Ladies Relax, It’s Okay To Have Fantasies

Fantasies, things we conjure up in our mind about a specific person or situation. When we have these fantasies we feel elated.

We feel like this specific person or situation takes our mind to ecstasy. It’s a good feeling right? Those pleasure-seeking hormones of dopamine are being released.

We indulge and revel in how good it makes us feel. If fantasies makes us feel so good and it makes us feel like sensual sexual beings. Then why is it that when we have these fantasies, we start to feel bad for having them? How can something so mentally stimulating, that feels so good and imaginary make you feel bad?

Let me let you in on a little secret. Ladies, this is especially for you. Are you listening? It’s okay to have fantasies. Fantasies are healthy! You’re not going to go to hell just because you have a fantasy about a man who is not yours or about a man who’s married. I notice that when it comes to having fantasies A LOT of women and I do mean A LOT of women, feel bad for having fantasies about taken men.

They think that just because he has on a ring that he’s no longer attractive. That since he’s with one woman now, that they shouldn’t desire him. That darn wedding ring is a turn off! Thats why certain artist don’t wear a wedding ring, because it just turns some women off. It kills their fantasy that the person they are in love with, has a significant other when it shouldn’t.

Before I continue, I recall this one actor, that reveal he was married and had a child. When he did, forget it the women were shocked and started hating. The devil came out of these women’s mouthes with negativity, they started attacking him and his wife on social media. They couldn’t believe their crush had a wife. This is exactly why this artist didn’t say anything. He lost followers too.

Now that’s just too drastic. I would never stop supporting an artist, just because they are off the market. It’s not like I’m next in line to be with him. There was never a chance for them. These women are living in a fantasy land if they think they had a chance with said actor. I’m not possessive over any artist, nor am I jealous that they are in love or have a family. They have a right to have someone they love in their life at the end of the day.

Men on the other hand don’t feel bad about having fantasies about women. Why is it that we think men should get a pass or that a woman should remain in a ‘virgin state of mind?

As if women don’t desire sex. As if we’re not sensual sexual beings. When it comes to music and the artist that we listen to, the men that are singing our favorite love songs. We come to fall in love with them.

Their music and who they are mixed with good looks, touches us so deeply that we wonder what it would be like to have music in the flesh. I notice that every time I love an artist and I express how their music makes me feel. I run into a group of women who are very inhibited. When I feel something, especially when it comes to music and how I use all of my senses. I want to express that. I don’t want to hold back.

I’m not going to feel bad about having fantasies over an artist just because he’s taken or has children. So what if I’m never going to have him. I’m not torturing myself by having fantasies and getting in touch with that sensual side of me, that whispers, I’m a live sexual being, that I’m a woman, not a doorknob. These particular artist that are exuding sensuality and sexiness. They know what they are doing?

Why else would an artist take his shirt off or have it open. Why else would he touch himself. He’s doing it on purpose to lure you in and make you swoon and drive you mad and you know what, I love every minute of it. It’s all fun and fantasy. I want to see an artist put on a show and make me feel something, even in a crowd full of other women.

Are we not in tuned with our body or our own sensuality. I feel like when I chat with certain women, these women try act all sanctified as if we are in church. They mention their husband or boyfriend and this is not the place for that. Stop it already you’re killing the vibe. Certain women will go as far as trying to impose their opinion on to others, as if they are wrong for having these fantasies about a married man.

Telling other women that they should not fantasize about a particular artist because he has a wife. That censorship is not needed in these particular groups. When did these particular artist hire a moderator to speak on their behalf? I would like to know, because if these artist did not like the attention,  then why else would they exude this type of behavior on stage?

They are there to put on a show and to thrive off your energy. They love the attention or else they wouldn’t do it. I’m tired of these inhibited women, telling other women that are vocal and don’t hold back, that what they are thinking and feeling is wrong. I guarantee you that if a particular artist wanted these women, they would be like “name the time and the place baby.” They would lift that skirt and drop those panties real quick, if they had the opportunity with no shame or hesitation.

img_2157But yet online you want to act holier than thou. You want to act like you don’t find this man sexy or that you haven’t touched yourself while thinking about him. Yeah ok…. Save it for the virgin diaries!

Theres a time and a place for everything and these fan groups, this is not the place for that. Leave your husband or boyfriend and kids out of this discussion. When I express my love for an artist, I’m not blind, I know the man taken but ask me if I care? No!

The artist knows he’s married, but while he’s on that stage performing he belongs to us, the women in the audience for those few moments. He’s there to make that money and do what he loves. What heterosexual man doesn’t want attention from women? Men like to feel desired. It feeds their ego and we all know that men love their ego stroked.

When I listen to the music, I’m not thinking, oh this man is married, let me stop having visuals of him making love to me. Or else I’m never going to enjoy the music and how it makes me feel. I’ll be judging myself the whole time. Love songs and sexual songs have a certain tone to it, isn’t that why we love music because of how it makes us feel?

I understand some of us have been brought up in the church, where we are told not to lust. So we bring that into everything thing we do. We shun people when they are vocal and don’t think like we do. Lust is healthy in certain variations. Some people just get extreme with it. Lust is healthy in your own relationship. Sometimes when the moment hits you, you just want to screw the hell out of your S.O.

Why are we void without passion and desire? Why do we suppress our sexual desires? I tell women all the time that are taken, whatever fantasies you have about an artist. Wait until your S.O. gets home and take that fantasy out on him and (excuse me, curse word coming up, LOL) F**K his brains out. Men desire a sexual woman. If you wanna go ahead and be a bad girl for your man, go ahead. Be totally uninhibited!

Why feel bad for having fantasies when they are healthy and necessary. When couples stop having fantasies that’s when their sex life is in a drought. Thats when they start seeking something new.

More couples should role-play and do things to keep it spicy and sexy. If you have a fantasy be open with your partner and communicate. If you want him to be a certain artist tell him, but don’t feel bad and insecure, if he wants you to be his favorite female artist.

We are visual specimens. Marriage doesn’t mean being blind to other people. People act like for some strange reason, that when they are in a relationship or marriage, that they don’t find other people attractive. Thats impossible! If you don’t want to look at another individual and find them appealing, you mind as well pack your bags and literally move to another planet.

Because here on planet earth you will encounter other beings that are appealing to the eye. I think somewhere along the line, people forgot how the world was populated. I think they forgot that God created sex. God gave us our senses and we should be using every single one of them, when it comes to being full and whole as a sexual spiritual being.

The mind is a very powerful tool. It vibrates on certain frequencies. Sometimes what you fantasize about you never know. Maybe one day it might come true. So ladies if you love a particular artist express that. Women are always telling me how they feel, when what they really need to do, is express that to the artist, not the fan of the artist. That male artist wants to know how he makes you feel. He wants you to stroke that ego.

That exchange of female sensuality and submission makes him feel good. That makes him feel powerful. When you submit to that, he has you under his spell for a few moments. You’re reminded that you are a woman. A beautiful sensual woman. That artist wants to know that he’s making you horny and that things are moving down there. If they aren’t he’s not doing his job.

It’s his job to mentally stimulate you. You have emotions right, well express them. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Just because they are not in touch with who they are, doesn’t mean you should adopt their feelings. The marriage police is not going to come and lock you up for your thoughts.

Expressing ones desires and feeling sensual should empower you, not make you feel less of a woman. Be passionate! Feel beautiful and sensual. If you have sexual fantasies revel in it because they feel oh so good!!

Just Because They Couldn’t Love You, Doesn’t Mean You Aren’t Loveable

img_0519Let me ask you something, when was the last time you looked yourself in the mirror and knew that you were lovable? That you knew you are a beautiful spirit that deserved the utmost love and respect.

That you deserve the kind of love that makes you feel like you are floating on cloud 9. The kind of love that you know you want, that kind of love that makes you want to be a better person.

I get so tired of people thinking that just because the man or woman they loved, that didn’t have the courage to love them back, thinking that they are not lovable. They think that out of all the people on this planet, that that’s the only person who is ever going to love them or that they want love from.

Incase no one has told you, you are lovable. I get it… when our heart wants what it wants it just does. It hard to accept the reality that some people don’t know how to love. Some people are not ready for love. Don’t fret. Do yourself a favor and be glad, they are not loving you. Their half-ass love wasn’t meant for you, because you are not a half-ass person.

They are just clearing room for Mr. and Mrs. Right to come into your life. You know the kind of love you deserve. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in some ones life and to love you. I don’t know how many times I can say this over and over.

Love is not complicated people are. Relationships are not hard. People make them difficult.

I know unrequited love hurts. It does. We’ve all been there. We express ourself to some one and we use the word LOVE, because we actually mean it, but then the other person kills us with their silence an inaction. I know I’m tired of men telling me they love me and being emotionally unavailable.

I’m tired of men saying they love me, when they haven’t even seen me in person or talked to me in days or months. Some people are in love with the idea of you. They are infatuated. I don’t play with the world love. When I say I love you, I mean it and I back it up. Men not so much so now a days.

The men that tell me they love me after a couple of hours, days or months haven’t really spent any time with me to love me. They are just using the word love to attempt to get what they want. I never believe them. I’m like ok, you used this word, now show it. Then they can’t. They ghost or they forgot they had a wife or girlfriend or kids. It just sounds nice to say in the moment.

Some people expect you to know they love you, when they don’t call you, speak to you, don’t make any effort to see you. Your communication is met with silence. They never want to address your emotions or anything you want to talk about, but yet they claim to love you. When you love someone you communicate. You express yourself. You listen with an open heart.

This can’t be the new love.

When you love someone, you show it. You see them, you talk to them. You make your presence known. You can’t be like….”I’m going to show her how much I love her by not talking to her, ignoring her, not seeing her and giving her any attention or putting in any effort, but I still want her to think we have something and that we’re more than friends.” Really?! Is this the new love??

This is what men are doing now and I’m not really feeling them on this. I don’t have to settle and neither should you. This is why I don’t date. I know that I’m lovable. I know that when I do decide to be in a relationship. I’m going to make some man very happy, because I know how to love. I’m cognizant of why I want to complement someones life and it’s not for selfish reasons.

People who say I love you and don’t show it, they are probably used to saying that word so many times and getting what they want. Some people are in love with the idea of love, then they realize oh shit!! Love is a verb? “Damn, I said I love this man or woman, now I have to show it?” I never knew that was part of love.” Well…. news flash it is!!!!

Don’t let someone who toys with your emotions and heart, that strings you along then doesn’t have the courage to man or woman up and tell you, that there is no you and them. Make you feel like you are not lovable. You had the courage to open your heart, they didn’t. It was easier for them to ghost and ignore you, because they weren’t courageous for the passion that burned deeply inside of you.

You Don’t Get To Walk Away, Every Time You Feel Something

We all know someone that every time they start to feel something, they suppress it. They don’t want to acknowledge how they feel in any way.

Well you know what… it’s time to put an end to that BULLSHIT!

You need to stop running. You don’t get to walk to walk away every time you feel something.

No matter how little or intense, acknowledge how you feel, admit it to yourself first.

If you have feelings for someone, acknowledge it. Why every time you start to feel, you start to walk away. You disappear.

Stop being a coward and feel what you are feeling. Stop deflecting your behavior and putting it on someone else just because you do not want to deal.

You don’t get to confuse someone and lead them on, just because you are not sure of what you want.

You don’t get to not acknowledge how someone else feels, when they are asking you a question and they want to know whats in your heart.

Oh but I see, you ignore because that way you don’t have to deal and you get to string things along. Keep doing that to a good a woman, she’s not going to stick around.

But I guess that’s what you want and don’t want. Hell… you don’t even know.

You know you don’t want rejection, you say it’s cool but deep down, you want what you want and want to control the outcome.

When things don’t work out, you say to yourself,  “I knew it. I was right all along.” You find fault in everything, every word, every action just to coincide with what you are thinking and feeling.

What? You think you don’t deserve love. You think you don’t need nobody?

Didn’t you love the wrong women? How did that turn out? Oh you stayed, you gave your all.

That pain and hurt and everything they put you through, your spirit became immune to it and you called that love.

You don’t get to use the word love and do the opposite of it. If someone you know loves you and wants to be with you. Don’t push that person away.

Man the fuck up and stop running from the very thing, that you say you want the most.

Stop hiding behind email, text and the phone. Stop ghosting!

You’re not that busy, you’re scared and you’re hiding.

Stop doing shit to other people that you clearly do not want done to yourself.

Stop not listening to your heart. Stop pushing people away and not listening to them.

Have the courage to say what you want and need from the people in your life.

Learn how to recognize love and pain. Don’t confuse the two because love does not hurt nor will it ever.

If you believe in your heart, that you have a shot at it, don’t fuck up a good thing. This goes for both men and women.

If it doesn’t work out, then that love was not meant for you. Stop breaking your own heart and deflecting blame.

Stop being such a narcissist and leading women on, when you clearly don’t have any plans on staying. Sweet nothings, means nothing.

For god sake, stop walking away every time you feel something and those feelings are good.

You’re human, don’t you think you think you deserve love?

Don’t you think you deserve to be happy? The answer should be yes.

Stop thinking every one is out to get you and hurt you.

Stop being an asshole. Stop ruining things before they even start.

You don’t get to play with someone emotions and use the word love and not mean it. When you say you love someone, stand behind your word.

Stop not being a man of your word. Stop being so short, deflective, cold. Aren’t you tired of that?

Stop blaming the other person when you don’t get the love you want. The problem is not them. It’s you. You’re the one who has your guard up. You’re the one who’s inconsistent and silent.

Isn’t time you start to be open to the love you truly desire? Why is it so hard for you to be vulnerable. Thats where your strength lies.

Don’t you want a love that brings out the best in you? Don’t you want loyalty, honesty, respect?

A woman whose a woman of her word, that’s consistent. Trustworthy, that has your back. Thats passionate, protective, thoughtful, kind. A woman who never makes you feel alone.

Well in order for you to have those things, you must be all of that. Don’t ask of what you can not give of yourself and feel entitled.

Lose your ego if you want love.

When you feel, deal…. knowing that love will heal.

But please do yourself a favor, stop walking away every time you feel something.

Be The Passionate, Beautiful, Sensual Woman That You Are

img_0559I was listening to an old sensual classic from the 80s, Sign Your Name” by the legendary Terence Trent D’Arby (who goes by the name Sananda Maitreya now). What I love about this song is that its so sensual.

The music alone intertwined with his voice, puts you in a euphoric state. The soul in his voice mixed with euphoric sensuality. It’s so masculine and vulnerable.

Sensual songs like this are in your DNA. The lyrics feel like braille on your skin.

I love artist who connect with their lyrics and music and who feel their music lyrics. Not just sing it. I pay attention to the tone of their voice and where they grab those emotions from, from deep within their soul. I pay attention to the way their body moves when they perform.

I can feel the emotion they feel when they hit a certain note. It’s a beautiful thing to experience, when an artist can catch the spirit of their music and convey that to an audience. When they are in the studio recording and then bring those same emotions, when they are performing live.

I remember auditioning to this song years back when I wanted to be a dancer. I chose this piece to audition to, for it just made me feel so sensual. I connected with the passionate music and lyrics. My dance partner was there to complement me, but it was not his audition.. I just needed his masculine energy there. When it was time for me to do my solo @2:12 to 3:12.

My eyes were pretty much closed the entire time. I just wanted to feel the music. I wanted to dance as if nobody was watching. As I don’t like people watching me, nor do I like being the center of attention. I know…. it’s an oxymoron when you like to be creative or you’re in a creative field.

I remember @3:43 when Sananda says “heeeeeey”. My partner grabbed the small of my back and pulled me close to him. I knew it would be time for him to grab me, but it was different in the audition from the rehearsal. It was more intense. It startled me a bit as I did not know he was near me. He grabbed me like he needed me, like he wanted me.

img_0573The rest of the song we just free-styled but our bodies were in sync. He never let go of my hand, even when I tried to turn my body away from him to spin around. He would still grab me, firmly but gently. I felt so safe. When you dance, you have to trust your partner, that they’ll never let you go. The song ended with him holding my hand over his heart.

It was great to have a dance partner, that could actually dance and move his body with such emotion. To convey those emotions through music, lyrics and through dance. The people holding the audition, I remember the look on their face after we were done. Them telling us what a pleasure it was to watch me dance. They loved how I connected with the music, to the lyrics, and didn’t miss a beat.

I had a visual of this video. How at the end they looked at each other and passionately kissed.When I hear this song, it just makes me feel like a beautiful, sensual woman. Thats what a lot of artist make me feel like. Music and dance can help you connect with your feminine grace. If you want to connect to that part of you, that is sensual. If you want to feel sexy, beautiful. Connect with music.

Some say I’m too much. They can’t take how deeply I feel and how passionate I am. I’ve never been a half ass woman and I’m not going to start. Just because someone can’t take the intensity of my love doesn’t mean I have to stop. I am a very passionate woman. Always have and always will be.

When I hear music that I connect to, I know I need someone in my life who loves and feels just as deeply as I do. I need music in the flesh. I need that masculine vulnerable energy in my space. So that I can be the sensual woman that I am. So that I can exude love and make love with passion.

If you know yourself and you know you are a passionate sensual woman. Don’t hide it. Express that in the space of a man, who will embrace it and not run from it. If you meet some one and they do not exude that type of intense passion and depth. Kindly walk away. When a person doesn’t express themselves, if will make you shut down, especially if its unrequited emotions.

If it doesn’t make you feel like music, then don’t pursue it. I’m not going to apologize for my intense passion. For my depth. Yeah I’m too much, I know.. and I love it. It’s what makes me…me. I feel very deeply. It’s what makes me feel beautiful. It’s what makes me love harder and to give love. My depth helps me to use all of my senses and to be more intuitive towards myself and others.

The energy, the vibration helps me connect and hear the holy spirit. In passion and sensuality there is a call to surrender. I can not shut down my emotions just because someone chooses to suppress theirs. What is love and passion if you can’t love and feel with every fiber of your being.

Hearing those lyrics from this song. It just puts me in a mood, to want to be held, to love, to make love. I want to feel the way I felt at my audition. I know these signals are going to go out into the universe and that the right man, will pick up on my intensity and give me exactly the love and passion that I desire.

We will be drunk off of each others love and passion. If you don’t feel this with the one you are with, then wait for it. Wait for the man who is just as passionate as you are. That will complement your sensuality, that will not be afraid to express himself. Be The Passionate, sensual woman that you are…wait for the man who makes you feel like music.

To My Fellow Women, Don’t Treat Him Better Than You Treat Yourself

freestocks.orgHe isn’t God. He isn’t Hercules. He isn’t a saint. He is just a person. I know right now you think he is your everything. You think he is the sun. You think he is your gravity, the thing that keeps you from collapsing. The thing that is keeping you from breaking. You look at him…

via To My Fellow Women, Don’t Treat Him Better Than You Treat Yourself — Thought Catalog