOL. Calm down! You just might learn something….

Let me go in-depth about this. It should be a given that you must love yourself first, before you can love someone else. Self love is of the utmost importance especially when it comes to a healthy relationship.

The majority of women that I know are struggling in their relationship. Even women that email me are having issues, simply because they want to be the man in the relationship. They read my article about men leading…( and they don’t like it, sorry that’s to bad) They don’t want a man “telling them what to do” or “controlling them” in any way.

They want to be independent but still part of a relationship. That’s like a married person, still acting single. That doesn’t make any sense. Just stay single. There is no “I” or “Me” in a relationship. When two people decide to be together, there are sacrifices and compromises made. They are one. A team. Partners.

Women are making their own money, paying their own bills and therefore, they feel they have a right to run things in a relationship. Right?…..Wrong?? I get asked by women all the time, how do I make my relationship better? The answer is simple. Stop trying to be the man, lol. Be submissive but not a doormat. A lot of women have a problem with that word “submissive“, because of the negative connotation they have attached to it. Some also have valid reasons for not wanting to be submissive. I understand.

cd58eb179f5d6af22b73f0da78152835Some men will abuse leadership and a submissive good woman. That’s because these men are insecure and they want a “Yes” woman. Some men are intimidated by a strong independent woman. I get told by men all the time, “I’m to much, I’m long winded. I think to much and I write to much”. (Yeah, I write to much. Sorry for having a brain, losers) They want to be the one in control of EVERYTHING.

They feel like being a leader or in control, means not caring about a womans opinion or respecting her mind. So I get why women have a problem with being submissive. Because they feel they are not being heard, appreciated and respected. Another thing is, women are submitting to the wrong man. If you have a good man in your life, (whether you are married or not) and your man provides and he makes sure, you have what you need and takes care of you. Why not show your appreciation. Why not let him lead. That’s his responsibility any way.

Submission and letting a good man lead is about trust. Men need our trust and our respect. No relationship is perfect but if you want a healthy relationship. You have to let a good man lead. If not your relationship will fail. A good man will come to you and ask for your input. I don’t know about some women, but I’m tired of stepping into masculine energy, doing everything by myself.

I’m not talking about just monetarily either. My last relationship exhausted me on so many levels. I don’t ever want to go through that again. I’m tired of making ALL the decisions. It’s exhausting. Running a relationship is exhausting. It’s not fun. It’s a lot of responsibility. That I am not equipped as a woman to handle. Decision-making should be mutual or partial depending on what it is.

I see so many couples fight because they can’t agree on anything. And it’s all about who wants the final say. There’s an ego involved here. The king wants to sit on his throne and the woman wants to sit on the kings throne too, LOL. There can only be one King and only one Queen. Only one can wear the pants.

You see where I’m going with this…. I want to know that the man in my life has my back and that comes with trust. No relationship can survive without trust. No matter how much you love someone. Trust is key!! I want a real man to step up and be a real man and take care of me and we take care of each other.

I get to be a woman. Kind, gentle, graceful. I get to relax and be peaceful and bring peace.

male-and-femaleOur feminine grace can bring out the masculinity in a man, whether we realize or not. And their masculinity can make us feel like a woman. Yin and Yang is needed (not Yin and Yin or Yang and Yang) Men need us as much as we need them. It’s in a mans nature to provide and do for his woman (and family) but as a woman, you can’t take that from him and try to emasculate him.

As women, we are very, very smart. Men need our vision too and our intuition. We see and feel things that they can’t. We’re pretty awesome at being psychic. God equipped up with some very good qualities, we just need to use them the right way. For good and not for evil and most definitely not for manipulation either.

When you let a good man lead, he’ll want to give you your hearts desire, simply because you trust, love, respect and appreciate him. Oh and don’t forget to stroke his ego too, lol. He’ll start doing more chores around the house too, lol simply because he wants to see you at ease. If a man doesn’t want to provide and take care of you, he’s not a real man, don’t date, marry or make babies with this man-child.

If you are used to being in control, ask yourself what purpose is this serving? Are you happy or bitter? Do you care more about getting your way? Or do you want more love and appreciation? Remember, a relationship is not some club you join for perks or out of loneliness. Remember you’re in a relationship to build something together. To complement someones else’s life, not to be right and get your way.

Better Celibate Than Sorry: The Positive Side To Being Celibate

img_2936_2Celibacy, can you do it? Sure you can. I wrote about this topic before but lets talk about it again shall we, because it seems to be an enigma to some people. They just don’t understand how one can go days, weeks, months even years without sex. It’s really not that difficult. It’s really all in the mind. A lot of people who have never been celibate or abstained from any kind sex, can’t fathom. Maybe they have a good sex life, who knows, lol…and really who cares.

But people abstain or become celibate for a lot of reasons. Unless you take a vow and swear off sex for the rest of your life. No one plans to be celibate for years, especially if you want love in your life or you desire to be married or have children. God created sex, it’s how we all got here. Sex, love-making can be a beautiful thing, under the right circumstances with right person God has for you..

I’ve shared with you guys that I am celibate and at times, others have tried to make me feel bad for it, especially men. They were either turned on or turned off. Some men, for some strange reason still want a virgin woman or a woman who has not had many lovers. Even when they have had many lovers. That’s never going to go away. When I tell people I’m celibate, they just can’t believe it. They question it all the time.

Maybe because they look at me and think im getting it on and they wonder how does somebody like me abstain from sex, this is what I hear from men. You’re to attractive to not have sex. Excuse me, but what kind fo dumb shit is that?!, LOL… If I share how long it’s been , forget it, they simply do not believe me and that’s ok. I don’t have a celibacy timer inside my body to show proof.

So what others believe about me, I simply don’t care because God knows how long its been. When one chooses to become celibate it should really be commended. There is a positive side to being celibate that a lot of people neglect. When you are celibate, it really helps clear you mind. You become closer to God. You get to heal your heart. Work on yourself. Celibacy heals other areas in your life that you may  not even realize. Sex , lust can cloud your judgement. It’s a powerful emotion when not under control.

2e9626d6c9f268d70f08c1ea71754d1eI haven’t read “The Wait” by Devon franklin and Meagan Good and I plan to, but I pretty much know what this book is about. I have followed Devon Franklin for a long time and have seen many of his videos and appearances. Devon practiced celibacy for 10 years. It takes a strong man to practice celibacy for that long. He admitted is was hard before, but his faith and his walk with God and how he wanted to attract the woman and wife of his dreams. That is was important that he practiced what he preached and it paid off.

Not only for him but for Meagan Good too. There are a lot of men out there like Devon. Men can be celibate, it also depends on one’s journey in life. When you are celibate, it really helps ward off who wants you, for you and not just your body. When you make up your mind to do something, not just celibacy and you stand firm in what you want out of life. If you don’t want to have sex and give your body away to some random man or woman, you don’t have to.

When I first became celibate it wasn’t for religious reasons, it was for a lot of reasons. To many to list but mainly spiritual. I became celibate towards the end of my last relationship, well way before that because the person I was with, we weren’t doing anything any way, so my celibacy started way before that. The relationship had reached its expiration date. I simply wanted to rediscover who I was, become closer to God.

I was spiritually starving and needed Gods love. I needed to love myself more too.

Find out what I wanted in life. It’s easier to lose yourself in a relationship, (the way some mothers feel, how they lose themselves with their kids and husband.) It had been about me and this person for years and I was starting to lose focus of who I was. I had dreams before I met this guy and without even really knowing it. I was settling. I was not being supported in any area of my life. I was the man in the relationship and I was doing EVERYTHING. I wanted out.

When I decided to become celibate and focus on my faith and walk with God and wanted to evolve. I was born again in more ways than one. I was delivered and I can’t be any more grateful. I’ll reiterate, when you are celibate, it clears your mind. It really does. Your heart can heal. You spirit is clear because it is very true, that when you sleep with someone you take on the lovers, they had before you and every other thing that is going on inside of them.

When you’re celibate you get to focus on yourself and know what goals in life you want to achieve. You get clear of the type of relationship you want. The type of career you want. We all know people who are in relationships with the wrong person, the expiration date is long over due. But yet they stay damaging their hearts even further, knowing they should leave.

No relationship is perfect but love shouldn’t have to come, at the expense of your own heart, your soul, your well-being and peace of mind. 

img_2934_2My celibacy has saved me years of heartache, from being with the wrong person who simply did not want or love me for me. From men who are married, men who have girlfriends and men who just have issues.

I was telling a friend of mine, if it was up to me, I would have stayed a virgin and that’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Through my celibacy I have become a born again virgin and that is perfectly all right with me.

My relationship with God is solid and growing every day. I’m much more happier. If you think you can’t do it, you can. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy at first but it will get easier. Then at times it will get hard, because we all crave closeness and to be loved and desired.

I know the kind of man I want and only time and God will reveal him to me in due time. Not a lot of people become friends first. They just want a physical want met. I’ve never been the type to just want someone who I immediately see. I’ve seen attractive men and nothing happens, LOL. There’s no warm tingly feeling, lol.

I have to get to know someone to decide if I even want to be with them. It may take me years or never and that’s ok, if one does not want to wait. People have every right to get their physical wants met, if sex is an important part of a relationship or casual sex. I’m not naive, when talking to a guy to think he is not getting his wants met elsewhere. I’m sure it must be hard when you are used to having sex.

I’m really not missing anything. I don’t need to feel like I’m missing out. You have a lot of people in relationships, whether they are married or not and they are not happy at all. But yet they continue to be intimate. Celibacy, abstaining from sex is not just about the physical. It’s all about all other areas of your life. Because if you can control that area, you can control other areas of your life aswell. Together you and God can co-create the life you want.

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Shhhhhhh….Silence Is Sexy

urlShhhhhh….silence is sexy….I’ve been anticipating you my love…I just want you to walk through the door, stare deep into my eyes. Kiss me passionately. I don’t want you to say a word. I want your eyes and body to do the talking. I want to hear your body whisper, “girl I want your body, girl I want you now”

I want you to kiss my neck. I want you to make me weak with your fingertips. Turn on some music my love. You feel that? Can you trace the lyrics on my skin, on my breast, on my stomach…

I want you to grab me firmly but gently. I want you to undress me slowly..as you’re undressing me, I want you to kiss every part of my body. I want you to look at me as if you are starving for my love…I want to watch you as you take me in your mouth. Tasting my sweet nectar.  Playing with your love button.

I want your tongue to drive me wild. I want you to rejuvenate me… I want you to look at me and see that my eyes say I want more. I’m begging you, please, please, please. Please don’t let me go….I need you. I want you in my love portal. I want to feel every inch of you.

Do you want me on the floor? Or bent over? You can have me any way you want. Anticipating you is making me wet…I need to cum..but I’ll wait because I want you to cum with me….

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Why Some Women Stop Catering To Their Husbands

85e46465c431fe52fcf678e833142912When two people decide they want to spend their life together. They take a vow to become husband and wife right?! So why do so many men complain, about how their wife has change after marriage? That they feel neglected, alone and not desired anymore.

This happens a lot especially after a child is born. The husband takes a back seat to the child (ren). This should not be,especially if the husband is the leader of the home.

A lot of women tend to forget that before they became a mother, that they were first a wife. Some women focus all of their attention on the child (ten) even when the child reaches a mature age and neglect to cater to their husband. I’m not talking about being a subservient slave or a doormat.

I already know it’s 2016 and women are working and have more of a say so, since they are bringing home a paycheck too. But this is not about that.

If you are a stay at home wife and mother and your husband provides, there should be no excuse, why your husband needs are being neglected. Whether it’s your support, a listening ear, your affection, for you to be quiet at times, a home cooked meal and even sex. Both sexes should cater to each other, but men mostly feel neglected a lot by their wives.

Being a mom is not an easy job, yes it’s hard work. Babies need A LOT of attention. Some women are not really prepared for the energy and patience it takes to raise a child. They just want one, to want one.

1606840241-7922834726e2bfbe604e445fb3396bc3But that doesn’t mean neglect your husband. A baby doesn’t need 24 hour around the clock care. At some point you are going to have to make time for yourself, your husband and your marriage. Marriage is not about just having a baby. There’s another person involved here. I know a few women that got married or simply hooked up with a guy, just to have a kid (s). Now that they are married or living together.

They wonder why the man in their life, is not attentive, affectionate or caters to them. Well you’re not catering to your husband either. If you married your husband just for a baby and you treat him like an ATM machine or a sperm donor. How do you expect to be catered to or have what you want in your marriage, especially if you are not being a submissive wife.

No only is this detrimental to your marriage, not catering to your husband, but you are making him more vulnerable to other women. I meet men like this all the time. They feel neglected lonely, they want someone to connect to, have a conversation and maybe even more. These are not bad men, they are just being neglected on so many levels and one of the greatest needs for any heterosexual man, is companionship from his wife. Children should not get all the attention.

It’s not odd for a man to feel jealous of the attention the kids receive, its not their fault. It’s the wife’s fault. I’ve seen women bend over backwards for their child’s request, but if their husband ask, they give him an attitude. That attitude needs to be checked at the door!! Your husband wants to know that you will be there for him too. That he is loved and appreciated especially for providing. If your husband ask you to do something. Don’t say no or give him lip.

They same energy and attention your children receive, you should give to him too, if he needs something. That is your husband. Men feel overlooked, they don’t feel appreciated, this can make then feel resentful and angry. A man once told me that when his son spent the night out, his wife was sad then when he returned, she was ecstatic about seeing him, she showed his so much affection. He said that when he went away on business that when he returned, she didn’t ask him anything. No affection, nothing. That she asked him when was he going away again.

That when he walked though the door, she looked at him, as if to say, why are you here? She wasn’t very happy to see him. I’ve witness this too, even hearing women say, when are you going back to work? Or can’t you work overtime or at night? Who says that to their husband?! Why are you married if that’s how you feel? I’ve witness on many occasions, people have beautiful homes but where is the love? They walk through the door, No one is catering to one another after a long day.

There’s no one greeting each other with any type of affection, no hug, no kiss or asking how ones day is, or how the other person is doing. No helping with taking off ones coat, shoes or taking bags from their hand. No home cooked meal, just whatever is in the freezer. They treat each other like roommates or strangers. There is arguing over money too. If you are cohabitating with someone or if you are married. Why is there arguments over money? Why isn’t there a joint account? If you enter a union to become husband and wife, you become one.

There is no independence and being separate on anything. You shouldn’t have to ask your husband for money or basic needs for you and your family, he’s suppose to be the provider. But when a woman (and even a man) marries the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. This is another reason why a wife doesn’t cater to her husband. When you fight with your mate, how can you be a loving spouse and give each other what you need and want. You can’t. You start to desire your husband less and less because you had a specific selfish goal in mine to get what you wanted.

We’ve all her the old adage, “happy wife, happy life”. Well what about a happy husband too?! Both parties should be happy and working together. Marriage is about two becoming one, not one persons needs over the others. Marriage is not a club you join for perks. If you’re not informed about why God made a woman for a man. And what a woman’s role is in a man’s life and what a mans role is in a woman’s life.

Why they are to become husband and wife, then I suggest you do some research. There’s nothing wrong with putting your husbands needs first, above anything in your life and there is nothing wrong with putting your wife first. Both spouses have to choose each other and submit to one another. But one leads and the other one follows and that delegation belongs to the man of the house.

***haters, your comments are not welcomed :). lol thanks for reading though ***

 

Why Men Are Not Always Forthcoming With Their Feelings

We hear women complain all the time, about how much their man or some guy they are talking to, why doesn’t he just tell me how he feels? This doesn’t apply to all men. I’ve met men that really want to express how they feel, that’s because they were taught to do so. A lot of men are taught, don’t cry, don’t show any emotion, be a man, be hard, don’t let her know you’re really feeling her. If she contacts you, make her wait a few days or months or just ignore her.

But for the ones that do express themselves it’s hard. Ladies, I feel your frustration. I can’t stand when I ask a guy something and I don’t hear anything and they take days or months to respond, if they even respond or say anything at all. Then when I do hear from said guy, they act like I never said anything. Hoping that what I said will go away and they will not have to confront it. This shows me that, my feelings don’t matter and they are not important enough for you to address them.

Ladies, men are not always forthcoming with their feelings, because men get tired of rejection. Yes some can deal with it, but men are tired of it. They’d rather avoid it if they can. Men face rejection when it comes to women and love more than women do. It’s not that they don’t want to tell you how they feel. They very much do so, but it’s hard for them because they want their feelings, to be reciprocated in some way.

When you think about it, without judging it or the guy. There is nothing wrong with that. When you take a liking to someone, you want them to feel the same way. Women want the same thing. I don’t know anybody who enjoys hearing the word “NO” or better yet silence. That’s even worse. I get tired of hearing birds chirping, lol and men being selective to what they answer to.

Men are tired of putting their heart, time and even their money on the line and it leads to nowhere and some of them feel used. When a man finally does tell you how he feels, he’s hoping that you will be open to feeling the same way. And when you don’t, it’s kind of a blow to his ego. Regardless of what a man wants, he’s not going to come out and tell you how he feels, because you just may not feel the same way and he doesn’t want to face the rejection.

Men ghost on me all the time, LOL.. It’s not funny but I have to find the humor in it and usually because they are feeling me and hold back, which is what I hear,who knows?! (unless the man has a wife or significant other, which has happened, lol) but for the most part. Men just don’t want to express how they feel, because they are gathering their thoughts. They are weighing should I say this, should I say that?

Men also don’t want to scare you off. I’ve been scared off by men who express themselves waaaay to fast, like the same day they meet me, lol..like damn, you don’t waste no time. They are already thinking I’m the one and they are ready to settle down. Of course I run for my dear life like that running emoji on the iPhone, LOL.

Men also hold back because some women talk to much. Don’t gasp, you know you do and you know it’s true…I’m not saying men don’t gossip, but women gossip and men don’t wan’t the whole world in their business, when they express themselves. Your friends, your coworkers, your parents, his parents should not be in your business. When a man confides in you, he confides in you, not the whole world.

Men are very private and they need a private woman that they can trust. My female friends get mad at me all the time because they feel I’m quiet and boring because I don’t share anything about my personal life or other people I know. They feel as women, this is what women do. Not this woman.. I go through great lengths to be incognito, lol. Just like a man. My private life is not for the worlds consumption.

Look at how women treat men in the entertainment industry…once the catch them or have a baby or break up with them.. forget it, their business is all over social media. Even women that don’t know these guys, have something to say. No man wants a woman like that, that he has to watch everything he says, for fear that it might end up in the tabloids or on social media.

Men also hold back because women save up shit to complain about, lol.. it’s not funny but it’s true. We all saw that Chris Rock special…it’s true, some women save up shit to complain about later. My friends do this and it is so annoying. When a woman has a problem with a man, he prefers to hear it right then and there, without all the yelling and emasculation, not months or years later. If a man is expressing himself, he doesn’t want to hear about some shit that happened 5 years ago.

That’s showing him you hold grudges and that you are not an effective communicator. Men don’t like to argue and some women, will press a man’s buttons and they will never get an answer out of him. Women argue to see how a man feels and that makes him not want to express himself. They figure if he gets mad he cares (and for some strange reason unknown to me, lol) that shows a man loves you. Men like to talk, it’s just what they like to talk about. Men want a woman that’s easy to talk to.

Men in relationships are not always forthcoming, with their feelings too because let’s face it. Women are all about their feelings. When a man express himself to a woman, she makes it all about her. Then a million questions pop up. Then their insecurities pop up too, especially if it’s about another woman. I hear all the time, men don’t feel heard and understood. Their significant other is just not listening.

I recall a friend of mine was telling me, about how her husband had to take a pay cut, when he got another job and how she felt. Did you read what I just wrote?? “how she felt?!”. Hell you mean, how you feel?? What about how he feels? You didn’t take a pay cut, he did. No one likes to take a pay cut. That’s a blow to your ego and experience. Especially to a man, when they want so much to provide. The one thing I heard instantaneously was her lack of support. She made it all about her, when she was working too.

I asked her what is the problem, if their was two incomes. She immediately started thinking negative and thinking about their lifestyle, and talking about the stuff she wanted and then she mentioned the holidays. I said to myself wow!!!! I can tell by the look on her face, the tone of her voice, she thought less of her husband, based off of his income. A man is not a financial plan.

There was no positivity in her voice or her outlook. She didn’t see it as, well at least he still has an income. At least we still have a home and our kids can eat. There was no gratitude. Her husband probably felt bad about his income too, but that was not her concern at all. She told me they got into an argument. I had to call her out, loving and respectfully on her attitude. You can’t make your husband feel inadequate because of his income. I asked her, is she making the same thing?

She said gave me the look of no, but also added he’s the man. What the f**ck does that have ti d with anything? See that sh*t right there pisses me off. When someone comes to you with how they feel, you listen and not judge. I can see why her husband got upset, especially when he is doing, not trying… doing his best to support his family. So what if it wasn’t the money he was used to making, and this is why he avoided telling her. He needed her support and she just did not know how to give him that or she refused to.

When men express themselves, they just want your undivided attention. They just want you to listen, not make it about you and what you want and what you feel they should do and how they should do it. Not for you to raise your voice. They just want you to be quiet, don’t interrupt, be calm, listen and allow them the freedom to trust you and get whatever it is off their chest.

Men are not void of emotion. It just takes them a minute to get their emotions and words together.

I hear how men feel all the time after the relationship is over, LOL…like thanks dude, you couldn’t have said that while we were together?? Or they tell me how they feel online, through email or text instead of over the phone or in person, when I can’t hear them. This is avoiding direct communication and for fear of how they might sound. They don’t want a woman to make a mockery of their feelings, especially since it took them so long, to build up the courage to say what was on their mind.

Men think getting in touch with their feelings, is a ‘woman’s thing‘ when it’s not. Women need to make men feel safe to express themselves. When I ask a guy how he feels about me and he’s reluctant. I have to set aside how I feel and realize that he’s just protecting his emotions and his heart. Regardless if I want an answer. I can’t stand when men are indirect with me and they want me to be psychic. I’m like dude, can you just say how you feel and stop holding back.

I’ll tell a guy how I feel and it doesn’t have to lead to anything but men want it to lead to something. They just do. Even if it’s a small possibility. When a woman reciprocates a man’s feelings and validates them and he feels he is being heard and not judge. He sees the possibility of many things in his life. Men sense when women want to know things and they are debating with their heart and mind.

Sometimes it’s not about you. Their feelings are like the lotto.

Men are simple creatures and it’s really not that hard to figure them out. If you have the patience and if you set aside your ego and how you feel. If you want a man to express his feelings. You have to set aside yours and create a safe space for him to be more forthcoming with his feelings. I know it can feel like pulling a quarter out of a dime, but you have to have patience and know that men are not void of emotion.

 

Why I Never Want To Be Equal To A Man In A Relationship

softA relationship is like a dance, one has to lead and the other one has to follow.

When it comes to a relationship and even in life. For me, I don’t want to be equal to a man in any way. I hear a lot of women talk about being equal to men and feminism and all that stuff.

That has nothing to do with a relationship or a family. The only way I’m equal to a man is that, I’m a human being just like him. Other than that, I’m a woman.

I don’t have cojones….I don’t act like a man. I look nothing like a man. I don’t sound like a man. I’m calm, peaceful, soft, delicate and nurturing. The way a woman should be. I’m feminine. I’m a woman. I love being a woman.

God made men the way he made men and women, the way he made women. He didn’t make men to be feminine and he didn’t make women to be masculine. I see a lot of women struggling to be feminine.

We’ve all seen those women that start to morph into men, one minute they look like a lady, next they look like a man. To much testosterone. We live in a society where people are just confused, some men want to be women and some women want to be men. Some want to be both.

And for the men who want to actually be men in their relationship and even in their household, it’s becoming more and more of a problem, because their woman wants the final say. The woman wants to lead.

For women to be women, it’s becoming a problem too, because women have to step up and become both male and female. So they feel that in a relationship they want equality. Relationships fail because men are not leading and they are fighting for equality.

We need to stop telling women to be like men in society. If women want to be equal to men, then everything that men do, women should do it too. If you want a chivalrous man, then you be the same way. You court and chase him. You buy him gifts on the holidays, you buy him an engagement ring.

You pay for the wedding and the build the house. If you want a man, to make six figures, then you make six figures. If you want a man to have a degree, then you get a degree too. If you want a man to please you the way you want in bed. Then you please him the way he wants in bed. If you want him to take out the trash and fix things around the house, then you do the same thing.

Sh*t don’t stop there, if you want to be equal to your man, then go get a sex change and have a penis. Yeah, I went there. Where his clothes too, be androgynous….I get of tired of women complaining about good men, about what they should have and what they should do, and how they should do it and everything has to be equal and nag, nag, nag, nag, nag. Shut the hell up already!

You can’t have it both ways. If you want him to be a man, let him be a man. If you want a happy relationship and eventually want to get married and have kids. You are going to have to let your man lead and let him be a man, if he’s a good man, and stop worrying about being his equal and who’s right or wrong in the relationship.

All couples have disagreements but it’s not about whose right or who’s wrong. If you don’t trust your man, as your leader, then you mind as well stay single. At some point, you are going to have to relinquish control. My last two relationships, I hated the fact that the I had to tap into masculine energy. I hated being taken out of my feminine nature, when all I wanted to do was be the woman of the house.

I hated when I had to raise my voice because I felt threatened. I hated when I had to provide and protect as if I was a man, because these men got lazy on me. I recognized when I was tapping too much into masculine energy and my relationships eventually ended. This wasn’t always the case, in the beginning, what I was attracted to was their spiritual side, their wisdom, their experience, their intellectual side.

I felt I could learn from them. I felt they could guide me, but they got tired of being men and checked out. I just wanted for these men to make me feel safe. I wanted for once for them to say, I got this, baby don’t worry about it. I’ll bring the groceries in and just hold the door. I hated that I had to make all the decisions about everything, from food to money, the running of my own home.

To life goals and plans. I couldn’t get help or any guidance and it pissed me off to no end, because my independence and who I am was used against me, instead of complementing who I was. I said f*ck this sh*t, I can do bad all by myself.

I don’t want an effeminate man in any way, that I can wrap around my finger and control. I want a man to lead me, not control me. I want a man who knows his role in a relationship and who is strong. I need a man to act like he has some fucking cojones.

I want a man to defend me, if he sees harm coming my way. I shouldn’t have to do that for the both of us. I don’t want a man who spends more time in the mirror than I do, when I’m out in 20 minutes or less. I don’t want a lazy man who refuses to step up.

I want a man who knows God and knows how to manage things. Men are in managerial roles for a reason. They can handle the stress. Their system is built for it. I don’t care about having equal pay when it comes to men. That’s not why I was born to prove how equal, I can be to a man in society or in a relationship.

I’m ok with my supportive role as a woman. Supporting him behind the scenes. I thrive there. One of my old jobs, I was happy to do the catering and setting up for meetings and decorating for the executives. I was happy to set the table. It made me feel good that I was able to help. Women are just more domesticated than men.

We give birth, we nurture. Men build houses, women decorate them. It’s not sexist. Men care about the decor of their home too. But Men don’t do stuff like that. They don’t care about table settings, thread count with sheets or silverware.  At work I never felt like a slave, weak or subservient at my job. A woman’s energy is needed in the workplace.

Even in the workplace, men want to feel at home. When the executives arrived and I took their coats and offered them something to drink and was attentive, it made them relax instead of being so hard. I actually got a smile out of them, lol. During and after the meetings, they felt secure coming up to me asking me for help.

I never gave them the side eye or an attitude. My job was to be hospitable. I’ve worked around a lot of men and I see how relieve they are when a woman walks in and her energy is there. They are more relaxed and calm. They let down their guard. My supportive role was to make sure my boss’s meeting and dinner went well, and to have my feminine energy there.

The men complimented how nice I was and how things were set up. Men know when feminine energy is in their presence. It’s a turn off when women want to be men. I get turned off when I see my female friends act like men. And they wonder why they are single. When a man is masculine, It allows me to be feminine.

It allows me to be a woman to trust him. I’m not a doormat if I choose to serve a man a home cooked meal, when he comes home. If he buys the groceries I’ll make the meal. Or that his clothes are cleaned and ironed or if he’s tired and I leave him alone. Or if I see he’s tensed, I give him a massage.

What is wrong with that? I’m not worried about having my way or letting my ego get involved, because I don’t have one. I want to be loved, adored, appreciated but it goes both way. I’m not interested in what kind of car a man drives or how many degrees he has. What the f*ck is that going to do for me, if you can’t treat me right or be a man.

A degree, house or car, doesn’t equal a happy life. That’s all external. I’ve witness my friends turn down solid men, because they don’t have a degree or the salary that they desire and it’s freaking pathetic. I know not all women are like this but for the most part some are.

I hear how unhappy these men are in their relationships and they want out, they want a feminine woman. It doesn’t matter what her education or her salary is, they want a woman who is going to be down for them and have their back and support them and appreciate them.

Not try to be equal to them or run the relationship. It’s not about “happy wife, happy life” It’s not about being manipulative so you can get your way or have a man buy you something. How about trying….give and take, and trusting and loving and having faith in one another.

When you love someone, you do things for them. It’s not about keeping tabs about what you did days, months or years ago. A relationship based on God, love and trust is not about, ok, I got this ring, now you’re my servant or giving ultimatums.

If your significant other has done something that you don’t like, there is a way to express yourself without raising your voice or talking down to him as if he’s stupid. Your man is not a child. Men pay attention to how women say things and if your tone is out of line, it doesn’t matter whether or not he agrees with you.

He will mentally check out. Some times men don’t think about things, that women think about, but through effective communication, he can assess your wants and needs and what’s important to you. As hard and as masculine as men are, they still need the comfort of a woman too. There can’t be two dominate personalities in a relationship. It will never work.

Women claim they want a dominate male to take charge and to be a man, but he can’t be a man, if you don’t let him and you’re worried about being his equal in every way. Even in same-sex relationships, there is yin and yang. The only thing that makes them equal is gender.

All men, whether they want to admit it or not, like women who are submissive in a sense. Men like rescue and feel needed. Men have egos, they just do and they want a woman who strokes it. It makes them feel good and appreciated. I’ll genuinely compliment a guy and care about their feelings.

I take a genuine interest in what they do and who they are and they are ready to take care of me, and buy a ring within minutes, LOL…because it’s not something men get all the time. When I see what men deal with and how hard it is to be a man. There is no way in hell, I would want to be equal to a man in any way. I’m so glad I was born a woman.