Healing Yourself Internally With Music

Have you ever been listening to your favorite song and been so high off of it. That it took you to a level of ecstasy that you never knew existed? We all have our favorite songs that lifts our mood and makes us feel good.

Theres always a song that understands you. But did you know that music understands you on a spiritual level? Did you know that there are spiritual healing properties in music? Everything from the artist tone, the melody, the sound, lyrics and instruments.

I’ve always felt a spiritual connection to music. The way my body responds to it. It would literally make me high. I hear music the way artist make music. It’s a meticulous sensual process. A song is never just five minutes and next… No, I need it to really absorb in my psyche. I hear something different every time I listen to a song. People always think I’m on something, when it’s just music.

I will admit there have been times, when I would catch a glance of myself in the mirror, while I was in the zone listening to my favorite song. I had the look of pleasure in my eyes. When I was little, my mother used to look at me and wonder, what the hell is going on in my child’s body? LOL. My mom saw how music made me feel and allowed me to feel it. When I listen to music, I listen to music with all of my senses and my whole body.

I’ve always had a good ear for music. While listening to music, I’m fully present, nothing else matters, everything is tuned out. It’s just me and the artist. They have my full undivided attention. I visualized everything. I see a story unfolding in front of my eyes. I’ve heard of music therapy before and how it can heal your heart of toxic thoughts, even physical wounds both internally and externally and I believe that whole-heartily.

In order for music to heal your body. There are certain things that have to place. You can’t just listen to a song and whatever you want to disappear, its gone. That’s not how healing works on a spiritual level. If that was the case, nobody would be sick. The music has to already be inside of you, you must have a connection with it. I shared a personal testimony with the artist Ralph Tresvant on his radio show, Inside The Ride. On how his music helped me heal, a small scar that was on my thigh.

This scar reminded me of my last relationship. Before I could try and be open to this method of healing. I had to mentally and spiritually prepare for it. The one thing I had to have above anything was FAITH. I had to believe with everything inside of me, that this would work and surrender to it and let it go. I couldn’t let any doubts creep in my mind. 

I needed solitude too which is very important. It’s crucial for any type of healing that you have the right energy around you. You can’t have old belongings from a past relationship. If you do get rid of it immediately or people who don’t vibrate on a certain frequency. You’re environment is very important. My healing took place in California, but not in New Jersey. 

My spirit was already clear on certain levels, because I’ve been celibate for years. So I didn’t have to worry about soul ties, attached to my spirit that would conflict with my healing. This is why it is very important to fast which is what I did. There were others things that I did on a daily basis, putting the right things in my body and having peace in my life.

In order to vibrate on a certain frequency and be a beacon of light and love. I also kept seeing the number 11 everyday, all day and especially when I listen to Ralph’s music. I knew the universe was trying to tell me something. I knew angels were around me, I felt their presence and I knew all was well. However, my thoughts of how men have been treating me for the past few years, was still in my subconscious mind and those thoughts needed to stop living rent free in my mind.

Even with all of the above being done, there was still more work to do. I wondered why every time men would approached me, why they behaved towards me in a very aggressive manner. I wondered why they literally moved so fast without getting to know me first. I started to think back to, when me and my first love dated and I missed that kind of love and respect. Those thoughts made me happy and especially the music back in that era of the 90s.

I wondered if men like this still existed and if they did, where were they? So I replaced my negative thoughts with positive thoughts. At the time when Ralph was a solo artist, that’s when I met my first love. Hearing his music made me attract that kind of love in my life. Ralph’s music was already in my spirit. The tone of his voice was so soothing, so angelic and so beautiful to me. I paid attention to the way I felt when I played his music, so I decided to try the healing with his music.

The music pretty much chose me. I played his music every day because I wanted his energy infused in my personal space. It didn’t matter what I was doing.

I wanted to feel the energy of love with his music and tune into that frequency. I let it play while I was sleeping, cooking, taking a shower, when I ate. I love the high it gave me. I felt like an addict and needed my fix.

I just wanted to believe in love again and trust men again. There were a few songs of his that were in heavy rotation, especially his song, “Your Touch.” My spaced was filled with this song. I would wake up in the middle of the night, reaching for his music.

This song literally calms my spirit and I love the way the song makes love to me mentally. Every time when Ralph says “Touch me.” It’s very hypnotic. It’s like I was under his spell. I felt it release in my mind and it flowed throughout my body. Giving me vibrations and sensations that felt so good. I felt the lyrics on my skin and I just wanted to be engulfed in it. This song also helps me fall asleep and I have had insomnia all my life. I would wake up feeling rejuvenated. I had a glow in my eyes and my body felt alive.

Sensitivity, both the original version and Ralph’s Rap version, which is on the expanded edition.  I needed to hear those words, since It’s been a long time, a man has been kind to me and spoke to me with love. When Ralph’s says “Can I hold you? Come here let me hold you baby.” I rewinded that part so many times. I would hear it echoing in my head even when it wasn’t playing. I wondered how come men now a days, don’t speak to women with this kind of love, kindness, gentleness and sensitivity anymore?

It made me think of the last time those words were uttered to me. How safe and calm they made me feel, especially when it came from someone I loved and someone who loved me back.

Hearing these songs as well as “I love You, Just For You, and even “Do What I Gotta Do.” A Man Who Loves You and Angel as well as others. Just made me think of love and how peaceful love is. That love is not complicated, people make it complicated. After listening to these songs, a scar that I had for 11 years, when I woke up on March 11 of this year was gone.

I was thankful in advance and I visualized it being gone before it was even gone. I wondered what it would be like not to see it. So I stop paying attention to it, giving it life or any validity. I just thanked God and his love angels. It overwhelmed me that it was gone and that it worked. I thought I was dreaming but the next day it was still gone and it’s still gone.

I tried everything to get rid of this scar and nothing worked but music. Ralph told me on air that my body tuned into a certain frequency that my body was missing and needing at the time. That’s exactly what I was going to say but he finished my sentence for me. It’s not all the time you get to interact and tell an artist how much their music means to you and how it healed you or something that they did or said, how it inspired you, so I was grateful for the platform to be able to express that.

Miracles, whether big or small, like this lets you know, that we are loved by God, that we are spiritual being first, having a physical experience and that whatever we believe, the mind can achieved. That our thoughts are powerful. That the spirit world is real. That the universe is responding to us and the level we are vibrating on. That our mind is a very powerful tool. It believes whatever we tell it, which manifest externally.

The mind, body and spirit, is a trinity in itself and its connected and that healing can take place if we just have faith. I had faith throughout the whole process with no doubt in my mind. I had to get rid of toxic thoughts that I was not enough, that something was wrong with me and that I was not lovable. I had to renew my spirit, with love and know that I am love and just because someone, does not know how to love me, or doesn’t respect me, doesn’t mean the problem lies within me.

I had to know that I am not what happens to me. That all men are not the same and are not bad. I needed to hear positive loving words and I needed masculine energy to be infused in my spirit. So I’m glad Ralph’s music chose me, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It made me feel again and to know that vulnerability is strength. That it’s ok to wear my heart on my sleeve and not judge myself.

It was an experience I had to go through, to have a testimony, to know that God didn’t forget about me, and that whatever you ask him for, He will give to you in his timing, but it all starts with faith and surrendering! God gave us music and entrusted it with certain souls to carry out its mission. So why wouldn’t it be healing ūüôā

Thank you for reading, I know its long :). I appreciate you and Namaste! God is love!















Where Ever You Are Supposed To Be, God Will Lead You There

I was thinking about the time I auditioned for this theater group when I was 18. When I found out where the audition was, I said to myself oh no, I do not want to travel 2 hours a day there and back. I went any way but on my way there. I really didn’t think too much about how the audition would go or anything.

My teacher told me that it was a small theater group so I figured, ok, I’ll go but I know they are not going to pick me. I was going through so much at the time, that I didn’t have time to process anything. I didn’t know if I wanted to process anything as I was feeling so numb and just wanted to feel another feeling. Think another thought.

So when I got off the train and I was looking for FACES, it really made me not want to go because of where it was located. I thought about rush hour in NYC, getting home late after school when it got dark. So when I finally arrived, I realized this was a theater group I’d seen when I was a child that I wanted to be a part of 10 years prior. I knew the content they dealt with and I said to myself I really don’t want to be here.

I felt like the issues they addressed, that they would be delving into my personal life. Whether it was something I went through or someone I knew that went through it and I just didn’t want to go there.¬†When I arrived I was the only one there. I said to myself, where is everybody? Then 3 other girls showed up and so did the other improv actors.

So they sat me and the other 3 girls down, explained who they were and what they did. They got up and performed for us, to give us an example to follow. Then they said its time to get up and audition and show us what you got. They performed with us and it was fun since we could improv. I thought ok, cool I can do this. Then it got deep. They gave us a skit about a break up and just told us to go there.

I said internally oh shit! I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I took a breath and was like ok I can do this. So the other actor I was performing with, we just fed off of each other energy. During my audition, It got really intense. I forgot there were other people in the room. As we were moving around the room. I saw the look on everybody’s face when we got back in front of them.

They were staring, they got drawn in. I saw one of the other actress shaking her head yes, giving me this really intense look. Everything that I was going through and felt in that moment. I poured into that scene. It was therapeutic in a way. When I said my last lines which ended the scene. The room was quiet. I thought the scene would continue but it didn’t.

They thanked me and the other girls and said that they would be in touch. As me and the other girls left. The other 3 girls, kept telling me how good I was and where did I learn to act like that. I never took lessons. I told them I never took lessons. I said to them we were all good. They kept saying, no, you were really good, they are going to pick you. I said to them, who knows they might ask all of us back.

I wasn’t comfortable with the spotlight being on me at all. I felt really exposed.¬†I felt really good about the audition but this was only my third one. The other theater groups I auditioned for, which I got positive feedback from, they were close to me but they weren’t funding.¬†I wished in the back of my head they were, because one of the auditions was so much fun, it lasted 3 hours.

The guy that was auditioning with me, we vibed off of each other really well. When we left, we hugged and wanted that part so bad. The program directors really loved us and they just let us have fun and play. When I parted with the other girls at FACES, we wished each other luck and went on our way. I knew in the back of my mind. I gave a really good audition. I was proud of myself.

But still, the distance turned me off. I said to myself, I hope they don’t pick me. I know…strange. Like I said it was the distance. So when I arrived home. I heard the phone ringing. The machine picked up and it was my teacher screaming in the phone.¬†I picked up the phone and all she kept yelling was FACES loved you. They want you. They loved your performance they want you there on Monday. My teacher was so happy for me. She was more happy for me than I was.

You would have thought I hit the lotto by the way she was screaming. In a way I did. I just didn’t know it. I didn’t have time to process what would be taking place next. I didn’t know that God had led me to this place, so that I could do some internal healing. When I observed, behind the scenes their performances, I said to myself, I can’t get up there on that stage. I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.

Everybody in the world is going to know, what me and my family went through. Everybody is going to know I lost my mother and feel sorry for me. And I didn’t want anybody’s pity.¬†What I was feeling was shame, guilt and fear.¬†When I thought about, no one would know. It’s not like they knew me or my family. The first few days I was there I spoke to the theater director.

I explained to her that I wasn’t comfortable with these domestic violence skits. When I saw these two actors perform it. I was like oh shit, this man sounded exactly like my father. I felt like if I performed that scene that I would do to my father what he did to my mother.¬†There was no way in hell, I was going to perform that scene.¬†She understood, as they would not have a performer get on stage and have flashbacks.

They were careful with traumatic experiences. So pretty much for the next few months I played it safe. Not really doing anything intense. I wasn’t really giving it my all. I just thought if I showed up that was enough. I didn’t want to put in the work and be that vulnerable. All I wanted was my 3 credits that I needed to graduate high school so I could be on my way.

So much was going on, I left my father’s house and I was just trying to take care of myself during my tenure at FACES. When the semester was ending, the program director sat me down and said. I have to perform. That if I didn’t perform. I wasn’t going to graduate. It was my turn to perform for the program. I remember sitting in that chair, feeling like I was going to walk out. My stomach started turning.

The director told me to pick a scene. I chose this piece called “Hear No Evil” The other two girls, did “Speak No Evil and See No Evil.” I knew this scene all to well as I’ve seen them perform it so many times. I just had no idea how I was going to get up there and say those words. I thought I was going to have a break down on stage.

The day of my performance I was happy that it was close by, at this university. Ironically it was at the university I auditioned for but they weren’t sponsoring. So when my teacher from the program arrived and all the other students that were in the program got there. I got nervous. What made me even more nervous is when the college students arrived and the auditorium was full.

The other two girls and I, were waiting in the hall until it was time for us to perform. When it was showtime I had to sit down in the middle chair. The girl to the left of me said her monologue and when she finished I knew I was next. I prayed for strength to say those words. I took my hands off my ears and opened my eyes and just went for it. When I said my lines and looked out into the audience.

Everyone was quiet and staring at me. So I looked over at my best friend, the director and my teacher, then back at the audience and I just continued to delivered my lines. When I finished and put my hands back over my ears and closed my eyes, it was time for the next girl to say her monologue. After the performance was over everyone clapped. I was relieved it was over. I just wanted to get off the stage, lol.

Before we left, the audience had questions so we stayed for Q&A.¬†One of the college students had a question and asked how do we prepare for a scene like that? I took the question. My response was “it was very difficult for me to get up here and say those lines as I know women who have been in a domestic violence relationship and I heard those words uttered before. I said I didn’t know if I could do it.

If I could go there. The whole time I’m sitting here.¬†I’m thinking I have to say this. I was thinking what woman in her right mind says these things, makes excuses and blames herself for being abused. But you have women out here who do that. I had to watch my mother go through that and I told my director. I can’t get up here and do this but I’m glad I did. Because it opens up the dialogue.

So many times we stay silent when it comes to domestic violence, feeling ashamed and the problem is not going to go away by being silent.¬†Every day and every 3 seconds a woman is being abused by her boyfriend or husband and some of them don’t even make it out. Some women even die at the hands of their abuser. So this performance is very much-needed even though it’s a vessel through art.”

I knew in that moment, that God wanted me to be in that theater group. He wanted me to be a voice and he wanted to use me as a vessel. I remember feeling very content. Remembering what it was like to be on stage before I lost my mom. That live interaction with the audience, I missed that when I was younger. Whenever I was performing or had a show. I would look to my right and my mother was grinning from ear to ear.

Her love and support was my strength and I didn’t have that once she transcended. I guess I thought I couldn’t do it without her cheering me on. But she was there with me the whole time.¬†Every time I wanted something that I didn’t get. God had something better for me. Some place he was trying to lead me to, because someone somewhere needed to hear what I had to say.

No matter how uncomfortable I was, I simply needed to surrender to his will.¬†The thing about life is, no matter which road you take. You will end up where you need to be. God will lead you there and he will be there. When I said my lines, I felt like I had an angel around me comforting me. The other theater groups, that I wanted but they weren’t sponsoring, that’s because that wasn’t where I was supposed to be.¬†The experience would not have been the same.

I would not have met the same people.¬†I wouldn’t have been begun my own journey when it came to feeling, dealing and healing. Creative fields can be a great platform when it comes to reaching others on a massive scale. Being in the spotlight in any way is not something I welcome, as I am more of a behind the scenes kind of person but if that’s really where God wants me to be. I guess at some point I have to stop fighting it, lol. I guess I have no choice but to submit to his will.

Signs From Above, How Angels Communicate With You To Heal Your Heart

img_1720Ever notice that when you are going through something. A series of sudden so-called coincidences seem to happen to you.

It may be in the form of music.¬†You’ll hear a song echoing in your head. You may see a repetitive sign. You’ll hear voices subtly whispering in your ear.

You’ll get goosebumps and not feel alone.¬†I don’t think a lot of people realize that we are not alone in this world.

That there are unseen spiritual forces working behind the scenes on our behalf.¬†I am very in tuned with my surroundings and my frequency. I notice that whenever I’m feeling a certain way, about life and the things that have happen to me.

I will get signs from Angels.¬†Angels are always communicating with me. I’ll see feathers out of nowhere or I’ll see a slightly invisibly presence in front of my eyes. I’ll feel like someone touched me, held my hand and it’s always a good feeling. I’ll even see sparkling lights that sometimes follow me. I woke up in the middle of the night and found a feather on the side of my pillow.

When I’m listening to music, the music will get louder and at times I can’t even turn it off. I’ll wake up with a song in my head that I just can’t shake. I know that angels are communicating with me.¬†When I wrote about not having the strength to love¬†¬†or whenever I write about my thoughts about love. I will get signs from Angels, trying to heal my heart.

I’m human and at times when it comes to love. I feel it’s elusive towards me for some reason. I’m not looking for love but whenever I’m open to it. It goes awry. After the last few guys I was talking to as friends, so I thought. They completely did a 360 on me and it left me feeling mentally drained. I was disrespected. Felt I was being rushed and this keeps happening to me over and over again.

So at times…..I’m just like screw this being open to love, because every guy keeps acting the same after claiming they are different. When the same thing keeps happening you start to wonder, will I ever have the love I desire one day? Will anyone ever really get me, love me and be peaceful. All that I am, I want that when it comes to love.

I know myself and I’m a good woman. I know I have a lot of love to offer, to the right man one day. I know that angels see and know whats in my heart. They keep reminding in so many ways. The music that I listen to, it’s all about love. Some of my favorite artist I become addicted to there music, but it’s a good addiction :).

Lately, more than ever, I have been listening to Ralph Tresvant’s last 3 Solo Albums.¬†If you don’t have it buy his music. His personality and music reminds me so much of my first love. His music is really healing my heart and I can’t be anymore grateful. ¬†Ralph’s¬†music is sweet and endearing. It’s romantic. I thank God for blessing this man with the gift of music. His voice is just soothing and angelic to me.

It lets me know that REAL MEN do feel. They have emotions and that they want real love. When I hear his music, it just reminds me of a time when I was really happy, when my mother and sister was alive. When I fell in love and it was just a memorable time in my life, that I wish I could go back to. But life happens and the thing about life, is that you can always revisit those memories and bring them into the present.

Every one becomes a memory at some point, but it’s the impression and the lessons they taught you while alive.¬†When I listen to love songs on repeat, I know that there are messages in them that I need to hear and I know that I need to heal my heart. Heartache is a part of life. There’s nothing you can do about someone who treats you a certain way, except walk away when it threatens your peace.

img_1712Angels remind me every day that I am loved by sending me signs. By whispering just hold on. They shower me with love while I’m alone.

I’m not perfect, but I’m a loving person with a good pure heart and spirit and one day, the love that I want will come to me. Who knows when that will be.

I know just by the music that I listen to, that I can have that. I know my loved ones who have transcended and God are conspiring on my behalf, when I hear songs that they loved.

I just smile and I’m like ok, I know that’s you. Even when I’m writing like now, I saw sparkling lights and felt a presence around me. It feels good to know that I’m loved even when I don’t feel that I am.

Love is meant for everyone and God sends us signs all the time, with these spiritual beings that radiate light and love called Angels. Believe in them because they are real and always near by your side! Just call on them and get to know them, because they are here to help, guide and protect you!

Namaste! God is love!

When The Holy Spirit Needs to Talk To You

img_0283There are times, even as a writer and just being a communicative person, that I don’t feel like expressing myself. My thoughts come so quick, that I can’t even get them out my head quick enough.

That’s when you have to do constant spell checks and make sure your work is in draft mode before you hit save ūüėČ. When I was much younger, I used to carry my journal everywhere with me. I was 11 and people use to always ask me, what am I writing.

As an adult I must have my pen and paper, laptop or iPad with me. I never know when God will speak to me. I’ve shared before that when my mom passed. I lost my passion for writing. I tried off and on until I was 16 but couldn’t. I even lost my passion to sing. I was 19 the last time I was in the studio. Music helps you discover who you are. The instruments, the lyrics, the music, it’s all connected.

Something that I enjoyed so much made me feel empty. My words were always being twisted even when they were positive.¬†When it comes to being a person who ¬†is creative, who feels and who’s empathic. It gets to be overwhelming. I share my thoughts as they come to me. Sometimes I ask myself should I say this and that. There’s a debate going on in my head.

Theres always a debate going on with God when there shouldn’t be. I consult with God on a daily basis about everything.¬†When I try to let something go or act like it doesn’t bother me, that’s when the holy spirit steps in says to me, “no no no, express yourself. You have been quiet far to long. Your feelings matter. There is someone out there who needs to hear what you are saying. You may not feel it’s important but it may help someone else.”

Thats when I surrender and obey. I’m like ok God, what do you want me to do? In stillness the answers come to me. Once I start typing, the writers ghost takes over. I’m free….I feel transcended once my fingers hit the keyboard. Then I ask myself what am I afraid of? Nothing. My thing is I’m just careful with my words. I’m careful of the energy I put out.

The only reason for my hesitation at times is because, of other voices in my head from people who don’t know how to communicate with me when I ask them questions. When people don’t give you answers, it makes you feel like your feelings don’t matter. Over time you become quiet because you feel as if no one cares. You start to think, am I being emotional?

Someones ability to be emotional unavailability, starts to rub off on you. You don’t even know it’s happening. I notice that whenever I express myself to a man and I ask questions, that they don’t want to answer. It’s strange how I’m looked at as a negative person. I also know that men may act dumb, but they are not stupid and they will find endless ways to avoid communication.

I feel like the only time a man will be honest with me about his feelings, is when hes’ away from me, in email or in a text, but I can’t hear him and his emotional tone. Also it’s because he’s expecting them to be returned and because he wants something out of it. No friendship or relationship can evolve with one person staying silent 99% of the time.

A man once said to me a few years ago, “I like texting, that way if I don’t have anything to say, I can just put down the phone.” I had no clue this guy liked me. When we spoke over the phone, he said to me, “talking about my feelings, I don’t do this. This is not me.” He sounded frustrated that he had to express himself because I wanted answers.

I said to myself, damn, how does someone who writes poetry and sings, can’t communicate with other human beings. We never spoke again.When men have to explain themselves and their behavior, it can be to much for them, especially when they only want one thing. And especially when they realize that they can’t run game on a woman.

In that moment, thats when I realize some people are not their art and who they claim to be. They can turn it off once they come out the booth. It’s just a mask they wear. Lately this has been happening a lot to me. This is why I don’t like to text a guy. If they don’t want to answer anything, they can just end the conversation and that’s that. And leave you hanging for weeks or months.

I don’t like when people talk at me instead of to me. I don’t like small talk and being indirect. Some times I feel I have a better conversation with a 6-year-old, then these grown ass men. I don’t like when I finally do hear from someone, they act like, they never got my email or text and they just completely ignore, how I took time out of my life to express myself.

I think its inconsiderate but what can I expect, when I see that this was a pattern that I refuse to see. It didn’t just start today. All of this holding back has been going on for quite sometime, in their life. Maya Angelou said “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.”¬†I learn that a person who refuses to acknowledge how I feel, if I was to be with a person like that.

They will neglect every other part of me and our relationship. Relationships of any kind break down when there’s a lack of communication. When someone checks out. I know for me, I need a man who feels. Who’s emotionally available and will not shut me down, because I don’t like something he said or something that he’s doing.

I wonder why men look for me to be a certain way, but they don’t want to give the same in return. I know that you shouldn’t ask of something, that you are not yourself or wiling to give. Men use the word love, but have no idea how to back it up. When you love someone you communicate. You pick up the phone or see that person.

No matter how random my thoughts are, it’s what I feel and just by the responses I get, I know that I am not alone and that my words have helped someone in some way. The things I go through there are others frustrated by the same thing, both men and women. Theres are others trying to find clarity, so they don’t feel like they are going crazy.

People seek solace knowing they are not alone and someone gets them. Their words and emotions are not stuck in prison. I watched the deadly effects of what can happen when you suppress your thoughts. The effect it has on your mind, body and soul from trapped emotions. The mental illness that it brings, simply because one cannot express themselves or they don’t feel safe and feel like a burden.

We all need someone to talk to after we bring our thoughts to God. As humans we need each other. There are times when I meet people and they just tell me their life story. God placed me in their presence and path for a reason, even in the online community. As much I get drained, its my duty to reach out and help another soul and in return it helps and feeds my spirit.

There are times when I reach out to people and they ask me over and over, how did I know? They think I spoke to someone or that I’m psychic or something. Sometimes I don’t even know, where it came from or all the details, I just know the holy spirit moved me to say what I said and to do what I did and I just trust and follow.

We all have a sixth sense, our third eye. Our intuition that connects us to the holy spirit at any given time, but in order to hear it. We must be still and quiet our mind. In stillness and by surrendering we can be led by the holy spirit. And in stillness we will know what to do.


Can You Think Someone Into Existence?

The answer is yes. We all heard the phrase “be careful with you ask or wish for” Or “be careful with your thoughts”. Words are powerful and they hold vibration and energy. There have been several times I have said something out loud or internally and it happened. That’s why I try to be mindful of where my thoughts flow and who I’m thinking of.

Sometimes we all tap into our six sense, our third eye. That portal opens up. It’s the same with music. You hear something and you want that. But the person you want it from, isn’t capable of giving it to you. We all use telepathy at some point in our lives. It’s not by happenstance that you run into someone or ¬†they call you.

You put your thoughts out there into the universe and the universe holds onto it and gives you what you asked for or thought of, in the right timing. That’s why it’s important to do your best to think positive, and quickly try to erase negative thoughts.

Even your desires of someone. Ever heard of a mental-gasm?! It starts in the mind. The visualization.

In 2011, I thought someone into existence and it wasn’t a good thing at all. The same thing happened with this soap star. I wanted to meet him, thought of him and ran into him on the train. I wonder why this happens with the opposite sex more than it does with other things in my life.

When I feel something my body has a reaction to it and I just brush it off, for example when I know a guy wants me on an intimate level. I feel them calling me. I feel them thinking of me and I get mentally and physically drained. I feel like I need to mentally and spiritually detox them out of my system.

It is possible to make a soul tie whether you touch someone, kiss someone and have relations with them. Sometimes a persons spirit is around us and we’re not even aware of it. Just like walls hold energy, so does our physical body when we feel connected.

Be mindful every day throughout the day, of where your thoughts flow. Is it a happy feeling? Does it make you smile? Or does it give you anxiety or a headache? When I feel drained it’s a sign that the person who’s making me feel this way, just wants me on a physical level and nothing more.

This idea I have of them, doesn’t coincide with who they really are. The guy I thought into existence, was nothing like his poetry and music, he was cold and stiff. Theres a reason why I had a migraine for 2 weeks. Pay attention to your body and organs. They are telling you something on a metaphysical level.


Know Who Holds Tomorrow

ecd7357c7b1a5790f1bb25b4797f1f21In life sometimes we try to control things that are simply out of our hands. Not knowing that there is a time and a season for everything and everyone. We try to make that relationship that we know is bad for us work.

We try to control the outcome of someone who is transitioning, to stay and live for our own selfish reasons. We think, if we just love harder and pray harder that things will go our way.

We’re control freaks, admit it we are, even if we don’t say so. Having control makes us feel empowered. It makes us feel like we’re invincible.

There’s nothing wrong with being strong and overcoming adversity, and wanting what you want but we are not God. God is the source of all things. Sometimes it takes hard lessons for one to understand this. And this is simply because we have free will. But God created that too…

So there’s no getting away from the source. God gives the green light. Then when we don’t get what we want. We blame God and other people. Everything in life has a consequence. Good or bad. We can’t stop someone from living a certain lifestyle. No matter how much we love them. We can’t make someone love us no matter how much we love them.

Sometimes it really does take a village, the right kind of community and professionals to step in and do something when love ones can not. Life and death is not up to us, no matter how much we think it is. When someone passes away in your arms, you know you are not in control. But God is. Always has and always will be.

Most people don’t believe in God (a higher power or creator). I would like to know who they think made this earth. Who spoke things into existence. Who made it possible for us to exist as human beings. Who populated this world. The thing is, every one has to believe in something other than themselves. One must believe in a high power. Or else one’s spirit is lost and slowly dies.

Because where we falter as humans, (not falter in a negative way) what we can’t do, we need spiritual guidance. We need help from unseen forces. We need the spiritual world to operate on our behalf, to eliminate whats bad and to bring forth whats good. To work behind the unseen scenes. Every day and all day. We need miracles from God!

My family is going through a crisis. Everyone’s emotions are all over the place. This will be the second time where something devastating, has hit our family and to be honest it could have all been avoided. I don’t even know where to place my emotions. I’m hurt, I’m sad, I’m angry. I think back to when this behavior all started.

I try to find the root of the problem. Because for one to engage in this type of behavior. It has to come from somewhere. Usually in someones childhood. Everything starts at home. Life at home prepares you for the outside world. How to survive. Everyone needs life’s skills. I learned mines early on when I was 6, then when I 10 and started working.

I knew there would come a day where I would have to take care of myself. I didn’t know that day would come when I was 14 when God called my mother home. When someone in your life chooses to go down the wrong path, there’s only but so much you can do. But all of this stems from not knowing any better and a lack of self-love. When we love ourselves we don’t harm ourselves in any way.

It’s not ones fault if they don’t know how, if all they seen was the opposite. Someone has to teach you what love is. Who created love and how to love yourself and others. How to be selfless and not selfish. But most of all, this stems from the absence of God and the absence of a father who failed to lead. What’s happening to my family is happening to countless other families in this world. It’s systemic and needs attention.

Not only that, when you have two broken parents, who simply did not have the tools that they needed in life because they came from broken families. So they raised broken children. This is called PATHOLOGY. At some point it has to end. And it ended with me being the last of 5 siblings and as a female. All the women in my family were and are still broken. All the men are too.

One thing I always held on to was my faith. It’s the only thing that has carried me through, one of the most life altering experience in my life. Faith has kept me from snapping and screaming to the top of my lungs. Faith has kept me peaceful… Silent…Faith has shown me to always choose love, even from a distance. Faith has let me know that there are better days ahead simply because God said so.

img_4106I hold on to his word, the same way I need oxygen. It’s the only thing that sustains me. That keeps me going. I can not breathe without him. His love fills me up. At times when I forget, he reminds me with small acts of faith to keep me going…

I know in those moments that I am not separate from him. That God hasn’t forgotten about me. I thank God for my strength. That he has kept me when my life could have turned out far worse. God has grace for us when we simply do not see it for ourselves.

When something is inevitable, does it make you selfish because you want that person to fight and hold on. Or does it make you selfish because you trust in God, to release the suffering. Which one do you choose? Both or just one option? When do you surrender to what is and what is yet to come?

Letting go, surrendering, does not make you a quitter, it does not make you weak. If anything it shows how strong you are. It shows how much faith you have, because you know who holds tomorrow. You know who holds your hand. You fear nothing,…because you know God is with you, with them and always has been.

How Your Loves Ones, Who Have Transitioned Connect With You

Alrighty then…so there’s a spirit around me, no need to be alarmed right,…. It’s just my mom ūüôā ….

This is nothing new. My mom does this to me all the time,. I turned off this song 3 times. Thought I hit the button by mistake once, so I turned it off. I get up to close the window… the song comes again. I turn it off then it comes on again…then it comes on, on my phone. I’m like ok mom, I know that’s you,. I get it. alright. I’ll let it play :).

She does the same thing with Anita Baker, Jodeci, TROOP and Luther Vandross.

Everytime when I’m thinking of my mom and I’m missing home and the music we used to listen to. Something strange happens… It just makes me smile. I’m happy my mom takes time, like always to watch over me and to let me know she’s here when I sometimes feel like she’s not.

I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. When love is on my mind, whether I’m hurting or happy or sad…a loved one or an Angel will step in. I know they hear me. The volume will rise and the energy of the room will feel different. I know I’m not alone. I can feel their energy around me.

Our loved ones who have transitoned are always communicating with us. We just have to be opened to listen. We have to recognize the signs. Just like the holy spirit talks to us all the time, so do our loves ones through music, writings and other people.

Angels do appear in human form.

So the next time something strange happens, No need to call Ghostbusters or run out of the room screaming,, haa haa…it’s just your love ones communicating with you, letting you know they hear you and they are trying to comfort you :).