Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine about how dating has changed so much since the 90s. I expressed how I was worried about my generation and this generation, our youth and who’s showing these young men an example of how they are supposed to treat a lady.
You don’t know how bad I miss the 90s and how men used to be. Well, maybe you do… I’m not saying there aren’t any gentleman left. I just don’t know where they are because they are very few and far in between.
The men that approach me I just think to myself, “You do have a mother right?? You do have women in your family, right? Do you have a daughter? How would you feel if a man spoke that way to any of the women like that in your family? You would check them right??”
I understand we are living in different times and people say you have to change with the times, but I will not conform to the way that people choose to go about finding someone to be with, because I’m still old school with it. Not only that I’m not looking but if I was I know what to look for.
When I first started dating my first love (“We’ll just call him Anthony”) Anthony courted me. He was the perfect gentleman, very chivalrous. “Anthony” did everything right. He protected me. “Anthony really set the bar on how a man is supposed to treat a lady. Our love affair and courtship was a real-life fairytale. During and after our dates, in my alone time, I would reflect on our dates and conversations.
My head was stuck in the clouds and I didn’t want to come down off my high. I thought everybody was being treated the way I was and how I treated him too. I thought everybody loved the same way with passion and vigor. Our love back then was contagious, all my friends wanted what me and “Anthony” had. One of the reasons why I’m so grateful and glad that my first time around with love was a good one!!!
By “Anthony” treating me the way that he did, he was able to stay and operate in his masculine energy and I was able to stay and operate in my feminine energy. I never had to worry about being in control. Men, by nature, want to protect and provide for a woman and do things to make her feel secure. Over time this has changed dramatically and men are just not doing that right now. Some men claim that it’s too much work and women don’t appreciate it.
They want the bad boy, the guy who just got out of the joint and has a long rap sheet. Speak for those women and for yourself, because I’ll take a gentleman any day. I will not talk to a guy unless he exudes “Anthony-like” behavior. Yeah I just made that up, lol…. but seriously I’m being honest here… but I believe there is still hope. All is not lost…
Take for example what I witnessed on Friday, I was on my way home and decided to stop off at the store. As I was walking, I noticed this young couple in front of me. They were teenagers because they had their book bags on. The young man was Latino and his girlfriend was African-American. I smile because they reminded me of me and “Anthony”. We just so happen to be going the same way. As I was behind them, I noticed his chivalrous ways.
Every time he crossed the street he made sure to stay on the outside of the sidewalk and hold his girlfriend’s hand. Keeping her close beside him. Even with crowds of people coming from the opposite direction, he held on to her. I noticed he was very protective. The same way “Anthony” was with me, never letting me go. Always making me feel safe as if no harm would come to me and that he had my back.
No one would be able to walk between us because he kept me close by his side or either he put his arms around me. When a man holds your hand, it is symbolic of his love, how he wants to feel your energy. A protective gesture that he wants you to feel safe and that no one can come between you and him. You are his lady and he wants to protect you.
There were times “Anthony’s” grip was light other times it was firm. It was an unspoken language that I love you and I got you and to trust me and follow me. I’ll protect you. “Anthony” was always observing his surroundings. If he heard sirens and had no idea which direction it was coming from, he would make sure that I wasn’t in harm’s way until it passed then we would proceed to wherever we were going.
I noticed he was also carrying her bag, while she was eating as they walked. The weather was a little windy and he took off his jacket and put it around her. “Anthony was always doing that to me. The last time I saw him, he took off his shirt because I was cold and he put it around me and everybody was staring. I went to give it back when his stop came and he said “No keep it.”
I thought to myself this man is going to freeze his butt off going home but he didn’t care. Even in the dead of winter he would take off his scarf or open his coat and embrace me although I had on a coat too. Theres something to be said for body heat, ya know. I would feel bad because I didn’t want him to get sick but if he had to, he would for me. He would pick me up if there was a puddle of water on the ground. Yeah he was “Bomb”, LOL!!!
I wondered where did this young man get this chivalry from? It was so innate it came as natural as breathing. The gestures he made, I only saw in movies, TV or romantic music videos about love. Watching that couple for those few minutes, I just thought they were so cute. It’s always nice to see young people in love and just enjoying themselves.
Every time people saw me and “Anthony” together they would just watch us and stare and smile, and make comments about how cute and in love we were and to just enjoy ourselves and that we did. “Anthony” kept a smile on my face. My face was always hurting from smiling so much. I would have a happiness love headache sometimes but it was all good.
I’m glad I witnessed what I witnessed because just when I thought all hope was lost for this young generation and even the older ones, God put a simple reminder in front of me that all is not lost. That there are still some young gentleman around and that love will come my way again… but when he says so :). I know God loves me because he’s always kept me and God sent me “Anthony” because he knew he was needed to play a positive role in my life.
I know its 2019 but I have a feeling things will change and that the old-school ways of doing things will make a strong comeback. Because we can’t continue like this. It would be a genocide if we don’t choose love. When we don’t choose love bad things happens. We suffer. Love always wins. It has the power to conquer anything if only people treat it right and don’t abuse it. So believe in love… because love believes in you!
Mind Of An In-Depth Woman 
I get that this is more of a nostalgia driven piece – but there’s a distinct whiff of “why can’t men just be real men again” nonsense. Take a look at the incentives. Back when chivalry was something the culture honored those guys received positive reinforcement for these behaviors. Men thrive on respect – and there is precious little of that these days for them anywhere. There’s certainly a laundry list of responsibilities they’re expected to take on. Plenty of shaming tactics. Plenty of “real men do [insert thing women want].” All the while around them they see men taking the brunt of negative female behavior (whether that’s divorce or abuse or whatever) with next to no consequences. In many cases that treatment isn’t met with reproach but full-throated support from other women in the mix.
Nowadays guys just don’t care. Why would they? Rather than hand-wringing about “all the good men,” it would be much more constructive to look at the ways women have undermined their own future by allowing the culture to denigrate everything associated with masculinity. Thankfully men seem to be doing more to reach out to each other for support. We’ll make it one way or another – but women have another thing coming if they think that aspects of the good ol days are ever going to be reconstituted without self-reflection and a new compact.
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