Peace Is Possible In A Relationship

8cb7eb5f732c243388a6dd11ddc4d777Imagine just for a moment, never arguing with your significant other. What does that feel like? Imagine having peace in your relationship to the point, where you are free to express yourself.

Imagine being able to express yourself in a loving comfortable environment, where you are being heard and understood. When it comes to peace in a relationship, why do so many people think that it’s hard to come by and maintain?

Why do people think love is loud and not quiet? In order to have peace in your relationship, you have to be a peaceful person. When you love and respect your partner. There will be no need to have loud arguments.

People ask me all the time, what makes you upset? People find it weird that I don’t raise my voice and that I don’t argue. When I remain calm for some strange reason it makes people upset. They try to get a rise out of me on purpose. My question is why should I argue? I’ve never been an argumentative person.

I think before I talk instead of reacting first. Whenever I feel a certain way about something. I access my emotional state. I don’t talk when I’m frustrated or angry. I get quiet. I think (and over think) about what I have to say and the effect it’s going to have on the other person. I make sure I choose the right words as to not offend and disrespect.

My goal is to express myself and to be understood and to be heard. If I choose the wrong words it will negate my purpose. If I don’t like something that was said or something that was done to me. I express my opinion about it in a calm and loving way. I have control over my emotions. I can get angry if I wanted to but there are other choices.

I’m human and it takes a lot to make me upset, to the point that I raise my voice or I argue. I don’t like arguing in the first place. I’m a very opinionated woman. If I don’t like something you will know. It will be written all over my face. One of my relationships, we never argued. When two people respect one another and they are careful with each others heart and emotions, there is no need to argue.

When a person argues with another person, there’s always something that is being suppressed. Their anger is being directed to you for some particular reason. The problem might be you, other times it has nothing to do with you at all. Thats why it’s important to listen to your partner and to communicate with them and to choose peace.

If you see your partner is upset. BE their peace and take control of conversation in a loving way. Ask them to breathe, touch them, take their hand. Embrace them. Smile at them. Keep your voice mellow. Usually when one person is calm, it makes the other person calm. Sometimes people just have a hard time expressing themselves.

I sometimes don’t get why people argue when there is a conflict. Why not choose peace and love over conflict and ego. If your goal is to be understood and heard, to feel important and that you matter. Calm down. Have a conversation with yourself and God before you bring negative emotions and energy towards another person.

It feels good to have peace. It means you respect each other. You agree to disagree. It shows that you set your ego aside. It makes you express yourself even more and to lean into your partner, instead of turning away from them during difficult times. Really take a breath. If it’s not going to matter in 5 years, then it shouldn’t matter in 5 seconds.

Always remember to be kind to your significant other no matter how angry or frustrated you may get. Communication is the key but it must be peaceful. Choose your words wisely. Remember love is not loud. Love is peaceful and quiet. Love is respectful and inspiring.

I love the quote below by Denzel Washington but of course this goes both ways. Be each others peace. Because peace really is possible in a relationship.

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SongVersations: “Can You Stand The Rain?” By New Edition

I was listening to “Can You Stand The Rain” By the Iconic and Legendary R&B Group New Edition. From the moment the birds starts singing and the beats drops and Johnny Gill hits that riff, that’s gets deep into your soul.

You know, just by hearing the melody that you are about to be taken on a sweet melodic ride. This is one of those songs that can you play on repeat for hours.

There are so many different waves of emotions in this song. You’ll enjoy the music and melody but you will understand and feel the lyrics. Have you ever paid attention to the lyrics to this song? Like really paid attention?

What you hear is men expressing themselves. Being vulnerable. Saying I need you. I can’t do this alone. Yes I’m strong but I need the love of my woman. These kind of sentiments is missing from todays music and the hearts of men in society.

Luckily we still have artist like New Edition that still keep the magic and the love and romance alive. You don’t stick around for 30+ years for nothing. You gotta be doing something right. Thats because real men know how to get the hearts of women, with love and romance.

This song let’s you know that REAL MEN do feel. Real men do have emotions. This song poses a simple question… Can You Stand The Rain? Men want to know that when times get hard, will you be there by their side. Will you lift them up and take care of them the same way they take care of you.

Will you love them unconditionally no matter how much money or things they have. A man will be with a woman no matter how much money she makes or what she has, (some) women not so much so. Some women have a set figure on what a man should have in order to take care of her, which is sad and selfish.

A real man sees himself as a provider and protector of his woman and family and when a man can’t do that, his heart and pride is bruised. For a real man knows his role in a woman’s life and what God has called him forth to be. Whether you are an artist or just a regular blue collard hard-working man.

Every man wants to know that they have, the security of their significant other by their side. After dealing with the stresses of the world outside of their home. They need to come to a loving woman, who will make their house a home. They need a woman’s love to inspire them through difficulties. From an artist perspective, they are on the road performing and touring.

They won’t be able to see or talk to their significant other or even be with their family and they want to know, will you be there by their side when money fluctuates. Will you live with me in a studio apartment and not just a mansion. Can you weather the storm? Can you hold things down if I need you too.

“Love unconditional, I’m not asking just of you, we have to make it last, I’ll do whatever needs to be done” “When it’s tough she won’t run, she will always, be right there for me.” I’ll do my part but will you do your part? Will you trust me and us and what we have? Tell me, will you be there for me? 

It doesn’t matter whether these men sing or are in a group and ‘famous’. They are still human and men first. They still go through the same trials and tribulations that other men go through. Being in an iconic group, doesn’t mean that life does not happen to you.

Everyone wants to be around you, when things are good. When you are on top. When you have money. But what about when things fall apart. Thats when you really see who has your back. Every man wants unconditional love from his woman. They want her to stay when times get hard, not just be there for sunny days.

I hear from men all the time, how they don’t have the support and love from their woman or don’t feel appreciated unless its pay-day. Or they thought they had a supportive woman until they lost their job and they found out they were weathering a storm all by themselves.

These are good men who are doing everything, to make their lady happy, but when they fall on hard times, who’s going to be their rock. Who’s going to lift their spirit up and not make them feel less of a man and inadequate. A real man is not going to feel good about living off his woman.

This song is not just for men singing to the hearts of women. I find myself relating to these lyrics because I ask the same question when it comes to men. Can you stand the rain? Will you be there for me if I need you?

In my last relationship when the ship was sinking, when the storm got heavy and it started pouring rain. I found out the hard way I was alone. I had to rescue myself and make sure I didn’t drown although I saved him when his boat was sinking. He had me in ways that I never had him.

Until one day I punctured a hole in his boat and found out he could swim and take care of himself. Men have given to much in their previous relationships and now when they come across a good woman. They want to know whats she’s going to do for him first and they want a woman to give of herself first. I keep meeting these ass@*%$, lol..

Times and men are changing. Men are looking for women to have their own and be independent so they can just come in a have a free ride. Men want women to weather the storm. They’ll go M.I.A. on a woman if she needs him. When times get hard, they want her to pick up the sword and fight for them while they relax.

Why do men want woman to carry the relationship now a days? They want to see how strong a woman is built. They want her to step into masculine energy. If she can do it on her own, why does she need you? That’s not a real man.

A real man knows a woman can do it on her own, but a real man will not let her. Can you Stand the rain? I’m sure she can, but will you hold the umbrella for her and protect her?

Whatever happen to being each others rock. Isn’t that the whole purpose of being in someone’s life. Isn’t that the purpose of loving someone unconditionally? What’s up with these one-sided relationships and self-entitlement? Thats not love. Thats self-centered narcissism.

Love is freedom. Love is all-knowing and seeing. It should happen organically. Love is protective and being there for each other in good times and bad times. We shouldn’t let each other drown. When you say you love someone….show it.

“Storms will come, this we know for sure…I know all the days won’t be perfect” but there is no pressure.” The next time you decide to open your heart to love, ask for what you need and want. Ask, can you stand the rain? If the answer is yes and you see it in their actions, then you will know you got a good one. Then you can say, “Come on baby, let’s go get wet.”

Just Because They Couldn’t Love You, Doesn’t Mean You Aren’t Loveable

img_0519Let me ask you something, when was the last time you looked yourself in the mirror and knew that you were lovable? That you knew you are a beautiful spirit that deserved the utmost love and respect.

That you deserve the kind of love that makes you feel like you are floating on cloud 9. The kind of love that you know you want, that kind of love that makes you want to be a better person.

I get so tired of people thinking that just because the man or woman they loved, that didn’t have the courage to love them back, thinking that they are not lovable. They think that out of all the people on this planet, that that’s the only person who is ever going to love them or that they want love from.

Incase no one has told you, you are lovable. I get it… when our heart wants what it wants it just does. It hard to accept the reality that some people don’t know how to love. Some people are not ready for love. Don’t fret. Do yourself a favor and be glad, they are not loving you. Their half-ass love wasn’t meant for you, because you are not a half-ass person.

They are just clearing room for Mr. and Mrs. Right to come into your life. You know the kind of love you deserve. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in some ones life and to love you. I don’t know how many times I can say this over and over.

Love is not complicated people are. Relationships are not hard. People make them difficult.

I know unrequited love hurts. It does. We’ve all been there. We express ourself to some one and we use the word LOVE, because we actually mean it, but then the other person kills us with their silence an inaction. I know I’m tired of men telling me they love me and being emotionally unavailable.

I’m tired of men saying they love me, when they haven’t even seen me in person or talked to me in days or months. Some people are in love with the idea of you. They are infatuated. I don’t play with the world love. When I say I love you, I mean it and I back it up. Men not so much so now a days.

The men that tell me they love me after a couple of hours, days or months haven’t really spent any time with me to love me. They are just using the word love to attempt to get what they want. I never believe them. I’m like ok, you used this word, now show it. Then they can’t. They ghost or they forgot they had a wife or girlfriend or kids. It just sounds nice to say in the moment.

Some people expect you to know they love you, when they don’t call you, speak to you, don’t make any effort to see you. Your communication is met with silence. They never want to address your emotions or anything you want to talk about, but yet they claim to love you. When you love someone you communicate. You express yourself. You listen with an open heart.

This can’t be the new love.

When you love someone, you show it. You see them, you talk to them. You make your presence known. You can’t be like….”I’m going to show her how much I love her by not talking to her, ignoring her, not seeing her and giving her any attention or putting in any effort, but I still want her to think we have something and that we’re more than friends.” Really?! Is this the new love??

This is what men are doing now and I’m not really feeling them on this. I don’t have to settle and neither should you. This is why I don’t date. I know that I’m lovable. I know that when I do decide to be in a relationship. I’m going to make some man very happy, because I know how to love. I’m cognizant of why I want to complement someones life and it’s not for selfish reasons.

People who say I love you and don’t show it, they are probably used to saying that word so many times and getting what they want. Some people are in love with the idea of love, then they realize oh shit!! Love is a verb? “Damn, I said I love this man or woman, now I have to show it?” I never knew that was part of love.” Well…. news flash it is!!!!

Don’t let someone who toys with your emotions and heart, that strings you along then doesn’t have the courage to man or woman up and tell you, that there is no you and them. Make you feel like you are not lovable. You had the courage to open your heart, they didn’t. It was easier for them to ghost and ignore you, because they weren’t courageous for the passion that burned deeply inside of you.

Why You Should Try A Long Distance Relationship Once In Your Life

img_0953Most people when they are searching for love limit themselves to where love should reside. They want someone in the same state or that lives within a certain distance.

Anything over 30 minutes they write it off. What most people don’t realize is that love can be anywhere in the world. And if you really want to be with that person you will find a way to make it work.

I think everyone should try a long distance relationship, once in their life and here’s why:

When you meet someone, your goal should be, to get to know them as a person. Most people when they meet someone all they are focused on is the physical. If you are really serious about love, you will focus on friendship.

In a long distance relationship, you get to fall in love with someone’s personality. You get to fall in love with them on a soul level. You get to know them on a deeper level without sex clouding your judgement.

Long distance relationships teaches you about patience and delayed gratification. Two people’s souls should be on fire when they see each other. The only way for some and at least for me, is the distance. I’m a firm believer that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Most of my relationships have been long distance and it has been the greatest experiences of my life. I believe that when two people want to be together, although they are far apart and have their own life, that in order to make it work, that communication is key.

If you don’t like talking on the phone and you if you need someone there every day, then of course a long distance relationship is not going to work for you. But if you want love, you have to be willing to try something different. Ideal conventional ways do not always work.

With the way technology is today, you can Skype, FaceTime, text and talk on the phone. I choose the latter. There is nothing like hearing someone’s voice rather than a text message. If you can’t see that person in the flesh, the next best thing is to hear their voice.

Long distance relationships may not work for everyone, because you may want to see that person and touch them which is normal. Some people start thinking once they finally do meet, all the things that can go wrong. But what about all the things that can go right?!

The only thing that doesn’t make sense to me is, when you finally do meet someone and it still feels like you’re in a long distance relationship, especially if you live in the same state. Been there.. done that, not doing that again. I’ll let that marinate….

In order to make a long distance relationship work, you have to be an effective communicator. You have to not be afraid to be by yourself. I’m one of those women, since I’m introverted. I’m in no rush to be in love nor am I looking for someone to complete me, because I’m already complete and whole. Love takes time.

Long distance relationships works best for me, because I enjoy my space. I’m to much of a free spirit to be tied down on a daily basis. I’m not looking to settle down just yet. A relationship is a want not a need. A relationship does not define me and it’s separate from my being.

A relationship can only complement me and vice versa. A relationship should only add to your life, not take away from it. I tend to meet men that are creatives in some way. Those relationships work best for me, because they are busy. I don’t need to see someone every single day. Although keeping is contact is crucial.

You can’t not see someone and say I love you and you’re my woman (or man) and you haven’t seen or talked to them in months. But put a claim on them. Thats not a relationship. I know that they have a life and are living it and so am I. When we do get to spend time, we can catch up. Anticipating each other will make that passion come alive.

Most people they need someone there every day but truth is, it’s hard living with someone. My last relationship failed because we lived together. When he was in another state and we saw each other quite often it lasted longer. I never planned on living with him but he wanted to live with me.

I never planned on being his mother either and taking care of him, uugh yeahhh, lol. There is nothing wrong with wanting space in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it just means that you want solitude. When someone is in your face every single day and you see them.

You lose that passion. You lose that spark. You start craving variety and spontaneity. Happens all the time. Yeah you may have met the guy or girl at the club, now you are wanting to go back there to get away from them. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you have to see them every single day.

If you do decide to live with someone, that person has to be so easy to love and be around that you can’t wait to come home to them. Their love will not feel like it’s smothering you. I’m not sure if I will ever live with a man again. I keep meeting needy and clingy men who want to dominate me and that’s not going to work for me.

I will fall out of love with you real quick. I need a man who doesn’t have too much time on his hands but makes time for his woman. Who wants to hear about my day and calls me to say good morning and goodnight. Someone who checks up on from time to time.

Long distance relationships and a person who has outside interest, is the best choice for me, because I don’t want to have to worry about things that normal couples have to worry about. I don’t have to check in with anyone and ask for permission indirectly when I want to go somewhere.

I get to focus on myself and building my life and sharing my life with someone but not solely depending on them for my every need. It would be nice to know that I have someone in my life who will take care of me, when I need it. But there is strength in being alone.

I can preserve my heart, body and soul for one individual most people can’t. A man will never have to worry about me cheating because he’s not around. I don’t crave physical connection as much as I crave a mental soul connection. There is no such things as to much space.

I’m perfectly fine with talking and being consistent. If you are a person who wants love and you have your own life. Try dating someone in another state. Be open because the love plan God has for you, may not appear the way you want it. Remember love is not possessing one another. Love is freedom and should happen organically.

13 Things She’s Done Dealing With Because She Has Something Called Standards

Unsplash, Allef Vinicius1. Laziness. She’s not going to plan out all the dates, initiate all the phone calls, and lead all the conversations. She’s not going to be the one doing all the work, putting in all the effort. Not anymore. 2. Mixed signals. You’re either willing to commit to her or you aren’t. Stop leaning one way…

via 13 Things She’s Done Dealing With Because She Has Something Called Standards — Thought Catalog

If You’re On The Fence About How You Feel About Her, Read This

brandonwoelfel You know how she feels. She makes it obvious every time you’re around her. With her, nothing is every complicated but so simple. There aren’t games and you know you could have her if you wanted at the snap of a finger. I know all guys like the chase. They like someone who is…

via If You’re On The Fence About How You Feel About Her, Read This — Thought Catalog

6 Things You Shouldn’t Feel Bad About Expecting In Your Relationships

 

I’m Priscilla1. Respect This is non-negotiable. If your partner cares about you, he/she will treat you with respect. That means a basic understanding and appreciation for your values and beliefs, even if he/she doesn’t always agree. That means letting you have your voice and stand your ground. That means treating you as a human being…

via 6 Things You Shouldn’t Feel Bad About Expecting In Your Relationships — Thought Catalog