The Real Reason Why It’s Taking Long, To See Your Dreams Come To Fruition

So you have faith. You’re proactive. You believe in yourself. You work on your goals and dreams every day. You put in the time and effort and you say to yourself.

“Ok If I’m doing all of the above and waiting on God to make things happen in his timing. Then how come my dreams are not coming to fruition? Whats wrong, what am I not doing?”

You wanna know the real reason it’s taking so long to see your dreams come to fruition. It’s not because you don’t have faith or you don’t believe.

It’s not because you’re not working extremely hard on your goals everyday. Depending on what you want to do. If you’re like me and other creatives, you’re probably doing everything by yourself. Let me say that again so it can marinate……. You’re probably doing everything by yourself.

Have you ever thought to yourself, where is my support system? Have you taken a good look at the people in your life. Do the people in your life know what you want to do? Are they supporting you or are they bringing you down. We all need a support system and people who believe in our dreams and passions just as much as we do.

A support system holds you accountable. Is there’s anybody in your life, holding you accountable for anything? Do they believe as much as you believe? Do they know people that they can introduce you to? Are they spreading the word about your work, to others or even looking into things for you? If you’re taking to long to answer and think about these questions then the answer is NO.

Sure you can do a lot of things on your own and struggle. We all can but the question is do you really want to? No, you don’t. It’s easy for people who don’t create to tell other creative people, you have to do this for yourself and don’t wait on anybody. I’m not one to wait on anyone. But the truth of the matter is you need people. Especially if you are trying to get into a creative field.

I see creative people struggle all the time to get some type of buzz going. I see how tirelessly they work to see their dreams come to fruition. Connections…..Connections….Connections…. Thats what it boils down to and other creative minds working together. I love to see other artist mentor other artist and not be selfish with their gifts and talents.

When you’re a creative person, its hard to break into a creative field without knowing anybody, then if you do meet people. You never know what they want from you. I’ve met a few people in the entertainment industry. But I have never been successful with working with the opposite sex in this business, because they have other stuff on their minds when they meet me.

It made me lose my faith for a little while when it came to this business, because these have been artist that I truly admire and really wanted to work for. The problem is not you so please omit that out of your head. It’s your lack of support and connections. This is why I have so much appreciation for people who work behind the scenes in film and television or any other media outlet.

Because it takes a team of people working together to bring you that 20 minute or 2 hour footage you see. The director didn’t do it by himself, he/she had a whole crew of people working together behind the scenes. I ask myself, why are people so selfish to help one another in this business? Helping others helps us too! If someone made a way for you and helped make your dreams come true.

Then why can’t we do that for someone else, who’s really hungry and willing to work for it. Do we always have to get something in return. Why are some artist focused on money and what they can get instead of truly helping someone out. I hope the world changes soon because you have a lot of creative minds out there. You have a lot of people who want to change and inspire the world. They just need a chance!










Ladies Relax, It’s Okay To Have Fantasies

Fantasies, things we conjure up in our mind about a specific person or situation. When we have these fantasies we feel elated.

We feel like this specific person or situation takes our mind to ecstasy. It’s a good feeling right? Those pleasure-seeking hormones of dopamine are being released.

We indulge and revel in how good it makes us feel. If fantasies makes us feel so good and it makes us feel like sensual sexual beings. Then why is it that when we have these fantasies, we start to feel bad for having them? How can something so mentally stimulating, that feels so good and imaginary make you feel bad?

Let me let you in on a little secret. Ladies, this is especially for you. Are you listening? It’s okay to have fantasies. Fantasies are healthy! You’re not going to go to hell just because you have a fantasy about a man who is not yours or about a man who’s married. I notice that when it comes to having fantasies A LOT of women and I do mean A LOT of women, feel bad for having fantasies about taken men.

They think that just because he has on a ring that he’s no longer attractive. That since he’s with one woman now, that they shouldn’t desire him. That darn wedding ring is a turn off! Thats why certain artist don’t wear a wedding ring, because it just turns some women off. It kills their fantasy that the person they are in love with, has a significant other when it shouldn’t.

Before I continue, I recall this one actor, that reveal he was married and had a child. When he did, forget it the women were shocked and started hating. The devil came out of these women’s mouthes with negativity, they started attacking him and his wife on social media. They couldn’t believe their crush had a wife. This is exactly why this artist didn’t say anything. He lost followers too.

Now that’s just too drastic. I would never stop supporting an artist, just because they are off the market. It’s not like I’m next in line to be with him. There was never a chance for them. These women are living in a fantasy land if they think they had a chance with said actor. I’m not possessive over any artist, nor am I jealous that they are in love or have a family. They have a right to have someone they love in their life at the end of the day.

Men on the other hand don’t feel bad about having fantasies about women. Why is it that we think men should get a pass or that a woman should remain in a ‘virgin state of mind?

As if women don’t desire sex. As if we’re not sensual sexual beings. When it comes to music and the artist that we listen to, the men that are singing our favorite love songs. We come to fall in love with them.

Their music and who they are mixed with good looks, touches us so deeply that we wonder what it would be like to have music in the flesh. I notice that every time I love an artist and I express how their music makes me feel. I run into a group of women who are very inhibited. When I feel something, especially when it comes to music and how I use all of my senses. I want to express that. I don’t want to hold back.

I’m not going to feel bad about having fantasies over an artist just because he’s taken or has children. So what if I’m never going to have him. I’m not torturing myself by having fantasies and getting in touch with that sensual side of me, that whispers, I’m a live sexual being, that I’m a woman, not a doorknob. These particular artist that are exuding sensuality and sexiness. They know what they are doing?

Why else would an artist take his shirt off or have it open. Why else would he touch himself. He’s doing it on purpose to lure you in and make you swoon and drive you mad and you know what, I love every minute of it. It’s all fun and fantasy. I want to see an artist put on a show and make me feel something, even in a crowd full of other women.

Are we not in tuned with our body or our own sensuality. I feel like when I chat with certain women, these women try act all sanctified as if we are in church. They mention their husband or boyfriend and this is not the place for that. Stop it already you’re killing the vibe. Certain women will go as far as trying to impose their opinion on to others, as if they are wrong for having these fantasies about a married man.

Telling other women that they should not fantasize about a particular artist because he has a wife. That censorship is not needed in these particular groups. When did these particular artist hire a moderator to speak on their behalf? I would like to know, because if these artist did not like the attention,  then why else would they exude this type of behavior on stage?

They are there to put on a show and to thrive off your energy. They love the attention or else they wouldn’t do it. I’m tired of these inhibited women, telling other women that are vocal and don’t hold back, that what they are thinking and feeling is wrong. I guarantee you that if a particular artist wanted these women, they would be like “name the time and the place baby.” They would lift that skirt and drop those panties real quick, if they had the opportunity with no shame or hesitation.

img_2157But yet online you want to act holier than thou. You want to act like you don’t find this man sexy or that you haven’t touched yourself while thinking about him. Yeah ok…. Save it for the virgin diaries!

Theres a time and a place for everything and these fan groups, this is not the place for that. Leave your husband or boyfriend and kids out of this discussion. When I express my love for an artist, I’m not blind, I know the man taken but ask me if I care? No!

The artist knows he’s married, but while he’s on that stage performing he belongs to us, the women in the audience for those few moments. He’s there to make that money and do what he loves. What heterosexual man doesn’t want attention from women? Men like to feel desired. It feeds their ego and we all know that men love their ego stroked.

When I listen to the music, I’m not thinking, oh this man is married, let me stop having visuals of him making love to me. Or else I’m never going to enjoy the music and how it makes me feel. I’ll be judging myself the whole time. Love songs and sexual songs have a certain tone to it, isn’t that why we love music because of how it makes us feel?

I understand some of us have been brought up in the church, where we are told not to lust. So we bring that into everything thing we do. We shun people when they are vocal and don’t think like we do. Lust is healthy in certain variations. Some people just get extreme with it. Lust is healthy in your own relationship. Sometimes when the moment hits you, you just want to screw the hell out of your S.O.

Why are we void without passion and desire? Why do we suppress our sexual desires? I tell women all the time that are taken, whatever fantasies you have about an artist. Wait until your S.O. gets home and take that fantasy out on him and (excuse me, curse word coming up, LOL) F**K his brains out. Men desire a sexual woman. If you wanna go ahead and be a bad girl for your man, go ahead. Be totally uninhibited!

Why feel bad for having fantasies when they are healthy and necessary. When couples stop having fantasies that’s when their sex life is in a drought. Thats when they start seeking something new.

More couples should role-play and do things to keep it spicy and sexy. If you have a fantasy be open with your partner and communicate. If you want him to be a certain artist tell him, but don’t feel bad and insecure, if he wants you to be his favorite female artist.

We are visual specimens. Marriage doesn’t mean being blind to other people. People act like for some strange reason, that when they are in a relationship or marriage, that they don’t find other people attractive. Thats impossible! If you don’t want to look at another individual and find them appealing, you mind as well pack your bags and literally move to another planet.

Because here on planet earth you will encounter other beings that are appealing to the eye. I think somewhere along the line, people forgot how the world was populated. I think they forgot that God created sex. God gave us our senses and we should be using every single one of them, when it comes to being full and whole as a sexual spiritual being.

The mind is a very powerful tool. It vibrates on certain frequencies. Sometimes what you fantasize about you never know. Maybe one day it might come true. So ladies if you love a particular artist express that. Women are always telling me how they feel, when what they really need to do, is express that to the artist, not the fan of the artist. That male artist wants to know how he makes you feel. He wants you to stroke that ego.

That exchange of female sensuality and submission makes him feel good. That makes him feel powerful. When you submit to that, he has you under his spell for a few moments. You’re reminded that you are a woman. A beautiful sensual woman. That artist wants to know that he’s making you horny and that things are moving down there. If they aren’t he’s not doing his job.

It’s his job to mentally stimulate you. You have emotions right, well express them. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Just because they are not in touch with who they are, doesn’t mean you should adopt their feelings. The marriage police is not going to come and lock you up for your thoughts.

Expressing ones desires and feeling sensual should empower you, not make you feel less of a woman. Be passionate! Feel beautiful and sensual. If you have sexual fantasies revel in it because they feel oh so good!!

Avoiding Attention: Is It Helping Or Doing More Harm?

img_2023When it comes to attention anyone who knows me, knows that I struggle with it, in any form especially when it comes to my hobbies, work or from men.

I’m not the kind of person who gravitates towards attention, nor do I seek it. I don’t fish for compliments. I’m very low-key. Attention makes me very uncomfortable.

Whenever the spotlight is on me, I do my best to try and deflect the attention on someone else. I know that the reason why I do not like attention, is because it always turns out to be negative attention.

I’m a very passionate person. Being a passionate person is not always positive thing when it comes to the person (s) thats on the receiving end. The very same things, I’m passionate about and the things I love to do. For some strange reason, causes a lot of unwanted attention. I tend to attract psychos for some strange reason because of my passions.

When I write things about an artist whether it’s a musician, actor, poet or sculptor. I write about what their art means to me. I don’t know them personally to feel that way about them. In writing about an artist, the person that I’m writing about, gets engulfed in my world of worlds. They want to know more about how I feel and then they want to know more about me.

Now I don’t have a problem with being myself, anything you want to know, just ask. But the question is, why do you want to know me? What is this going to do for you? In getting to know each other, where are we both going with this? Are we going to work together? I’ve never been able to work for any man in the industry, because it always turns personal for them.

When it comes to men, they want to get to know me, because they want to date me and figure out, if I’m the kind of woman who can fit into their life in some way. They are usually after me for something, whether its to get married, have a baby or money. Or they want the love, attention and support I show them as a fan, on a daily basis, because they never had it before, from other women that they have dated.

So my love for an artist work is being manipulated, for their own selfish reasons. Men don’t want to be with me to support me in any areas of my life. Every time I’m having a regular conversation with a guy and I mention something that I want to do and we just met. They immediately try to devise a plan to try and put a stop to my plans.

By mentioning things that some women might want to hear. Like getting married, babies, materialistic things. When I turn these men down, two things happen, they can’t accept rejection or it makes them want me even more because I don’t care who they are like that. This has shocked me with the people I have met, wondering why they feel this way about me.

I think sometimes that people tend to forget that artist are human beings, it doesn’t matter what they do for a living or how well-known they are. Yes, we fall in love with who they are. We fall in love with a part of them that they reveal to us and in return they fall in love with their fan(s.) I never knew that the people who inspired me, would feel a certain type of way about me.

I just wrote what I wrote and hit the send button. I honestly feel like that if the they hadn’t seen my face that things would be totally different. People are always asking me, why don’t I post more pictures and why don’t I put myself out there more, when it comes to my love life or my career. I’m told that I’m hiding and that I need to stop.

I’m given compliments that I’m a beautiful woman, nice personality and I appreciate that. When I do put myself out there and I write or comment on social media platforms. I’m bombarded with attention that is overwhelming. Sometimes even from both sexes. I love having intellectually stimulating conversations,

But I can’t do that all the time on a one on one basis. So I try to find a way to reach people collectively. I know that avoiding attention could help in some ways, because I enjoy having a simple quiet life. But on the other hand it can be harming me in a lot of ways, because I want to reach people.

I’ve always been opinionated and outspoken. Speaking my mind empowers me. When so many people hold back. I know that I have a way with words when I don’t hold back. I debate whether or not I should say certain thing at times, but it’s how I feel.

I feel like being creative and opinionated is going to throw me into a world, I don’t think I’m equipped to handled. A lot of people want to be famous, they want people to know them. They want that glitz and the glamorous lifestyle and the things that it may come with. I don’t. I want to be able to walk the street or go into a store without people following me.

I’ve met artist that want me to adopt their world and I don’t want to, because I’m not an opportunist. So I ask myself on a daily…attention, is it helping or doing more harm in my life? What level of attention is comfortable? Am I hiding? Am I not confident enough? Can I deal with attention and the likes of people on a broader spectrum? I don’t know.

How does a creative share their gift and still have a low-key simple life? We have google now, and just when we think our private life is safe it’s not. I’ve had my share of people stalking me online and in person. Do I really want to open myself up to that? Putting yourself out there more. It’s really easier said than done. So I don’t know…..

Maybe one day if something positive comes out of being creative, I’ll change my mind and won’t avoid the spotlight. Until then I’ll just continue to express myself. Maybe one day, I’ll get what I want one day and it will be positive. Maybe the negativity will be worth it, a blessing in disguise for whats yet to come. Maybe one day the artist I do want to work with, I’ll have a great experience.

Why Every Man Should Fall In Love With A Woman, Who Loves To Write And Read

img_0966I think every man should fall in love and get to know a woman who writes and reads and here’s why. A woman who writes and reads, shows that she’s in-depth. She’s a visionary.

Thats she’s passionate about everything in her life. She’s not going to look to you for the things you have. Your words, effort and presence is comforting enough.

This kind of woman wants to get to know you on a soul level. She will listen to you. A woman who writes, will want to know every thing about you.

From what makes you happy to what makes you sad. Your passions will become her passions. Your pain will become her pain. You’ll become a book to her and she’ll want to read every chapter.

Your love is free to express itself. She will pay attention to the things you do not say. This kind of woman is very intuitive. She will care about your feelings. She is very in-tuned with your energy. A woman who writes, will always be curious about your life. Her mind will always be challenging.

A woman who writes and reads will always have in-depth conversations with you. You will never get bored. She will make you think which is a beautiful thing. She’ll makes you see things in a way you never thought of. Words to her are like music lyrics, always telling a story.

For she knows their is a story behind your melody. She will not be void of emotion. Ask her she feels about you and she will tell you. She’ll tell you the truth. This woman is not a half ass woman. Her silence means she’s thinking. Always searching for the right words and editing them before they leave her mouth.

She will feel every word you say with passion and vibration. When you date a writer, they see past the surface. They are curious about everything. They feel everything is connected. A woman who uses her mind, will always search for solutions when a problem arises. She has an insatiable thirst and hunger for knowledge and for words.

A woman who writes uses her senses. The get infused in her bloodstream slowly giving her a high. Your words are delectable to her she can taste it, touch it, see it, hear it. A woman who writes will always challenge you and make you a better man.

Be careful with this kind of woman.. she is rare, she’s not going to take your shit. You can’t run game on this type of woman and be inconsistent and expect her not to notice. What she gives she wants in return. If you have no plans on getting to know this woman on a deeper level or loving this woman, simply leave her alone.


I’m not saying women who don’t write are not as in-depth, but there is something about a woman who writes and reads…her creativity and imagination with words comes to life. She’s a dreamer. words appear on her skin like braille.

A woman who writes is strong, she thinks about her words before they leave her mouth. She’s peaceful, she’s quiet. She’s not argumentative. Her words and her presence is very nurturing. This kind of woman, you can feel safe with, so don’t be scared.

Her love is not meant to harm but bring out your sensitive masculinity. You can let down your guard with a woman who writes. She will not judge you and have your best interest at heart. She’s protective. No harm will come to you if she can prevent it with her armor of love.

A woman who writes is very intelligent, she knows the power of her words and only wants to lift your spirit not break it. If you quarrel with a her, she will want to kiss and make up. She believes times is to precious and just wants to love you and see you happy. Because seeing you happy makes her happy.

Her communication is effective and meticulous. A woman who writes, her word is her bond. She will not say things and not back it up with action. This kind of woman knows how to love and make love. Her world of words, as soon as she thinks of it, she wants to make it a reality.

A woman who writes is very simple. You can take her for a walk on the beach, plan a picnic or a simple home cooked meal. For she likes to stay home. Simple things make her happy. Your heart is safe with a woman who writes. So talk to her, be gentle, be kind, don’t deflect a conversation when she wants to know how you feel. Don’t let her slip away if you find her.

When Ideal Is Not So Ideal

We all have an idea of the perfect life we would like to create with someone. But what happens in our pursuits of trying to create the perfect life. We realize what glitters isn’t always gold. Pretty much every one I know, has followed the blue print in some way, but not in any particular order….. after high school, go to college, find a husband, get married, have 2 kids, buy a house with a white picket fence.

In following this ‘blue print’ pretty much every one I know is miserable. They thought doing all of these things would make them happy. They realize the person they decided to be with is not the one who is meant for them. They found out their partner is lazy, doesn’t cook or clean. Isn’t good with money. Is lazy in bed. Wants to trap them into having a baby. Doesn’t appreciate them.

I’m pretty sure at some point this was apparent but it was overlooked, because hey, no one is perfect right. We all have our flaws. But when you decide to settle down, you’re hoping that the person you love is the one and that they’ll come around and eventually change if you just love them enough. To many women and men are rushing to have a child, rushing to get married.

Men think they have to spend all their money on a woman, to buy her affections in order to have her. Because god forbids he doesn’t, he doesn’t love her enough, he’s not a real man. Because that’s supposedly what ‘real men do’. (insert turd emoji, lol) because this is B.S. What people fail to realize is that you have to be whole and happy and know why you want to be in a relationship in the first place.

A lot of people are in relationships for perks, they just are. They want something from it and they are determined, to get what they want from a particular person. Theres this list that they have. Some people are not in a relationship because they really want to love and grow with another soul.

The people I know that were really ready and wanted to be in a relationship, came into the relationship full and ready to love. Problem is the person that they chose to be with, wasn’t. The person that they are with, feels that the person who loves them, has enough love to carry the relationship. They also want to be taken care of in every way.

They have no intention on fully loving the other person. They realize they came across a genuine soul in their life and they presented themselves to be something that they are not, just to hook, liner and sink that person into their life. One person came in full, the other came in half empty.

A  lot of people are realizing that marriage and kids, are not what they should be chasing. It’s normal and innate of most people to want these things. But you have to be cognizant on why you want these things. Are you lonely? Do you think all of these things are going to fix your relationship?

Do you not know who you are and you think by getting all of these things that you will find yourself.  The reason why so many people are single, is because they know what they want and they are not looking for someone to do anything for them or to fulfill who they are. I know I’m not. I know that was is ideal is not always ideal.

I know that I have to be happy and work and love myself. I never expected a man to make me feel whole or give me what I want. I know that motherhood is extremely hard, it’s a full-time responsibility and that you don’t get a break. This is why I’m waiting. I know that marriage is not a fix all to whats going on in your life.

Sure I thought by 36 that I would find love and just enjoy being with someone, build a life with a good man but with the way men have been treating me, cursing at me being disrespectful. I’m glad I didn’t get into a relationship with anyone I met over the last few years. I know that’s not love and I would never be with a man who disrespects me in that manner.

I believe in true love, but I know that it’s not so ideal. I know that when I do decide to settle down, I want to enjoy being with my husband. I want us to build wealth. Travel. I want us to have passion for each other and strengthen our relationship, before we decide to bring a life into this world. I want us to act like two teenagers in love who can’t get enough of each other.

Our bond has to be solid and strong, because if we decide to have a child, all of that person time is going to go out the window. Kids take a big chunk of your time and how many times do we hear that some one in the marriage is feeling neglected (usually the husband) because his wife is with the baby 24/7. Babies need care but not every single second of the day. There has to be a balance.

You need time for yourself, for your husband, or else you’re going to go crazy. You will always need a life of your own outside of your child. Hobbies you enjoy alone and together. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over, it’s all about balance.

I know for me, there are so many things that I am working on, and it would be nice if I met a selfless man. A man who respects me, loves me as much as I love him and not just with his words. Who appreciates the small and simple things that I do for him. Who gives me space. But until that man comes. I’m creating the life I want for myself.

I caught up with a old friend of mine and he told me, he’s been divorced 3 times and he said, I think God wants me to be single. I don’t think it’s that. I think he needs to work on himself and stop marrying these woman right away, without fully getting to know them. His intentions may be good, to have a wife but I told him, not everyone is wife material. Just like every man is not husband material.

Who knows, maybe God wants you to be single for a while. discover who you are, fulfill yourself, especially with him in your spirit. Be alone for a while. Hear your own thoughts. So many people have a problem with being alone and they shouldn’t. After what happened to me this past monday and the last few years.

You have no idea how happy I am to be by myself and that’s another reason why I’m celibate. Theres blessings in waiting. In a relationship people will quarrel, but I know that the person I’m in a relationship with, I would never disrespect them in any manner, no matter how mad I get at them. I can control my temper. It really does take a lot for me to get upset.

But being single is not bad. You really do not have to put up with anyone else’s wants and needs and expectations of you. You get to be selfish, have standards. It takes a lot of courage to go through life alone, when everyone expects you to be tied down. Sure it would be ideal and great to find someone who has your back, but you must have your own back because people change.

The next time those feelings come up about what you want in life. Long-term life altering decisions, like marriage and a family. Ask yourself it is truly what you really want or are you being conditioned to want these things. Don’t suffer from fear of losing out, age or because everyone else is doing it. Because trust me…. you are not missing anything!

When The Holy Spirit Needs to Talk To You

img_0283There are times, even as a writer and just being a communicative person, that I don’t feel like expressing myself. My thoughts come so quick, that I can’t even get them out my head quick enough.

That’s when you have to do constant spell checks and make sure your work is in draft mode before you hit save 😉. When I was much younger, I used to carry my journal everywhere with me. I was 11 and people use to always ask me, what am I writing.

As an adult I must have my pen and paper, laptop or iPad with me. I never know when God will speak to me. I’ve shared before that when my mom passed. I lost my passion for writing. I tried off and on until I was 16 but couldn’t. I even lost my passion to sing. I was 19 the last time I was in the studio. Music helps you discover who you are. The instruments, the lyrics, the music, it’s all connected.

Something that I enjoyed so much made me feel empty. My words were always being twisted even when they were positive. When it comes to being a person who  is creative, who feels and who’s empathic. It gets to be overwhelming. I share my thoughts as they come to me. Sometimes I ask myself should I say this and that. There’s a debate going on in my head.

Theres always a debate going on with God when there shouldn’t be. I consult with God on a daily basis about everything. When I try to let something go or act like it doesn’t bother me, that’s when the holy spirit steps in says to me, “no no no, express yourself. You have been quiet far to long. Your feelings matter. There is someone out there who needs to hear what you are saying. You may not feel it’s important but it may help someone else.”

Thats when I surrender and obey. I’m like ok God, what do you want me to do? In stillness the answers come to me. Once I start typing, the writers ghost takes over. I’m free….I feel transcended once my fingers hit the keyboard. Then I ask myself what am I afraid of? Nothing. My thing is I’m just careful with my words. I’m careful of the energy I put out.

The only reason for my hesitation at times is because, of other voices in my head from people who don’t know how to communicate with me when I ask them questions. When people don’t give you answers, it makes you feel like your feelings don’t matter. Over time you become quiet because you feel as if no one cares. You start to think, am I being emotional?

Someones ability to be emotional unavailability, starts to rub off on you. You don’t even know it’s happening. I notice that whenever I express myself to a man and I ask questions, that they don’t want to answer. It’s strange how I’m looked at as a negative person. I also know that men may act dumb, but they are not stupid and they will find endless ways to avoid communication.

I feel like the only time a man will be honest with me about his feelings, is when hes’ away from me, in email or in a text, but I can’t hear him and his emotional tone. Also it’s because he’s expecting them to be returned and because he wants something out of it. No friendship or relationship can evolve with one person staying silent 99% of the time.

A man once said to me a few years ago, “I like texting, that way if I don’t have anything to say, I can just put down the phone.” I had no clue this guy liked me. When we spoke over the phone, he said to me, “talking about my feelings, I don’t do this. This is not me.” He sounded frustrated that he had to express himself because I wanted answers.

I said to myself, damn, how does someone who writes poetry and sings, can’t communicate with other human beings. We never spoke again.When men have to explain themselves and their behavior, it can be to much for them, especially when they only want one thing. And especially when they realize that they can’t run game on a woman.

In that moment, thats when I realize some people are not their art and who they claim to be. They can turn it off once they come out the booth. It’s just a mask they wear. Lately this has been happening a lot to me. This is why I don’t like to text a guy. If they don’t want to answer anything, they can just end the conversation and that’s that. And leave you hanging for weeks or months.

I don’t like when people talk at me instead of to me. I don’t like small talk and being indirect. Some times I feel I have a better conversation with a 6-year-old, then these grown ass men. I don’t like when I finally do hear from someone, they act like, they never got my email or text and they just completely ignore, how I took time out of my life to express myself.

I think its inconsiderate but what can I expect, when I see that this was a pattern that I refuse to see. It didn’t just start today. All of this holding back has been going on for quite sometime, in their life. Maya Angelou said “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” I learn that a person who refuses to acknowledge how I feel, if I was to be with a person like that.

They will neglect every other part of me and our relationship. Relationships of any kind break down when there’s a lack of communication. When someone checks out. I know for me, I need a man who feels. Who’s emotionally available and will not shut me down, because I don’t like something he said or something that he’s doing.

I wonder why men look for me to be a certain way, but they don’t want to give the same in return. I know that you shouldn’t ask of something, that you are not yourself or wiling to give. Men use the word love, but have no idea how to back it up. When you love someone you communicate. You pick up the phone or see that person.

No matter how random my thoughts are, it’s what I feel and just by the responses I get, I know that I am not alone and that my words have helped someone in some way. The things I go through there are others frustrated by the same thing, both men and women. Theres are others trying to find clarity, so they don’t feel like they are going crazy.

People seek solace knowing they are not alone and someone gets them. Their words and emotions are not stuck in prison. I watched the deadly effects of what can happen when you suppress your thoughts. The effect it has on your mind, body and soul from trapped emotions. The mental illness that it brings, simply because one cannot express themselves or they don’t feel safe and feel like a burden.

We all need someone to talk to after we bring our thoughts to God. As humans we need each other. There are times when I meet people and they just tell me their life story. God placed me in their presence and path for a reason, even in the online community. As much I get drained, its my duty to reach out and help another soul and in return it helps and feeds my spirit.

There are times when I reach out to people and they ask me over and over, how did I know? They think I spoke to someone or that I’m psychic or something. Sometimes I don’t even know, where it came from or all the details, I just know the holy spirit moved me to say what I said and to do what I did and I just trust and follow.

We all have a sixth sense, our third eye. Our intuition that connects us to the holy spirit at any given time, but in order to hear it. We must be still and quiet our mind. In stillness and by surrendering we can be led by the holy spirit. And in stillness we will know what to do.


It’s Ok To Care, To Feel, To Love, You’re Human

You ever try to act like you don’t care about something, when you know in your heart that you really do. When something is bothering you, you have no choice but to feel it. It’s easy for people to say “let that shit go, move on, don’t worry about him or her or whatever is bothering you, that you need to get off your chest”. But truth is, it’s your feelings and your feelings are valid.

A man once told me, “I read enough of your words to know that you are, the most passionate person I’ve ever experienced and you give a damn about people’s feelings. Most women don’t”. Funny thing about those words is, I wish I felt the same way when it comes to men.

I wish I could feel the same passion and concern. I wonder if I care about your feelings, why don’t you care about mine and you constantly avoid my feelings and don’t address them. But the answer is simple, you avoid your own. You stay silent. Just constant diversion and avoiding communication.

A person can be concerned, as long as it’s not about them, but as soon as I voice my feelings about what someone is doing, that I’m not ok with. I’m met with silence and I’m negative out of nowhere. Then I start to feel attacked for feeling, but then someone is telling me I’m attacking them and I’m not. Instead of answering the questions I asked.

The conversation becomes completely about something else. Talk about getting out of addressing the issue at hand!!!! Some people will go out of their way to not confront how other people feel. That is because they avoid how they feel. It’s just constant suppression.

Can they really be this cold and heartless and without emotion. I don’t think so. What is so uncomfortable with feeling and expressing yourself. If you don’t want others to feel a certain way, then check your feelings too. Be honest and real. No one is a mind reader. Open your mouth.

Don’t ignore or suppress how you feel. But don’t dwell on it either. Sit with your discomfort and see what it is teaching you. Ask yourself, why don’t you like this? Why do you care? Do whatever you need to do, to come to a conclusion about your own feelings.

Did you say something you shouldn’t have? Did you get a reaction that came out of nowhere. Ask. Be inquisitive with your own thoughts and feelings. Know where it is coming from. Before you let it go, you need to know that it’s ok to feel what you feel.

I can’t stand when people make me feel like I’m wrong for feeling what I feel. They never stop to think about how their actions are making me feel this way. Questions deserve answers. It doesn’t make you combative. It doesn’t mean you are attacking someone because you want understanding and you want to communicate.

Truth is people will always find a way to deflect confrontation, by turning the tables on you and making it seem like you are in the wrong and they are the victims, because you want answers. Expressing yourself is not attacking someone. People who never give you answers, are emotional void but they’ll disagree they aren’t.

They just don’t want to deal with your emotions or their own. So they’ll act like your feelings are not valid and they’ll try to make you think, you are wrong for feeling what you feel. Instead acknowledging how you feel, being compassionate, they dismiss it and say your just being emotional. They should say, I’m sorry you feel this way and lets talk it out.

Most misunderstandings can easily be cured with communication. But in order for that to happen it takes two.

Don’t blame yourself, for loving, for caring, for feeling, remember you are human. We all have emotions and some are just better at silencing theirs. I need to know how people feel, but when other don’t want to express themselves, for whatever I just have to be ok with that, even though I may feel I deserve an answer, especially if I’m expressing myself.

I don’t leave people with doubts, with questions marks as big as the sky. For what?? I treat people the way I want to be treated. I let people know how I feel, so they know where they stand. It would be nice if I got the same back in return, but hey life is not fair and people in hell want ice water right, LOL..

The thing is, you have to be a person that’s big on communication. If you’re not, there will always be questions marks. Some people are just emotionally unavailable. They don’t want to be emotionally available, because that means that they have to be vulnerable and they don’t want to be, it’s scary for them, to get in-depth about their emotions.

Someone made it unsafe for them to feel. Never be with someone who raises doubts and confusion 99% of the time. There’s really no need for that. Some people you have to simply love and care for from a distance. But whatever you’re going through, please know that your feelings matter, you matter. They’ll dissipate soon. It’s ok to feel….. you’re human!