I Can Admit, I Don’t Get It But I’m Trying

I was talking to my niece today and we were talking about relationships. I gotta say this young woman is very wise. She kept trying to explain to me, that it’s hard for men to be friends with a woman who is attractive and has a nice personality. She told me it was torture for them.

This is not the first time she said this to me. She just kept saying Auntie, it’s not your fault. She was being funny. She said you can’t help it, if men find you attractive and you have a nice personality and it’s hard to find that in a woman. My niece has the same problem.

She just kept asking me do I understand. And I just kept saying, no not really but I’m trying. I just don’t think it’s that serious. I just don’t understand why every guy I meet after one day, it’s like they’re ready to lock me down. They want to hurry up and get to the center of the Tootsie pop, no sucking just straight biting into it, lol.

She told me, if you was ugly (lol its just the way she said it) then of course, you can have all the male friends you want. But you’re not ugly, your wife material and that’s not a bad thing and that’s what men are looking for. I know it’s not a bad thing to be looked at as wife material, but men are already at the altar and we just went out on one date or no date at all.

I’m trying my best to understand, I really am. But something is not kicking in. I even had a guy ask me if I’m asexual. It’s not that it’s just that, I can be around an attractive person and feel nothing. I’ll start to feel something once I get to know you. If I even want to get to know you. Sex is not the first thing that pops up in my brain.

It sucks when you meet someone, have a great time and they refuse to talk to you or be around you. They refuse to let you in just as a friend. I thought this time, it would be different. This guy said all this stuff. Told him I was relocating, I get here and its like oh shit, you’re here. Told me he was different and the man acts like I’m kryptonite. I’m like damn, you too?!, lol.

Every time I try to talk to him, find out simple things. Nothing. But if I talk about sex, I’ll get a response real quick. Who wants to deal with that. Thats not real. That’s playing games. I’ll never know if any of the guys I’ve met, could it have been more, because they are always rushing, they always leave after one day and when they realize they can’t hit it quick. So they are out the door.

A dodge bullet right!!! Yes….

I’ve met ‘famous’ people and yeah I can see that they are good-looking, but I’m not going to drop my panties, just because every other woman has. It’s not that serious to me. It takes me a minute to be really attracted to someone. You gotta have great music taste, be creative. Passionate. express your emotions. Be in-depth, consistent. I gotta be attracted to your mind and spirit.

I’ve always been like this. I just value friendship first and I take my time. I understand men don’t want to wait. Well that’s not my problem. I need a strong mental and emotional connection before I can be intimate with someone. I just have not come across that yet. Affection and intimacy is very important in a relationship, on a spiritual level and I need it to mean something.

Because once you enter a woman, everything that you are, enters her soul during intercourse. Some people only think about sex, on a physical level but not on an ethereal level. My body is not a dumping ground because you need a release. I remember watching the Tyra show and this woman had a dream about her S.O. cheating, every time they had sex and it turned out to be true.

No she did not go through his things. We all have intuition but energy is everything. I’ve had the same experience. I kept having nightmares and they were true. My soul was pure but his was corrupted. This man was in my space, his energy and everything and I picked up on it. After we were intimate, I felt sick. I kept getting headaches. I didn’t feel pleasure, I felt pain.

That was a sign that he was doing something, with someone and then he put all his lies inside of me. I tried to ignore it but something was off. It got to the point where as soon as he would touch me, I felt sick. I couldn’t continue. I paid attention to it. I wasn’t hallucinating. The man had a family behind my back.

Sorry but me looking at someone and wanting to jump their bones is out of the question. I know what I want and when it arrives, I will know in my spirit that this is the one. When it’s love there will be no confusion. When it’s love, I will be shown. I’m not looking for perfect. I’m looking for real, consistency and honesty.

I’m really trying to understand, why men can’t be around me (or any woman) for to long. They simply can’t. When they want something they want it. I guess for me, I’m not impressed with someones looks or status, their money or cars. Those things can be taken away. I want to know whats in your heart and what you are about you on a soul level. I want us to be friends and build on that.

To some it’s all or nothing. It shouldn’t be. Maybe because I know the true meaning and nature of friendship and others don’t. When I say I’m a friend, it’s in my actions. In my love and support. Men tell me all the time, they never had a female friend. Thats because they are not trying to be a real friend. That’s why their relationship is not lasting long. It was based on sex and other selfish things.

I can be friends with a guy, even if I find him attractive. It’s not torture for me. I don’t have to have him. I’m not going to stop talking to him because I can’t be with him. Thats very shallow. Why would I miss out on an opportunity to learn from someone? I know that this person didn’t just stumble upon my life out of nowhere.

God placed them along my journey for a reason and I’m going to find out why. Whether they are here to change my life, or I’m suppose to change theirs. Either way, I’m the main character and God is the author. They are part of the story however short or long they stay. So I’m grateful. I guess I’m just one of those rare women and that’s A Ok with me :).

Bathroom Etiquette 101: Put The Toilet Lid Down And Here’s Why

Ever walk in to a public or private restroom and immediately you walk out or hold your breath? Of course you have…..Well what a lot of people fail to realize is that, all those people that are using the bathroom. Everything that they are doing, is going into the air and guess what, you are breathing it in.

Yuck right! I know it makes you want to puke, but it’s the truth. I know when I step into a public restroom and stall, I spray before I enter, because I keep air freshener in my bag. Most people should in my opinion. When people come in after me, they have a pleasant smell. 😉it’s alway nice to think of others even when using a public domain.

I know you’re reading this and probably wondering, why is she talking about the toilet seat for? …we’ll continue reading…

Unless you have an air purifier or air sanitizer, in your home. Let me give you some pointers in Bathroom etiquette 101. I am very big on personal hygiene, I care my lungs and others, especially when it comes to several people using the toilet. A lot of people when they use the bathroom. They flush after they are done.

Nope… you are doing it all wrong. As you are doing whatever you are doing, while you are still on the commode, you should be flushing several times while your butt is on the seat, lol. When you wait to flush, you give time to whatever you did in there, to escape and come up into the air.

If you wait until after you are done, and you don’t feel like flushing, then close the lid then flush. I know some people who don’t buy air freshener, so that means that if you go in after them, that stench is in there and you can probably tell what they had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If people in your house don’t put the lid down, put a sign up.

If your bathroom doesn’t have a window for the smell to escape, guess what, it’s going to stay in there and you will breathe it in. It’s going to be in the air, in your towels, in your toothbrush, or anything else that you have open and exposed in the bathroom.

Some people keep their towels above the toilet. That is a huge NO-NO. Do not hang your towels above the toilet to dry or even put your facial tissues on the toilet tray. When you go to clean your toilet, there will be stains of some sort, but you can eliminate that by closing the toilet lid and cleaning the toilet and bathroom, daily, before and after you use it.

As humans, and I’m not trying to be funny. Our bodies may splish splash. It’s normal. We’ve all seen a drop or two on the seat after we or somebody else does a number one. Most of us don’t think of that when we get up. Thats why it’s always good to check behind youself after you’re done, and before  you sit down. Even on your own toilet.

Public seats of course you squat. I’ll reiterate again. The bathroom should be cleaned daily. Every one should be wiping down their toilet daily, not waiting until the end of the week on bathroom day. Bathrooms need constant cleaning since we use it every day. Faucets and knobs too. Put your toothbrush in a concealed toothbrush holder or cabinet and away from the toilet too.

I can not tell you the many times, I’ve seen people who have their toothbrush holder above the toilet, exposed and the toilet lid is up. If you leave your toilet lid up out of habit. Think about the air you are breathing in, and from what someone else is doing. Think about airborne pathogens. Buy a self-closing toilet lid. Put an air purifier above or near the toilet.

Use natural oils to keep your bathroom smelling fresh and clean. I buy orange oil spray, it’s a natural odor eliminator and air freshener. You can get it from walmart and home depot. Stores sell these products for us to keep our homes, nice and clean and smelling fresh. Do yourself a favor and use them 😉.

One more tip….tissue alone will not clean everything, lol. Do yourself a favor and buy a bidet or wipes. Doesn’t matter if they are baby wipes or Scotts. Just make sure you clean your private areas, lol. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed!

How Hospitable Are You?

I sometimes wonder why when people have guest in their home, they don’t do anything to make them feel welcomed. When people used to invite me over to their house, I wonder why they expected me to cook and to do all the things they were suppose to do for me as guest.

Then if it was late and I got tricked into spending the night, ( I was told I would be driven home but I was never driven home) I never even went to sleep. I didn’t even have a bed to sleep on, so I just waited until the sun came up and went home.

I wondered why I didn’t have clean fresh linen to even feel comfortable to sleep. I wondered why people would have me in their house, when it is not in order. I remember one time on christmas I was invited to spend night out and there was no christmas dinner.

Dinner was a bag of chips and a muffin, that I bought at the gas station. LOL . I was starving the next day. I couldn’t wait to get home where I had a fridge full of food. One thanksgiving, someone I knew decided to cook. The thought was nice but the food was all wrong.

The corn was cold, no butter. The mash potatoes were from a box, no butter and no salt and pepper or gravy. The chicken was store bought. Who knows how long it was under that light. And the dinner roll was cold. I sat there and wondered how is this person eating this bland food.

Someone must have not told her that rolls go in the oven. But I guess when you are hungry you’ll eat your  own mess, I mean food and it’s good to you. There was no love, no thought or care into this food. If you buy stuff from a box, there’s a way to hook it up.

I don’t know about you, but I like real potatoes and fresh corn and seasoned chicken. I like my diner rolls hot not cold. I realized I care to much about home life, more than the average woman.

Whenever I invite people over to my house, they NEVER want to leave. Before I have guest, I make sure I have food. I even ask them what they want me to make and I even surprise them. I’m always feeding people…and I serve them too, they have something to drink. I even give them left overs to take home.

I love making people feel welcomed. But then they just wear out their welcome mat. If I have a guest spend the night, everything is clean. I even give them my bed. They feel as if they are at a five-star hotel. No one cooks for them at home or caters to them, so they get spoiled while in my presence.

It’s really hard getting them to leave. especially a man. The last guy I shared food with, never wanted to leave my place. I noticed he ate 3 times at my house and never took me out. So I stopped talking to him. It wasn’t my intention to make him comfortable.

I’m like that with everybody. If I invite you in. I just know that what you do for your female friends, you can’t do that for every man. Because they will get comfortable and try to mark their territory. You start off and feed them right away, they will expect that every time.

I wonder why people serve me food with a fork that looks like it belongs to a toddler and plastic plates and cups. How is that suppose to make me feel welcomed?! Then when I don’t want to come over I get called uppity.

I’m not uppity at all, I just don’t think a person should invite someone over, if they don’t have food, or if their house is not clean and if they have crawling visitors that decide to chill with us.

Your home is your dwelling space and when you invite people into your home, they should feel welcomed. But I take it that some people don’t want to make you feel welcomed, because they don’t want you to stay in the first place.

I’ve been making people feel welcomed since I was little. My mom always had me offer my friends something to eat and drink and It was fun. I enjoyed serving people and seeing their face light up over the food I made. I enjoyed being in the kitchen. I remember for my birthday I wanted a tasty bake oven, LOL…

I always wanted kitchen items as a child and as an adult, that’s how I am. Those are the things I treat myself to. When I see a kitchen gadget I look forward to using it and telling people about it. It makes entertaining very fun.

When I serve people a meal, I use real silverware, real plates and glasses. I don’t just throw food on the plate is if it’s a school lunch. I really wish at times the women (even men) I knew were more hospitable and even more domesticated. Especially since they have kids.

Serving others makes you feel good.. it makes people feel warm and welcomed. I’m looking forward to the day where me and this loving man (God is going to bring into my life)…will be able to serve one another. Where we can have a nice candle light dinner..sip some hot cocoa in front of the fireplace…and then 🙂

How Women Emasculate Men And Don’t Even Realize It

riznkmhI was at work yesterday and the job I have, is very physically demanding at times. A shipment came in and I had to handle it. As I was unloading the shipment to process my work. I ran into a problem. The latch was stuck. I tried to release it but it was hard. Another woman working beside me tried and it still would not budge.

At first I tried looking for a man, as I was not trying to lose a finger or bleed to death,…..So finally a man came along and helped me. After he was able to release the latch. I said to him “thank you, this is why God made men” He laughed and said you’re welcome. The woman that was trying to help me at first, said “hey that’s not true”.

I said yes it is….And the guy said (with a smile) “oh that’s cold, you can’t even say thank you, you trying to make me feel bad?” One minute he had a smile on his face, glad that he was able to help and probably felt good and here this woman is, trying to take that away from him. A man being man.

Before I continue, men.. real men, like to help women. It makes them feel good, it boost their ego that that can do something for a woman, if a woman will let him. I had to cut something yesterday and the blade I had was not giving, so once again, I waited for a man to arrive and I asked and the guy was able to cut the box for me.

I’m a woman, and to be honest the work I’m doing I really shouldn’t be doing, LOL…really, this job is really a mans job, which would explain why there are so many men there.. but work is work and it is what it is. I have bills, lol…oh back to what I was saying…..

I said to this woman, men are physically stronger, than woman. and she said I’m stronger than my husband, because I work out a lot. I said to myself, “if you are stronger than your husband, then why weren’t you able to release the latch?”. We both couldn’t release it. We went on and on for about almost 10 minutes, about a mans physical strength.

I was not giving into what she was saying and she was not agreeing to what I was saying either. I consider myself a pretty handy woman. Certain things I can fix myself and it’s great to know how to do these things, just incase a man is not around. But if I had a man, I would let him do all the hard work. That’s his job.

This woman, along with the rest of the hard looking women there, really want to be men and be equal to a man. Just because we couldn’t release the latch doesn’t make us weak. Then to blame it on it being stuck or manufacturing…..no.. the latch was hard for safety reasons and it was meant for someone, a man, that is physically stronger to release and move it.

kurtz-featureI was not losing a finger, to prove that I can do it as a woman. God didn’t make me in the image of a man. He made me in the image of a woman. My body is built a certain way to carry out certain task in life, to bear children, if I decided.

For my legs to be able to hold a certain amount of weight. For my hips to be a certain way. For my glutes to support my back. To be graceful and soft. To be sensual. For me to be physically attracted to the opposite sex.

These are not sexist remarks….the body has many functions and for a woman, it’s not to be lifting heavy shit and operating a forklift or bulldozer. I sometimes wonder why women want jobs that are meant for men. Why do they want to be in a mans world, where it’s very strenuous on the mind and body. Men build houses and buildings, now women want those jobs.

sexstereotypes1For what? Women can work, I’m not saying they can’t, but why not choose jobs that are closer to home. Jobs that are more quiet. Ever notice that when women take on masculine jobs, how their body and even face changes?

How they morph. Their testosterone is kicking in and they don’t even realize it. Women want to be men and over time, they start to actually look like them. Some are even more masculine than men themselves.

I wonder what was this womans point in trying to emasculate this man. He just helped us, so we wouldn’t have to climb inside and get our items, so that we wouldn’t hurt ourselves. He was protecting us and she just, (what I felt in my opinion) couldn’t even see that and just disrespected and emasculate him.

She couldn’t even say thank you. I already see who wears the pants in her house. Ladies, real ladies, let a man be a man. Don’t take that from him. If God wanted you to be a man, he would have made you one, lol. Kindly stay in your lane and be the graceful, beautiful woman, that God call you forth to be :).

Why TV’s Should Never Be In The Bedroom

imagesWe all like to watch a little tv right? A little tv is fine but some watch it in excess. I’m not really a tv person. I haven’t seen it in months…The number one place that a TV should not be in, is in the bedroom.

Whether it’s your bedroom or the kids bedroom. Televisions are a big distraction. Some people have them in every room, even in the bathroom and kitchen. Why does one have to watch so much television?

I’m the only one out of all my friends and family, that doesn’t have kids and whenever they talk to me about putting the kids to sleep and why they will not go to bed. It always has something to do with the television. Some kids will not fall asleep unless the TV is on. Television stops you from spending quality time with your significant other and your children. I’ve seen parents put their kids in front of the television when they just don’t want to be bothered.

I learned in my last relationship that my ex loved TV more than me. It was a huge mood killer. Not only that I couldn’t sleep. So I did what any normal sane person would do. I got rid of the TV in the bedroom, kept one TV in the living room and I eventually cut the cable off. I saved some money too and got rid of him too, LOL Haaaaa Haaa, sorry I couldn’t past that one up, LOL :).

When I had a TV in the bedroom, I only watched an hour or two. It never stayed on for hours. Some people claim watching TV before bed, helps them fall asleep. Television actually stops you from getting a good nights sleep. What you watch before bed, gets embedded into your psyche. It can stop you from dreaming.

Mass-communicationBefore you go to bed, or if you’re just relaxing….your mind should be calm, it should be clear. You should journal before bed, pray, listen to some soft music. Music like “Dwelling Place” By Cameron Evans, featuring Allen McNeil. Music like this is simply relaxing. Make love before you go to sleep, not watch TV.

I notice that people who watch to much TV have no peace within themselves or their homes. They need a distraction from their own life. TV keeps them from reflecting, from being creative, from learning.

A lot of people don’t realize that walls hold energy and a lot of the things we watch and the energy from the television programming, stays within our homes. It’s the same with music. Everything is energy, people things, places. One should always be a conscious watcher when they are watching TV. I know people who watch a lot trash TV (aka reality shows) and I see how, it has an effect on their mind and how it effects their personal relationships.

I’ve heard women bring up these people in an argument.”Love and Hip Hop or basketball wives” should never be brought up in an argument and one should not strive, to become like one of these women. Thinking that being loud and aggressive is going to make, the man in their life change. How is trash TV educational? Some people are so involved with theses characters. I get it, when you are into a show, you are into a show.

I loved me some “One life to live” when it was on the air. That was my hour a day. But it’s just entertainment, not real life. Television just like music, has a big influence on ones mind. Ever notice that when you watch the news, the depressing stories they air, then they repeat it over and over again. As if once wasn’t enough. Why would you want to watch that before bed, after you already had a long hard day?

How is that relaxing? listening, to negative sh*t, LOL before bed. I don’t even watch the news. If I want to find out something, I’ll just go on social media. I just feel like if you are going to watch tv, be conscious of what you watch. Try to watch something spiritual and happy in the morning and at night. Watch something educational, learn something. When it comes to watching TV in the bedroom. That’s a huge NO NO for me.

The bedroom is a sacred place, that should only be for sleeping, dreaming, relaxing, reading, writing, and making love. Everything else must stay out. 

Be careful of the energy you emit in your home. No fighting in the bedroom either. The same goes for when you walk into your home after a long day. Leave work at work. Take off your shoes, take a shower (some people don’t) they go to bed without showering, bringing the outside world and everything they did into their home and bed. Spend time with your significant other, turn off your electronic devices. Talk to each other, have a nice family dinner.

Your home is your private oasis. Make sure the ambience is simply relaxing.

Keep It Real, Try Not To Lie To Yourself And Others

5dbf4e36a87d94f460d0370b3a67e011Normally when someone ask are we ok, our first thing to do is say yes. I say yes because it’s an automatic response. It’s become so habitual. I don’t want to bother anyone with my problems.

I get it, we don’t want to deal, we don’t want other to know that we’re unhappy. We try to stay positive. I’m all for positivity and looking on the bright side and not being a “debbie downer”. But who are we really kidding?!

All of these trapped emotions for what??

But when we are not ok, we have to let others know, we are not ok. I know I’m not and I’m tired of pretending like I am. I know nothing bad last forever and at times, you have to be uncomfortable. But for how long? As a writer, my mind is never quiet, LOL but thats not a bad thing.

I keep hearing, get some rest, don’t stress, things will get better. I know they will but until then there are things, that can be done to make things a little bit more better. I’m not sure if I made a hasty move or what. But I can’t turn back. All I know is that I’m sleep deprived and this is not good on so many levels.

3am-cant-sleepNot being able to sleep is a health hazard. Not having silence and stillness is spiritually, mentally and physically exhausting. It’s detrimental to ones health.

It throws your hormones off, you’re stress levels in crease. your weight fluctuates. It’s not good for your heart and your mental well being.

When I don’t sleep I can become quite cranky and frustrated. Either I’m quiet or I talk to much, lol and I realized how I’ve been acting lately towards myself and others is because I’m sleep deprived and exhausted.

I’ve turned into a habitual napper which is not good.

I’m all for being on your grind and working on your life and all, but there comes a point when you need to take a time out. When you need to be left alone. How can God talk to you, when you have so much going on? When we’re disconnected from God our minds go crazy. Life is not making sense.

A friend said to me, “that I need to spend some quiet time with the God. I need to be still” and he’s right. And I normally do, everyday for hours, when I’m alone. Even when I’m not, I try to quiet my mind and sneak in conversations with him. But thats interrupted. I can be on the train and someone will interrupt me. And I say to myself, did this person just interrupt me and my conversation with GOd.

I know that when God wakes me up in the middle of the night, that he needs to talk to me.

12093606_143957622629283_317915051_nSo I get up for him. That’s our one on one time.  And its whatever he wants to say to me that I listen to him. I seek his guidance. God invented sleep and we need to take more advantage of it, so that we can function.

People that are busy all the time, have no idea how it is for a HSP (highly sensitive person) and introvert to crave quiet and to want to be alone. Just to have some peace and quiet and peace of mind. Is there peace in chaos… NO!

Oh how I would love to work and live in a library or book store, no noise, no talking. Better yet, get my life to a point where I can work from home and for myself. Oh I’m sorry I drifted off to a fantasy land, LOL :). I have got to make that a reality. In Jesus name. Amen!


I’m just praying that my situation, that my life turns around real soon. My mind needs to fast. I hope you will pray for me too. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful! But even in gratitude there is realness and humanness. I’m not going to pretend and put up a front, I shouldn’t have to and neither should you.

If you are not ok, you’re just not and that’s life and it’s ok! But know who holds tomorrow and that you will be. Until then, try to get some rest and sleep, Some woosa, lol. I will do my best to get some too 🙂